Showing posts with label rene cardona junior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rene cardona junior. Show all posts

Thursday, July 11, 2013

In short: Birds of Prey (1987)

aka Beaks: The Movie

Original title: El ataque de los pájaros

Welcome to the beautiful world of René Cardona Jr., groping belatedly for that sweet, sweet "nature strikes back" money and possibly a bit of Hitchcocksploitation (duMauriersploitation?) money! Thrill to the least believable pair of TV reporters known to mankind (Michelle Johnson and Christopher Atkins) jet around the world to hold very very long and very very boring interviews about the developing series of bird attacks happening all around the world! That is, if you're lucky, otherwise, thrill to said pair interviewing random people about birds instead of bird attacks! Be astonished by the apathetic way Cardona interrupts what may or may not be meant to be a main narrative (full disclosure: the word "narrative" generally implies things like plot and character development, dramatic escalation and so on, none of which applies to the movie at hand) with said bird attacks, a mix of library footage of birds, hot slow motion action (without the hot and the action), sudden bouts of gloopy gore and eye mutilation that are missing from a lot of versions of the movie because we can't keep the only entertaining bits in, now can we, and the director slaughtering real life birds for the audience's pleasure (or vomiting)!

Cry for mankind about the obvious, yet unexamined disconnect between making a movie with a plot (however dishonest) about nature striking back at humanity for our destructive influence, and slaughtering lots of animals for it! Feel somewhat grimy for having watched this thing and follow it with a helpful cup of tea and a slightly less unpleasant and sleazy movie like some piece of Japanese ninja soft porn!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dr. Zovek & Blue Demon en La Invasion De Los Muertos (1973)

A meteorite crashes down somewhere in Mexico! No! This isn't a meteorite! It's a spherical thingy from outer space that makes sizzling noises!

A father daughter/pair of not clearer defined scientists goes to investigate some old ruins in the mountains and/or the crashed thingy. Since this is a Mexican film, they'll need the help of an expert. Alas, no luchador is available, so they rope in Doctor (as the titles say) or Professor (as the dialogue and Internet sources say) Zovek, a famous escape artist who is also a proficient martial artist and expert in mystical prophecies. Also, he's really good at running away.

The last talent will be of invaluable help in the future, when the sphere turns the dead into zombies, who do kid-friendly (no gut-munching, sorry) zombie things, like shambling, shambling and wrestling with people who don't run away fast enough. They also have a weird proclivity towards the stealing of cars and helicopters.

Fortunately, conflict-averse Zovek isn't the only hero on the case. Blue Demon himself sits in a cellar/secret lab and analyzes the situation for people we've never seen before and will never see again. In his time with Santo, Blue has not only learned amazing facts about UFOs and the dissection of corpses, but also that it is much better to let someone else do the heavy lifting and just sweep down in the last few minutes to grab the glory. This would be a great plan, if not for Zovek's amazing abilities. Oh, Blue also has his own "comical" side kick now and I gotta say, this man knows how treat them! If Blue isn't just treating the man as if he wasn't there, he tells him to shut up or (even better) to shut up or Blue himself will shut him up. Thank you, Blue!

When his appearance on the scene of the action can't be avoided any longer, Blue wrestles a big black guy and a wolfman. No, I don't know where those guys come from. At the same time Zovek kills the alien sphere with a conveniently located utility pole. The end.

 

This might just be the case of a film with a much more interesting background story than the thing itself is.

Zovek was a real life escape artist and somewhat of a star in Mexico at the time. After our old friends, Senores Cardonas junior and senior, had made the first film of a projected series of Santo-esque proportions, they at once started out on the next film with their new superstar, his complete lack of talent or charisma notwithstanding. Unfortunately he died after completing about half of a film (and this is half of a film by standards of the not necessarily filler free films of the Cardonasses). Obviously, no good cheapskate producer could let this much material go to waste, so they did the best thing that was financial possible. They engaged beloved luchador Blue Demon for about two days of shooting, the first one consisting of Blue Demon boring us to tears by talking, talking and talking in his lab like a living encyclopedia of useless knowledge, while the second gifted the film with a fight scene having nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the film.

Or, let's be honest, what the regular watcher of late period lucha epics tends to call a film. See Zovek! See Zovek run! See Zovek climb! See Zovek look mystical (that is, rather constipated)! Also, see a few other people walk around! See zombies shamble!

Now I must admit I wasn't as bored as I make it sound. The casting of Blue Demon as scientific mastermind does have something and I must admit and one or two of the zombie scenes could be called atmospheric when you squint. Also, the film has zombies in it.

Highly recommended if you're like me and want some day be able to say: "I have seen all Mexican wrestler movies there are. Plus all Mexican escape artist movies, and the crossovers."