The Expendables 3 (2014)

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Director: Patrick Hughes 

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzennegger, Harrison Ford, Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li

So this is the third film in a franchise which up to this point had been going strong, unfortunately, thanks to piracy, this third outing lost a lot of millions at the box office because who’s going to see a movie that’s been out on dvd for weeks before it’s hit theaters right? Sadly this was the case with The Expendables 3, piracy killed its chances at the box office, a similar thing happened with X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009), everyone had already seen it by the time it hit theaters. But to be honest, you weren’t going to be missing much if you’d gone to see The Expendables 3 in theaters. This movie might have its fun moments, but it’s also the worst in the series. I had fun with some of the inside jokes, but overall, it felt very uneven, like they were just going through the motions. Stallone, Arnold, et al all seem bored by the whole thing. In my opinion, it felt as if they weren’t even trying to do a good movie. Yes my friends, we’re talking about a potential “franchise killer” here; we talking about the movie that kills the franchise’s chances to continue. What exactly went wrong here? A lot of things! If you want to know more, read on my friends!

This time around the Expendables are after an international arms dealer called Stone Banks, played by Mel Gibson. I’m not even going to try and go into story because there isn’t any; it’s all filler between action scenes. By this I mean that they try and give the movie some “drama” but it comes off as forced and clichéd, as if they were giving these characters fake problems simply to fill the movie with running time, it doesn’t feel genuine. But then again, melodrama isn’t something I’m looking for in these types of films, they should’ve just kept the action going, because when these guys try and get melodramatic, it just doesn’t work. So anyhow, at most, what the filler surmounts to is Stallone getting rid of the old guys and gathering a new team to help him catch an old enemy. That’s about it. And here’s the big problem with the movie for me, we came to see The Expendables because we want to see our favorite action stars from the 80’s and 90’s doing what they do best, blowing shit up. I wanted to see more of Wesley Snipes, I wanted more of Arnold and Stallone, I wanted more of everybody! Hell, Jet Li doesn’t even fight in this movie! What a joke, why even bother bringing him in if he’s going to do next to nothing in the film? 

Unfortunately, on this entry they decided to get rid of the old guys we came to see and replaced them for a huge chunk of the movie with a new, younger team. Now I normally wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the guys they chose say nothing to me. They needed to bring in the new wave of action stars. I would’ve included The Rock in there, I would’ve included I don’t know, somebody who represents today’s action stars. Which brings to mind a question: just who are the action heroes of today? Truth is there are not many, which is probably why they brought in all these guys nobody’s ever heard of. Kind of like what they want to do with the new Ghostbusters film. The plan with the new Ghostbusters film is to bring in a new batch of Ghostbusters for the new  generation, and that’s fine and dandy, go ahead and do it, but you know they better bring in some funny guys to replace the originals, or else it’s just not gonna work! Same principal applies with these new Expendables they brought in for this new movie, Sadly, these new guys…well, they just don’t do it for me. Save for Antonio Banderas who steals the show in my book. He was the only saving grace in the film.

What else went wrong, well, they toned down the violence. What the hell where they thinking? I mean, these films are supposed to be a homage to the violent, blood drenched films of the 80’s and suddenly you’re anything but that. Suddenly you’re all about CGI helicopters and CGI explosions? I want to feel the heat in my freaking face! I want explosions like the ones I used to see in films like Action Jackson (1988)! Where you could practically smell the napalm! But no, sadly, I felt detachment. So much of this film is computer generated you won’t feel like your right there in the action. They should have kept the action real and in your face, because that’s what us old action fans crave, that’s what we miss. We want the adrenaline rush of seeing Stallone fight against real freaking helicopters, like the ones we saw in Rambo III (1988). Remember that one? Rambo goes up against freaking choppers on that one! Where’s that type of action? Sad part is that Stallone, who starred in so many of these awesome action films of the 80’s (like Cobra for example) should’ve know better. He should know what we want to see and feel in an action movie that’s supposed to be paying homage to a bygone era of action films. Sadly, The Expendables 3 turned into just another detached, modern action film, which means, its crap. Modern action films simply don’t compare to the glory days of action films from the 80’s. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch The Expendables 3, then follow it by watching Cobra (1986), or Lethal Weapon (1987), you’ll feel a shift in tone immediately. From bullshit to, shit just got real.

"Come on Arnie, let's get this thing over with, the quicker the better.."

So yeah, shame on Stallone for not getting this one right because out of all the people out there, he should’ve known better. He freaking lived through the eighties and was one of the prime representatives of what action films, real action films, were all about. My advice next time would be to get a decent director who understands what these movies are supposed to be about and not some rookie who’s only done one other obscure film. News flash Italian Stallion: the guy behind the camera matters! Also, give us what we want, we want to see our favorite action stars from the 80’s during the entire film, we don’t want to see them for twenty minutes in the opening and twenty minutes in the ending of the film, we want to see an entire film with these guys. And if you’re going to put in new members, at least make them matter! Don’t give us wannabe action stars, give us actual ones. As it is, The Expendables 3 was a slap in the face to its target audience; it’s the complete opposite of what it should have been. You might have a laugh or two; mainly when you hear Arnold scream “Get to the Choppa!”, but for the most part this Expendables film is actually extremely expendable. Next!

Rating: 2 out of 5

Original vs. Remake Comparison: Judge Dredd (1995) vs. Dredd (2012)

Judge Dredd is one of those properties that has huge potential for becoming the Next Big Franchise, but for some reason, Hollywood has never really figured out how to start it up properly. There’s been two films based on Judge Dredd, the first one was Danny Cannon’s Judge Dredd (1995) and the second, Dredd (2012). Both films were not as successful as expected by their producers, yet I have enjoyed both cinematic incarnations of the character, both for different reasons. Still, one could safely say that American audiences have not truly warmed up to Judge Dredd yet; both films were failed attempts at jump starting a franchise. One of the best examples of a failed franchise that Hollywood just won’t give up on are the Punisher films, which Hollywood has attempted to start off three times with no success; and two of these adaptations were produced during the current boom of comic book movies, so why the failure? If you ask me, I’d say that no matter how how much franchise potential a property might have, when a film like Green Lantern (2011) fails it proves only one thing: you still need a good movie to kick things off. Without that good first film, your franchise is going nowhere; which is why Danny Cannon’s Judge Dredd is such a conundrum for me. Cannon’s Judge Dredd is not a bad film in my book; actually, if you ask me, it’s quite the contrary, it should have started a whole franchise of Judge Dredd films! Still, back in 1995 audiences in the United States didn’t think a Judge Dredd movie was such a good idea, even with Sylvester Stallone attached as the main star of the film. Why did this first attempt to bring Judge Dredd to the silver screen fail?

In retrospect, Danny Cannon’s 1995 film wasn’t a total bomb. While it is true that the film failed to make its budget back in the United States where it only made 34 million; it did make more cash abroad, recuperating its 70 million dollar budget and making a grand total of 113 million worldwide. So things weren’t all that bad for this Stallone vehicle, it just didn’t make as much money as expected in the United States. But still, one has to wonder, why didn’t it perform? Well, it could have something to do with Judge Dredd not being as well known a character as other popular comic book properties. The roots of Judge Dredd go back to the U.K. where it first appeared in the illustrious science fiction comic book magazine 2000 A.D., way back in 1977. Now in the U.K. Judge Dredd is a well known comic book character, for example, it was considered one of the top ten comic book characters ever created by Empire Magazine. But the truth is that the grand majority of Americans don’t know what the hell 2000 A.D.  is and with the exception of those hard core comic book geeks like myself, Judge Dredd simply hasn’t reached that level of recognition that other comic book characters have. So we could attribute the low box office intake to the fact that in the U.S., Judge Dredd is not that well known a character.

Judge Dredd has had a long and fruitful comic book life

But was Danny Cannon’s film really all that bad? Was it really all that unfaithful to the comics? Well, if you ask Judge Dredd creator John Wagner he’ll tell you that Cannon’s film “had nothing to do with Judge Dredd”. I can see where he is coming from, but I don’t necessarily agree. I’ve been reading the first issues of the old 1970’s Dredd comic books (and having a blast with them I might add!) and I have to say that Danny Cannon’s film is actually very close to what Wagner and Ezquerra originally created with their comics. There’s Mega City One, which by the way looks absolutely stunning in Cannon’s film. There’s a grand set design here, the city looks massive and convoluted the way Mega City should be, filled with crooks and chaos. Judge Dredd himself looks amazingly close to how he looks in the comics; the wardrobe by the way was designed by famed fashion mogul Gianni Versace!  The suit might not look functional, but hell, it’s the Dredd from the comic books, there’s no denying that! The look for the new film looses the giant golden eagle shoulder pads for a more toned down and functional shoulder padding, but I have to admit, I like the look on Cannon’s film better, it just looks more like the Dredd from the comic books. You can tell there was a desire to be faithful to the iconic Judge Dredd suit, it only he’d worn it more through the film.

They got the guns right, they got Dredd’s motorcycle just as huge as in the comics and with built in machine guns! I tell ya, in look and overall feel, Danny Cannon’s film succeeds in transferring the comic book character and the world of Mega City One to the silver screen in a more successful and faithful manner than director Pete Travis’s Dredd (2012), which by comparison brings us a very scaled down version of Mega City One. This due to the fact that the makers of Dredd had a smaller budget than Cannon and Stallones film. The makers of Judge Dredd had a cool 70 million dollars to play with, some sites even say the budget was closer to 90 million, while the makers of Dredd had only 50 million. But apparently 70 million dollars could get you a heck of a lot back in ‘95 and as a result, Cannon’s film looks expensive, it’s one of those movies where you can see the millions up on the screen. It has big effects, big stars, and an imposing musical score arranged by Alan Silvestri. So if you ask this film connoisseur, I say Cannon’s film is better in these respects. It’s bigger, badder, louder. Unfortunately, the films levels of violence garnered it an ‘R’ rating and so, I think this too might have hurt its intake at the box office. Its target audience couldn’t go and see the film because it was restricted.

Thematically speaking, the film plays with a lot of important (if somewhat redundant) issues. First off, we have a corrupt judicial system, corrupt cops and a corrupt government. Their main purpose in life is to build an army so they can overtake the city. Same as real life politicians, the corrupt government of Mega City One uses criminals to purposely inflict fear in the hearts and minds of the people so they’ll have an excuse to build a clone army. By the way, the theme of corruption amongst the police force is touched upon yet again in Dredd. Cannon’s film centers around a story line from the old comic books called “The Return of Rico”, where ‘Rico’ - Judge Dredd’s evil brother- returns from exile to exact some revenge on those who sent him to prison. Armand Assante, one of my favorite actors and one who is criminally underrated in Hollywood, plays the over the top Rico, a great asset to this film. And speaking of Judge Dredd’s cast, we also get the awesome Max Von Sydow playing Judge Dredd’s father figure Judge Fargo. Sometimes the performances are tuned up a bit too much, Stallone himself said that the tone they went for was too ‘Hamlet’ when they should have kept it fun and gone more Hamlet and Eggs. I get what he’s saying, but I actually think it’s not all that serious, there’s a fine balancing act between serious sci-fi and goofy comic book movie on this one, what with Rob Schneider hopping along for the ride, a joke a second is always assured. True, I’m not the first to admit that Schneider doesn’t always hit the mark, but in my opinion he isn’t all that annoying, he’s just the a-typical comic relief character. If you want to blame someone for including Schneider here, blame Stallone, he’s the one that asked for him! Originally Stallone wanted Joe Pesci, but Pesci declined so they went with Schneider. 

  

I’ve read many die hard Judge Dredd fans (the purists) complain that they didn’t like the fact that Stallone takes off the helmet and the uniform for most of the film, and I have to say I agree, taking the iconic Judge Dredd suit and helmet off for 90% of the film was not a good idea. In the Judge Dredd comics, we never get to see Dredd’s face, ever! It’s this big mystery that bathes the character with an enigmatic  aura that works like magic. But in the films defense, we have to understand that Stallone was the big draw here and the producers didn’t want to hide their bankable film stars face in a helmet for the whole film, so in a way, it’s understandable that they did this. But I, along with many Dredd fans would have preferred to see more of Dredd looking like a Judge, not like Stallone. Wardrobe issues aside, Stallone did a good job in bringing the character to life, he plays him cold and robotic, the way Dredd should be. He shouts things like “I am the law!” and calls people “citizens and perps”. He sentences people on the spot, I mean, for all intents and purposes, this is Dredd come to life. I say you and I are lucky that this film turned out as cool as it id, during this production Stallone and Cannon didn’t see eye to eye in a great many things, yes my friends, this was a troubled production, things didn’t run smoothly between actor and director. So much so that Cannon vowed never again to work with big movie stars like Stallone.  Still, I say that the end result is a fun movie, with great action, a good story, a good cast and great visual effects, Mega City One looks like something out of The Fifth Element (1997) mixed with Blade Runner (1982). An escapist film with great production values, I say give this one a second chance!

In comparison, Pete Travis’s Dredd is the complete opposite of Cannon’s film. It’s a smaller scale story, less epic, more personal. We get to follow Dredd and a rookie try and stop ‘Ma-Ma’, a big time drug dealer who resides on the 200^th floor of Peach Tree building complex. It isn’t going to be an easy task, especially when Ma-Ma locks down the whole building! By keeping Dredd confined to one location, the filmmakers keep costs down by not having to show the futuristic exteriors of Mega City One, while at the same time giving us more time to focus on Dredd himself, which is something that sets this film apart, we are with Dredd for most of the films duration.

Gotta tell ya, if I’m given the choice to choose between both of these films, I’d choose Cannon’s film simply because its way more fun. Dredd is such a serious affair, so dreadful, it needed something to liven it up, it needed more sci-fi to it, more action, like the comics. As it is, we simply get Dredd going from floor to floor shooting people in slow motion, which in my opinion felt a little redundant after a while. I did like the slow motion effect of Slo-Mo. Basically, once you take it everything around you slows down to a crawl. Because of this, blood, shards of broken glass, bullets and tearing flesh, can all be appreciated in slow motion. Cool visuals in deed.

On this one, Dredd looks awesome as well. Yeah they lost  the giant golden eagle shoulder pads, but it’s not a big loss, they went for a more realistic approach. Dredd almost looks like a real cop, closer to something we might see on the streets someday. But again, if asked to choose, I’d take the look from Cannon’s film better, simply because it’s more comic bookish, it’s the Dredd of the comics, not a toned down version that wants to be more realistic. This is something that filmmakers need to remember, when we go see a comic book film, we’re not looking for realism, we’re looking for escapism, we’re looking to see something we haven’t seen. Characters who do things we can’t do. And in my opinion, this is what brings Dredd down a bit, its desire to be more serious and realistic. In a Dredd film, I want the futuristic motorcycle, the flying cars, the killer robots, the cool weapons, the sci-fi, Dredd needed more sci-fi to it. But I get it, the budget was smaller, this wasn’t as big a production as Stallone’s film was, this is a smaller scale production, so I accepted it for what it is. And truth be told, I enjoyed Dredd.  I read an article where Alex Garland speaks about this decidedly smaller scale film, and in it he explains that they went with this because they were testing out the waters to see if people would approve of this new film. Had this one worked, had it made some dough, we would have seen two more films, bigger in scale with the possible introduction of infamous Judge Death! But alas…this was not to be.

Unfortunately, Dredd bombed at the box office, even more so than Cannon’s film. Dredd cost 50 million, but only made 32; it didn’t even make its money back! That is the mark of death for any franchise. But again, you need a good entertaining first film to grab audiences and this one was so small scale that it failed to impress. Though well made, it simply wasn’t epic enough. Dredd feels like a whimper next to the big and loud Stallone film. But I’m not going down as saying Dredd is a bad film, I just think it wasn’t all it could have been.  Sad story in my book, I wanted to see more of Judge Dredd! But fear not, thanks to the efforts of Judge Dredd creators John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra, Judge Dredd is becoming better known across the United States and the world. The old comics are getting reprinted and collected in these giant volumes that compile all of those old Judge Dredd comics that appeared in 2000 A.D., highly recommend searching those out! It’s very entertaining to see how this character has evolved through it’s comic book history. Judge Dredd has gone through various  comic book companies, writers and artists. For example, DC comics has printed a couple of Judge Dredd series, and so has IDW Publishing, which by the way is currently printing a series as I type this. Hopefully Dredd (2012) will find its audience on dvd and awareness of the character will grow over the years. Until then, we got volumes of comic book history and these two films to quench our thirsts for all things Dredd. Here’s hoping that a couple of years down the line, Hollywood decides to give Judge Dredd another chance at franchise glory. Until then, according to municipal code 213: good hearted attempts at jump starting a franchise and Code 310: films that don’t deserve the bad rap they get and Code 201 of the Cinematic Crimes Journal, I the Film Connoisseur find both of these films NOT guilty! Go watch them and have a good time!

Rating Judge Dredd (1995): 4 ½

Rating Dredd (2012): 4

A fan made poster that Danny Cannon made when he was a teenager, before he even dreamed of directing Judge Dredd (1995). He submitted it to a contest for 2000 A.D. and won! 

The Expendables 2 (2012)

Title: The Expendables 2 (2012)

Director: Simon West  

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Charisma Carpenter, Nan Yu

Review:

Are you ready for a shot of testosterone? Actually, an overdose of testosterone? Because that’s exactly what your going to get with The Expendables 2, a film with big muscle tanks, shooting and blowing up everything that comes in their paths. After all the death and destruction, they all go for a little bit of male bonding and hang out at their favorite biker bar to smoke a couple of stogies and chug down a couple of beers. This is the kind of films where if you ask a question, they’ll answer it with bullets.

This time around, there isn’t much of a story, but the basic premise goes something like this: the villainous villain named ‘Vilain’ (yup!) has found a hidden cache of plutonium worth about four million dollars. He is using the people of a small town as slaves in order to dig and recover the hidden plutonium. The Expendables are then contacted by a government official named ‘Church’ to try and stop him. This mission should be a walk in the park for them, but could Vilain end up being more of a villain than they bargained for?

So yeah, this movie put a big smile on my face for the whole damn ride. I went to see these aging action stars from the eighties blow stuff up; and they did it very well, in this aspect, the film didn’t disappoint one bit. There’s whole chunks of this film simply dedicated to machine guns being fired none stop for minutes on end. I mean, this movie gets loud! How loud? Well, in the first ten minutes of the film they blow up a helicopter, a tank, a couple of buildings and massacre god knows how many henchmen. They shoot guns, bazookas, machine guns, shot guns, you name it and it gets fired, and that’s just in the opening of the film which by the way is pretty bombastic. They really wanted to open up the film with a bang! It’s a great opening scene because all these aging action stars seem to be having the time of their lives; these characters don’t have a care in their minds, it feels as if these guys shoot their guns knowing that they are invincible.

Which is really part of the films charm, we know they aren’t going to die, we know they are going to blow everything up, beat up the bad guy, save the day and get the girl! It’s how they go about it that counts; it’s the attitude they carry while they do it that matters. In the opening sequence, The Expendables drive around this truck that has a sign that reads ‘Bad Attitude’ and that says it all right there. The fun of watching this movie is really watching these old dudes we grew up with kicking some ass and cracking jokes while doing it. Half of the fun is listening to the banter as they make fun of each other and their action star careers. One of the funniest moments has Arnold and Willis stealing each others catch phrases! Hilarious in deed. Chuck Norris got a big audience reaction when he appeared on screen, but the same happened with all of them. The first time we see Arnold, a smile creeped up on my face when he says "this is embarassing", his appearance in the film is like an unvailing, the first of many surprises to come for 80's action fans. The film grabs you from the very beginning, once you see these guys having so much fun tearing up the place, you just know this is going to be a fun ride. The 'One That Hasn't Aged So Well Award' goes to Jean-Claude Van Damme, who looks like crap when he takes off his glasses, which is probably why he wears them for a huge part of the film and in contrast,  the 'Aging Gracefully Award' goes to Dolph Lundgren, who looks pretty much the same he's always looked, but with a really funny attitude, sam as in the first film, he's character is one of the best things about this sequel. Lundgren should be making more theatrical action films in my opinion. 

He's back! Just like he always said he would! 

Story wise the film is fluffy, and when I say fluffy I mean it really doesn’t even matter. The whole business with the plutonium is just an excuse for blowing shit up; which is fine I guess. I started to wonder what a film like this one would be like if it had a more serious tone to it, but I guess it wouldn’t be what it is if it was more serious in tone. What we like about these films is the goofiness; it reminds us how silly action movies from the 80’s where and how much fun they were to watch. Ever sat down to watch Cobra (1986) or Invasion U.S.A.(1985)? These films are unintentionally hilarious; which means they weren’t made to be funny, back in the day that’s just the way action films were. These films where filled with nonsensical plot lines, indestructible heroes and huge amounts of violence. That’s what the eighties action films where all about, and that’s exactly what you get with The Expendables 2.

On the downside, Chuck Norris walks in and out of the movie in five minutes. It’s great to see him appear and make a few jokes about him being ‘The Lonewolf’ but I wish he’d been a more integral part of the film, same goes for Jet Li who is in the film only for the opening sequence, though he does have his moment to shine. I guess theres so many characters that some of them have to be sacrificed in the altar of screen time. Still, this film is bigger, louder and more explosive then the first Expendables film. I’m looking forward to the inevitable sequel, which considering how much money this ones making at the box office is a sure thing. I hear they are going to try and get Clint Eastwood and Nicholas Cage to appear in the film which would be awesome, let’s hope it happens. Steven Segal’s also been M.I.A. in this series. Also, I hope Wesley Snipes gets out of jail in time to make it for the next sequel as well, I have to say he’s been sorely missed in this series. All in all, Expendables 2 is a solid slice of 80’s style action, recommend it for a night of mindless, nostalgic fun.  

Rating: 4 out of 5

Lock Up (1989)

Title: Lock Up (1989)

Director: John Flynn

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Donald Sutherland, Tom Sizemore

So as it turns out Lock Up, another childhood favorite of mine was a box office flop! To me it was always this awesome prison movie with a great cast and moments, but as it turns out, it didn’t even make its 25 million dollar budget back. But who cares! Just because a film is a box office flop does not instantaneously make it a bad movie. Just look at Blade Runner (1982) and Legend (1986), two amazing Ridley Scott films that failed to connect with audiences upon their initial release, yet know they are both recognized as  some of the best films within their respective genres. The same can be said for Stallone’s Lock Up. It’s a great prison/revenge flick, it isn’t perfect and it isn’t necessarily realistic, but it gets the job done as far as entertainment value goes.

Things start out great for Frank Leone!

 On this one, Stallone plays inmate Frank Leone, a man doing time for having successfully achieved a jailbreak. You see Frank was denied the right to visit an old friend of his who was dying and so he went ahead and escaped just so he could say his last goodbye to the man who taught him everything he knows. So he is caught again and given five years for that. But Frank’s done his time, and now he is just three weeks away from getting out of jail and becoming a free man. Unfortunately one day, a mysterious group of police men pick him up and transfer him to Gateway Prison. Why? Well, it’s all because of Warden Drumgoole (you gotta be a villain with a name like that!) the Warden who looked bad when Frank escaped from his prison. Now the warden is looking for some payback. He’s looking to make Frank’s remaining three weeks a living hell. Will Frank be strong enough to withstand the psychological and physical torture that will be inflicted upon him? Will he ever get out and reunite with his smoking hot fiance?

 So what we got here is a film that’s been genetically designed to pull your heartstrings. Stallone plays the every man, one of these ‘model prisoners’ that is allowed to go out of the prison to visit his family, then return to the prison and continue making his time. Stallone’s Frank is such a nice guy that he plays football with the neighborhood kids and  brings cigarettes to his cell mates, gifts from the outside world. He has a beautiful fiance. A word about the actress who plays  Stallone's fiance. She is called Darlanne Fluegel, and my question is where the heck did she disappear to? She actually made a decent bunch of films during the 80’s like To Live and Die in L.A. (1985) for William Friedkin and Once Upon a Time in America (1984) for Sergio Leone. Sadly her career deviated towards straight to video horror films until she completely disappeared, she hasn’t done anything recently, but wow, on this movie, she is a stunning beauty. But back to Frank Leone, the everyman, the good guy who doesn’t deserve to be in jail. In fact, this guy is so good that even the cops are his friends!

Gateway Penitentiary, a.k.a. HELL. 

 Now, if you know the rules of movie logic, then you know that when a characters life is going well, then something truly awful is around the corner just waiting to happen. Same thing holds true for this movie, we open with a super happy ‘almost out of jail’ vibe, and suddenly everything changes when Frank is transferred to a maximum security prison, not at all the country club he was making time in. Suddenly, Frank is informed that he will be given the guided tour through hell by Warden Drumgoole himself. But the thing about Frank Leone is that he’s got such a good attitude about everything, he’s the kind of guy that realizes that your situation in life might be shitty, but you can make it all better with the right attitude. Franks attitude reminds me of what the cowboy in Mulholland Drive (2001) says: “A mans attitude…a man’s attitude goes some ways…the way his life will be” And that is something I agree with, truthfully. Your attitude can take you out of a negative situation and if not, then at the very least it will help you endure it a little better.  And it’s a mentality that Frank Leone carries with him through out the whole film; it’s his defense mechanism against all the crap he is living through.

 Stallone has been known for playing characters like these through out his whole career. It’s the kind of character who gets put through inhuman amounts of physical and psychological torture, just so he can later get his glorious payback, which will be equally unforgiving. I’m thinking of  films like First Blood (1982) and Rocky (1976), two films in which Stallone plays the underdog who gets pushed around by his enemies until he cant take it no more and finally decides to make a stand for himself. At one point in Lock Up Frank is pushed to the limits of his endurance and he says “You want me? You got me!” And you just know the bad guys are going to get it, full force. It’s the kind of film that messes around with the good guy and gets you all worked up because of  it. Lock Up is designed to be the kind of film that will win audiences over. Stallone has always been good at making the kind of movies that will get an audience all worked up. You ever see an audience scream at the screen during a Rocky movie? I know I have, and I dare you not to be totally involved once Frank’s buttons are pushed too far. And they are, Donald Sutherland’s evil warden will make sure of that. He’ll have you hating him so much that by the end of the film, you’ll want to see him fry on the electric chair.

The Football game of the Gods!

The film has some really good points in its favor, one of them is that they chose to shoot the film on location in  a real life prison called East Jersey State Prison located in Rahway, New Jersey. You can tell its the real deal, and though the film looses its realism with certain situations, it makes up for it with how real and genuine the location is. Hell, they even used real inmates as extras! Stallone said that during the sequences where real life inmates were used, he was always "hoping that good will would  prevail" so that the shoot would go on without anyone getting killed, and so it did. I mean, everyone loves a movie getting made, even inmmates. I love how moviemaking has that power to overcome anything. There is a football game on this movie that feels like something out of a sword and sandal epic, like a battle of the gods type of football game between the ‘good inmates’ and the ‘bad inmates’ though technically they are all bad cause they aren’t in jail for nothing. But still, the scene is played out like something you’d watch in a roman coliseum, a lot of the emotion infused into these scenes comes from the blaring orchestral soundtrack, which gets you all worked up for a battle of the century type of game, awesome sequence. Everything leads up to the eventual jail break, with Frank looking to make it to his girlfriend on time. This movie will have you hooked; the only downside is that many of the situations are simply not realistic at all. Characters do things in a prison that would never happen in a prison. These prisoners are smoking stogies and fixing cars up and having a male bonding time of their lives! But wait, aren’t these guys supposed to be in the most hellish prison ever? Why is everyone so damn happy? Why are these prisoners such nice guys? I doubt there are such nice guys in prison. And where the heck is Frank Leone’s lawyer? Many situations might have you scratching your head, but you probably won’t give a damn because you’ll be having such a good time with this movie. A bonafide crowd pleaser every step of the way.

Rating: 4 out of 5    

Director John Irving discusses a scene with Stallone

Nighthawks (1981)

Title: Nighthawks (1981)

Director: Bruce Malmuth

Cast:  Sylvester Stallone, Rutger Hauer, Billy Dee Williams, Joe Spinell

Review:

Most of the time a films production problems are completely transparent to the audience. A film will arrive to theaters, people will embrace it and make it a blockbuster; but how the film got there, and all the troubles it went through to get made are sometimes never known to the audience. This was the case for me with Nighthawks, a film I have liked ever since I first saw it many years ago as a kid. I wasn’t aware it had gone through a couple of problems on its way to the silver screen. It was one of the first films I saw with a truly evil and memorable villain, Rutger Hauers performance as Wolfgar is one that I have never forgotten, it made an impression on my young mind. What problems did this film face? Well, for one, the films orginal director was to be Gary Nelson, the director behind The Black Hole (1979) and Allan Quartermain and The Lost City of Gold (1986), looking back at his filmology makes me happy that Gary Nelson didn’t end up directing Nighhawks. But moving on, the first problem the project faced came when Gary Nelson abandoned the project. He was then replaced him with Bruce Malmuth, a director who had worked with Stallone before. Everything seems to be running smoothly when suddenly, on the first day of filming, Malmuth failed to appear! And this was the day in which the awesome subway chase was to be filmed! What to do? What to do? Here’s what was done:  Stallone himself stepped in to direct the scene! Interestingly enough, that was my favorite scene in the whole movie, such a memorable chase! Thanks to Stallone stepping in to direct the sequence, the production didn’t fall behind schedule. Stallone was already a director himself, having directed Paradise Alley (1978) and Rocky II (1979) before, so I’m sure he would have no problems in directing the scene himself, and even though the  Directors Guild of America has strict rules about having actors directing a film they are starring in, he was given special permission to do it and so the film moved on. But you wouldn’t know any of these problems from watching the movie because the end result was such a solid film.

 Nighthawks tells the story of Deke DaSilva and Matthew Fox two street cops that work the night beat. Their job? To stop crime by working undercover, in disguise. And they are pretty good at what they do! But things change when their military backgrounds get them chosen for a special task force that is being trained to stop an international terrorist known as Wolfgar. You see, Wolfgar is the kind of terrorist that works doing other terrorist dirty work. And like Deke and Matthew, he is the best at what he does! Unfortunately, when the police in England get too close for comfort, he moves his operations to New York City where he is looking to establish himself as the best damn terrorist in town. Good enough to play with the big guys. This is a terrorist looking to prove himself as the best. And as the tagline for the film says “One man can bring the world down to its knees, and one man can stop him”. And that man is Deke Da Silva!

"You talking to me? That's what I thought!" 

 As I was watching the film, I got this feeling like I was watching The French Connection (1971) for some reason. I guess it had something to do with the films grimy look and feel; it’s not every film that can capture this grimy 'New York in the 70’s' feeling as effectively as The French Connection did. Nighthawks starts out with a sequence in which Stallone chases a criminal up the steps of a subway station, echoing a similar scene from The French Connection.  So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that Nighthawks actually started out as The French Connection III! That film was supposed to have Gene Hackman returning to his iconic Popeye Doyle character, and this time around he was supposed to have a wise cracking partner, who was going to be played by none other than Richard Pryor himself. But when Gene Hackman didn’t return to play Popeye Doyle for a third time at 20^th Century Fox, Universal Studios acquired the rights to the story and turned it into the film we now know as Nighthawks; a film that Sylvester got into as a way to get away from his Rocky character. He didn’t want to be type cast, so he was trying to play roles that were drastically different to Rocky, and that is the reason why on this film Stallone plays a cop with a beard and long hear as opposed to Rocky’s clean cut look. Stallone’s got a “hip” look on this movie, long hair, glasses, scarfs, jackets. He was looking all sorts of cool.

 Nighthawks is also special because it was Rutger Hauer’s first American film. In the opening sequences of the film he sports a beard, same as Stallone’s character does. I guess the idea was that Hauer and Stallone’s characters mirror each other. As Wolfgar points out to Deke at one point, they aren’t so different from each other, a theme that pops up through out the entire film. This mirror image idea between the hero and the villain carries itself even onto the films poster which is composed half of Stallone’s face and half of Hauer’s face. Speaking of Rutger Hauer’s performance on this film, it’s nothing short of awesome. As is to be expected from a Hauer villain, he exudes evil. I guess he was destined to play memorable characters from the get go. What makes this film special is that this is where Hauer’s long streak of memorable villains started.

"You people are never prepared, there is no security"

 Instead of Richard Pryor playing the comedy sidekick, we get Billy Dee William’s playing Matthew Fox, Deke’s partner. Matthew and Deke do sort of have a comedic back and forth between them, but it’s nothing overtly comical. They simply act as two buddy cops, I’m sure Matthew Fox would have turned out to be a completely different kind of character had Richard Pryor played it, certainly a bit more inclined towards the funny side of things. But not here, Nighthawks is a deadly serious film, the kind of movie that could have come out of the late 70’s early 80’s, where people where angrier and their anger bled into their art. Crime was certainly something that was annoying people to the max, it’s something that’s portrayed in films from this era as being a real problem. The Deathwish films are a good example of this. On Nighthawks we have Deke and Matthew dismantle a drug lab and save a woman from being raped in the first fifteen minutes of film! There is one scene in which Billy Dee Williams gets his moment to shine, where he finds these kids running a drug lab and he smacks the drug dealers around and tells them “I should kill you motherfucker! For all the lives you’re taking away with this shit!” He looks like he was going to do it too had Deke not stopped him! My only gripe with the film is that at one point they drop Matthew Fox and suddenly it’s all about Deke while Matthew is on the sidelines. It would have been cool to have them be together all through out the film, but it’s a minor hiccup in an otherwise great film. So we get a solid cast here, I mean Stallone, Hauer, Billy Dee Williams and we even get Joe Spinnell whom some of you might recognize from Maniac (1980) as the Police Lieutenant that screams and barks  orders at Deke and Matthew. So rest assured, we get a solid cast here.

 Some last words on the film: it has some great action sequences! Actually, I see this movie as going from one awesome sequence to the next. We get some cool street cop action when were introduced to Deke and Matthews every day job stopping crime on the streets, then were introduced to Hauer’s terrorist escapades in England, then we get to see him carry his terrorist work to New York City, and here’s the cool thing about this movie: it was shot entirely on location; something that adds to the realism of the film. The streets of  New York look just as grimy as they really were back in those days, nothing tops realism and shooting on location. This film was shot in 174^th Street, in the Bronx, in Queens, in Manhattan and the actual Roosevelt Island Tram System  Hell, if were going to get down to it, the film also shot scenes in England and France! So we got a film that’s infused with lots of realism to it simply because of the choice to shoot in the actual places the story takes place in. For example, there are a couple of awesome action sequences that take place in New York Subway System, wow, that whole sequence is fantastic! Deke and Matthew chase Hauer all through the subway, then the sequence carries on into a train! The whole sequence is very kinetic, very action packed. What makes these scenes special is that they where shot in an actual New York Subway with actual trains that were decommissioned, but look awesome. If you look carefully, you will notice the train they used for these sequences was so old that it had ceiling fans in it! The films most memorable sequence takes place aboard the Roosevelt Island Tram, when Wolfgar takes everyone in it as hostage! Stallone did his own stunts on those scenes where he was lowered from the Tram into a boat! Stallone was really gung-ho about doing his own stunts on this film, again showing us that the filmmakers were going for lots of realism with this film.

 So what we got here my friends is a gritty as hell cop flick with lots of realism infused into it and a solid, solid cast. I mean, this film is terribly underrated. It’s not a complex or “deep” film, but it’s a solid thriller with an extremely memorable villain. Sadly, audiences at the time didn’t accept Stallone in other roles that weren’t Rocky Balboa, which is why quickly after this one “bombed” at the box office, Stallone went straight for the safe move and did Rocky III (1982). I say “bombed” because even thought the film made its money back (it was only made with a mere 5 million dollars if you can believe it!) it still didn’t make as much money as the studio expected. Stallone himself has said that this film was ahead of its time, and that audiences weren’t really ready for it. To top things off, the studio itself didn’t believe in the film. The film has found its audience in thanks to the home video market, I consider it one of Stallone’s best films and certainly one of his most underrated ones, so if you haven’t seen it I’d recommend checking it out for a night of solid action and thrills with an extremely satisfying ending.

Rating: 4 out of 5  

       

Cobra (1986)

Title: Cobra (1986)

Director: George P. Cosmatos

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen

Review:

Here’s the thing I respect about Sylvester Stallone, and it’s a thing that in many ways puts him above even Arnold Schwarzenegger himself: Sylvester has never stopped being a filmmaker, he’s never let go of his artistic side. While Arnold deviated from filmmaking towards politics (actually going down a couple of notches in my cool-o-meter for doing just that) Sylvester has never stopped making movies. One of the aspects of Stallone that is most intriguing is that he writes his own freaking films, and this is something that elevates Stallone above Schwarzenegger because it shows that Stallone has that creative/artistic side about him which he has never abandoned, while Arnold only seems to care about being #1 no matter what he is doing, be it politics, weight lifting or making movies. Schwarzenegger’s creative output (aside from his acting of course)  only went as far as directing a made for tv movie called Christmas in Conneticut (1992) an episode of Tales from the Crypt called “The Switch” and it was a lame episode at that. But what has Sylvester done? Good old Sylvester has written all the Rambo and Rocky films himself! He also wrote such box office smash hits like Cliffhanger (1993) and The Expendables (2010), and let’s not forget, the man has directed a couple of these films himself as well. I mean, the guy is creative, and he’s still got it as far as I’m concerned. Cobra, the film I’ll be talking about today, was another one of the films that Stallone wrote himself. How was it?

"I hate supermarkets!"

Story for Cobra is all about a gang called ‘The New World Order’ that’s terrorizing the streets of California. Their mission in life? To destroy society as we know it. They hate the way things are, and so their solution is to kill as many people as they can, to cleanse the world and start a new one. They also like shooting the hell out of merchandise displays and produce in supermarkets. But don’t worry; America has a solution for scumbags like these: Lieutenant Marion “The Cobra” Cobretti. His motto? “I don’t deal with psychos, I put them away” His favorite one liner? “You’re the decease and I’m the cure”. When the cops cant handle a certain situation what do they do? They “call the Cobra” of course! The Cobra shows up in his vintage 1950’s Mercury, his cowboy boots, his tight jeans and his sunglasses. Oh and his match! He’s always got to be munching on a match! Currently, The New World Order have their targets set on super hot model Ingrid, played by Brigitte Nielsen. Will Cobra have what it takes to protect her from these psychos?

Stallone’s script for Cobra was based on a novel called ‘Fair Game’ by author Paula Gosling. That’s right ladies and gents; this testosterone filled action fest was based on a book written by a woman! And just so you know, Paula Gosling is a highly respected author of crime novels. I’ve never read ‘Fair Game’, but I’m willing to bet that Stallone took it and changed it into the testosterone overdose that Cobra ended up being, and he did a good job at it as far as I’m concerned. I don’t know how faithful this film was to the novel, but the film itself is pretty damn entertaining. Curiously enough, there’s another film out there that was based on the very same novel called Fair Game (1995) starring William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford. I remember watching that one many years ago, it would be interesting to re-watch it now, knowing that it’s another version of the same novel. I mean yeah, Cobra is dumb, it’s silly at times and unintentionally funny, but the damn thing is explosive and fast paced, what’s not to like? According to critics at the time, apparently a lot. Back in 1986, most critics thought this was a stinker. It was crowned worst everything at the Razzie awards that year. Cobra didn’t win the worst picture award, but that’s only because it was going up against Howard the Duck (1986), which took home the Razzie for worst film of 1986. But you know what? Who the hell cares, I love the non stop action in Cobra! I love the cheesy one liners and it’s over the topness!  

Stallone’s portrayal of Marion Cobretti is hilarious, practically everything he does and says will make you laugh, starting with his tough guy one liners! Cobra is the kind of guy who gets home after work, doesn’t take off his sunglasses or his gloves and starts munching away on a cold left over pizza, cutting it in half with a pair of scissors. See what I mean about hilarious and very entertaining? One of the main influences on this film was obviously Dirty Harry (1971). Hell, the actor who plays Cobretti’s partner is Reni Santoni, the same actor who played Dirty Harry’s sidekick Chico Gonzalez in Dirty Harry (1971). My guess is that Stallone was trying to channel Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry, but in the end, Stallone’s Marion Cobretti comes off all goofy and cheesy, not at all the nerves of steal, tough as nails old cop that Clint Eastwood portrayed in his films. Instead, Cobra comes off as the 1980’s MTV video version of Clint Eastwood; a Dirty Harry for the MTV generation. That makes it cool to watch in my book. I guess people in the 80’s were taking this movie way too seriously, now we can just sit back and enjoy it for what it is: a dumb yet fast paced action flick.

 And there’s lots of action alright. Film opens up with a psycho blasting away everything he sees in a supermarket. He loves blowing up supermarket carts and merchandise displays! Anything that reminds him how modern society is gets blown away! Which brings me to the crux of the film; what is it that drives the members of ‘The New World’?  Well, they enjoy getting together to bang their shinny metal axes up in the air and their mission statement is to kill the weak so the strong can survive. Their idea being that modern society can’t get rid of people like them, because all modern society does is breed people like them. Things are wrong, so that’s why they exist. They are simply the symptoms of a sick society. So they go around killing, sending out their anti-society message. Their next target is Ingrid, a super hot model played by non other than Brigitte Nielsen. I guess she represents the epitome of fakeness, one of the things I’m sure they consider to be wrong about society. So Cobra has to spend the rest of the film protecting the model from the killers. Amongst other things, an awesome car chase ensues, and it has got to be one of the coolest chase sequences ever filmed;  one for the books.

 This was another Cannon Films production, and these Cannon guys (producers Golan and Globus) specialized in cheesy/fun action films. Can you say Invasion U.S.A. (1986) anyone? Yup, these guys were on a roll with these kinds of films during the eighties and Cobra is the epitome of that era if you ask me. Funny thing about this movie: it started out as Beverly Hills Cop! Back in 1984, when Paramount Pictures had Stallone signed on to star in Beverly Hills Cop, Stallone wrote a less comedic action extravaganza that Paramount thought was too expensive to produce, so Stallone walked away, with the script that eventually ended up being Cobra. Eddie Murpy went on to portray on of his most iconic roles, and Stallone went and did his action extravaganza, which though panned by critics upon it’s release, went on to be loved by millions. This film still has legs, lovers of action films from the 80’s always bring this one up as one of the good ones, I gotta say, I totally agree.  

Rating: 4 out of 5 

Always a chance for a brewsky in between psychos