Friday, June 24, 2016

Breathe

Sometimes in our efforts to expand our lives, we tend to do more rather than less.

Slowly I've been realizing that change needs spaciousness. Becoming a new mom needs space. I rushed back into the regularity of things a few months into motherhood, thinking one must not forget herself. I thought so many moms fell into this trap of forgetting, and I vowed to myself, never. But in doing so, I failed to create space for this new person I was becoming. So in my rushed efforts to get back on the mat & start teaching again, and to start traveling the world once more, I too fell into a kind of forgetting. I forgot to nourish myself as a mother, not realizing that she has different needs than that of a single woman traveling with single person needs, of which surfing & yoga took the top spots. As physically demanding these activities were, nothing can quite compare to the demands of purely breastfed child. To nourish a child by giving him your milk means to nurture the very body that makes it. But I missed all that. I forgot because I was so afraid to forget.

Fear presents us with the greatest irony ~ when we come from a place of fear, we go towards the direction it wants us to.

Fear comes from forgetting who we truly are, what we're made of, and what we need. The only way through this is by remembering, and that requires space. Space to listen to ourselves, to what the heart has to say. Space to hear the voice that tells us when we are not okay. Space to mind the breath, and when it starts to come in jagged spurts, space is what we need, so we can pause and take a rest.

Breathing comes easy when we surrender, and lately I've been doing just that. Our lives will be infinitely fuller when we learn to create & hold space within in, rather than stuffing it with too much of what we can really live without. We know what we need. All we have to do is listen.


Thursday, May 05, 2016

hello my old heart

hello my old heart
it's been so long
since i've given you away. 
hello my old heart
how have you been?
how is it being locked away?
- (the oh hellos) -


I can't remember the last time I wrote. I can barely remember writing the last entry I posted. However I do remember that one night I tried to. I had just given birth, my little boy was only a few days old back then. And I remember sitting in the quiet dark, a huge vat of emotions that I could not understand threatened to spill. I wanted to write it all out, I managed a few words, but nothing made sense. I was a mess & I couldn't find the words that would give justice to what was happening to me.

And so I stopped. All the emotions that came after that, wave after wave, all 3 years worth of it, got bottled in. I lost the ability to reach in & express what my heart wanted to tell me. In doing so, I also lost the ability to reach out. It puzzled me deeply how I couldn't tell the people around me how I really was. I couldn't tell anyone how I felt like drowning on some days, and just constantly gasping for air on some. I was overcome with so much anger and resentment, but again, I could not write. I could not say. And so all these stayed inside me, festering & eating up the best parts.

A few weeks ago I started to notice my left eye twitching. It would twitch several times during the day, we dismissed it as eye strain. Then I got what I thought were palpitations, they were rhythmic & strong enough to scare me that I had to go see my doctor. But upon closer look it seemed more like muscle spasms on my chest. Then my eye twitch worsened. That was enough to get my attention ~ clearly something wasn't right. I was not well.

My doctor tells me I may have electrolyte imbalance. That I need potassium & magnesium and all these other nutrients that I wasn't receiving enough. And I knew that. I knew I was deeply undernourished. I was too busy & too excited becoming a new mom these past 3 years. I would hardly have time for myself that when I did, I would pour it all out on my yoga practice, mostly teaching rather than receiving. My life was busy changing and in the process I've lost the ability to maintain space for the things that nourished me the most.

So here I am, noticing my old heart. How frail and starved and alone it feels. I just realized that over these years, how often I've complained of chest tightness or my heart beating irregularly. Postpartum depression is tricky that way. It's not always obvious, it can also be silent. Slow to show, bleeding you dry from the inside. I guess it took me all this time to really pay attention, to notice the damage I've caused by bottling it all up. So now I'm reaching in & reaching out. Striving to heal & be well. Doing so with my heart open now. Doing it one beat at a time.


Wednesday, November 07, 2012

If you're going to San Francisco... ~ Sutro Baths

As the plane hovered over San Francisco I felt a familiar heart tug that I always get whenever I go back to the island... the sheer joy of coming home.

First day back in San Francisco and the sun happily shone down on us. Drove down to the Sutro Baths where we enjoyed the breathtaking sight of the Pacific. We took a short hike through cliff-lodged cypress trees, got a view of the beautiful Golden Gate Bridge and spent time enviously watching surfers catching some fierce waves.

It's so good to be back!

Blue skies!
Cliff-lodged cypress trees
What a beauty

Lovely day to be out.
Sutro Baths
These sun worshipers found a cozy spot

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Tales from the East Coast (part 4)

We could not leave Florida without stopping by at the Harry Potter Wizarding World! Yes people, we're self-confessed Potterheads, and ever since Universal Studios opened their new theme park, we've been itching to go.

You see I've always wanted to go to Hogwarts. I mean seriously go to school in Hogwarts. I guess this is as close as it gets. Stepping inside Hogwarts Castle was such an experience, with all the moving and talking paintings of the original headmasters. Most enjoyable was the wand selection at Ollivanders. But the best part of all was drinking butterbeer. It's the creamiest, yummiest beer in the world!
 
Hogsmeade!!!
All aboard!
Honeydukes for the witches & wizards' sweet cravings.
Every Flavour Beans!
The best beer in the world!!!
A belly full of Butterbeer
Got beer?
 Now that concludes our East Coast urban adventures. San Francisco, here we come!


Sunday, October 28, 2012

Tales from the East Coast (part 3)

Florida, the last leg in our East Coast trail. Such joy when we arrived in Tampa, we were greeted with two of the best things in the world ~ family and sunny weather!

Being in Florida meant reuniting with one of my favorite cousins and best friends, meeting her son Riley (who we couldn't stop hugging and carrying), seeing my cousin Mikey and his Special Olympic swimming medals (who won a total of 8 golds and bronzes in Greece) and seeing my uncle and getting to spend time with everyone in their new home.

We fell in love with their house the minute we walked into the living room. Inside everything was spacious, the living room and kitchen on the 2nd floor plus the bedrooms on the upper level overlooked the ocean. Shortly after we arrived, we heard shouts from my aunt and uncle. We ran to the deck and saw 2 dolphins swimming and jumping out of the water! It was such a treat! Dolphins playing in the wild, in their own backyard.

Days were spent swimming in their saltwater pool, having barbecues, jumping off the dock, eating ice cream and taking walks on the beach. But mostly spending time with family we don't see very often.

And for the first time, I truly felt I was on vacation. I was not traveling nor reading maps, I wasn't running after trains or trying out new cuisine... I was waking up to the sunrise and sleeping in again. I was making my breakfast smoothies in the kitchen. I was cooking dinner with family and watching tv (!) and I was hanging out, just blissfully hanging out.
 
It was such a wonderful and love-filled stay for which I am deeply grateful ♥ Vacations have taken on a different meaning. I've always believed that traveling is good for the soul and now I see that vacations like these are good for the heart. Thank you Universe for letting me see.

Our blissful view, every single day.
Great to be with family
The new man in the clan ~ Riley
Living room
Love love love
Poolside afternoons
Boys' day out
Play time!
Sunrise through our bedroom window

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Tales from the East Coast ~ NY Eats

Food is big on my travel itinerary. I love farmer's markets and discovering local produce. I make it a point to go to the local grocery stores and seeing the difference (from the arresting smell of cardamom, cloves and cinnamon in India to the abundance of organic produce in San Francisco; countless variations of kimchi in South Korea and the dizzying choice of cheeses in Madrid). Most of all, I enjoy eating :) This affinity for food has sharpened my instinct when it comes to choosing restaurants. I spot it and I just know. 

Here's a guide to some the best eats in New York (these are not Michelin star places, don't really care about that kind of stuff, but these spots are definitely must eats!):

Eataly ~ wines, cheese, antipastos, gelatos. You get the idea.
Village Yokocho ~ squeeze in for Japanese and Korean comfort food in a lively setting 
Bistro Les Amis ~ a cozy corner French bistro with excellent entrees 
Ramen Misoya ~  the miso broth is what makes a ramen and this place has some pretty tasty ones (choose from 3 different types of miso). Great ramen minus the long wait at the more popular Ippudo.
Boqueria ~ amazing tapas (highly comparable to the ones you get in Spain!) in a pretty modern setting 
Saigon Kick ~ head here for a bowl of pho and sample some of their banh mis before catching a show across the street at the Comedy Cellar (prices are unbelievably cheap by NY standards)
Terrace 5 at MoMa ~ have a glass of wine overlooking the museum's sculpture garden 
Good Enough To Eat ~ brunch in warm and friendly surroundings, the pancakes and waffles come with strawberry butter! 
Peacefood Cafe ~ great vegan food (order the dumplings!) and pastries in a cool and laid back atmosphere. 
Whole Foods Market ~ when you're in a hurry or plain tired and hungry from all the walking, then there's this. An array of sushi, salads, breads, pastries and a whole lot of international cuisine. Grab a tray or two then grab a seat at their vibrant food hall. Quick and tasty!


EATALY
SoHo
East Village
Greenwich
Good Enough to Eat

Sorry for the lack of food photos, I was too hungry to remember my camera! :)

Next stop, Florida!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Tales from the East Coast (part 2)

The city so nice they named it twice. New York, New York!  

Time flew fast in NY. There were so many things to do, places to see, museums to visit, shows to watch, food to try... clearly impossible in a week! So we did the best we could and had a fantastic time.

There's something about this city that kinda made me wish I got here sooner, like 15 years sooner. It's the perfect canvass brimming with possibilities. Everything is available to anyone who's seeking... at least that's how it felt like. As the song goes there's nothing you can't do, now you're in New York...

Some of the highlights of this trip:

Seeing some of my dearest girlfriends and eating our hearts out in Eataly
♥ Staying in the East Village 
♥ Exploring the Lower East Side, West Village, Soho, Nolita and the surrounding areas
♥ Having the best laughs at the Comedy Cellar (go online and make your reservations)    
♥ Seeing Van Gogh's Starry Night and Monet's Water Lilies at the MoMa (closed on Tuesdays)
Broadway's The Book of Mormon (possibly the most hilarious musical to date, composed by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone )
♥ Taking the ferry to Staten Island for a good look at the Statue of Liberty (stay at the right side of the ferry to get the best views) 
♥ Taking a stroll through the High Line (a public park built on an historic freight rail line elevated above the streets on Manhattan’s West Side) 





Eating our hearts out in Eataly!
Bustling SoHo

Washington Square Park (have you seen the movie August Rush?)
Lower East Side
There she is, Ms. Liberty
The High Line, one of my favorite spots in the city!

One week in this amazing and vibrant city left me wanting. Will definitely be coming back for more! Next up, a list of some of our best eats in NY! ♥ 


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