Only now does it occur to me... THE PELICAN BRIEF

Only now does it occur to me...  that you must repeatedly watch the following clip, apropos of nothing:

As far as 90s John Grisham movies with all-star casts go, I don't rate this one as highly as THE FIRM or THE CLIENT, but it's a nice Southern-Fried Hitchcock-style thriller (not to be confused with Crawdad-Lickin' Southern-Fried Sleaze-O-Rama, unfortunately) with a solid James Horner score and nice bit parts from the likes of John Lithgow, Anthony Heald, William Atherton, and Stanley Tucci.  Carry on.

Film Review: TEACHERS (1984, Arthur Hiller)

Stars: 3.9 of 5.
Running Time: 107 minutes.
Tag-line: "They fall asleep in class. Throw ink on each other. Never come in Mondays. And they're just the teachers."
Notable Cast or Crew: Nick Nolte, JoBeth Williams (POLTERGEIST, THE BIG CHILL), Judd Hirsch (SERPICO, INDEPENDENCE DAY), Ralph Macchio (THE KARATE KID, THE OUTSIDERS), Crispin Glover (RIVER'S EDGE, HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A.), Laura Dern (WILD AT HEART, JURASSIC PARK), Morgan Freeman, Richard Mulligan (LITTLE BIG MAN, THE BIG BUS), Lee Grant (MULHOLLAND DR., SHAMPOO, VISITING HOURS), Royal Dano (THE RIGHT STUFF, HOUSE II: THE SECOND STORY), Ellen Crawford (Nurse Lydia on ER, SOLDIER), Anthony Heald (SILKWOOD, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).
Best one-liner: "Is that student bleeding?" –"Yes, we're taking care of it."

In short, TEACHERS is an 80's retread of BLACKBOARD JUNGLE which toes that fine line between contrived schmaltz and sincere grittiness- and somehow it emerges from it practically unscathed. Surprisingly, it never plays the 'over the top' or 'action movie' cards (i.e., favorites like CLASS OF 1984, THE PRINCIPAL, THE SUBSTITUTE), and remains refreshingly realistic for (the majority of) its duration. It's no stranger to the occasional groan-mustering line of dialogue ("There's nothing worse than a female lawyer with a cause." –"Except a male teacher without one."), but the general thrust- which is that of Nick Nolte 'getting through' to his students- is a solid one, and one which Nolte and director Arthur Hiller (THE HOSPITAL, THE MAN IN THE GLASS BOOTH) manage to sell you, nearly 100%.

Filmed in the delightful metropolis of Columbus, Ohio in the dead of one of those spirit-splintering, soul-crushing, perpetually overcast Midwestern winters, TEACHERS certainly sets a tone.


Life is shitty, and then you have a job as a teacher. John F. Kennedy High School exists as thinly organized bedlam of hustle, bustle, and bunkum. Student-on-student violence, teacher-on-teacher incivility, student-teacher affairs, lawsuits, disarray, general impudence, foolishness, and antisocial behavior. The eye of this storm is Nolte, as Alex Jurel, a popular teacher and the exception to the rule. He lately awakens to a sea of Miller High Life cans and an angry call from a school administrator– Mondays are not a thing that Mr. Nolte 'does.'

His hair is well-feathered and his demeanor is not unlike the pads on a lion's paw: gentle, even-tempered, and soothing– but with a roar, clout, and fearsome teeth to back it up should he (or his students) be trodden upon. He's no stranger to showing up to work with a hangover, complete with sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt (which recall a certain mug shot),

and instructing his students not always in traditional subjects, but perhaps the art of radiator repair. And it should be mentioned that said hangover was likely the result of an evening of heavy drinking and tortured self-reflection ("Am I making a difference? Does teaching matter?").

Regardless, the higher-ups don't take very kindly to free-thinkers, especially when there's a lawsuit lurking in the shadows, and it would appear that this diligent teach's days are numbered. But, as usual, I'd prefer not to delve too deeply into the plot when there's a smorgasbord of intriguing characters and eclectic actors to explore:

JoBeth Williams (initially as Nolte's foil, and later as his champion) plays an ex-student of Nolte's now working for the legal team that's suing the school.

She's not quite as well-directed or as relatable as she is in, say, POLTERGEIST, but it's a solid, honest performance. Amongst the other 'adults,' Morgan Freeman has an early, skeezy role as a school defense lawyer;

Royal Dano plays a crusty, hard-of-hearing, old-school educator; Judd Hirsch is a beleaguered administrator who must weigh school policy against personal friendship; and Richard Mulligan nearly steals the show as a mental ward escapee who stumbles into a substitute teaching position. His classroom plays out like some kind of historical theater of the absurd, replete with extravagant costumes and excitable reenactments, and the students are so goddamned appalled, that they have no choice but to love it.


When the men in white suits finally catch up with him (as he's teaching a unit on Custer's last stand) and he makes that final perp walk down the school's hushed hallways, Mulligan is so connected to the role and exuding such unfettered dignity that the scene, which could have easily been played as slapstick, takes on an extraordinary gravity.


It's fantastic.

The student body is represented by an incredible swath of young talent. Ralph Macchio plays a tuff kid with double-popped collars, a frequent fedora, and a real bad attitude. No one could get through to him- or maybe no one ever tried.

And there's something marvelous in the fact that he doesn't quite look old enough to 'play' high school, yet he's fucking twenty-three years old.

As Macchio's buddy, Crispin Glover dives into his role with deranged panache. Banging his head against lockers, biting the hand that teaches,

partaking the ecstasy of stealing a 'Student Driver' car,

"Have we got balls or what! This is fucking great!"

suffering the pain of living- all of these things play across his face, effortlessly. He's nearly on the verge of tears in every scene, and you're right there with him. It's interesting to consider that here (in a hard-hitting drama) and in HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (a TV movie-comedy from the previous year), he does two riffs on the same 'whacky' style of character, but with profoundly different contexts (and outcomes).

Laura Dern is a lively young lady whose affair with the bear-ish gym teacher leaves her... damaged, and with some difficult choices to make.

Nolte is there to help her make them, and her scenes, however brief, are some of the best in the film. Rounding it out is the enjoyable pompous Anthony Heald in an early bit part as a narc masquerading as a student.

Glover fingers the narc.

The soundtrack's kinda ridiculous, and by that I suppose I mean 'endearing.' The purposefully drab visuals are accompanied by all manner of 80's synth-pop and arena rock, ranging from Ian Hunter to Freddie Mercury to ZZ Top to Bob Seger to .38 Special. And furthermore, there was clearly a conscious effort to make sure that nearly every song had "Teacher" in the title: i.e., "Teacher Teacher," "(I'm the) Teacher," et al. Needless to say, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I don't know if I should be relieved or disappointed that Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" did not make the cut.

In the end, TEACHERS questions whether or not 'the system' works, and whether it's designed expressly to prod and manhandle as many faceless students through its whirling gears as quickly as possible. It asks, 'How do I make a difference?,' a question that, in a 1984 context, doesn't sound as corny as it does today. And why does it sound corny today? Is it the realm of cliché, or the realization that it's a Sisyphean task? That being said, it does end on a freeze frame. Nonetheless, a solid entry into the genre, and almost four stars.

-Sean Gill

Film Review: RED DRAGON (2002, Brett Ratner)

Stars: 1 of 5.
Running Time: 124 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton, Harvey Keitel, Emily Watson, Mary-Louise Parker, Philip Seymour Hoffmann, Anthony Heald, Ken Leung, Anthony Heald, Ralph Fiennes, Lalo Schifrin, Mary Beth Hurt, Ellen Burstyn, Danny Elfman.
Tag-lines: "Before the Silence, there was the Dragon." AND "To understand the origin of evil, you must go back to the beginning." AND "Meet Hannibal Lecter For The First Time."
Best one-liner: "There's nothing wrong with you... except your hair. Your hair is a train wreck." (Also note that this quote in no way pertains to the actual bad hair at hand described in notation #4.)

My mind is blown. This got fairly solid notices- glowing raves from the Washington Post, Variety, Time, and Film Threat? Ebert loved this?! Gone is the class, restraint, and artfulness of Mann's original masterpiece, MANHUNTER.

Here's ten reasons why RED DRAGON is one of the most embarrassing movies of the decade:

#1. Keitel. If Keitel is phonin' it in, you've got problems. He didn't even phone it in for MONKEY TROUBLE.

The barometer for this is Keitel nudity. There's a scene where Keitel’s asleep. The Keitel I know and love would have, at the very least, been shirtless. A committed Keitel would have been doing full frontal. The fact that he didn't give a shit when even Ralph Fiennes is getting some naked screen time speaks VOLUMES. His eyes are telling me,"I'm only on set for 5 days, thank God." This sets the tone for everyone phoning it in, even the sprightly Emily Watson.

#2. Clumsy exposition. We start right off with a Lifetime movie montage of clippings and carefully designed "psycho" scrap-booking.

Yep, they just watched SE7EN. Also, aural flashbacks involving an old lady whispering and white flashes are really corny, even when that old lady is Ellen Burstyn.

#3. Later, when they're altering the ending (!), they steal a cue from Argento's OPERA. The ole 'wrong-body-got-shot-and-set-on-fire-switcheroo.' It's not exactly a good fit when your milquetoast American serious serial killer drama is hamfistedly stealing outrageously hilarious twists from Italians.

#4. Ed Norton's hair.

There's some kind of blonde highlights with roots showing going on that makes no sense for a normal human, much less an FBI agent. 

#5.The dungeon prison cell.

I understand you're trying to make the space that Hannibal inhabits be 'epically scary.' But when the rest of your film is attempting realism, to have a super-stylized, over-the-top gothic castle dungeon lair (immaculately adorned with shafts of natural light) as Lector's cell is redunkulous. MANHUNTER managed to be creepier with a sterile, standard, realistic space.

#6. Criminal misuse of Danny Elfman. Here, he's just a puppet for their gauche, graceless "scare stingers."

#7. And what happened to Frank Whaley?!


#8. Fiennes, though by no fault of his own.

You don't have your disfigured, self-loathing serial killer played by one of the most attractive people on the planet. That's not how it's done. Ask Tom Noonan how it’s done.

#9. This tableau:

Chekhov sez: if a tableau such as this appears in the first act; Mary-Louise Parker must save Ed Norton by remembering her target practice and shooting the killer in the last act. Actually, I could probably discard all of my talking points and just present this freeze-frame as evidence of this film's lame-itude.

#10. Stop TELLING me about the characters and start SHOWING me. What Mann conveys in a simple shot, Ratner TELLS through an awkward exchange of unnatural dialogue. And the tacked-on SILENCE OF THE LAMBS-segue ending is as laughably harebrained as Anakin building C-3PO. One star.


Side note: The silver lining in all this is Anthony Heald, who realizes how dumb this movie is and manages to at least have fun with it.

He's like Nick Nolte combined with John Glover as directed by Douglas Sirk, and that is amazing.

-Sean Gill