Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)

Title: Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)

Director: Peter Hewitt

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winters, William Sadler, George Carlin, Pamela Grier, Joss Ackland

Review:

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was the sleeper hit of 1989, nobody expected it to become a hit, yet, there it was, making millions at the box office. For a movie that only cost 10 million, making more than 40 million at the box office is a big deal, so of course, a bigger and more expensive sequel went into production; this time with twice the budget and better special effects. The result was Bill and Ted go to Hell, or as it was later re-titled: Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. The reason for changing the title was that in the United States, you cannot advertise anything on television with the word ‘Hell’ on it before 9 P.M., so in order to promote the film more effectively, they just changed the title. A stupid rule if there ever was any, how’s using the word hell going to affect a kid? So, whatever, they changed the title to Bogus Journey, which is a cool substitute title anyways. This film underwent many changes on its way to the silver screen, many of them had to do with the film being “too scary” for kids. I guess they figured this film was aimed at 12 year olds even though the main characters are young adults? This was one of those movies where studios get all nervous about marketing. If it’s too scary for kids, or too silly for adults, then there’s a possibility that the film will tank at the box office.

R.I.P. Bill and Ted! 

Thankfully, this didn’t happen to Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. It went on to recuperate its budget at the box office simply because there was no denying this movie was fun times, it was cool, it had that rock and roll attitude, it had two likable lead characters, cool effects and heavy doses of comedy. It feels like the overall vibe while making this movie was “the crazier the better!” I remember seeing the movie in theaters when I was about 15 years old and leaving the theater excited and satisfied. And I remember it was after I heard KISS’s ‘God Gave Rock and Roll to You II’ on this movie that I started to listen to KISS and I started to like them. I mean, according to the film, this was the song that was going to bring unity to the entire universe! It was thanks to this movie that I am a hardcore KISS fan! So I thank this movie for introducing me to the hottest band in the world. The soundtrack was pretty rocking too, I mean, here’s a soundtrack that had all manner of cool bands at the moment. Even cooler, the rest of the films rock and roll score was done by guitar legend Steve Vai;  how cool is that? The soundtrack included tunes from KISS, Megadeth, Primus, Faith No More and Winger. It also had a really catchy tune that was used to promote the film called “Shout it Out” by a hair band called Slaughter. I remember really liking that one too. It was these type of hair bands that dominated the popular music scene back in the early 90’s, this was just prior to the arrival of Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the death of hair bands. We could say that Bogus Journey captures the last vestiges of that party rock that was so popular in the 80’s. Hair bands had an expiration date, they just didn’t know it yet.

On Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey we find Bill and Ted a little older, but not a little wiser, in fact, they are just as dumb as ever. Here we find them contemplating marriage! They even get engaged to ‘the babes’ and as engagement rings they give them plastic rings that seem to have come out of a Cracker Jack box! They innocently wonder if the babes will stay over after they marry? Ha! They are also trying to get into the battle of the bands. You see, according to the first film, Bill and Ted are supposed to be the saviors of the universe, bringing peace and unity to the galaxy through their rock and roll, unfortunately, they are having trouble living up to the prophecy because according to Mrs. Wardrobe the organizer of the Battle of the Bands competition, they stink! Meanwhile, in the future, a dictator known as De Nomolos is sending two evil robot versions of Bill and Ted (known throughout the movie as Evil Bill and Ted) to the past to kill Bill and Ted so that he can rule the future with an iron fist. Worst part of the whole thing is that the robots are successful, Bill and Ted are killed and that’s where their Bogus Journey through the afterlife begins. They meet God, Satan and everything in between, they even give The Grim Reaper a visit, hell they even play Battle Ship with him! Will they ever get a chance to live again? And just when and how will they become the saviors of the universe?

One of the things that I enjoy about this one is how inventive it is with its special effects and its visual gags. From start to finish we get a nonstop assortment of special effects. First we get to see ‘Bill and Ted University’ where Rufus, Bill and Ted’s mentor, is a professor. Cool part about this university is that if the students need to know who Benjamin Franklin is, Rufus just gets on the time machine and brings him right into the classroom! So anyhow, then Bill and Ted die and we go to hell, where meet Satan, who looks exactly how you’d expect him to look, like a giant red demon overseeing hell. Bill and Ted manage to greet him, “How’s it going Beelzebub?” Then Bill and Ted head on over to limbo and play a couple of board games with The Grim Reaper, who then takes Bill and Ted up to heaven, to meet God himself. So it’s a film that is constantly taking us to visually interesting places, it’s never boring that’s for sure. We even get to meet two little Martians called ‘Station’ who join their bodies and become this giant Martian scientist! And then we have both good and evil robot versions of Bill and Ted; if this all sounds like a huge mess of a movie, then you know what? You’re kind of right, this movie is all over the place! But that’s exactly what I like about it, how offbeat it is.

The film was actually even crazier then what I’ve described. I sometimes wish they would've released a director’s cut of this film because it would be an even cooler film, the stuff they left out was the edgier stuff, the stuff deemed too scary for kids, or stuff that the producers thought would be too confusing for audiences. For example, there’s a scene in which Evil Bill and Ted open up their robotic chests and take out three canisters, each canister containing one of Bill and Ted’s fears. They actually filmed a scene in which Bill and Ted are headed towards the Battle of the Bands on their van and they suddenly confront nightmarish versions of Bill’s Granny, The Easter Bunny and Coronel Oats! It becomes a showdown between Bill and Ted and hellish versions of their worst fears! The evil bunny rabbit looked positively evil! A pity it was left out of the film! 

This nightmarish Bunny Rabbit was cut out of the film if you can believe it! 

Another deleted scene had Evil Bill and Ted revealing that Evil Bill was actually Evil Ted and vice versa, now this part I know would have been confusing for audiences, because what the hell right? Evil Bill was actually Evil Ted? And Vice Versa?  Totally nuts right? But what the hell, the whole movie was crazy from the beginning anyway! There was also a deleted scene in which Bill and Ted are in Hell, hammering rocks with sledge hammers with a demon overseeing their work, and they say something like “I kind of like this!” and then the demon that’s watching over them eats a rat and one of them says “I heard a guy found one of those in a bucket of chicken!” I guess that was deemed to gross? Whatever, these deleted scenes simply show that Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey was a film filled with so many ideas that they had to leave some of them out in order to make the movie flow, or to shorten running time. Cool to know that director Peter Hewitt shot an epic Bill and Ted film! This movie was going to be even more epic than it already is!

This deleted scene actually made it on to the comic book adaptation of the film done by Marvel Comics! 

Which is cool when we take in consideration that this was Peter Hewitt’s first film ever. Back then, this  28 year old British lad was chosen out of 50 other possible directors. He was chosen because of the strength of a short he had made called ‘The Candy Show’. After directing Bogus Journey Hewitt stuck to directing family films like The Borrowers (1997) and Garfield (2004). The rest of the cast has also gone on to do great things, Keanu Reeves of course went on to become the mega star he is today, and Alex Winter went on to become a director of children’s films and television shows like Ben 10. He is currently trying to get a remake of The Gate (1987) in 3-D, but that’s been in development hell like forever. I hope he does manage to get it made though! He also went on to direct the make-up effects heavy film called Freaked (1993), gonna be reviewing it soon. But what of Bill and Ted’s further adventures through time? Well, there’s been talk of a Bill and Ted 3, actually, I hear there’s even a screenplay written for it, written by the very same guys who created and wrote the first two films, Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson. According to Alex Winters himself, nothing is holding Bill and Ted 3 from getting made; it’s just that these things take time. I wonder if Keanu would go back to playing Ted again? I know I wouldn’t mind seeing another one! Maybe a new danger is threatening the peace of the universe? Bring it on! I wouldn’t mind seeing another one! Party on dudes!

Rating: 4 out of 5  

For an interesting and informative take on Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989), the film that started it all, check out J.D. Lafrance's review on Radiator Heaven! 

Director Peter Hewitt talks over a scene with Martian Scientist 'Station'

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Title: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Director: Shane Black

Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Jon Favreau, William Sadler, Miguel Ferrer

Review:

Iron Man 3 is exactly what it’s supposed to be when you take in consideration that it’s directed by Shane Black. But who the hell is Shane Black you might ask? Well, most movie buffs will know that he’s the mastermind behind the scripts for such classics as Lethal Weapon (1987), The Last Boyscout (1991), The Monster Squad (1987), Last Action Hero (1996) and The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996). Mind you, I said he’s the mastermind behind the scripts for these movies, not the direction, because that’s what Shane Black’s been doing for a large part of his career, writing awesome movies. By the way, during the 90’s, Mr. Black became Hollywood’s highest paid screenwriter! For The Last Boy Scout he got paid a cool 1.75 million dollars, the highest any screenwriter had gotten paid at the time. Then for The Long Kiss Good Night he got paid four freaking million dollars! And it was a box office failure! After that huge failure, Shane Black retracted from writing anything. Reportedly he wanted to get away from associating himself with big budget movies.  He then resurfaced into the limelight by writing and directing the fast paced action comedy Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) which starred Robert Downey Jr, so it makes all the sense in the world seeing them working together again for this third Iron Man film. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was Shane Black’s first directing gig, and it was a successful one. Now he says that directing is what really gets his panties up in a bunch, he loves it. So, here comes Iron Man 3, his second shot at directing a film, and his biggest project to date, how did it go?

Iron Man 3 picks up right where The Avengers (2012) left off, with Tony Stark dealing with the whole aftermath of saving New York from an alien invasion and traveling through wormholes and all that. Apparently, Mr. Stark cannot deal with the fact that he saved millions of lives and possibly the entire planet from an alien invasion. Wormholes, demi-gods and aliens give Stark sporadic anxiety attacks. The mere mention of anything related to The Avengers or wormholes will get him all panicky. At the same time, there’s a new villain on the horizon. One that wants to destroy America! Will Iron Man be psychologically stable enough to battle his own demons and stop The Mandarin and his minions at the same time?

Staying true to the kind of characters that Shane Black likes to write, this time around Stark is an unstable protagonist. If you’ve seen some of Blacks previous films, you’ll find that many of his stories have protagonists who are unstable psychologically, angry and on the edge. I mean, the best example I guess would be the first film he ever wrote; Lethal Weapon. On that one we meet Martin Riggs, a guy who’s a borderline psycho. A guy who is depressed because he lost his wife. Without her, his life is meaningless, he doesn’t care if he gets shot, or dies, or what. In fact, the guy is downright suicidal! Another example would be the main character in The Last Boy Scout; a private detective called Joe. His daughter hates him and his wife is being unfaithful to him with his best friend! It is sufficient to say he hates his life as well. Bruce Willis goes throughout the whole movie looking all pissed off.  And so when I see Tony Stark having nightmares and getting anxiety attacks, it makes all the sense in the world because Shane Black loves writing characters that are troubled and confounded that way. His characters are always dealing with some terrible issue in their lives that doesn’t allow them to be happy. This is the kind of Tony Stark you’ll be seeing in Iron Man 3. How blue is Tony Stark in this movie? Well, to give you an idea, the film starts out with the one hit wonder by Eifel 65 called “Blue (Da-Ba-Dee)”; that’s how blue!  

This doesn’t mean that Iron Man 3 is all gloom and doom, because let’s face it, this is Disney, and they are not about selling gloom and doom. So what we have here is a light version of a dark and gloomy guy, I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it isn’t. This new Iron Man is a classic Shane Black troubled protagonist, but he’s just not about to blow his brain out. Tony Stark, though unhinged and delicate psychologically, still retains his wits and good humor about him, as if trying to hide all these bad things going on in his head. One of the elements I enjoyed the most about this Iron Man is how it strips the character down completely. The film starts out by having Tony Stark saying in a voice over, “you know who I am” this immediately lets us know what the main theme of the film will be. The dissection of what makes Iron Man; Iron Man. Is it his suit? Is it Tony Stark? Or is it a combination of both? There are many visual indications that what the film is trying to tell us is that it’s the man that makes the suit, and not the other way around. There’s this idea behind the film that without Tony Stark, these suits would just be clunky, clumsy things. There is an interesting duality to this character: the suit represents technology and Tony Stark represents humanity and there’s this clash between the two. They are trying to co-exist with each other, but it’s not a perfect match. Well, at least not in this film. So this is why during this film you will see Tony Stark relying less and less on his suit and more and more on his cunning. This is probably the reason why throughout the whole film, Tony is jumping in and out of the suit.  

Black established a motif, a recurrent thematic element in the film and it’s Stark, the human vs. the Iron Man armor. Though the suits are helpful in many ways, on this film they are also shown to be imperfect, failing, unreliable, a hindrance to Stark; some of the funniest moments come from this. Shane Black decided to portray the suit like something similar to a smart phone, you have to charge it if you want to use it, and sometimes when you need it the most, it’s not charged! Or the battery dies. So be ready to see one of these movies that turns its main character around. It turns its once indestructible protagonist into someone vulnerable, confused and disrupt. They used the same formula that was used for Skyfall (2012), in that film the filmmakers took James Bond and made him a vulnerable mess. In Iron Man 3 they  took the character, who is usually indestructible and stripped him of all his gadgets and powers and left him with the bare essentials, no additives, no preservatives, just pure unadulterated Tony Stark. This might prove to be a bit shocking to those who expect to get their usual indestructible version of Iron Man. In fact, you’ll see more of Tony Stark then you will of Iron Man himself. Sometimes Stark will only use parts of the suit instead of the entire suit. Or sometimes he’ll be working the suit from afar, from remote control. Point is, Mr. Black purposely drew a separating line between Tony Stark and his armor.

But is the movie any fun? I say hell yea it is. Shane Black might want to show us a darker, more disrupt version of Tony Stark, but he still has to deliver the goods on the action and “wowzers!”  department. So does Iron Man 3 deliver on the action? I say the film delivers a fine balancing act between being character driven, and exploring Stark on a deeper level while also delivering the show stopping action. Case in point: the scene where they blow up Starks mansion is a real grabber. So is the one that takes place in and out of Air Force One, then there's the climactic scene that takes place on an oil rig. We get The Mandarin as the films major villain, and though he might not be what comic book fans might expect, I thought he was still cool. I would have named him something else other than The Mandarin, because he isn’t The Mandarin from the comics. Its obvious Black was playing with our expectations of the character. I don’t know why he chose to deviate so radically from what the character is supposed to be, but for some reason he avoided The Mandarin’s oriental origins and completely eschewed the ten alien power rings that he’s supposed to wear on each finger.  They didn’t even include his superhuman martial arts abilities, though he does fight good. The only thing that’s left from the comic book version of the character is that he can slice Iron Man’s suit with his bare hands; so everything in this movie is pretty much in order, save for the way they decided to portray The Mandarin. But hell, if you don't follow the comics, never mind. Then he's just a cool super villain. 

In my opinion, Iron Man 3 is the best written of the three films. It does a good balancing act between exploring what constitutes Iron Man and heavy doses of awesome action. There’s a couple of new additions as well, for example, they went the way of RoboCop 3 (1993) and added a homeless kid into the story. The kid becomes Iron Man’s sidekick for a spell; which I thought was a good idea; it gives all the twelve year olds out there a character to identify with, and at the same time, it gave Tony Stark the chance of becoming a father figure. There’s more interesting developments and surprises, but I don't want to spoil them for you. Just make sure you stick till after the credits for a little extra scene/joke that was pretty funny. The film might disappoint some hardcore Mandarin fans, maybe the film will disappoint those who want to see Tony Stark inside of the armor for 95% of the film, but for those who want to get to know what makes Iron Man tick, for those who get more of a kick from watching Robert Downey Jr. doing his thing, well, then you’re gonna love this Iron Man flick.

Rating:  4 ½ out of 5   

  

What I Ended Up Seeing on Halloween Night: Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood (1996)

Title: Bordello of Blood (1996)

Director: Gilbert Albert

Cast: Christopher Sarandon, Dennis Miller, Angie Everhart, Erika Eleniak, Corey Feldman, William Sadler, Phil Fondacaro, John Kassir

Review:

I am still on a Halloween hangover as I type this. This past Halloween 2010 was all sorts of fun. I ended up being a movie DJ at a local pub, and so I screened three gory horror classics under the light of the full moon: Evil Dead 2 (1987), Demons (1985), and Dead Alive (1992). I loved doing that because people who would normally never see Evil Dead 2 were like “what movie is that?! I need to rent it!” At home, after all the Halloween parties were over and done with, I ended up watching Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood on Halloween night. I wasn’t planning too, but that’s what I ended up watching and I’m glad that’s the movie I ended up seeing because it was actually the perfect kind of film to watch on Halloween Night. It was fun, fast paced and cheesy in that way that only a Tales from the Crypt movie could be. I remember being disappointed with this one when it first came out, but for some reason I found myself enjoying it a whole lot more this time around. Maybe now I’m old enough to get Dennis Millers hilariously sarcastic dialogue?

This film starts out with this midget version of Indiana Jones (played by Phil Fondacaro) searching for this magical key that can be used to fight evil. Actually, if you’ve seen the first Tales from the Crypt movie (Demon Knight) then you’ll recognize it as the key that they used in that movie to stop the demons; the key that has Jesus Christ’s blood inside of it. So anyhows, Midget Indy wants to become a vampire and so he is going to resurrect Lilith, Queen of All Vampires so she can do him the favor. He figures he can keep her in check by using the key. Unfortunately, Queen Lillith ends up being a lot cleverer then Midget Indy expected, and so Lillith escapes and opens up a whore house or “a house inhabited by whores” as Dennis Miller puts it at one point. What happens is, teenagers get invited to this whorehouse to have the “best goddamn pussy in the whole goddamn world!” and once they get to the whorehouse, they become victims to the whores, who are all hot vampire vixens. Dennis Miller investigates and tries to stop them.

Lillith, immediately after resurrection

So just why did I enjoy this movie so much you may ask? Well, for starters, the dialog is freaking hilarious! Dennis Millers wise ass puns, and sarcastic one liners truly make Bordello of Blood a whole lot funnier then it should be. I mean, this dude had me cracking up all through out the film. Miller reportedly regrets having worked on this film. I guess that’s why the one liners are so bitter and dry at times, I mean, you could tell Miller was making fun of these situations and dialog. I’m pretty sure Miller adlibbed a lot of the dialog on this film. How much of smart ass is Miller on this movie? Well, in one scene when he is speaking to his ex wife over the phone and he tells her: “You’re reminding me why being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality!” Then, after that, he tells her “I gotta go, Fuck You!” In another scene he tells Lillith, the vampire queen: “I’m not going to tell you those aren’t the Breasts of the Century, but I’m just not digging the owner, so why don’t you put those away, you’re not my type!” And that stinging dialog continues all through out the movie, non stop, all the time. Like a machine gun of insults and sarcasm. Miller definitely makes this movie infinitely more watchable.

But that’s not all ladies and gentlemen; there is more goodness to be had with this movie. Chris Sarandon, he who played Jerry Dandridge the head vampire in Fright Night (1985) plays a preacher on this film. A money hogging show man, who knows how to play the crowd and give them what they want over at the ole church. Which reminds me, you can chalk Bordello of Blood up on the list of films that criticize the commercialism of religion, and the showmanship of the whole thing. The spectacles some of these preachers put up in order to gather the attention of a crowd! Chris Sarandon plays one such character who goes by the name of Reverend J.C. Chris’s Sarandon’s J.C. is a preacher who puts on a stage show and reads all his lines from a teleprompter, the fakest and most obscene type of preacher. He doesn’t share his fortune with his followers or his henchmen, he has them all working for “the lord” for free. J.C.’s most loyal follower is played by Erika Eleniak who was made famous during her run on Baywatch. On Bordello of Blood she plays this squeaky clean Christian girl whom Dennis Miller gets the hots for. Unfortunately, as he puts it at one point “Old time Christianity and sex don’t mix! Unless you’re a catholic priest” So we got a great cast on this film. We even get Corey Feldman playing a vampire on this one which was kind of funny since he had played a vampire hunter a couple of years before Bordello in The Lost Boys (1988).

"Oh Shit! This Sucks!"  Corey Feldman, playing a vampire

To make things even better, this movie is not afraid to show its gore! Bordello of Blood is merciless on this department! Lillith and her clan of vampire whores have no problem with ripping a guys heart out with their bare hands and sucking the blood from the still beating heart! I mean, you can actually see that sequence on the film. But there’s lots more gooey fun in the film. Bordello of Blood didn’t pussy out from showing the gore like a lot of today’s horror movies do. Even the SAW movies use quick cuts and editing as a way to not show too much. Not so in Bordello of blood, a film that wears its gore proudly. One gloriously entertaining gore sequence has the good guys breaking into the whorehouse with their holy water guns. It’s a vampire massacre with hot vampire vixens exploding into a ball of fire as holy water is squirted on them! And it all happens to the tune of the extremely appropriate “Ballroom Blitz”! Gory, gory fun, it reminds me of why I love horror movies and why I enjoy that very unique Tales from the Crypt style of humor.

The gore is plentiful in Bordello of Blood

Another thing: as I was watching Bordello of Blood an idea popped into my head. This movie is about a coven of vampires that run a whore house and use the bordello as a way to lure in their victims. Immediately, another film from the eighties with a similar premise popped into mind: Vamp (1986). I immediately thought that Bordello (staying true to its vampire themes) fed off of the premise presented in Vamp and took it on a more comedic/adventurous route. It might have also fed from Robert Rodriguez’s and Quentin Tarantino’s From Dusk Till Dawn (1996). I find it curious that Bordello was released mere months after from From Dusk Till Dawn. It made me think that it was filmed to capitalize on the success of From Dusk Till Dawn. You know what I’m talking about. It was one of those things in which different studios release similarly themed movies, hoping that the success of one film will rub off on the other. Kind of like how when The Abyss (1989) was being made, other studios went on to make similar underwater themed films like Leviathan (1989) and Deep Star Six (1989) because they smelled success with the underwater sci-fi movie. The Abyss had a huge buzz around it at the time. Same thing with Bordello. Whatever the purpose for making a film like Bordello was to its producers, I think the results were extremely entertaining. And also, I guess Vamp though not the most amazing vampire movie to come out of the 80s, was more influential then I had thought!  

Angie Everheart plays Lillith, the vampire with the "Breasts of the Century"

This film was to be the second film in a trilogy of Tales from the Crypt films, unfortunately, Bordello of Blood tanked so atrociously at the box office that the third feature was not marketed as a Tales from the Crypt film. It was simply released under the title “Ritual”. But since even Ritual tanked at the box office, it was then released straight to DVD as part of the Tales from the Crypt franchise. They even filmed two book end scenes involving the Crypt Keeper as a way to make Ritual a part of the whole Tales from the Crypt thing. But, truth is that no Tales from the Crypt fan really considers Ritual as part of the first two films. Ritual is seen as a standalone Tales from the Crypt film. Why did Bordello tank? Why was it such a box office bomb? Why the sudden loss of interest in the franchise? Maybe folks had already had their fill of the Crypt Keeper after 7 seasons on HBO and two movies. Maybe it was deemed too gory or too anti-religious? I think it was the potent mix of all these elements. Still, Bordello of Blood remains an entertaining and funny horror gem left to be enjoyed by those willing to give it a chance on DVD.

Rating: 4 out of 5

William Sadler here playing The Mummy, appeared on the first episode of the HBO show and on both Tales from the Crypt movies! Way to go William Sadler!