I Watched Robo Vampire (1988!?), and this is what I learned

• Snakes can fly (okay, are thrown from off-camera), so humanity's only hope are very large machine guns.
• Those machine guns won't help against hopping vampires
• Strangulation and a pleasant massage of the throat are very similar things.
• The easiest way to get rid of "anti-drug agents", is to kidnap a bunch of hopping vampires and let them loose on said agents.
• Don't smoke while handling vampires.
• Hopping vampires don't need stairs.
• The hopping gentlemen get miffed when coming into contact with fake drugs.
• Nobody will ever notice if you dub your film with four actors "doing voices".
• I really don't want to be reincarnated as an animal in an old Hong Kong or Taiwanese movie.
• "Orientals are a stubborn race".
• Drug dealers can still be big softies at heart, the kind of people saying "YES!" to ghost/hopping vampire marriages. ROMANCE!
• Turning your former associate into an "android-like robot"/"robot-like android" is typical water cooler chat in anti-drug agency land (but keep it a secret!).
• Water torture is cheap and easy.
• It's not important to understand who these people are or what they are talking about, it's only important to wait for hopping vampires and RoboWarrior™.
• RoboWarriors™ are not very good against the more acrobatic hopping vampires (Acropires?). Or bazookas, for that matter.
• Vampire/ghost romance is so, so erotic. If you're really into dead people (one of whom wears what looks a lot like a mutant gorilla mask, while the other can't act even better than the rest of the cast) pressing their hands together, that is.
• "You can kill us but wait 'til our love's consummated!"
• RoboWarrior™ is a big old softie too.
• I think smoke might be a visual metaphor for you-know-what in this film. It's quite Freudian, really, just without the cigars.
• Go for the eyes, Boo!
• In commando (or whatever these people are) training, an aspect that isn't taught is spatial awareness, or as laymen call it, "looking around".
• Hopping vampires are, like Gamera, ass-rocket-driven flyers.
• There is little in life more exciting than a climactic chase between a hopping vampire and a slooooooowly moving android-like robot.
• I want a randomly and without transition appearing quartet of hopping vampire henchmen to do my household chores! I'd be okay if they stepped out of harmless explosions, too.
• Only ever use your in-built flame thrower during the last minute of your movie.
• Godfrey Ho and T(h)omas Tang know what you want, but will only give it to you if you are willing to wade through the boring parts with the drug agents.

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