Title: Slugs (1988)
Director: J.P. Simon
Cast: Michael Garfield, Kim Terry
Review:
J.P. Simon is a Spanish director who has made some of the
worst films to ever be committed to celluloid. If you ask me, he is Spain’s own
Uwe Boll; and in case you don’t know who Uwe Boll is, then check out his
filmography, I’m sure you’ll agree that most of his films (if not all) are some
of the worst you’ve seen in your life. With directors such as these, I always
wonder: how do they do it? How do they
convince a producer to give them cash to make these crappy movies? And they
keep making movies too, they don’t stop! For example, Uwe Boll has made 28
films so far; and I’m sure he’ll keep making more. I guess as long as video
clubs keep buying and renting his films, he’ll keep turning in a profit…and he’ll
keep coming back; same thing with J.P. Simon. Mr. Simon is a director who’s
pretty much kept his career in Spain ;
but at various points in his career, he’s attempted to make films that he could
sell to American distributors. If you’re a slasher film fan, then I’m sure you’ve
seen J.P. Simon’s Pieces (1982); not a bad little slasher if you ask me. It
gets pretty gory at times; but it is not without its nonsensical moments.
Another one of J.P. Simon’s attempts at making a film aimed
at an American audience was Cthulhu Mansion (1992); a film that in spite of
having Lovecraft’s name plastered all over it’s poster, has absolutely nothing
to do with Lovecraft or his stories! It is terribly acted, cheesy as hell and horribly
edited, but it’s a fun movie to watch because of this. After seeing Cthulhu Mansion
Story goes something like this: mutant killer slugs (with teeth!) are procreating in the
sewer system of the small town known as Merton. Mike Brady, the towns health inspector knows
this and is trying to get someone to hear him out, but you know how horror films go, no one
believes Mikes mutant slugs story. Hell, I wouldn’t either! Unless I was in a
cheesy horror movie like this one that is! So anyhow, dead people start piling
up and only then do the authorities believe Mike. Can Mike whip up a way to
kill the slugs before they eat their way through the town?
Choking on a Slug!
So yeah, this is the kind of movie where only one person
knows what’s really going on and nobody in town wants to believe him. Mike goes
around telling people that there are killer slugs in the sewer but everyone
reacts the same way “your crazy! Go to hell!” This movie is so nonsensical,
that even when people have actually seen someone choke on slugs and even seen a
persons head explode with slugs, they still don’t believe Mike’s killer slugs story!
I mean, people, didn’t you just see someone’s head explode as slugs and worms
came out of it? Helloooo! Wake up! The people in this movie are so dumb that
even when they know their town was a toxic waste dump a few years ago they don’t
believe! If we’re going to talk about this films negative traits, then by far,
the worst thing this film has is it’s dialog and acting. The actors say their
lines fast, just to get them out of the way in an extremely robotic fashion,
they speak simply to expose plot points. For example, they'll say things like “Now maybe, just maybe,
we might be dealing with a mutant form of slug here, a kind that eats meat!” This
film has porn movie dialog and actors, no doubts about it. To make matters
worse, most of the dialog is dubbed because J.P. Simon filmed most of the movie in Spain ,
with Spanish actors. But the main attraction on this kind of film are the monsters and the deaths they cause and in that respect, Slugs delivers.
On the positive side of the spectrum, same as with J.P. Simon’s Pieces,
the film is extremely gory; and this is something that J.P. Simon is known for.
He might be a terrible filmmaker, but he sure knows how to cook up a gruesome
death! On this one we have naked people being attacked by slugs and people’s heads
bursting with slugs! Slugs eat the hand of an old man, after which he chops
it off! The deaths get ugly on this one. The effects are interesting too; at
one point we get a close up of a slug that shows us it’s teeth and bites Mike’s
finger! It looks hilarious! You will have a fun time listening to the inane
dialog, and watching these actors dig themselves deeper into their acting career
graves, but overall, Slugs is simply a bad movie with some decent gore effects.
It’s a series of gory deaths strung together by a paper thin plot, but then
again, that’s what b-movies are all about, so b-movie lovers just might find
some enjoyment with this one, I know I did. For other killer slug movies, I’d
recommend checking out Squirm (1976), Night of the Creeps (1986) or Slither (2006), all of which are all infinitely better killer slug films then this one.
Rating: 2 ½ out of 5
Slugs is based on a novel of the same name by author Shaun Hutson