I hope you read this and ask me if this is about you because I am tired of just dishing it out like sushi for you -

I want to love.
I want to really love,
betul betul dalam dalam
sampai tak boleh nak teruskan hidup.

I want to look at someone [you]
and feel so overwhelmed that all I want to do is burst
and
get splattered all across strangers' faces and pavements.

I want to think of you,to think of ravishing you,
to think of surgically merging us
with sutures and bands and mesh and whatever
and eat each other off bit by bit
and give birth to the word fusion together.

And I dont think I can feel that way for you,
because apparently [sadly],
you don't seem to.

Oh lagi sikit je.

I hope you realize now before it's too late.

Aku ingin katakan padanya Hey satu hari nanti,kita akan berada di sini.
Aku ingin katakan padanya sambil tangan ku memegang sekeping gambar dengan malas
dan kami
berdua berbaring dengan kaki melingkari masing masing dan
mungkin dengan kepalaku di dada nya dan rambut di muka nya.
Aku ingin katakan pada nya dengan mata tertutup,dan mata nya sedikit
mengintip gambar di tanganku.

Aku ingin katakan padanya,dan aku ingin dia katakan Ya.
Ya ya ya ya ya.

Ya buat semuanya.

Chronic -

There are times when all I want to do is lie on my stomach and listen to David
Gray from under my blue covers.

I like it better when people dont know the kind of music I listen to.You
know,people would start getting all friendly with you like Hey you listen to him
too? Wow.Which is your favourite?What do you think he was trying to say with
bla bla bla bla blergh.
I no longer answer truthfully to what kind of books I read because seriously,I
dont see the point.If you want to have a panel discussion about some books or
songs then fricking get yourself to a panel discussion.Dont come to me and
start off with that kind of shit.
Why not ask me something new.Something different.Something I'd really like to
answer for a change.You want answers to your typical questions,go read the
papers or pay a visit to Lord Google.Dont even bother to ask me.

I meet new people countless strangers everyday and I know it's eighty percent
of my job to be nice to them and all so yeah being nice is now my job.
And like the rest of the species,I hate my job.I used to love strangers.A lot.I
fantasized about them write about them and I get myself out of bed every
morning in the hopes of meeting an interesting one.And yes,people change.I
change.I desire no contact whatsoever with strangers,I walk around with a
fixed gaze a polite lipline and most of the time I feel like melting just to slip
away unnoticed.

So no,today I'll sit at this corner drinking whatever I want to drink and you
dont get to call me a retard for not wanting to talk to you.

Because I am tired of all your questions and I am really tired pretending to
know all the answers even when I really dont just so you can feel better.

Sorry.

I will stop taking people home as science projects.

Ashes -

Sayang,
Biarpun satu ratus bulan lagi
dan
biarpun tiap pagi aku harus bangun dari mati

jangan kau lupa namaku,
jangan pernah berani untuk pergi.

I think I just broke my most favourite person in the world.

I hate myself and I want to die.

Your secrets make me sad.

But you know what?
If you knew any of mine,you'd kill yourself over and over again.

Over and over and over again.

Dari dalam diriku,
ada wanita lain yang sedang tersenyum nakal
dan mengatakan ' Ya '

Wanita yang sama yang masih belum lupa cara menaklukkan dunia.

Dengan atau tanpa kamu pun,
aku tetap akan seperti ini.