Problems

Curtis: "Dad, I have a problem. My problem is -- I don't know how to do karate."

Uncle Wade's Here!

For years my brother has threatened to show up at my house and work a little back-woods magic to embarrass me in front of my neighbors. He's never followed through...until today.

I drove home from church this afternoon to this:

I sometimes wonder where that kid came from.

"F" is for Family (or Freaky)

Today was "F" day at preschool.

Ms. Heather has a daily routine for her students. They walk in, find their spot at a table, and write their name on a slip of paper. Once finished, they bring their names to the front of the class and choose whether to put their name in the Yes column or the No column....depending on their answer to the Question of the Day.

Today's question: "Do you have a little brother or sister?"

The correct answer: No

Curtis' answer: Yes

Ms. Heather kindly tried to reassure the lad that he did not have any little siblings. To which he replied (quite forcefully), "Marble Joe is very, very small!"

Wow. I thought he'd forgotten about Marble Joe. Apparently not. To make things more interesting, Marble Joe had stowed away to preschool in Curtis' backpack as well. And...Curtis was fairly intent on showing Marble Joe to everyone at Show-and-Tell that very day. Oh dear.

I departed and left Ms. Heather on her own to deal with my child's delusions. Fair? Perhaps not. She later told me that she was slightly concerned that the other children would force Curtis to defend his belief about his "little brother" (which could be bad for all involved) but was surprised when all 10 of them nodded along with Curtis' presentation of his "F"amily.

Go figure.

I Wish I Could Say This Was For Halloween

The Tale of Halloween Toil

Once upon a time, in a home not too far away, there lived three beautiful children and their adoring parents. One day the oldest child, Lindy, approached her mother with an idea.

"Mother dear, I would just LOVE to be a pirate for Halloween this year. Not an ugly, mean pirate, but a nice beautiful pirate. Can I, can I, pleeeeeaaaaaase?"

"Of course," the mother said, "I think your eye-rolling, scowling pre-teeness is exactly perfect for a pirate costume!"

Lindy rolled her eyes towards her mother and bounded happily away. No costume at the stores or online would satisfy the required needs of Lindy's costume. During a quick trip to the local lobby of hobbies, the "perfect" costume pattern was chosen, and her mother soon toiled away to create a "nice and beautiful" pirate costume for her beloved eldest daughter.

When Ellie, the middle child, saw the completed pirate costume, she begged, "Oh please, mother, may I also have the costume of my dreams? A purple cheerleader costume with big shiny pom-poms, and a large purple bow in my hair?"

"I would just LOVE to help you find this purple costume. Even if it means I must stitch every stitch myself...let's DO IT!" her mother cooed, as she vomited a little in her mouth.

And it was soon(ish) done. A fantastically purple cheerleading costume and one bouncy, jumping, cheerful girl to don it. (Along with some big shiny pom-poms, courtesy of the Searle girls.)

As the females around him chatted incessantly about girly costume matters, Curtis, the youngest and only boy in the family, decided to let his mother pick up whatever she could find at Costco. 

"Oh, thank heavens for little boys." the mother sighed as she grabbed the first costume she could find. 

And Curtis was thrilled, for this particular costume came with an eye patch, earring, and SWORD (his love of weaponry being the clincher). He expressed his appreciation by offering his mother pirate grimaces rather than smiles in practically every photo she took.

The children were soon ready for the neighborhood Trunk-or-Treat. Things were touch-and-go for a moment as the "nice" pirate and the "I'm-so-tough-I-could-cut-my-own-throat" pirate may have had some differences of opinions.

But they soon found common ground as they turned their wretched pirate-ness on the happy cheerleader. 

But, since she was really only there to cheer on their piratical adventures, they soon welcomed her into their scurvy crew.

As the three children skipped happily down the street toward the potential treasure-trove of sugary goodness, their mother contentedly nursed the pin-prick wounds on her fingers, wiped the sweat from her brow, and vowed to NEVER sew another Halloween costume again.

The End.

Red Ribbon Week

It was "Red Ribbon Week" at our Elementary School this week. It was something the girls were SUPER excited about...which means, of course, that mom forgot.

Monday: "Red Day - Not Just For a Day, But For Life" - Wear Something Red.

Mondays are not our best days in general. Throw something out of the ordinary at us and we don't usually respond well. I don't think either of them wore anything even close to the color red. '

Fail.

Tuesday: "Crazy if You Do Drugs" - Crazy Hair Day

While we managed some fantastic hairdos, the girls were 20 minutes late for school. I didn't plan for the exorbitant amount of time needed to braid this much hair. 

Fail. 

But I did get some great pictures: less of a fail.

Wednesday: "Turn Your Back on Drugs!" - Wear Your Clothes Backwards

The goal was to wear your clothes backwards. We joked all week that Wednesday would be the day Ellie actually wore her clothes the right way! (She has a habit of putting most of her clothes on backwards each and every time she gets dressed. She has even worn her underwear backwards from time to time. Usually I am able to catch her and get her to swap it around...but not always.) But no...she wore them the true backwards way. Pants and all. 

Lindy struggled to find something that didn't irritate her. (And by "irritate" I mean "reduce her to mind-numbing tears.) It was touch-and-go for a while. For all of us. Finally she found a shirt that didn't make her turn into a screaming banshee and we were go for Backwards Day. (And on time for school.) Phew!

But no pictures. Slight fail. 

I'll just take some pictures of Ellie tomorrow. Recovery!

Thursday: "Hats Off to Being Drug Free!" - Hat Day

We've been through Hat Day before. Thus I was fairly convinced that we had at least one usable hat available to us already. I picked up an additional hat at the Walmart for Ellie and figured we were good. My bad. I've been a mom long enough to know that when you buy something new for one child, the other is bound to feel that the universe has cheated them. 

Fail.

However, our Ellie is our easy-going child (most of the time) and happily donned a different hat to let her sister celebrate Hat Day with the newly-purchased "cute" hat.

(Note to self: buy another hat (the same hat) right now and save them both for next year. Done.)

Friday: "Patriotic Day: Take a Stand For a Drug Free Land!" - Wear Red, White, or Blue.

Not the most exciting day...but easily accomplished with their existing wardrobe. 

No tears. 

They made it to school on time. 

No need for pictures.

And...it's over.

Awesome.

The Other Brother

So...we've had this problem. Not a big problem...just sort of a creepy, slightly morbid, problem.

You see, Curtis has spent the last few months telling everyone about his brother.

His dead brother.

Who died.

(I know, creepy, right?)

He has embellished this story for many people. He has added details and descriptions that continue to astound and amaze us. (His brother used to pester him at night with his pokey fingers. His brother is up in Heaven watching Curtis to make sure no bad guys get him. His brother doesn't like macaroni and cheese.) But the basis of the story has remained unchanged: He had a brother who is no longer with us. I've argued with him, trying to convince him that I truly never gave birth to another boy. His answer to that was that his brother had another mom. Who, of course, died.

(Remind me, when my son is in therapy years from now, that I should have seen it coming.)

Today the story changed in a bizarre and unexpected manner. Today we found a broken marble.

Meet Joe. Marble Joe.

He is, apparently, Curtis' brother. And we have been regaled with new stories about his brother Joe who, as you can see, is no longer dead.

(Good grief, the therapist bills are going to be astronomical.)

Jealous Much?

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous...

but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in  high school.

The Island

We've been talking about getting an island in our kitchen. I've been making calls, setting up appointments, and planning the layout. I hadn't really thought of what the children would be thinking of it all, but was surprised when Ellie announced today that she couldn't wait for the island!!!!

Because she was sooooooo very excited to play in the sand.

Oh. I get it.

An Admirer

How cute is this?

Thank You?

Curtis: "When you guys turn old and die you can be up in heaven looking at me."

Best. Disneyland. Photo. EVER!

Oh...there's a back-story. And it's a good one. I'll fill you in later!

For the Swagger Wagon

Starting Early

We all piled in the van following church today. I asked my typical question, "How was primary today?" and received a non-typical response from The Boy.

"I kissed a girl."

(Um...what?) "Who was it?"

"What?"

"What was her name?"

"I don't know."

And that was that. As we tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle the laughter we tried to tell him that it might not be a great idea to kiss girls in Primary.

According to him, however, "boys kiss girls". 

So, what's he gonna do?

Wow! That Family Picture is OLD!

You know, that one over there on the sidebar!

But, since I can't seem to get another one where a) all 5 of us are in it, b) all 3 of them are looking in the same direction, and c) the boy is actually in the mood for a picture...

you're stuck with a 3 year-old version of our family.

A Laugh Before Dying

He has a fever. And a slight cough. So he lays, pathetic, on the couch.

He beckons to me to come closer and whispers, "I'm dying...I'm trying to hang on, though."

As I stifle my laughter he continues to explain, "When you're super, super sick...you die."

I tried, to no avail, to explain that he is not "super, super sick". 

We've agreed to disagree.

The Canadians Are Melting!

Seriously?

I took this shot right before it bumped up to 101˚. Then 102˚.

Ridiculous.

So Long, Farewell

We said goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa in Canada...

and hit the open road. (Meanwhile every insect in the state of Montana seemed intent on hitting our window.)

Somewhere in the middle of Montana, Curtis decided he wanted to share his lunch with all of us. Unfortunately, it was the lunch he had eaten an hour or so earlier. Up it came. Horrified, I dove into the back to try to...I don't know...do something. There was nothing to be done. Driving through a teeny town we spied a hose on the ground next to cafe. The owners graciously let us soak down our son, his clothes, and his carseat and sympathized with us...while a perfectly healthy boy ran around gleefully, like this sort of thing happened every day. (Heaven forbid!)

We finally made it to Blackfoot. Though we were tired, we figured we would stop at the local hot spot and snap a photo.

We spent the evening and next morning with Grandma. She became quite a hero by letting the kids have some spiffy cowboy hats and sheriff badges.

Grandpa showed up for breakfast and also earned his own little fan club by letting them all take turns riding on his new motorbike.

Then it was time to go. Another family picture on Grandma's steps (one of these days we'll have to count how many we have there) and we were off. 

Headed for home, sweet sweltering home.

Oh, And We Met a Bear

On our way into Waterton the day before, we stopped and talked to a guy who took people out on horseback rides. My girls have BEGGED me for years to let them ride a horse. Since a) we don't live on a farm, b) we don't own horses, and c) most places have an age-limit of 12...we haven't done it yet.

For our new friend, Ty...age wasn't a problem. We were sold. We set up our hour-long horseback ride for 1pm the next day.

Shortly after arriving, the girls met their new companions. Ellie was saddled up and perched on "Hero".

Lindy couldn't have been more happy. Her choice for a horse was "Blue".

Curtis rode with Daddy on "Freckles". Here he is, on Lindy's horse, showing how much he enjoyed the ride. (Being on a small saddle with another person, having the pommel consistently pummel you in a sensitive area wasn't his idea of fun.)

The girls loved every minute of it. A dream come true. Unfortunately for Lindy...she ended up being quite allergic to her favorite animal. She wasn't very happy about it.

After riding, we made our way into Waterton once again to visit another favorite place, Red Rock Canyon. 

On the way out of the canyon, we met a nice black bear.

(If you haven't guessed by now...it wasn't a real bear. But we sure shocked both grandmas when we pulled out these pictures. Neither of them were too pleased with us, I'll tell you that much.)

Waterton

Our fourth day in Canada found us in Waterton Lakes National Park. It is a typical destination for the Jones family while visiting Canada and remains on my list of top 5 favorite places on this earth. 

It was a gorgeous day. There's usually a lot of wind roaring through this place, but it was calm, clear, and sunny for us. Our first stop was at the Prince of Wales Hotel. The hotel was built in 1927 on a hill overlooking the Waterton townsite. (We rarely pose for pictures at this spot for fear the wind will throw us over the edge of the hill. In this picture I am trying to convince Curtis that he does not need to run full speed down the hill and into the lake.)

We ventured to a new picnic spot by the lake and, after eating our lunch, spent a long time throwing rocks. This beach was covered with the most perfect sampling of skipping rocks we've ever seen. (Ian's arm was sore for days.) Once again, the kids spent the better part of our time there with their legs firmly planted in the frigid water.

There were mounds of driftwood just ripe for the picking. The girls were on a quest to find "the perfect walking stick" for everyone.

Here's Ian with his "perfect" walking stick.

A little hike around the lake brought us to a place the kids dubbed "Seagull Island".

Soon we made our way into town for our newest family tradition (started last summer). We rented this 5-person surrey bike and tore through town. I sat peacefully in the middle seat, not pedaling, because Lindy was bound and determined to help Ian wheel us around. (Why would I argue with her?)

Our last stop was the ice cream shop. It is home to some of the best waffle cones I've ever had. (And, if you're lucky enough to be walking down the street at 5am, you might find a bear licking the sidewalks out front of the store...but that's a whole other story.)

Delicious.