Have I Mentioned....

that my husband totally rocks?

Yup. Tonight he returned from an overnight trip to Canada and brought with him...

Timbits. Little donut holes of DELICIOUSNESS from my favorite place.

What a great hubby, right?

Season's Greetings

Our Favorites

Today Lindy made a list of all our favorite things. She totally nailed it:

(I started to give Ian a hard time about having an airplane trump his wonderful wife, but he reminded me of my top pick...and I couldn't argue with him. I love to sleep.)

Dear Santa 2010

From Lindy:

From Ellie: (She wants a dollhouse, a dog (I think), a horse (good luck), and a Barbie.)

From Curtis: (Apparently he likes bananas, trains, toys, and spaceships. Then he asked me how to spell his name and wrote each letter all by himself!)

It's going to be an awesome Christmas!

Have Boots, Will Travel

This morning Curtis woke up, saw the snow (approx. 7 inches worth) and decided it would be a perfect time to try out his new boots.

He promptly escaped, pajamas and all, out the back door.

I am not only holding a camera...I am also trying to warn him.

Ahhh...too late. the two-foot terrace was abruptly discovered by a stunned little boy.

Now, why is it they never listen to me? I am usually right, you know.

I'm Fine

"I'm fine" is my son's newest phrase. He uses this whenever he wants to tell me to leave him alone (which is most of the time).

When I find him climbing up the bookcase, he's "fine".

When I catch him standing in the fridge, he's "fine".

When he's eating every last piece of gum out of my purse, he's "fine".

When I stumble upon him standing in the kitchen sink getting his legs wet, he's "fine".

You get the idea.

This morning we had a late start (when school is out we often do). I was a little late to start preparations for breakfast. When I asked everyone what they wanted to eat Curtis responded, "I'm fine."

In addition to "leave me alone" I think he was also trying to tell me that he had the breakfast thing all figured out.

7 Inches

It snowed approximately 7 inches this morning.

Trust us.

Roasting a Turkey

I was having a quick conversation with my sister Thanksgiving morning, discussing the subtleties of preparing a turkey dinner. At one point I mentioned that I would be bringing the turkey up to her house and we'd put it in the oven. As I talked my son suddenly began to...how can I describe it?...oh, yeah...he began to FREAK OUT!

He was screaming at the top of his lungs. After several frantic moments I was able to decipher "I DON'T WANT TO GO IN THE OVEN!!!!" over and over and over again. It was then that I realized my little boy, frequently referred to as a "turkey", overheard a conversation that might have been a little frightening.

Fallout

Lindy: "Mom, our family goes on the dumbest vacations."

No matter how hard I tried to convince her that we have actually had good family vacations in the past, she just kept bringing up the fact that we sat on a boat for "who knows how long" and didn't even go anywhere.

Sigh.

What I Learned On Vacation

• I like electricity (how else are you supposed to get air conditioning?)
• Smoking pot is stupid.
• Curtis can hit his head easier than he can breath.
• My girls can go from happy to cat-fight in .5 seconds.
• The ocean is really big.
• Aunt Kristin has infinite reserves of patience...and my girls really like her.
• You can't force your kids to eat something they don't want to...even if it's all they're going to get.
• There are actually benefits to having a child NOT potty-trained.
• You should ALWAYS carry a flashlight.
• I have dramatically underestimated the value of flushing toilets.

We're Home!

We are officially back on dry land. (Why is it, then, that I still feel the world tilting beneath my feet? Oh well...)

As our ship finally reached it's resting place in San Diego Lindy suddenly had a change of heart. She no longer wanted to get off the ship. She wanted to go on a cruise. I told her "no deal" and was treated to a stubborn "I'm going to wear my Fun Ship Freddy hat until I make you vomit" demonstration/protest.

It nearly worked.

We walked off the Splendor and onto a waiting bus. I don't know if they were trying to be super helpful and get us to our hotel as quickly as possible or if they just really didn't want us talking to the press. (When I say "press" I mean it...we saw countless news trucks, cameras, etc. We just saw them from our bus window as we drove swiftly by.)

Looking back, it wasn't all bad. We were part of something that we'll never forget. When we planned a memorable family vacation I'm not sure this is what we had in mind. But...

The crew was amazing. They worked incredibly hard the entire time to make our experience as good as it could be (given the circumstances). We will be refunded the entire cost of the cruise, will receive vouchers up to equal value to use on a future cruise, AND they are paying for our hotel, food, and airfare to get home.

Thank you, Carnival, for the experience. It was, in fact, memorable. Let's just not do it again, okay?

Adrift: Day 3

The smell is getting worse. No...I mean it's getting much, much worse. (Where's that vomid bag when I need it?)

My children lost their appetite for unrecognizable sandwich creations early on. Luckily I have a smart husband. He was able to foresee an imminent problem with the food situation and our children. Therefore, during the Day One breakfast he was able to procure (and stuff in his backpack) an absurd amount of little cereal boxes which we passed out every time we heard, "I'm not going to eat that!"

This morning, as Lindy was eagerly slurping down a bowl of Froot Loops she suddenly exclaimed, "Look! It's us!"

We glanced over to see a single green Loop adrift in the middle of her bowl. We all watched the lone vessel as it slowly floated toward the edge of the bowl. As soon as it reached it's destination Lindy exclaimed, "Yay! We made it to land!"

We've laughed for days.

She Does Like to Draw

While lost at sea Ian spent a great deal of effort devising ways to entertain our bored and cranky crew of children. At one point he gave Lindy an "assignment" to help him procure some sort of sustenance for our malnourished family. (Yes, I exaggerate.) She was rather excited at being given such an adult responsibility and proceeded to follow Ian, bouncing her way up and down through the maze of cruisers.

A lady in line leaned over to Ian and asked, "Oh, is she autistic?"

Of course, Ian misunderstood and, thinking she has said "artistic", replied, "Well, yes...she does like to draw."

The lady clarified, "No, I meant AU-tistic. She was bouncing up and down and not saying anything."

Ian didn't know what to say.

And neither do I.

Adrift: Day 2

Now that we have working toilets and running (but cold) water, let's talk food.

Admittedly, I'm probably one of the pickiest eaters I know (except, of course, for Jonie). But...I would like to believe that I'm not the only one who would wonder at the brain power behind the following menu choices:

White bread, butter, beet slice.

Plain bagel, wilted lettuce leaf, raw salmon.

Roll, butter, mystery meat.

Wilted lettuce, chopped hot dog in fake cheese sauce, all rolled in a tortilla.

And for dessert: White bread from who-knows-when, weird pink pudding, strawberry and chocolate shavings.

This, combined with our multiple (so many) trips up and down 9 flights of stairs made it a diet cruise for me. (No joke.)

There was one exciting event, however. The navy showed up with an aircraft carrier, a helicopter, and 60,000 lbs. of food, bottled water, and supplies. We spent a few moments waving to the men on board and taking pictures of them while they waved and took pictures of us. Funny.

We were hoping the food delivery would save us from the unidentifiable food. We were mistaken. I did see Pop Tarts and granola bars (thank you, sailors) but would have actually enjoyed a little Spam in those sandwiches. Where was the Spam? To be honest, the bulk of their delivery seemed to be beer. LOTS and LOTS of beer.

That evening we were informed that we would no longer be towed to Ensenada (hallelujah). They would be towing us to San Diego (yippee!) but we wouldn't get there until Thursday evening (WHAT?)

Two more days to go.

(Other news: our neighbors in the cabin next to us were frequent (consistent, repeated, incessant) partakers of the free hootch. This, combined with their penchant for smoking pot (no, I'm not kidding), made for a friendly feeling all around. Okay...not so friendly. They were obnoxious!)

Adrift: Day 1

Monday morning, 6:00am:

I awoke to a sudden lurching and was instantly alert. "That's not normal...", I thought to myself. Moments later the Captain's voice, along with a cacophony of alarms and sirens, came over the PA system, "Alpha team, Alpha team, Deck zero Engine Room".

Yup...that's really not normal (during our safety drill the night before, the Cruise Director had made a point to mention that announcements would never be made within the cabins unless it was an emergency). Then came the smell of smoke. Aw, crap! We grabbed socks, shoes, and jackets, and began herding our trio of trouble-makers up to our designated Muster Station...you know, the place where they have the life boats. As we stood there, my nephew turned to his mom and asked, "Mom...was the Titanic a cruise ship?" (Yikes!) After a short time we were invited to "relax" in the public dining areas rather than hang out near the lifeboats. Okay, so we're not sinking. That's good.

It didn't take us very long, however, to realize that the ship was in bad shape. No engines, no electricity, no water, NO FLUSHING TOILETS! We spent the entire day in our pajamas, on the upper decks, waiting to hear the final diagnoses. It wasn't until that evening that the Cruise Director, John, announced officially that our trip was "terminated". Terminated was good. Terminated meant that we wouldn't be picking up the cruise halfway through and skipping our ports of call. Terminated meant a refund. Wahoo!

Unfortunately, it also meant that the engines were finished. Toast. Kaput. Done. We were officially "dead in the water". Solution: They would be calling in a couple tug boats to come and drag our 113,000 ton ship back to land. Holy crap! We were then informed that we would be stuck on the boat until Wednesday. That when I wanted to:

(Note the spelling: "Vomid" We laughed for hours)

The Night Before

After dumping our belongings unceremoniously into our cabins, the entire clan made way to the Lido deck for a quick buffet lunch/pre-dinner. We piled our plates with various buffet items and gobbled it down with gusto.

We then looked at our watches and realized that our dining time was in a short hour and a half. Darn it.

Promptly at 6:00pm we arrived at the Gold Pearl dining room and were given a menu simply bursting with delicious choices. Soups, salads, baked potatoes, ribs, Indian food...you name it.

What did I order? A caesar salad.

Hindsight kind of stinks. This turned out to be our last chance for a hot meal...and I BLEW IT!

But, with that delicious caesar salad sitting in my belly we bid farewell to the rest of the group and turned in early. And we slept well....until....

Setting Sail

We experienced more than our fair share of hiccups before we even arrived on board our cruise ship, the Carnival Splendor.

After a slightly frantic, absolutely stressful, time of transferring all 14 of us from our hotel to the pier, we were met with a 3 1/2 hour line before we could even check in. (Yes...unbelievable.) How do you wait in line that long with 7 children? Yeah...I don't know either. Although, Curtis showed signs of contentment every once in a while.

After the interminable wait we finally got our turn at the check-in desk only to find out that the children's birth certificates were not in Ian's backpack, but in his suitcase...the suitcase that we had already sent on board with the porter approximately 3 hours earlier!!! (I may have actually screamed at this point, I'm not sure.)

Our solution? Send Jody on a sprint through a HUGE cruise ship, down to our rooms to see if the suitcase had already been delivered, see if she could locate the documents, and bring them back to the check-in desk to us.

As we waited (yes, again) Ian expressed his burgeoning dislike for cruising...at which point I may, or may not, have threatened to ignore him for the remainder of the trip.

Jody arrived breathless, but triumphant. (You rock, sis.) The kids were soon checked in and we were given the go-ahead to board the ship.

That turned out to be a dreadful mistake.

Crossing My Fingers

For as long as I can remember I've loved to read. The quirky, often volatile, relationship I have with my eldest daughter has made me worried that she would decide to hate books simply because I like them...

So, it made my heart happy to see her sit down at the airport the other day, whip out a book, and start reading.

(Yay!)

If You're Wondering Where We've Been

(Picture courtesy of Lindy)

Give Us Your Candy

I just love Halloween! The costumes this year were so much fun.

Lindy:

Ellie:

And last, but not least, Curtis:

In spite of a blustery, rainy, miserably dark Halloween evening, the kids got their fair share (and more) of the candy from our neighbors. We'll be eating it for weeks!

Illustrious Company

Curtis has been saying his own bedtime prayers lately. I had to laugh the other night when he offered this little tidbit:

"Dear Heavenly Father. Thank you for Jesus and Grandpa. Amen."

He does love his Grandpas.

To Whom It May Concern:

Please excuse Amy from her responsibilities as a blogger over the next week or so. While we know her extended family eagerly looks forward to updates on the antics of her slightly crazy family, she is currently fulfilling other obligations (much to her profound dismay).

Sincerely,

Me

Happy Thanksgiving!

In keeping with a recently-established annual tradition, we celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. In years past I've been asked a lot of questions regarding the purpose and fundamentals of a Canadian Thanksgiving. Allow me to clarify:

We eat turkey, potatoes, gravy, stuffing, pumpkin pie...etc.

When European farmers settled in Canada, they brought with them the tradition of celebrating harvest time. Americans who remained loyal to England following the Revolution moved to Canada and integrated parts of the American Thanksgiving into this autumn festivities.

Unlike the American tradition of remembering the pilgrims and settling in the New World, Canadian Thanksgiving is to celebrate and express thanks for a successful harvest.

It is celebrated on the 2nd Monday of October because the harvest season falls earlier in Canada due to the fact it's simply further north.

So, while the Jones family doesn't necessarily have any bountiful harvest to be grateful for (I hate gardening...yes, I said it), we feel lucky to have two reasons each year to remember the happiness of our little family, our loved ones, and the many wonderful blessings in our lives.

So, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

And I Quote...

Lindy: "There's a teacher at school who is sooo loud. He's a boy, so it's natural. It would hurt if he yelled right in your face. Literally."

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Yesterday began like any other day. We woke up, we got ready...you know, the same old boring stuff. When Lindy arrived home from school minus one pesky little front tooth, however, the day suddenly had possibility. We knew that a visit from you would brighten things up. When bedtime finally arrived Lindy excitedly placed her tooth under her pillow and promptly fell asleep. We all fell asleep. All of us. Every person here. Adults and children alike.

You can imagine her disappointment when she woke up bright and early this morning to find the tooth still tucked snuggly under her pillow.

We can only assume that you had a busy night and were simply unable to make it to all the tooth-bearing pillows in the neighborhood...or that there was some sort of tooth emergency somewhere else. Out of state. Perhaps there were delays with your flight? Anyhow...we hope you have not suffered any debilitating memory loss (do you have kids?) or are experiencing troubles in the workplace.

In the hopes that you will be able to return tonight and take care of your responsibilities, Lindy will happily place her tooth back in the proper place. We look forward to your visit and wish you well.

Sincerely,

The Jones Family

Hiking With Dad

Last week I bought Curtis some new shoes. He thinks they look like "hiking shoes". Since that purchase he has asked to go hiking a gazillion times (give or take).

He originally wanted to go hiking with his buddy, Dallin. But when Ian tried to boost his own popularity by telling Curtis he could ride in the new truck, Dallin was quickly out-maneuvered.

Father and son were soon packed up and ready to go.

Apparently Curtis talked the entire time. This constant chatter has recently become the new "white noise" of our family life. And we couldn't be happier...there was a time we weren't sure he'd ever speak. (Give me a week...I'll be begging for silence.)

Cereal

Curtis poured his own cereal this morning.

I Like Chocolate

It just had to be said.

The Glass is Half Full

We are not ridiculously late in taking down our Christmas lights...we are brilliantly early with our holiday preparations.

In case you've been wondering.

All Is Well

Today I spent an absurd amount of time (not to mention gas) driving around the world looking for this:

I silently wondered why I did such a thing until I saw this face:

She was nearly weeping with JOY!

That's when it all became worth it. :)

The Not-So-Amazing-Race

When the PTA announced they would be holding only one fundraiser this year I think I inwardly cheered. When I heard that their one fundraiser would be a 5K/1K Fun Run, I'm fairly certain I cheered out loud. Not because it involved running (ewww) but because there would be no selling involved. Yippee!

I presented the idea of our family participating in the 1K Fun Run and was greeted with six enthusiastic thumbs-up from the little ones.

In hindsight, I suppose I should have known an 8am race was a bad idea for at least one of my children. But the "FUN" in Fun Run must have confused my already-impaired memory. So, at 7:20am, Ian and I prodded the offspring awake and dressed them in their race-day paraphernalia:

The 2 year old was happy. The 5 year old appeared out-of-sorts while the 7 year old appeared content. Then the whistle blew. I found myself watching Lindy S L O W L Y plod her way across the starting line. I panicked as it occurred to me that the next FUN Run wouldn't begin until the last 2nd to 4th grader passed the finish line. But in spite of (or perhaps because of) my best attempts at encouragement...followed by some fantastic threats...she would not be moved.

I was forced to leave Ian (who was busy with a still-happy two year old) in charge of the disinclined Lindy...partly due to the hopelessness of our mother-daughter dynamic, but mostly because we had lost Ellie.

Ellie surprised us all by running her heart out. The entire way. By herself. Not only did she come in way ahead of the rest of the Jones family, she also managed to beat a few students!

Then promptly had an asthma attack.

Lindy had to be literally DRAGGED across the finish line by her father.

And was decidedly unimpressed with the accolades (and ribbon) she then received.

What I learned today:

• Fun Run does not necessarily equal Fun. Especially if it also involves mornings.
• Racing numbers do not necessarily inspire good racing attitudes.
• I should never be in charge of motivating my daughter.
• We should always bring Ellie's inhaler.
• Next year I'm handing them a check...then happily sleeping in.

My New Diet

(or "How to Ruin a Perfectly Delicious Meal"):

1. Peel and cut potatoes.

2. Boil potatoes.

3. Mash 'em into fluffy potato goodness.

4. Lovingly serve with chicken and gravy.

5. Watch in horror as your husband pulls a mangled fly from the middle of his plate of mashed potatoes.

Mangled.

Fly.

In.

The.

Potatoes.

I couldn't eat.

In related news, I rewarded myself and my family with this yummy treat:

Cinnamon Pie Crust Treats with Cinnamon-Sugar Cream Cheese:

unbaked pie crust

cinnamon & sugar

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/4 c. white sugar

1-8 oz. package cream cheese

Lay your crust out on the counter. Using cookie cutters, cut out shapes. Sprinkle with cinnamon & sugar. Bake according to crust directions, but lessen the amount of time. Bake until golden brown, then let cool.

With a mixer, beat the cream cheese and sugars together, then add some cinnamon & sugar. Mix well. Serve with pie crust shapes, and sprinkle even more cinnamon & sugar on top!

Preschool: Year Two

Having a September birthday means missing the kindergarten cut-off date. But no worries...Ellie is such an easy-going kid (a little less achievement-oriented than her older sister) and is excited to have one more year of preschool. Today was her first day with Mrs. Karren.

When I asked her how her day was she exuberantly declared that it was "awethome"! (As I knew it would be).

Her very, very, very, very (she likes to use "very" a lot) favorite part of the day was drawing a picture of a cat on a paper plate:

(Oh...is that what that is?)

Thought it...didn't say it.

Ellie's Fifth

Five things I love about Ellie on her 5th birthday:

1. She is constantly thinking of creative ways to say "I love you". (Today was: "I love you around all the planets and world and rivers, mom." Awesome.)

2. If you bug her, she'll just ignore you. (Funny how this happens most often when her uncles are around...)

3. She likes to sleep (hallelujah) but almost always wakes up with a huge smile and a hug for whoever she meets first.

4. She has an amazingly wonderful laugh/giggle.

5. She gives the BEST hugs! I'm serious...they're fantastic!

We love you, Ellie-bean...Happy Birthday!

Movin' On Up

I've been anticipating the first day of school with mixed emotions. Part relief (it was a loooooong summer) and part nervousness (new teacher and all) made for a slightly tense mother. Lindy, on the other hand, managed the Back-to-School Night and First Day of School with ease.

I was concerned that Lindy's new teacher would have a tough time following in the shoes of her beloved first-grade teacher...but she scored big points right off the bat when she asked Lindy to be in charge of the class sign. Since the path to Lindy's heart has always involved making her feel important, I silently applauded the teacher's choice. Lindy was enamored from that point on. (Phew!)

Lindy had "the best day ever" and made "a ton of friends". I was also informed that I would not need to walk her to her class in the morning as she was old enough to know exactly where to go. Noted.

Second grade, here we come!

Post Edit: I should mention...Lindy's new favorite color is pink. I only bring it up because last year pink was her very, very, very least favorite color. She hated it. HATED IT. But, as an example of how the whims of a girl change, you should expect to see a LOT of pink from here on out. It is, after all, her favorite color.

What He Did Today

I had unwittingly prevented myself from being at the scene of the crime by naively thinking I could quickly take a shower and get ready for the day.

As I walked downstairs I was greeted by a):

Then noticed b):

In case you can't tell from the pictures...that is a) a soaking wet boy and b) a kitchen floor underneath water.

Apparently, while I spent a few precious moments on myself, Curtis decided to HOSE DOWN my entire kitchen with the sprayer from the kitchen sink. By the time I arrived on scene, the counter top, stovetop, fridge-top, and floor were underwater. The two kitchen rugs were completely soaked through, all papers within a 5-foot radius were in tattered ruins, and the garbage can (under the sink) was a-sloshing (no, I still don't know how he did it).

Oh, and his hands looked like this:

I took a deep breath, counted to ten, breathed again, grabbed the camera, grabbed some towels (lots of towels), and decided to let him live.

It's a darn good thing that kid is cute.

What He Was Doing

There's usually at least one point during the day (every day), when I suddenly realize that the house is simply too quiet. It's at this moment I find myself asking the dreaded question, "What's Curtis doing?"

Today's answer:

To Wed or Not

As Ellie shuffled her hand of Wig Out cards today she paused a moment to consider "Eve":

The result of her (rather thorough) analysis was this:

"Her has too many earrings, an earring through her middle of her nose, and doggie necklaces. With spikes on them. Her hair is pink and green and spiky. And she gots too dark purple lipstick.

No one will ever marry her."

All of this was said with a considerable amount of 5 year-old indignation.

Confessions of a Slacker Mom

I suffered a brief moment of clarity this afternoon. I emerged from the noisy-child-induced fog (in which I have cowered for these last few weeks) and suddenly realized, "Oh crap...school starts again in 2-ish weeks."

I uttered "crap" because (apart from a sincere attempt to cut back on the real expletives) I suddenly realized that all my grand plans for the summer of 2010 (plans which, at one point, sported the ridiculous label of "Jones Academy") had never actually come to fruition.

I did a quick mental scan of my long summer to-do list:

Zoo: nope

Aquarium: nuh-uh

Horse-back riding: nada

Hiking: nil

Weekly library visits: don't make me laugh

And the unfulfilled list continues...

Why? Well, here's a simple fact for you: I'm a slacker. Don't argue with me. I've made my peace. My name is Amy and I am a slacker mom.

And I'll tell you why. Kids are work. No, really...lots and lots and lots of work. Since the normal at-home motherhood is plenty exhausting...the thought of taking my little Insanity Circus on the road? Please. If the mental exertion of dealing with two girls didn't kill me off, the physical demands of chasing after a two-year old Houdini probably would.

So, the beginning of the school year has ended up looking quite a bit like a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. I look forward to sitting in a quiet(er) house, sipping a diet coke, and only occasionally remembering to wonder where my son is (as he runs/rides/scoots down the street as fast as his little legs can go. Don't judge...it's not my idea).

And, while I'm sure I will eventually enter a stage of life where my slacking is simply not possible, I plan to enjoy this phase of life as much as I possibly can.

Hopefully with a good book.

And a diet coke.

(And a multitude of adorable two, five, and seven year-old X's and O'x. I do love those sloppy kisses.)

A girl can dream...

Is It Just Me?

After receiving numerous (so many, multiple, countless, frequent, oodles, an innumerable amount) of this specific fund-raising mailer...

I'm beginning to think they probably should have just kept their nickels.

Cause apparently every nickel counts.