Weird Western Tales #64 "With Friends Like These..."

 Weird Western Tales #64 Feb 1980

"With Friends Like These..."

Gerry Conway, story - Dick Ayers & Romeo Tanghal, art - Luis Dominguez, cover 

Our tale starts immediately after the prior issue, with Bat Lash turning his friend, Ke-Woh-No-Tey, over to the Confederate court. Scalphunter quickly starts battling his way to freedom but Willie Wilson draws his pistol and puts a slug into Scalphunter's shoulder. He prepares to fire again but Bat steps in front of him. Willie realizes that they are all fair men, so the Indian will get his trial before he hangs.

Later that night, in the cold November Richmond darkness, Bat is rolling dice and taking names at a gambling house and he is living large. He notices an older man head upstairs with a fair lady, spies which room they slip into and then he clambers up the outside of the building and drops in on the couple via an open window.

The next day, the old man, Judge Clammerhorn, makes his way to the courthouse to witness Scalphunter's trial. He sees that the verdict is Guilty and Scalphunter is led away, to be executed at dawn. Later that day, the judge pays a visit to the jail and is allowed entrance into Scalphunter's cell. The guard leaves them and the judge removes his wig and glasses, revealing himself to be BAT LASH!!!!!

Scalphunter lunges at Lash and grabs him around the neck but Bat quickly explains  that having Scalphunter arrested was the only way to save his own skin. He knew that he couldn't get himself out of prison, but of course, he would be able to free Scalphunter. Bat explains the ruse of pretending to be the judge in order to scope out the prison and sadly, there is no way out, but Bat being who he is, is working on an effective plan B. Bat whispers some directions to Scalphunter and then leaves, once again disguised as the judge.

Walking down the street, he is greeted by Lt Willie Wilson, with whom he had spoken with earlier in the day at the trial. Wilson pulls a pistol and reveals that he knows the judge is an imposter and guides Bat into a nearby garment mill. Once inside, Wilson explains that he knows the judge had no interest in military justice, only wine and women, then demands to know who the judge really is.

Bat quickly strikes out at Wilson with his cane and the two men engage in hand to hand combat in the machine area of the millery. Lash grabs a bolt of cloth, entangling Wilson in it and as they fight tooth and nail, Lash falls backward, grabbing Wilson and throwing him overhead, right into a huge fabric folding machine! The times being what they are, there are no safety measures on the machine and it starts up, steaming and folding the poor man.

That night, Bat Lash is resting in the 'business' of Kitty, the woman that runs the gambling establishment, among other things. Bat asks her for some help against the Confederate army and she says she would gladly help with anything that goes against men who think more highly of their horses than of their women.

The next morning, Scalphunter is bound to a post in the courtyard of a fort. The firing squad is assembling before the Captain of the fort and Lt Wilson is on hand. The sun rises over the wall of the fort, blazing into Scalphunter's eyes. He thinks of the many times he has been warmed by the sun, first in the Missouri hills and then across the rest of the country, through the wilderness and the cities and then he nods farewell to the sun. Then, as the command is given to open fire, Kitty and her girls hurl large bolts of cloth off the fort walls down onto the firing squad, tossing them into turmoil and spoiling their aim.

Just then, Lt Wilson doffs his hat to reveal Bat Lash to the astonishment of the Captain. Bat punches the Captain and frees Scalphunter. Then the Indian, the Gambler and Kitty and the girls load up and head out. Later on the road heading north out of Richmond, they stop for a moment of rest. Kitty suggests they head much further north, perhaps to Chicago. Bat agrees and asks if Scalphunter is angry about all of this. Brian thinks for a moment and then smiles. Bat quips now he knows why Brian Savage rarely smiles.

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Scalphunter - 0

Running Total - 124

Compared to Jonah Hex - 25th appearance and Scalphunter has 124 vs Jonah's 97 (in WWT #36)

Scalps Taken - 0

Running Total - 20

Injuries - Shot in the shoulder.

Timeline -  This issue covers two days.

This one wasn't a great one. Bat Lash had a mediocre plan to save his own skin and really put Scalphunter's life in danger. This was much more of a Bat Lash story than a Scalphunter tale, but the title of the book is Weird Western Tales, not SCALPHUNTER. The highlight of the story was the absolute horrible death suffered by Wilson, it was something out of either an E.C. comic or a Stephen King short story. Artwork was good, the cover was not very inspiring.

Ads in this issue included

Start Trek the Motion Picture

Batman and Twinkies take on Professor Plutonium (Man I would LOVE for someone to revive all these Hostess villains as actual threats!)

Timewarp #3

and a two page spread for 1941

Next Issue: More crazed Confederates, an old man and his grandson, plus the wrath of God

Weird Western Tales #63 "The Trial of Bat Lash"

Weird Western Tales #63 Jan 1980

"The Trial of Bat Lash"

Gerry Conway, story - Dick Ayers & Romeo Tanghal, art - Luis Dominguez, cover 

Night in the city. Scalphunter lies in wait in a narrow alley. A man has been following him for sometime across the fog enshrouded rain drenched streets. Knife drawn, he is ready like a wolf to turn the tables on his hunter. The man, unaware, passes by Scalphunter who silently springs from the alley and knocks the man down and into the street.

As they are fighting for control of the knife a horse and carriage come speeding down the street. At the last instant the man grabs Scalphunter and rolls both of them onto the sidewalk out of harms way. The danger past, the man asks why Scalphunter jumped him. The Indian's hand moves closer to the fallen knife and the man asks him to not do anything foolish. Scalphunter relents, seeing as how the man saved his life. He asks why he was being followed.

The man relates that he has been tracking Scalphunter for three weeks at the request of a mutual friend, Bat Lash. Seems like Bat Lash is being tried for the death of General Beauregard Smith that occurred when Lash and Scalphunter stole the Gatling Gun. Bat wanted this man to bring Scalphunter back to testify to his innocence because they are friends. At dawn Scalphunter and the man ride out of town.

They finally arrive in Union City, New Jersey to catch a train south. While on the train the man's southern accent raises the eyebrows of the conductor who points him out to some Union soldiers. An officer and a soldier ask the man and Scalphunter to accompany them to the baggage car to exchange some words. In the baggage car the man introduces himself as Willie Wilson, and while he is from the Carolinas, he has lived in New Hampshire for nine years. 

The officer doesn't believe him and accuses him of being a Rebel spy. The officer pulls a pistol and Scalphunter quickly disarms him and punches his lights out. The soldier quickly shoulders his rifle and gets off two shots but not before Scalphunter has slammed him across the boxcar and into an open door. They wrestle over the weapon and Scalphunter grabs the soldier by the coat and tosses him off the train and into a waiting river far below.

When the train finally pulls into Washington D.C. Wilson and Scalphunter have tied, gagged, and stuffed the Union officer into a mail pouch to be later discovered by two other soldiers. (Dib-Doggled?!?!?)

They leave the train and steal two horses from a 'poorly guarded Army stable' and head off to Richmond. While on the ride, Wilson says he hopes that Bat can stall the tribunal and Scalphunter asks how Bat was captured.

Wilson relates the tale that Bat was playing poker outside of Richmond when the subject of Yankee manufacturing came up. One man says it isn't factories that win wars and Bat gently disagreed, stating he knew of a Gatling Gun that could mow down dozens of soldiers with ease. Bat then excuses himself and leaves with two women. About an hour later several soldiers burst into the room and Bat escapes by leaping out a second story into into a horse drawn cab on the street below. The cabbie takes off but quickly overturns the cab and Bat is captured.

That was three weeks ago and Wilson was sent to find Scalphunter. The Indian asks how Wilson knows Bat and he replies that they are childhood friends. With that, Scalphunter gives him the side-eye.

Much later the moon rises  and the two men hunker down along a  river. On the other side is a Union camp just five miles from the Confederate line. If they were to circumnavigate the camp they would lose a day or two, the only way forward is across the river right where the camp is. They mount up and cross the river but once they are halfway across, Union soldiers open fire. Wilson's horse goes down and he scrambles back to the other side of the river. 

Scalphunter, however, is a trained warrior and he rides low on his horse, fooling the soldiers into thinking he has fallen off. As the horse explodes onto the bank, the warrior of the plains lets lose with a Kiowa battlecry and leaps from the horse. One soldier fires wildly, killing a fellow soldier. With knife and hatchet, Scalphunter fights madly beneath the moon, swiftly killing the six remaining soldiers. Wilson, having crossed the river, says they have to hurry before the shots bring more soldiers down on them.

Later that day, the two men ride into Richmond on the remaining horse. When they make their way to the courthouse Wilson quietly talks to the guard outside and the both of them are ushered inside, followed by two soldiers. Scalphunter mentions that Wilson had told the officer on the train that he was from the Carolinas but Bat is from Louisiana, so how could they be childhood friends. Wilson says that it is simple.... he lied. 

Wilson throws open the doors to the courtroom and Bat stands up, hand scuffed in front of him. He greets Scalphunter and he says "There he is, your Honors, THAT'S THE MAN WHO REALLY KILLED GENERAL BEAUREGARD SMITH!!!" and the soldiers quickly disarm the astonished Indian.

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Scalphunter - 6. The soldier thrown off the train probably survived the fall into the river. Folks always survive things like that. 

Running Total - 124

Compared to Jonah Hex - 24th appearance and Scalphunter has 124 vs Jonah's 96 (in WWT #35)

Scalps Taken - 0

Running Total - 20

Injuries - None.

Timeline -  This issue covers two days.

This one digs deep into continuity, referencing the Gatling Gun adventure and the plot to kill Lincoln. Not a bad issue with Scalphunter dispatching a half dozen soldiers, there is intrigue and deception and a double cross. Pretty typical stuff for an issue with Bat Lash in it. Some folks in the letters column had started bemoaning the reliance of Bat Lash in the book, saying it has almost turned into a buddy-cop movie with the two men being so different but forced to work together. Oddly enough, the buddy-cop craze didn't start until 1982 with 48 Hrs. So maybe Gerry Conway is the father of buddy-cop movies?!?!?

As far as ads, there is a two pager for Kenner Star Wars toys including a radio controlled R2D2. (If you haven't watched it, you should look up The Toys That Made Us episode on Star Wars toys, crazy crazy stuff) There are house ads for the Mystery books, Green Lantern, Legion of Superheroes, Superboy, Adventure (With Starman and Plastic Man) and a Hostess ad with Superman in "The Rescue" where he saves aliens and kids give them Twinkies.

Also the cover on this one is great, with the framing, the colors, the bug-eyed craze of the attacker (much different from what actually happened) but most of all, the joy of the dog!

Next Issue: Bat Lash has had a plan all along!!

Weird Western Tales #53 "Twilight of Treachery"

 Weird Western Tales #53 Mar 1979

"Twilight of Treachery"

Gerry Conway, story - Dick Ayers & Luis Dominguez, art - Luis Dominguez, cover

July 1, 1862. Top of the unfinished Washington Monument in Washington, D.C.

 

Scalphunter is hanging from underneath the top platform, having just pulled Miss Lavender to her death. He has been enlisted by, and then double crossed by, Bat Lash in a plot to kill President Abraham Lincoln. A plan formed by Secretary of War Stanton. Scalphunter climbs back upon the platform and hears soldiers coming up the stairs. Three soldiers, two armed and one carrying a lantern have seen the bodies fall from the structure. As the round a turn near the top, Scalphunter hurls himself downward upon them. Crashing into the men a rifle is discharged but the bullet goes wild.

 

Scalphunter is grabbing and pummeling them. He flips over them, grabbing one and tossing him further down the stairs. One soldier finally gets ahold of Scalphunter from behind, choking him and tearing at his eyes. Scalphunter remembers the words of his teacher when he was with the Kiowas, a lesson about how dangerous a frightened man can be in a fight. Such a man cannot be beaten, he can only be killed. Sclaphunter reached behind himself, grabs the lantern and smashes it against the man face, setting him ablaze. The remaining soldiers try to give chase but Scalphunter has already made it out of the structure and into the darkness.

 

He finds his way through alleys and across rooftops until he arrives atop Stanton’s townhome. He hangs from the roof, listening in to where Bat Lash is demanding even more money from Stanton. Stanton understandably balks at the request but Lash says that Stanton has mucked things up by trying to kill Ke-Woh-No-Tey. Stanton tries to compose himself but Lash notices the shadow outside the window and puts a finger to his lips, signaling Scalphunter to remain quiet and wait.

 

Lash uses some fast talking to get Stanton to leave and Scalphunter climbs into the room. Lash apologizes for the pickle that he put Scalphunter in and gets a solid right hook to the jaw and some unrequested nap time for his troubles. When Lash comes to, Scalphunter says that he would have killed Lash for what he had done, but then remembered how this game was played when they saved the Gatling gun on their prior adventure.

 

Bat replies that he had no choice, if Scalphunter had hurt Stanton, they never would have learned who the other men in the plot are. He says that he never intended to take the money, he would never betray his country. Lash concocts a plan where he will keep an eye on Stanton and Scalphunter goes to be with Lincoln. While they are talking the butler is approaching the room with the bottle of wine that Lash had requested of Stanton earlier. As the butler enters, Scalphunter has already made his exit out the window.

 

Later, Lincoln is sitting in the Oval Office reading. Without looking up, he bids Scalphuner to enter, he has been expecting him.  Lincoln says that his eyesight is bad but his hearing is as good as ever, he heard Scalphunter when he slipped past the sentry. Scalphunter calmly explains the plot by Stanton and how Lash and he are working to foil it.

 

Lincoln sighs and says that he is not surprised. Lincoln states that for all of Stanton’s faults he is the best man to be Secretary of War, and that this treason is against Lincoln the man, not the Presidency. Lincoln says that Stanton still needs to be taught a lesson when this is over. Lincoln then calmly asks Scalphunter if he Indian wrestles.

 

The two men takes seats across a table and calmly place their elbows down, slowly grasping each other’s hand. Lincoln smiles as they each brace themselves and Lincoln quickly starts pressing downward. Ke-Who-No-Tey is surprised and almost drops his grasp. He fights back to the starting position. In the lantern lit room, the men stare at each other, not wavering, testing each other and testing themselves. This is not a fight to win but a test of trust. Suddenly, without a word, both men let go, a deep mutual respect now formed between them.

 

They stay together throughout the night, talking of each of their pasts and of the plan for tomorrow. Lincoln is slated to give an address the next day and he will proceed with it.

 

The next day Stanton arrives to escort Lincoln to the stage built on the Capitol steps for the address. Scalphunter stays behind in the shadows. As Lincoln steps outside, Stanton declines Lincoln’s offer to join him on the stage and leaves the Capitol. Scalphunter follows Stanton to a nearby wooded area where Bat Lash is tied up and guarded by two men.  Scalphunter suddenly jumps from a tree and hurls a knife into the chest of one of the men, a Union officer. The officer, his pistol already drawn, falls and shoots the other man who is smoking a cigar. As the other man falls, cigar in his hand falls upon the fuse, which quickly catches.

Scalphunter jumps to free Bat Lash but Bat tells him that the fuse leads to twenty sticks of dynamite, it's a fast burning fuse, it HAS to be stopped! Scalphunter takes off as only a Kiowa warrior can. The fuse snakes through the grass and up to the Capitol. Scalphunter continues to give chase to the dancing flame. The spark weaves it's way through the crowd towards the platform. Scalphunter pushes his way through the throng and then he dives under the platform upon which stands the President of the United States. He cuts the fuse with about a foot to spare.

Later Lincoln is talking to Scalphunter in a hushed whisper, stating he knows that Scalphunter and Bat Lash have saved his life but it must remain a secret. If it got out the scandal would tear the Union apart. The other two men, a general who graduated from West Point and  high society businessman from Boston are dead and Stanton has learned his lesson. Lincoln asks Scalphunter why Bat Lash isn't with them.

Scalphunter replies that Bat had business in Richmond, something about a card game and a woman. Scalphunter says he will miss Bat and Lincoln agrees but fears Richmond may prove to violent for a man such as Bat. Bothe men smile and nod.

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Scalphunter - two, the burned soldier and the General

Running Total - 101

Compared to Jonah Hex - 15th appearance and Scalphunter has 101 vs Jonah's 72

Scalps Taken - 0

Running Total - 14

Injuries - None

Timeline - Evening of July 1st and into July 2nd.

This one gets a lot of coverage regarding the bizarre cover (coverage/cover wink wink) when taken out of context. But, if a cover is to get you to buy a book, this one nails it. Lincoln is rather buff and I do enjoy the portrait of Washington in the corner with the What The look on his face.

Storywise, a really great tale. Lash and Scalphunter are a great pairing and the relationship between Ke-Woh-No-Tey and Lincoln was perfectly laid out.

I couldn't find anything about a speech that Lincoln gave on July 2nd so I'm assuming it was for Independence Day. Everything doesn't have to be historically accurate (Doesn't sound like me, I know.)

Next Issue: A secret mission from Lincoln, blockade runners, and the Trolley Problem.

Weird Western Tales #52 "The Plot to Kill President Lincoln"

 Weird Western Tales #52 Feb 1979 

"The Plot to Kill President Lincoln"

Gerry Conway, story - Dick Ayers & Luis Dominguez, art - Luis Dominguez, cover

Southern Virginia. June 29, 1862

Scalphunter is awakened from night slumber by a pistol being held to his head. The brandisher of said weapon stands in the moonlight, stating that he has followed Scalphunter out of Atlanta five weeks back. Suddenly the sleeping Indian attacks, grabbing the pistol, punching the man and then grabbing him, hurling them both into the river.

As they battle in the water, the man, Bat Lash, starts calling out to Scalphunter. Scalphunter stops his attack and then drags Bat Lash from the river. Once on shore, Scalphunter reaches to retrieve Lash's hat and Bat punches him on the jaw, returning the favor of the attack. Bat composes himself and launches into why he is there.

He was in Montgomery at a poker game with a Confederate officer. Lash was caught cheating and in a manner that becomes him, Lash shoots the chandelier, dropping it on the officer's head and then hotfoots it out the back into an alley. In the darkness he is approached by a woman with a pistol. Her name is Lavender and she knows of Lash's exploits stealing the Gatling Gun. She is working for President Lincoln and she has been sent to retrieve Lash and Ke-Woh-No-Tey and bring them to the White House.

Lash's pursuers eventually make it to the alley and he has to beat a hasty retreat and that brings us to the present time. Bat does ask if Scalphunter ever found his sister but Ke-Woh-No-Tey replies that his sister is dead. Lash asks if Scalphunter is up for a trip to Washington D.C. and Scalphunter just nods.

They continue riding through the night and most of the next day they end up on a hill overlooking White Oak Swamp, observing the beginning of a major battle breaking out. They realize that the quickest way to Washington is directly through the battlefield and without a further word Scalphunter spurs his mount with Bat Lash trying to keep up. The Battle of White Oak Swamp was a bloody affair with over 17,000 men killed, wounded, or missing and Lash and Scalphunter end up fighting their way through, kicking and shooting both Union and Confederate forces to get by.

They manage to get through with their skins intact and by nightfall they are on a supply raft heading up the Potomac. Morning breaks and they arrive in DC and they are stopped by Union guards. Just then Miss Lavender vouches for them and guides them through the guarded roads to the hotel where they will be staying. Lavender says she will come by in the evening to take them to the State Dinner where they will meet the Secretary of War. Lash says he thought they were to meet the President. She says they will but Secretary Stanton will explain everything.

That evening at the White House Bat Lash and Scalphunter are introduced to President and Mrs. Lincoln. The President says that he understands that Brian was adopted by the Kiowa, very brave people, and that he had dealt with a few in Illinois. Lincoln then asks why they are in Washington. Lash and Scalphunter exchange puzzled looks and Secretary Stanton intervenes saying that they are here at his request to thank them for their help in St Louis. 

Stanton and his two guests take their leave of Lincoln and go to a private room. Stanton said he wanted them to meet Lincoln to take his measure. Scalphunter states that Lincoln has a strong hand. Stanton agrees but that Lincoln is weak in war and that afterward he may be a traitor to the Republic. Lash notes that Stanton doesn't sound like a fan of Lincoln's and Stanton confesses that he brought the two men here to kill President Lincoln!

After a momentary pause, Lash asks how many other people are in on this plot. Stanton states it is Miss Lavender, several northern businessmen and a Union General. They are willing to pay generously. Lash smiles and asks how much are they thinking? Stanton offers five thousand, Lash counters with ten thousand (about 318k in 2025). Stanton agrees but Scalphunter says he will not be a part of it. Killing in battle is honorable but killing a chief in his lodge is the act of a coward. Lash turns and says he was afraid of that and knocks Scalphunter out with the butt of his pistol.

Scalphunter wakes up, his hands bound behind his back, atop the uncompleted Washington Monument. 

He is up there with a Union soldier and Miss Lavender. She says that this is the type a place a half-wit savage might climb up and then slip and fall to his death. Lavender tells the soldier to untie Scalphunter and then give him 'a taste of your bayonet'. The soldier does so but rushes at Scalphunter, who ducks and the soldier goes arse over teakettle over the edge to his death.

Miss Lavender pulls out her whip (which has a wrist loop)and starts whipping Scalphunter until he stumbles backwards over the edge. Satisfied with her work, she steps to the edge to look down on the dead Indian but she suddenly screams. Scalphunter caught a support beam and is just under the lip of the platform. He grabs her whip and yanks hard, hurtling Lavender over the edge to her death. Scalphunter climbs back onto the platform and swears to repay the debt he owes to Lincoln.

Statistics for this issue

Men Killed by Scalphunter - two, the soldier and Miss Lavender

Running Total - 99

Compared to Jonah Hex - 14th appearance and Scalphunter has 99 vs Jonah's 68

Scalps Taken - 0

Running Total - 14

Injuries - Knocked out and whipped

Timeline - Evening of June 29, all day and night of the 30th and then July 1st.

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. Conway, once again, has a believable running timeline and a consistent geography. He ties in several historical events (White Oak Swamp, unfinished Washington Monument, we also see the capitol being built) and refers back to prior issues. 

Bat Lash and Scalphunter are like a western buddy cop movie, with Lash being the loose cannon and Scalphunter playing the stoic partner with a set of morals. I enjoy it every time these two pair up and this looks like it will be really good story arc (but I already know that, wink wink.

The artwork is spot on with the panels of the two men exchanging looks saying a lot more that exposition boxes could ever convey.

Next Issue: The rumble in the stairwell, crosses and double crosses, the meeting of titans and the most iconic Scalphunter cover EVER!!

Jonah Hex V2 #49 "The Six Gun War Part 6"

Jonah Hex V2 #49 Jan '10

"The Six Gun War Part 6"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover 

We open on Quentin Turnbull, behind his desk, smoking a cigar and none too happy. The female assassin sisters have reported back and Turnbull is not one for taking their excuses. But Turnbull is satisfied that he and his men will be more than prepared for Hex's arrival.

Dusk at Turnbull's mine and up in the mountains surrounding Turnbull's camp are our intrepid four, Hex, Lane, Black, and Lash. Bat notes that they are outnumbered 30 to 1 but Hex does not care. Lazarus tells Hex that Bat has a point and Tallulah asks if they are scared. Hex states that his observation has discovered that Turnbull has a weakness in that his men are outnumbered by the miners they exploit. Hex plans on empowering the miners to turn on Turnbull.

Bat hopes that Jonah does not suggest that one of them infiltrate the camp and deliver a rousing speech. Hex says that Bat has his numbers wrong....

Down at the mine, Turnbull's men mercilessly beat and whip the natives being used as mining labor. One of them sees a miner put a gold nugget in his mouth and Turnbull's man shoots the native instantly and then orders another worker to rip out the nugget using a pickaxe. Up on the mountain Bat asks once again, what the plan is. Jonah sneaks up behind Lazarus and puts him in a sleeper hold, causing him to pass out. Bat gets very angry and tries to stop Hex and Tallulah draws on Lash. Just then there is a bright light an El Diablo appears, Bat Lash seeing him for the first time. El Diablo says that the time for vengeance is nigh and they must wait for his signal and he vanishes.

Bat doesn't understand why Hex had to choke out Lazarus and Hex explains that the demon only comes when Lane is asleep. He instructs Lash to drag Lane off into the bushes where he will be safe and the three of them head down to Turnbull's encampment.

Down in the mines a small boy dies from lack of water and El Diablo appears in the mine, setting Turnbull's taskmaster ablaze. El Diablo tells the workers to grab whatever they can fashion into a weapon and rise up at his signal.

Outside Hex, Lash and Tallulah ride into the camp and start shooting. The miners start to rebel and attack Turnbull's men but start getting mowed down. One of the miners tosses dynamite and then all hell breaks loose.

Turnbull hears the commotion and arms himself along with his guards. Miners break through the doors and Turnbull kills several of them as he makes his way out the back. Hex and the others continue to thread their way through the mayhem when they finally see Turnbull making tracks. They give chase, encountering a gatling gun, catching some dynamite dropped by a shot miner and then tossing it into the Gatling nest. Chasing Turnbull into the dark jungle, Hex fires a shot and brings down Turnbull's horse. Tallulah and Lash dispatch the two guards alongside Turnbull and Hex dismounts to have it out hand to hand.

Fists are exchanged and Turnbull draws the sword from his cane and slices Hex across the chest and then stabs him in the thigh. Hex punches the cane, breaking the blade and the rises up, grabbing Turnbull, extracting the broken blade from his leg and readies to run it through Turnbull's face.

Just then Santos Nunez appears with several other men. He tells Hex that he has been sent by General Ricardo Paolo to escort Turnbull to the border without incident. Hex tells Santos to leave them alone, it is a private matter. But Santos says that his orders will not allow him to let Hex kill Turnbull. They can resume their conflict once they are in Texas. Tallulah urges Hex to go ahead and end Turnbull. Turnbull taunts him to do it and Hex tells Santos that he can turn his back and pretend Turnbull was dead when he got there.

Santos says that he cannot do that and the entire Mexican Army will hunt Hex down. Hex drops the blade and tells Turnbull that this isn't over. Turnbull mounts up on a spare horse and as he rides off, he tells Jonah that Jeb will be avenged.

Left alone in the Dark, Lash observes that was an unexpected resolution and Tallulah says she wasn't afraid of the Mexican Army, they could have taken them. Hex tells them to shut up, Turnbull will get his and he has lost his gold mine and Hex needs a drink. Lash says that Hex needs a doctor and shouldn't they go retrieve Lazarus. Jonah says "What the hell for. I don't even want you around me right now."

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Wow, there is no way to know exactly but we'll go with 5 we see him shoot and two running the Gatling gun for a total of seven.
Running Total - 800 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 298 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - Fistfight, chest sliced open and stabbed in the thigh.
Timeline - Just one night so the whole saga sits at five weeks..
Rape Percentage -  22% (11 of 49)

Lots and lots of shooting, several explosions and it was all pretty unsatisfying. Was it because of such little use of El Diablo, the old west version of The Spectre? Maybe. All he really did was burn up one bad guy, tell the miners to rise up and then he is gone. He really could have turned the tide, but he isn't the main star of this book.

Was it because of the final fight between Hex and Turnbull? Possibly. Jonah didn't show any signs of the stabbings he got last issue, riding hard, jumping around, fists swinging without a grunt or slowing down.

It possibly was because of Santos showing up out of nowhere to intervene at the very moment Hex was going to kill Turnbull. Santos was mentioned by Turnbull earlier in the issue but it really didn't register when I was reading this originally. And I think the artwork didn't help this story at all, dark, murky, muddy. Just not my cup of tea.

Ya know what is? Next issue....art....story...life changing as we hit issue 50 in Volume 2 (Only one downside in the entire book, but that is for next week.

Jonah Hex V2 #48 "The Six Gun War Part 5"

Jonah Hex V2 #48 Dec '09

"The Six Gun War Part 5"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Jonah stands in the darkness, Blue Eagle and his warriors dead in the street. Then, slowly Chako appears and says "How many times can a man kick a dog before the dog bites the man? All Chako wanted to be was your friend." He tells Hex that they could have been a good team. Jonah notices the African warrior approaching from the left, two women with whips coming from behind, and the Middle Easterner from the right. Chako starts laughing, saying that it was he that betrayed Hex and now he will watch him die.

Jonah points his pistols out to the sides and fires but appears to have missed the men. The two women unleash their whips, wrapping them around Hex's ankles and jerking him off his feet. They drag him backwards and he suddenly shots the whips in two. Laying in the dirt, Hex notes "Ya brung swords and sticks ta dispatch me? Ya been misinformed, this here's a gun fight." and he quickly kills the African and the Middle Easterner.

Chako turns and runs with Jonah getting off a shot to his knee but the two women quickly throw knives, piercing both of Jonah's shoulders and then rush him, more knives drawn. Jonah falls to his knees, firing, and striking the women in their knees, dropping them wailing into the dirt. Jonah starts to extract the knives from his shoulders when Flannery appears.

Flannery stands over him, taunting him and beating him from behind. He mocks Hex and his relationship with Bat Lash and suggests the two share a sleeping bag. Flannery kicks Hex in the ribs and the two women stagger to their feet and advance on the men. Flannery turns, telling them to stay back as they have had their chance. Hex, on the ground, manages to remove a knife and then buries it in Flannery's ankle. Flannery goes down screaming and Hex quickly dispatches him and then retrieves a pistol. 

The women beg Hex not to kill them. Jonah tells them to hotfoot back to Turnbull, telling him that money can't buy Jonah's grave. They leave and Jonah holsters his pistols and staggers down the street to find Chako, crawling slowly away. Jonah walks up and steps on Chako's bloody knee. Chako says that he saved Hex from a hanging and from the men in the desert, does that not count for anything? Hex shrugs and punches Chako in the jaw. Chako, being Chako, rambles on and on about how he wants to live when Jonah hears something down the street. 

It is the Mexican swordsman. Hex asks Chako if that is the last assassin. Chako says yes and Jonah states that Chako was trying to distract him. Jonah then plugs Chako square in the forehead. Jonah turns to the Mexican and asks why did none of them brought a gun. He slowly draws his pistols and fires with the Mexican deflecting first one bullet and then another with his machetes. Having spent his last two bullets, Jonah notes his luck may have run out. 

The Mexican approaches and Jonah turns and runs for his horse just as the Mexican closes in. Jonah dodges first one swipe and then a second, planting a fist on the Mexican's nose, dropping him to the ground. Jonah gets to his saddlebag and retrieves a tomahawk, turning to face the assassin. Jonah gets a machete to the thigh and the Mexican gets a boot to the nads. Jonah then quickly pivots and cuts off the Mexican's left arm. The Mexican swings again, Jonah ducks and then buries the tomahawk in the man's forehead.

Hex gathers up his tomahawk and pistols and staggers back into the saloon. He finds the room where Bat Lash took the saloon girl and wakes him up. The woman jumps out of the bed and says she'll fetch the doctor. Jonah tells her all of Turnbull's killers are dead so she better not double cross him. She rushes out naked and Hex tells Bat Lash to wake the others. 

That morning Bat lash and Lazarus Lane survey the damage wrought by Hex. Lane states that they have to bury Blue Eagle and his men. Tallulah appears, telling them that Comanche should be buried with their horses and weapons, but seeing how their group are in need of those things and don't have time for such customs, the Comanche would probably be fine with a big burning.

The two men start stacking bodies and Lazarus inquires as to Hex. Tallulah says he is sleeping. Bat wonders why Jonah didn't wake them once he saw the fate of Blue Eagle. Tallulah says that Hex knew what was coming and would not say a thing to anyone. Lazarus notes that maybe Hex holds some affection for the three of them to which Bat notes that Tallulah at least got to share Hex's bed. His wit is rewarded with a right cross to the jaw from Tallulah and she storms off.

Bat swears Hex and Tallulah should marry and Lazarus says he would not wish that woman on any man, including Hex. Bat says that if they survive the coming confrontation with Turnbull, it will be the end of his dealings with Hex. Lazarus chuckles, saying that they will always try to stay on Jonah's good side. Bat replies that Jonah doesn't have a good side.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Chako and five assassins, so we add six to the total
Running Total - 793 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 291 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - Whew, knives to each shoulder, beaten and kicked, a machete to the thigh.
Timeline - The end of the evening from last issue and into morning So far, four and a half weeks.
Rape Percentage -  23% (11 of 48)

Ok, a few things. On the good side, Jonah was really down to his last two bullets when facing off with the Mexican. Twelve shots in this issue and each one accounted for. I appreciate things like that. Chako was good in this one, turning on Hex in a manner befitting the self serving Chako. And it was good to see him finally be dispatched.

Now for the assassins. What the hell are wrong with these guys? Two of them were completely out of their element and didn't use on ounce of surprise, just walking down the street getting shot at. Flannery was an idiot to not knock out Hex before allowing himself to be distracted and the Mexican pulls a Wonder Woman move with machetes? As Jonah says, it was a gunfight that only he was prepared for and he should have fared better than he did.

While the pacing of the story was good and tension was well done, the whole concept of six assassins working alone without guns against the best bounty hunter in the world just comes across as stupid. Last issue did try to show a little bit of competition between them but they were cardboard cutouts just to be knocked down by Jonah.

Next Issue: The big payoff, Hex V Turnbull, this time without red clay and crows (Movie reference, ya'll)

Jonah Hex V2 #47 "The Six Gun War, Part 4"

 Jonah Hex V2 #47 Nov '09

"The Six Gun War Part 4"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

El Papagayo continues to hang by his wrists, the wind whips sand around him as Hex, Lash, Tallulah, Lazarus Lane, Blue Eagle and his warriors ride out of the town, heading for Turnbull's mine. Hours pass and Hex, Lash and Tallulah scout on ahead and spot a large number of horsemen heading their way. Hex identifies them as trouble and the three turn tail and head back to Blue Eagle and the others.

They come to a river, ride across, meeting Blue Eagle on the other side. It is there they turn to thwart the oncoming horsemen. As the Mexicans close in, Hex and his bunch open fire, taking out several. Then they turn head further downstream, looking for a better place to hole up. They find a spot and hide the horses further up in the hills and hunker down, prepping for the fight.

The Mexicans approach the river and send a rider into the water. He shouts that they cannot pass through the canyon without paying the tax, they are outnumbered and they want the woman (typical marauder stuff). Bat Lash lets out a chuckle saying the Mexican's clearly didn't get a look at Tallulah. She gets riled and opens fire on the Mexicans. There is a LOT of back and forth arguing between  she and Hex and Lash until the main group of riders storm across the river and the firefight erupts in earnest.

Lazarus Lane, not one who is not normally involved in such violence has to gin up his courage and start shooting. After several minutes of gunfire, the Mexicans take the worst of the damage, turn and run.

Back at Turnbull's mining operations, he is 'entertaining' the assassins that he has hired, including a pair of female twins that were not mentioned last issue. He tells them that their targets are experienced and possess a lot of luck. Flannery, the Irishman, says he knows about luck and Turnbull replies that he doesn't care if Hex's companions are killed, he is paying for Jonah's head. The Nizari Isma'ilis states that he shall be the first one to return with Hex's head and Flannery tosses an insult his way. Tempers flare and a fight almost breaks out before Turnbull shouts them all into silence.

Turnbull explains that six miles north of the mines is a small town with a saloon, he knows that Hex's troupe will stop there because they cannot go long without partaking of liquor. It is there that Hex must be killed.

Soon Hex and his group arrive at the small town and head into the saloon with Blue Eagle waiting outside. As the group bellies up to the bar who should appear than none other than Chako. And what should hit Chako's jaw but none other than Jonah's fist. Bat Lash is lured away by a saloon girl, Hex and Tallulah pour their drinks and walk off and Lazuras Lane finds a comfortable table.

Eventually Chako slides up alongside Hex and starts telling him that they are all in danger. Turnbull has hired the entire town to get Hex and friends drunk and then kill them Chako tells of the assassins, six or seven, and once Hex is drunk, the plan is for a villager to give the signal and the killers will move in. Hex suddenly grabs Chako by the throat and shouts that he won't give him any more money and to take off. Chako whispoers to Hex that was very clever and Hex replies that Chako should tell Blue Eagle outside to keep an eye open for the killers. Chako leaves and the night continues onward.

Much much later everyone is passed out or asleep and Hex rises and strides to the door. As he steps out into the moonlight he finds the street littered with the dead bodies of Blue Eagle and his warriors.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Once again, a lot of shooting and bodies everywhere. No way to tell who killed whom. We see that Hex took at least five shots so let's call it eight
Running Total - 787 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 285 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - None
Timeline - We know it takes about two days to get from the Mexican town where they left El Papagayo to Turnbull's mine, so two more days.So far, four and a half weeks.
Rape Percentage -  23% (11 of 47)

This one was all set up, the semi-calm before the storm. There was some action with the shootout against the Mexican bandits but the geography of the fight (crossing the river, crossing back, etc) was more confusing than anything. And the constant banter between the main actors was almost annoying. It was good to see Chako, but so far, this is the weakest chapter in the story. 

There was also a six page preview of R.E.B.E.L.S. Annual #1: Starro the Conqueror!

Next Issue: Hex faces off against the gang of assassins and it goes.... well....

Jonah Hex V2 #46 "The Six Gun War, Part 3"

 Jonah Hex V2 #46 Oct '09

"The Six Gun War Part 3"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

El Papagayo drops his hand, signaling the firing squad to kill Tallulah and Bat Lash, but the resulting gunfire eradicates the firing squad as Jonah Hex, Lazarus Lane, Blue Eagle and his warriors come riding into the Mexican village bringing vengeful carnage. Tallulah and Lash pick up guns and start to open fire as well.

Hex chases down Papagayo and the first order of business is to obliterate his pet parrot. Hex then jumps off his horse and tackles Papagayo and punches him senseless. Lash and Tallulah run up, she grabs Hex, kisses him, slaps him, and kisses him again. Hex pushes her away and Lash waxes poetic about the unholy offspring those two would create if given the chance. Tallulah pulls her pistol and takes aim at Papagayo but Hex halts her hand, saying he has a plan for the Mexican bandit. 

Blue Eagle rides up, stating that one of Papagayo's men escaped but Hex says to let him go, he'll tell Turnbull that Hex is coming. Tallulah questions losing the element of surprise, but Jonah says Turnbull will be plenty surprised, besides, Jonah wants Turnbull to think he is prepared for Hex.

The escaped bandit rides all night, the next day and night and finally arrives at an Aztec pyramid, shouting that he must speak with Turnbull.

One week later, Papagayo hangs by his wrists, asking if Hex is gonna kill him. Hex says he isn't sure and Papagayo says he will not tell of Turnbull's location. Hex replies Papagayo should have because he'll have to answer to El Diablo. Hex tells Diablo that once he gets the info, Diablo can do what he wants with Papagayo. Hex bids Papagayo good night and walks off, leaving the Mexican bandit in terror of what is to come.

At Turnbull's hideout, a Mr. Robertson is questioning Turnbull's methods but Turnbull says that for the amount of money he has offered, all of the assassins he has contacted will show up. Turnbull runs down the list:

* A Nizari Isma'ilis with no name from the Middle East

* A Masai warrior from Africa

* An Irish killer from New York

* A Mexican mercenary

Robertson doubts they will succeed, but Turnbull tells him to mind the bookkeeping and ignore the blood work.

Back in Northern Mexico, Hex and Tallulah are sharing a bed and she asks if Diablo has broken Papagayo. Hex replies that he ain't heard no screaming for the past hour and Tallulah asks if she can pose a question. Jonah says she can go ahead and kill Papagayo. But she wants to know why Turnbull is so vengeful. Jonah says it goes back to the war and Tallulah observes that he is going to keep the rest to himself.

We then get a flashback of Jonah in the Civil War and we get a retelling of the Fort Charlotte Massacre. I won't retell it here, but it is very accurate to the original telling of the tale. Once the flashback finishes, Hex says he's done talking for the night but Tallulah says he hasn't said a word for five minutes.

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Wow, there is no way to tell how many men Jonah killed in this one. Let's say a dozen
Running Total - 779 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 277 V2)
Jonah's Injuries - A punch to the jaw
Timeline - Two days of the bandit escaping plus two more weeks. For the whole story thus far, a little over four weeks
Rape Percentage -  25% (11 of 46)

This was a better chapter with the reuniting of our merry band but we now have our second deus ex machina with Hex and company killing the firing squad and the proper instant (the other being Hex's rescue from being buried alive). The flashback took up nine pages, leaving thirteen to advance the story, but the flashback was required for new readers, I get it.

The gathering of assassins piqued my interest, but we'll see how all of this plays out over the next three issues.

The rest of the book had a four page preview of Magog #1 (yawn)

Next Issue: A gathering of assassins and yet another friendly face appears.

Jonah Hex V2 #45 "The Six Gun War, Part 2"

Jonah Hex V2 #45 Sept '09

"The Six Gun War Part 2"

Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti - story, Cristiano Cucina - art and cover

Devils's Night

We open on the town seen last issue. Dogs roam the streets, eating the corpses. Suddenly there is a burst of supernatural flame from the jail and El Diablo appears. He kicks Hex awake and Jonah scrambles away saying "Ah ain't ready yet!". Diablo states that he is not here to collect Hex but he needs Hex's help. Diablo points to the unconscious Lazarus Lane in the cell and says that Diablo can't touch him.

Diablo instructs Hex to carry Lane to the hotel, there are dangers to deal with.

The Woman is Insane

Mexico

It is night and El Papagayo walks up to his men standing guard outside of a barn. He asks if the men have been enjoying themselves with the captive woman and they hesitate. Papagayo chides them but Sanchez says that they do appreciate it but..... none of the men can bring themselves to do it. Other men have done things to her that they cannot do. Papagayo calls them children and cowards and goes into the barn. As he closes the door, he tells them they will be hearing her loud and painful screams shortly. 

Moments later, Papagayo exits the barn and we can hear Tallulah mocking Papagayo's manhood. Papagayo tells the men to have the whores dress Tallulah and then lock her away with Bat Lash. He walks away as as Tallulah starts laughing maniacally.

Back in Texas, Diablo tells Hex that Papagayo must pay for his crimes and Hex agrees. Diablo says that Hex must take Lazarus with him to Mexico but Hex refuses. Diablo then lifts Hex by the throat and tells him exactly how this will play out because Diablo HAS to avenge the town. As Diablo leaves Hex swears that some day he will figure out how to kill Diablo.

Hex then picks up Lazarus, carries him outside the hotel and dumps him into a horse trough. He tells Lazarus they are going to find horses and then ride for Mexico.

Meanwhile, in Bat Lash's cell, Tallulah is thrown inside and Bat starts weakly laughing. She asks what is so damn funny and Bat relates how he overheard then men talking about her being the first woman to actually strike fear into Papagayo. She says she will kill Papagayo for killing Hex, once they make their escape. Bat figures they have a snowball's chance in hell of getting out but Tallulah figures as old as the place it they should be able to wiggle the bars out of the clay walls before sunup.

Next day Jonah and Lazarus are making their way south across the desert. Lazarus asks how well Jonah knows Turnbull. Jonah replies "Too well" and Lazarus keeps prying as to why they are going there. Jonah says it's not a bounty, but he is gonna settle a war that has been brewing since before the states reunited.

As they are riding in a canyon, they are surrounded by Comanche and Hex recognizes Blue Eagle. Blue Eagle says that he and his warriors are on their way to kill the Mexican and the other men who allowed the women and kids of the tribe to die in the tornado. Blue Eagle says they have heard of the white man owning mines in Mexico. Hex says that Blue Eagle and his men are welcome to ride along, but killing Turnbull falls upon Hex and Hex alone. 

Blue Eagle agrees to the terms and explains that the Mexican also has two prisoners, a yellow haired man and the angriest woman he has ever seen.

With dawn breaking over the mountains, Bat and Tallulah manage to wrest the bars out of the cell window and then climb down the wall to freedom....only to find themselves face to face with four of Papagayo's men. They start joking about how ugly Tallulah is and she rushes them, kicking one in the teeth and grabbing his gun, she then opens fire, killing all four.

More men come rushing out and surround them. Bat asks Papagayo if they could come to some sort of agreement. Papagayo says that he will agree to shoot them and they can agree to die. He puts them against a wall as his riflemen line up. Papagayo raises his arm and shouts "Ready....Aim....FIRE!"

Statistics for This Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - Zero
Running Total - 767 (432 past, 55 future, 15 Vertigo, 265 V2)
Jonah's Injuries -None this time
Timeline - Possibly one night and the next morning. For the whole story thus far, two weeks
Rape Percentage -  25% (11 of 45)

For the second entry in a six part tale, this one isn't too bad. We had the driving conflict in the prior issue and here we are still gathering all the players (El Diablo and Blue Eagle). I'm very happy that J&J introduced a new character with Blue Eagle, lazier writers would have shoe horned in Scalphunter into a story where he didn't fit.

Some of the time frame didn't seem to fit. While the sun was low in the east when Hex and Lazarus met Blue Eagle, it seemed earlier in the day when Tallulah and Bat escaped. Maybe not, with the sun having to make it over the mountains....but then again we have next issue to deal with.

And let's address the situation between Tallulah and Papagayo. While she is one tough bird I don't really see Papagayo turning tail and running as easily as he did. But, then again, they did have Tallulah stripped naked and hung like a piece of meat in the barn. Seeing what had been done to her may have been too much to him. Dunno.

But the story does clip along at a good pace and is never boring. I DID appreciate the slight nod to the Princess Bride, you can never go wrong with that.

Next Issue: The first round of retribution, Turnbull amasses his forces and FLASHBACK!!!