Small Things - Many Memories

by Cathy

We don’t plan or coordinate what we write about here at Focusing On Life. We just write what is on our minds and in our hearts. Sometimes those thoughts lead us in the same direction. Yesterday Dotti wrote about her thoughts on Mother’s Day, which is what I am writing about today. I hope you enjoy another look at mothers and grandmothers.

 As we approach this Mother’s Day weekend, my thoughts have turned to my mother and her mother. I’ve been thinking of how they filled their days; how they gardened in the heat of the summer, cooked and canned in a kitchen without air conditioning; how they made quilts to provide warmth for cold winter nights, and how they sewed to provide clothing for their family.

My life is so much easier than theirs, at least physically anyway. I don’t put in a vegetable garden and can those vegetables. I don’t make quilts for my family’s warmth. I did inherit their love for sewing and made little frilly dresses for my daughter using yards of ruffles and lace. Instead of sewing from necessity though, it was a form of creating to me.

When sewing these dresses I loved to go shopping for the buttons that were sometimes functional, but sometimes for decoration. Special buttons were like the crowning touch. I still love buttons. I still stop in fabric stores and just look at them and sometimes I buy a card just because they’re pretty. Don’t let me get too close to those jars of vintage buttons at flea markets though. I want them all.

I am fortunate to be the keeper my grandmother’s buttons. The metal can in which she stored them is now rusty, but the buttons inside fascinate me; many colors and shapes, simple ones and elaborate ones, tiny ones and huge ones. My grandmother’s button box is a collection of beauty and treasures. 

I love to see her choices of buttons and imagine what kind of dresses she sewed them to; the fancy ones on her church dresses and the simple ones on her everyday dresses. Some buttons have pieces of fabric and threads still attached. When a garment wore out, she snipped the buttons off and saved them for future use. Some buttons are still on the cards. She would use how every many she needed and leave the rest on the card.

My mother passed away less than a year ago. This Mother’s Day will be hard for me, so all this week I’ve focused on happy memories she and I shared. Memories of pretty dresses she made, paper dolls she spent endless hours cutting out (paper dolls where my favorite thing to play with), the time she spent teaching me to sew, and our mutual love for buttons. Something as simple as a button can bring back memories and feelings of long ago.

I’m hoping that each of you enjoy Mother’s Day and spend a little time reminiscing about the special times you’ve shared with your mother or grandmother of if you’re a mother with your children or grandchildren.

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Thoughts on Motherhood

by Dotti

Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.

                                                             ~ Robert Browning

With Mother’s Day approaching and a recent visit to my mother, some 700 miles distant, thoughts of motherhood fill my heart and mind. That being the case, I thought I’d write a nice, sweet yet profound post about motherhood and grandmotherhood and gratitude. But something happened between the idea stage and research stage. 

I was sure I would find some very meaningful quotes by some very eminent philosophers and writers. I found a few, the above being one of them. Really, that quote says it all but I can’t end this post here, so I’ll babble a while longer.

I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.

                                                                                                    ~ Abraham Lincoln

This is true of my own life. In our family, daily family devotions after supper were the norm. When she sent me off to college, my mother made sure she knew I was praying for her. Likewise when I married and even today, she never closes an email without assuring me of her prayers. And I know it to be true, because when we visit her, we have family devotions after supper and she prays for every family member.  By name.  That’s a lot of names.

At this point, the philosophers and writers grew a bit overbearing and pretty soon, I was into a batch of quotes about “mom” by celebrities, past and present. Sad to say, many of these hit closer to home, so I’m going to share just a few. After all, who says we have to be totally somber and reverent as we think about motherhood and Mother’s Day?

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

                                                                                                 ~ Ambrose Bierce

Yes, I hear you all chuckling out there in FOL Land. It’s true. We get chilly and we put a sweater on our child, or in my case, my grandchild. Within minutes, it’s off her body and on the floor or ground. I should have learned by now that this child is so warm natured, she is almost impervious to cold. You’d think by the time we become grandmothers, we’d understand this fact of life. But, no. We keep right on plugging those sweaters.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? The mother.

                                                                                                    ~ Claudette Colbert

Somehow, one doesn’t think of Claudette Colbert as a grandmother but she must have been because she speaks wisely about being a grandparent. I loved being a parent, I loved watching my daughter grow up. But, oh, friends! I have to tell you. Being a grandparent is one of life’s greatest joys! I am so much more attuned to each stage of my granddaughter’s life. Now, I’m fortunate that I see her almost every day. But each step of the way, I observe and feel things I missed when my own daughter was growing up. I was so wrapped up in being a mom, I sometimes forgot to savor. With my granddaughter, I can not only savor but inhale deeply and etch the moments into my memory. The only problem? I can’t slow down the clock, it’s all happening too quickly.

Once you’re a mom, always a mom. It’s like riding a bike, you never forget.

                                                                                                   ~ Taraji P. Henson

Isn’t this the truth? Once we become a mom, we’re always a mom. I can remember thinking, when my daughter is {in the next stage of childhood}, it will be easier. The biggest falsehood about motherhood? When my child is an adult, I can relax. Ha! Really? The problems just got bigger and your mom-worry just grew in proportion to those bigger problems. So, yes, it’s true. Once a mom, always a mom.

Isn’t it grand?

Happy Mother’s Day!

May Focus:

Texture is the smooth or rough look and feel of a surface. They can change as you move closer or further away...becoming more apparent up close and fading as the camera is pulled back. Textures are what fill in a shape. Take a look at your subjects and look for new ways to show texture in your images.

The Journey Continues

by Carol

I will never forget sitting at the first middle school parent meeting and hearing the speaker, who was a psychologist, talk about how our roles were about to change. During the middle school years, he said, you (and your childrens' teachers too) will go from "nurturers to caregivers." I pictured saying goodbye to tying those little blue and white sneakers and the pink ballet slippers. Goodbye to taking one little hand in each of mine as we crossed the street. Goodbye to scavenger hunt birthday parties, and the little waves from the stage in preschool shows. I remembered riding on my Dad's lap as he mowed the lawn.

This talk was preparation for the one we got at the entrance to high school, where we were told that we would go "from your child's boss to your child's supervisor." I was soon to see all those hours that I sat waiting in the car for all of those middle school activities turn into worried waves goodbye as my teenaged children drove down the driveway. All of those exhausting (and sometimes antagonistic) shopping trips soon turned into modeling in the living room what was chosen with friends. No more times tables out loud, now an occasional proof-read. And then there was university graduation, before I knew what hit me. I can picture my parents standing in the auditorium holding my commencement programs.

And now I watch as my children delve into their employment. I hear about the interesting conference they just attended, their busy schedules, their commutes in. I see them become more knowing about the world as they gradually define their roles in it. I am new to this phase so I have less to write about, but I am thinking about my weekly conversations with my parents, letting them in on what's new in my life.

Someone else will have to write the part about grand parenting - I am not there (yet?).

More stages in our lives checked off, and more to come. Isn't it incredible the way that parenthood mixes memories with to do lists and with hopes for the future all at once? How you can feel challenged and inspired at exactly the same time? How you can be grateful and regretful, maudlin about the past while excited about the future, exhausted and energized? At the same time confused and yet certain that this is an age-old journey you are participating in.

Isn't parenthood an incredible journey?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY FOL FAMILY!