Halloween 2013: Urban Legend Week: Spider Tales

Here's one that will keep you awake at night.  Imagine if you will, you are lying in bed when you think you feel something crawl across your cheek. Quickly your hand moves up to brush the offending bug away and you notice it's a spider.  After your obligatory freak-out and squashing of the offending arachnid, you settle back under the covers and try not to have a nightmare about the eight-legged freak.

In the morning, you notice a red spot on your cheek.  Hmm, did the spider bite you?  You go to a doctor and he says never fear, it's a tiny bite but it looks fine and you will survive.  Much to your chagrin however, the red spot grows bigger, into a lump. Several days pass as the lump grows bigger and more painful and it eventually sends you back to the doctor.  He decides to lance the offensive boil, and in the process the lump breaks open and hundreds of tiny spiders burst out. Gah!!

The spider bite  is an urban legend that found its way into folklore sometime around the 60's or 70's, and various versions are whispered at slumber parties and around campfires even today.  Sometimes it's a girl on a foreign beach who doesn't even realize she's been bitten until what she thinks is a pimple bursts forth with spider offspring. In other tales the girl with the "zit" is in the bathtub and the warm water and moist atmosphere cause the spider babies to erupt from their temporary nest.

Another intriguing (and disturbing) urban legend about spiders involves a woman who liked to wear her hair up in a bun.  It was a low-maintenance do and all she had to do was spray it with hairspray and away she'd go.  (Similar legends are told about dreadlocks). One day she noticed her hair was extra itchy and continued like that for several days.  She just kept adding hairspray to keep it under control and decided she'd take it down and wash it at the end of the week.  Unfortunately, her roommate found her dead in bed on Thursday, and when an autopsy was performed, they found hundreds of baby spiders had eaten into her brain.

Horror films always depict spiders as the enemy. The film Arachnophobia was one such movie, taking a spider from South America and mating it with an ordinary house spider to produce a deadly variation. These spiders end up in football helmets, slippers, popcorn, cereal boxes, even the shower to wreak havoc on a small community. 

In sticking to the original tale of spiders crawling out of a wound in the skin, I've found three lovely film clips for your enjoyment.  If you are a major arachnophobe, I'd consider skipping these videos.

In the film The Believers, we are subjected to probably one of the most frightening scenes of horror involving spiders ever. In this voodoo creep-fest starring Martin Sheen, a woman races around her apartment, a huge boil pulsating on her face. You know it isn't going to end well, and it certainly doesn't. Tiny spiders eventually burst out of the ruptured sore. And you know you're never going to sleep that night after watching it.
Did you think you wouldn't have to see it? Come on, you know me better than that: 



Also appallingly distressing is the scene from Urban Legends 3:Bloody Mary (2005), in which the same horrifying incident happens, this one perhaps a little closer to the legend and not so much connected to voodoo.  A young woman decides to pop a zit, with shocking (and outrageous) consequences.
If you can take it, here it is: 



And I've got one more for you.  In this scene from The Mist, the group of survivors head to the pharmacy adjacent to their grocery store refuge for some medical supplies when they are transfixed by a gigantic web formation, and are horrified to find some of their friends ensnared in the webs.  But it doesn't end at that...



And I think I'll just leave it at that...

Halloween Festival Of Lists: October 7: SEVEN Shriek-Worthy Arachnids

I seriously could not run fast enough if I witnessed this...

 Casting fear into the hearts of millions, spiders are one of the most feared creatures on the planet.  While I am not going to pull a Jeff Daniels/Arachnophobia on anyone, I'm not exactly excited when I see an eight-legged freak crawling in my bathroom. 

Normally all we have in these parts are daddy long-legs and fuzzy brown wood spiders and such, with the occasional brown recluse to shake things up.  But in some parts of the world, there are some dastardly looking beasts that make me want to just curl up and die rather than run into.   Such as...

 Goliath Bird-eating Tarantula. 

Getting its name long ago when witnessed eating a hummingbird, this giant can be up to a foot across.
They are indigenous to the rain forests of South America and the females can live up to 25 years!  Perhaps that's because they eat their mates after sex.  Nice.

Their venom isn't poisonous and feels somewhat like a bee sting.
Still...no thanks.

 Giant Wood Spider

These big buggers are generally found in southeast Asia and Northern Australia. And thank God for that.  If I were to run across one of these it's possible I would have a stroke.

They are a type of Golden Silk Orb Weaver, which generally means they weave the most impressive webs in Spiderland.

Their venom is not lethal to humans, but can be painful and may even leave a scar.  Wouldn't matter to me, because it's quite possible I would be running a goddamned marathon to get away from this sucker.

Bizarre little tidbit:  In Japanese superstitions, the orb weaver supposedly can shapeshift into a seductress.
Um, okay...

Australian Funnel Web Spider

One of the most dangerous spiders in the world, these friendly looking monstrosities are keen on water and are oft found in swimming pools.  Now wouldn't that be neato?  Thing is, they can survive in the water for hours...just waiting for you to take your nightly dip after work.

Their bite is painful, extremely poisonous, and nearly always by the male of the species. Without anti-venom, you can die within 15 minutes...or you can linger for up to three days. 

Camel Spider

This freaky, mutant looking thing is nicknamed the camel spider but in truth is another type of arachnid called a wind scorpion.  No matter what it is, it's balls to the wall creepy.

Apparently they do not have venom and don't spin webs like regular spiders, but they are quite fast and when they do bite - even without venom - the wounds are prone to infection because their fangs rip nasty wounds. 

If you ask me, it looks a bit like the face-hugger in Alien. 

Brazilian Wandering Spider

Long-recorded as the most venomous spider on earth, this eight-legged wonder loves to hide inside your house.
They like it dark, damp, and are extremely active at night.  They tend to lift their legs up when challenged, and delivers the most venom of any spider, which is part of the reason they are so dangerous. 

Thankfully they are only found in Central and South America.

Wandering Spiders' bite is also known to cause priapism in men after being bitten.  Erections can last for hours at a time, and perhaps not surprisingly, the venom from these spiders is being researched in conjunction with erectile dysfunction.  True story.

Red Back Spider

Lucky Australia!  They really have the corner on the market for dangerous and big-ass spiders. 

Closely related to our own Black Widow (and resembling it almost exactly), this spider causes extreme pain with its bite.  It also lives up to the reputation of the Black Widow for the females consuming the males during mating. 

Perhaps the perfect spider, they are also wicked fast and are prolific breeders, laying up to 5000 eggs.
Almost makes that scene in The Mist pale in comparison. Yikes.


Tailless Whip Scorpion

On the show Fear Factor several years ago I watched participants consume "Mexican Cave Dwelling Spiders" in what I thought was the foulest thing I have ever watched anyone eat in my life.  I actually stopped watching that show after that. 
However, the spiders were misidentified.  They are not true spiders, though they are from the arachnid family. 

Again preferring the humid conditions found in South America and the likes, these flat-bodied nightmare-inducing fellows also do not spin webs or have venom.  In addition, they are quite social and have shown great interest and care in their young, using their legs to cuddle and caress them.
Not that that makes me feel any better.