Video by Porfle Popnecker
Song "Hurt" by Trent Reznor
Sung by Johnny Cash
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
"HURT" by Alvin & The Chipmunks (video)
(Written for Bumscorner.com in 2005, this review was reposted here in 2011 in light of later events involving the film's writer-producer-director-star Joe Brooks.)
Joe Brooks has written some of the most successful and well-known commercial jingles of all time, including "You've got a lot to live, and Pepsi's got a lot to give" and many more that have probably been forever lodged in your memory over the years. At one point back in the 70s, he decided to try his hand as a songwriter-slash-Hollywood film auteur as well, resulting in the wildly successful YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE (both the song and the movie were huge hits).
Joe wrote, scored, produced, and directed the film, and actually won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for Best Original Song. With this remarkable debut under his belt, Joe set his sights even higher -- for his next trick, he would not only perform all the duties he had on his first film, but would star in it as well. And that, bad movie fans, is how IF EVER I SEE YOU AGAIN (1978) came to be.
This movie has to be seen to be believed. It fails miserably on every level. Fortunately, since Joe Brooks handled the production, direction, writing, music, and lead acting role himself, there are fewer people to blame for it.
As a romantic lead, he has about as much appeal as a potted plant. His leading lady, Shelley Hack, acts as though she were posing for the picture on front of a box of All Bran. The supporting players include, for some reason, authors Jimmy Breslin and George Plimpton, about whose acting the best thing that can be said is that they are good authors. It's pretty bad when the most professional acting performance in a movie is delivered by a little girl (Danielle Brisebois).
Joe plays a jingle writer named "Bob Morrison" who dreams of being a serious musician, even though all of his "serious" songs still sound like extended commercial jingles, and the classical piece he composes to show off his true talent later in the film would be better suited for a group of musical saw players than an actual orchestra. Watching his dramatic gestures as he conducts this ear-splitting opus in the recording studio, as the dazzled Shelley Hack grins at him like a stuffed loon, is one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes ever filmed.
If this movie is indeed as autobiographical as we suspect it is, then this scene must be the realization of one of Joe Brooks' fondest fantasies -- having the girl of his dreams gaze at him with naked, worshipful awe as he lurches about among the musicians, grandly flailing his arms as if to literally mold the wafting notes into an aural work of art. Unfortunately, this piece of music is so badly arranged that it could make even the London Symphony Orchestra sound like a high school band at a pep rally.
And then, of course, there's the romance. When "Bob Morrison" makes the trip from New York to L.A. to pursue his musical ambitions, he also decides to look up his old college girlfriend (Shelley Hack's "Jennifer Corly") for whom he still carries a torch. When they are reunited, their scenes together generate all the excitement of sitting in a dentist's waiting room with nothing to read but a year-old copy of "Field And Stream." Shelley Hack, who proved later on to be a pretty good actress in certain roles, seems here to be hovering in and out of a coma. But it would be difficult even for a great actress to pretend that she was falling back in love with Joe Brooks' incredibly bland character, especially with the brain-numbing dialogue she must recite.
Music-wise, Joe was obviously hoping for another big chart-topper like "You Light Up My Life", but its inexplicable success was not to be matched by the cringe-inducing dirge that is this film's theme song. I don't know who performed it, but he doesn't sing it as much as he suffers through it. He seems to be battling his way through a particularly intense bout of constipation as he strains to expel the stomach-churning lyrics, though I doubt if even Debby Boone could've made this song any more tolerable.
The same singer also gets to croak the other big tune in the movie, "California", which is Joe's musical tribute to the state of the same name, but after hearing it you might get the impression that California is the most horrible place on Earth. A more upbeat version performed by a group of singers accompanies a scene of Joe traveling by plane, and sure enough, it looks and sounds just like an airline commercial. We see the plane banking off over the sunlit clouds as the song informs us: "Caaa-lifornia! Wherever you may roam! Californiaaa...is caaaa-lling you hoooome!" You almost expect to see the TWA logo pop onto the screen.
When I saw this movie on HBO several years ago, I just had to have it. I still watch my old tape every so often just to gape in wide-eyed amazement at how truly awful a movie can be. As a bad-movie lover, I hold this perversely-entertaining cinematic messterpiece in high esteem -- it's the PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE of romantic movies. Still, you gotta hand it to Joe Brooks -- he decided he wanted to make movies in the worst way, and he sure enough went out and done it.
IF EVER I SEE YOU AGAIN -- Movie Review by Porfle
Don Sullivan's 3 Classic Songs In "GIANT GILA MONSTER" (1959) (video)
The great Don Knotts portrayed one of TV's most classic characters, Deputy Bernard P. "Barney" Fife, during the best seasons of "The Andy Griffith Show."
One of his favorite pastimes was calling up his girlfriend Juanita down at the Bluebird Diner and regaling her with a romantic song or poem that he had concocted just for her. Or in one case, an ode to his own dashing exploits as a lawman.
And sometimes, to his great horror and embarrassment, his pal Sheriff Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith) would come through the front door at just the wrong time.
Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
Barney Fife: Songs, Poems, and Other Words of Note (video)
Originally posted on 2/1/09
"I had a dream that this guy was sentenced to death for attempting to commit suicide."
He has a beautiful voice, though it's rarely on key. His lyrics are often stunning and emotionally complex, though they don't always make sense. Each song is deceptively simple and touchingly heartfelt, yet on a technical level he'd probably get kicked out of a high school talent show.
No doubt about it, Daniel Johnston is one of the strangest musical stars of all time. Never heard of him? Just check out his new concert DVD, THE ANGEL AND DANIEL JOHNSTON: LIVE AT THE UNION CHAPEL, and get ready for something completely different. If you're a fan but, like me, have never seen one of his performances in its entirety, then this is your ticket to spend a little quality time in that cheerfully surreal dimension where Daniel lives.
If there was ever a self-made musician, this is the guy. As a kid, Daniel began recording himself singing his own songs of teenage angst and romantic yearning while banging out the music on a piano. Crashing an MTV taping in Austin in 1983 with a guitar and a handful of cassettes, he managed to get himself on TV and lay the groundwork for a growing cult following that would lead to concerts, a record contract, and a seemingly bright future. There was just one catch--Daniel was a severe manic depressive with a tenuous grasp on reality, and over the years his increasingly erratic and irrational behavior sabotaged any potential he had for breaking into the big time.
THE ANGEL AND DANIEL JOHNSTON: LIVE AT THE UNION CHAPEL -- DVD Review by Porfle
Originally posted on 2/28/11
Record producer Hal Willner's tribute to the legendary Leonard Cohen, entitled "Came So Far For Beauty" after one of his songs, was performed by various artists at the Sydney Opera House in 2005, and director Lian Lunson recorded it for posterity. She also interviewed the people involved, who reverently recount how Cohen has influenced them, and Cohen himself, who seems rather pleasantly unaffected by it all, and the result is LEONARD COHEN: I'M YOUR MAN (2005), a sporadically interesting documentary that sometimes manages to rise above the often dreary interpretations of Cohen's songs.
Some of the singers, in fact, display such reverence for the songs with which they've been entrusted it's almost as if they're standing in the First Church Of Leonard, treating the songs like fragile antique crystal that they're afraid to take out of their padded boxes and handle lest they break them. Martha Wainwright, in particular, paces momentously before approaching the microphone, as though a higher state of mind must be reached before uttering Cohen's words, and then works herself into such a state of restrained agitation that she seems to risk a seizure just to emit the simple, wispy melody of "The Traitor." And when she sings "Winter Lady" with her mother and aunt, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, it's one of those crystalline female harmony pieces that threatens to beat you over the head with its ethereal beauty.
Beth Orton looks like a farm girl in her Sunday-go-to-meetin' dress and seems so bad at first that I kept imagining Simon Cowell running out and kicking her off the stage, although her performance of "Sisters Of Mercy" sorta grew on me toward the end. Just about the only time anyone is allowed to have any fun with their song is when Nick Cave does his casual, I'm-so-cool rendition of "I'm Your Man" at the beginning of the film. Jarvis Crocker comes close to lightening things up a bit with "I Can't Forget", which sounds almost like a theme song for an old Western, but I found his performance unaffecting. Later, a duet on "Anthem" with former Cohen backup singers Julie Christensen and Perla Batalla is so self-consciously overwrought that the defenseless song doesn't stand a chance against them.
Antony, a shy, overweight guy with long hair hanging in his face, is a bundle of nervous gestures that recall the class nerd trying to ask a cheerleader for a date. So he surprised me with his clear, trilling voice as he sang "If It Be Your Will" with such a gradual build-up of genuine feeling that it turned out to be the most soulful segment of the concert. He loses himself in the song, seems surprised and disappointed when it's over, and quickly leaves the stage as though embarrassed to have revealed himself so intimately in front of an audience. Of all the performers here, Antony's probably the only one I'd actually like to hear more from.
Bono: "The rest of us would be humbled by the stuff he throws away."
Leonard Cohen sometimes takes longer to write a single song than most people take to record an album, get it into the stores, and receive their Grammy for "Best New Artist." He says that on a good day he'll get maybe ten words done. One reason for this is that he doesn't rhyme "baby" with "maybe" or "waitin'" with "anticipatin'." I hate to call song lyrics "poetry", but these come as close as it gets without coming off as pretentious. "Poetry is just the evidence of life," he says. "If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash."
I enjoyed the interview segments with Cohen the most and was let down whenever they faded out and another concert performance came creeping in. "Well, my friends are gone and my hair is grey...I ache in the places where I used to play" he tells us in song, but it looks like he's settling into his later years quite gracefully. He's an impeccably-dressed gentleman, intelligent, genial, low-key, thoughtful, self-effacing, spiritually complex, and interesting to listen to, especially when he recounts the period in which he actually became a monk in order to simplify his life. Throughout the film we see examples of his artwork, which is often quite beautiful, and a wealth of photographs and home movies of his earlier days.
All during this tribute concert I was sure Cohen would appear onstage at last and sing one of his own songs as a finale, to the tumultuous reception of the worshipping crowd. But instead, his performance takes place on the small stage of a burlesque club in New York City with no audience, just the members of U2 gathered close around him as his backup band. The camera stays tight on his face with that wry, knowing smile, and that low voice which he says "can barely carry a tune" sings "The Tower Of Song" the way no interpreter of his songs ever could.
It's the sort of thing I was waiting for throughout the rest of LEONARD COHEN: I'M YOUR MAN, and it's too bad the whole movie couldn't have been like this, because listening to other people sing Leonard Cohen's songs just makes me want to hear him sing them himself.
LEONARD COHEN: I'M YOUR MAN -- Movie Review by Porfle
Arch Hall, Jr.'s Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Movie Hits!
"Konga Joe" (The Choppers, 1961)
"Monkey In My Hatband" (The Choppers, 1961)
"Valerie" (Eegah, 1961)
"Brownsville Road" (Eegah, (1961)
"Yes I Will" (Wild Guitar, 1962)
"I'm Growin' Taller" (Wild Guitar, 1962)
"Vickie" (Wild Guitar, 1962)
"Jackie" (The Nasty Rabbit, aka Spies A Go-Go, 1963)
"Twist Fever" (Wild Guitar, 1962)
Originally posted on 5/12/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
Arch Hall, Jr.'s Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Movie Hits! (video)
7 More Goofiest Horror Movie Songs Ever
(Thanks to everyone who contributed with their suggestions)
"Puppy Love" Jerry Blaine (Blood of Dracula, 1957)
"Brownsville Road" Arch Hall, Jr. (Eegah, 1962)
“Shook Out of Shape” Carol Kay & The Stone Tones (The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies, 1964)
"Yipes Stripes" Kathy Haddad (Teenage Strangler, 1964)
"The Cat Came Back" Sonny James (Hillbillies In A Haunted House, 1967)
"The Blob" The Five Blobs/Written by Burt Bacharach and Mack David (The Blob, 1958)
"Do the Jellyfish" (Sting of Death, 1965)
Thanks to everyone who contributed with their suggestions!
Originally posted on 5/9/18
"Yipes Stripes" clip via Something Weird Video
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
7 More Goofiest Horror Movie Songs Ever (video)
The 7 Goofiest Horror Movie Songs Ever
"Eeny, Meeny, Miney Mo” Kenny Miller ("I Was A Teenage Werewolf", 1957)
"Eee Ooo" John Ashley ("How To Make A Monster", 1958)
"Daddy Bird" Page Cavanaugh And His Trio with Harold Lloyd, Jr. ("Frankenstein's Daughter", 1958)
"The Mushroom Song (Laugh, Children, Laugh)" Don Sullivan ("The Giant Gila Monster", 1959)
"Vickie" Arch Hall, Jr. ("Eegah!", 1962)
"Zombie Stomp" The Del-Aires ("Horror of Party Beach", 1964)
"Waterbug" Neil Sedaka ("Playgirl Killer", 1967)
Originally posted on 5/7/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
The 7 Goofiest Horror Movie Songs Ever (video)
John Wayne as "Singin' Sandy"?
Here are some of the attempts by various movie studios in the 30s to turn John Wayne into a singing cowboy. (Dubbed, that is.)
Scenes used are from:
"Riders of Destiny" (1933)
"Westward Ho!" (1935)
"Lawless Range" (1935)
"Man From Utah" (1934)
Originally posted on 11/26/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
John Wayne: The Singing Cowboy (video)
Lionsgate Presents
"THE JESUS MUSIC"
Directed by The Erwin Brothers
Featuring interviews with Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, TobyMac, Kirk Franklin, among others
Only In Theaters October 1
With stirring songs of faith, love, and hope, Jesus music rose from America’s 1960s counterculture movement to become a worldwide phenomenon.
This fascinating documentary reveals the music’s uplifting and untold story — from its humble beginnings at the Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa, California through its transformation into the multibillion-dollar industry of Christian Contemporary Music today.
Directed by the Erwin Brothers ("I Can Only Imagine", “I Still Believe”, “American Underdog”), THE JESUS MUSIC is the definitive love letter to CCM fans that features intimate interviews with the genre’s biggest stars including Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, TobyMac, Kirk Franklin, and Lauren Daigle.
With stories of trials and triumphs, the universal power of music from these artists shine through from their messages of passion, sacrifice, and redemption that inspire millions of devoted listeners.
WATCH THE TRAILER:
Director | Andrew Erwin, Jon Erwin
Writer | Jon Erwin
Producers | Brandon Gregory, Joshua Walsh
Featuring Interviews With | Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, TobyMac, Kirk Franklin,
Lauren Daigle, Glenn Kaiser, Greg Laurie, John Thompson, For King & Country, Bill Reeves,
Eddie DeGarmo, Chris Tomlin, Michael Tait, Kevin Max, LeCrae, Mandisa, and Bill Gaither, among others
"THE JESUS MUSIC" Documentary From Lionsgate And The Erwin Brothers Coming 10/1 -- Watch the Trailer HERE!
Edd Byrnes first gained fame on "77 Sunset Strip"...
...as the cool hair-combing, jive-talking Kookie.
In "Grease" he plays an equally cool television DJ...
...who hosts Rydell High's big dance contest.
But the amazing part is the stunt at the end...
...when Edd does a front flip into the frame and catches the mike!
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
Edd "Kookie" Byrnes' Amazing Stunt in "GREASE"! (1978) (video)
Milos Forman's Classic Musical "HAIR" -- Olive Signature Announces Blu-ray Release June 2020
The Lone Ranger's Origin In Song (From "THE LONE RANGER AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD", 1958) (video)
Sappiest Love Song Ever? From "The Cocoanuts" (Marx Brothers, 1929): "When My Dreams Come True" (video)
Groucho Marx Plays Guitar and Sings in "Horse Feathers" and "Go West" (video)