Dying to Defensiveness - How Silence Can Make Us More Like Jesus

Last Wednesday, I attended the Ash Wednesday contemplative service at my church. What a blessing to take an hour to simply rest and ponder the sacrifice Jesus made for us, for me. At various stations, we had the opportunity to read Psalms, take communion, remember Gethsemane, etc. When I read this verse, I was moved to tears despite its familiarity:

Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face. John 19:1-3

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My husband, the Snickers commercial

It only took me 25 years to catch on.

25 years of being defensive and overly sensitive. Taking things personally that really weren't personal.

You see, my husband and I work together. He's a chiropractor and I manage the office. Ok, I hear it all the time "Wow - I could never work with my husband." To which I nod, sweetly smile, and say "I could never work with your husband either." 

But that aside, we have had our challenging moments. Often around 12:50 pm. We break for lunch at 1:00 and, if there's no patient in the office, around 12:50 he starts hovering. "What are you doing?" "Are you done with that yet?" "How long will you be on the phone?" "I'm hungry, let's go before I get a headache." And so on.....

My response usually begins with a rumbling volcano deep in my gut that periodically erupts. Not every day, but far too often. I take his questioning personally like he’s criticizing my job performance, or my wifely abilities, or my character. Sometimes it's due to his tone of voice. Other times it's because I'm wound up tight in defensive mode ready to uncoil and pounce as soon as he opens his mouth. And frankly, if I don't say something in response, I'm thinking it. 

Except for that day last month. 

In he came, and with my fingers on the keyboard and my face to the monitor, my gut started tightening. The questions started, but for some reason known only to God, my reply was remarkably different. The volcano ebbed as I slowly turned in my chair to face him,

     “You’re a Snickers commercial hon. You’re just not you when you’re hungry.”

With the realization that the guy is hungry not angry at me, the pressure cooker valve released as the tension subsided and it was laughter that erupted. 

And now we have a new tagline whenever stresses arise. 

..

Snickers Commercial with Joe Pesci and Don Rickles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MixNh9L7G5M

"And 'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. ... Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Eph. 4:26-27, 31-32

How about you? Do you find yourself at the ready to defend even if you're not under attack? How many arguments could be avoided if we sought to extend grace rather than dig our heels in? 

Thanks Tony for letting me share our story! 

Frying Pan Theology

Not long after our church’s Easter breakfast finished, sounds of the worship music filtered down from the sanctuary as everyone settled into their seats. Well, not everyone. Liz and I were still in the kitchen with the last of the cleanup detail. There was that one last pan, the one covered with baked on egg.

I scrubbed, “sudsed,” scoured, and rinsed. Each time I thought I got it all, but the rinse revealed the truth - still more work to do.  

Liz looked over at my struggle and said, “Just let it soak. We’ll get it later.” ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Which is just what we did. 

How much did that pan remind me of my life? 

When the pan was full of fluffy eggs, I couldn’t see the crusty residue practically laminated to the pan’s bottom and edges. When I’m busy and so full of activity, I don’t notice other deep down issues that start getting embedded and ingrained in me. Things that begin to corrode and cause destruction. Things like selfishness, jealousy, pride, anger, bitterness.

But in His graciousness, God uses struggles and hardships as tools to reveal to me areas that He wants to work on. Then too often, in my own strength, I start scrubbing and scraping trying to remove and improve like I did with the eggs. After much elbow grease, I thought I had gotten it all. But the rinse revealed that while I made some progress, there was still more work to be done. And I can’t do it by myself. 

With the eggs, I needed the dish detergent to do chemically what physically I could not. And I needed to fill and immerse the pan in water and just let it soak. Let the water do the work of softening the hardness. 

In life, I find myself trying to clean up my act in my own strength which isn’t very effective. I need to be immersed in the Lord and His Word to soften my hardened heart and to remove the impurities that are stuck inside. I must partner with Him in the transformational work He wants to do. Paul says to “…be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. ... Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  Rom 12:1-2

MY job is to present myself “a living and holy sacrifice … and not copy the behavior and customs of this world,” and then GOD will “transform (me) into a new person by changing the way (I) think.” 

It won’t happen in an instant any more than a rinse of the water released the caked on egg. It’s a process that took time in the sink. And it’ll be a process as I soak in His presence and His promise: 

Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to Himself  as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Eph. 5:25-27

What a beautiful promise that is! A scrub-free eternity! What do you think about that?

What are we to do???

Media and social media alike are overflowing with images, rants, prayers, commentaries related to yesterday's Boston bombing. Here are three things I read this morning:

I'm on Day 18 of a 30 day Early To Rise challenge and receive an automated email every day.This just so happened to be in paragraph 2: 

"If it is true that one person can change the world with their evil acts, then we also know that one person can change the world through their kindness. One ignorant person can cause tremendous damage, and one wise person can alter the course of history." - Andy Traub

Then in today's Jesus Calling  by Sarah Young: 

I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and Controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with My glorious Presence. 

When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to live by faith, not by sight. I lovingly shield you from knowing the future or seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge My sovereignty by giving thanks in all circumstances. 

• We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7
• Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess. 5:18

And on facebook, I read Nate Dorka's post to his HS youth group:

Some thoughts on the bombings in Boston today:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

Devastation. 

Doctors are working on some folks to patch them up, working on others who lost a limb and are struggling to stay alive... Others, including an eight year old boy, weren't as "lucky".
We call for justice. Built into us is a NEED for justice. 

And people are going to be looking everywhere for someone/something to blame. There will probably be blame placed on the head of security or maybe even government officials.
We want to blame an enemy. 

What should our view be as Christians? What should our response be? Aren't we called to LOVE our enemy... even the enemy that killed that little boy? But can there be justice in that?

There is an enemy. He is a thief who "comes only to steal and kill and destroy.(Jn 10:10)" The bible calls him our advisory and tells us, "the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.(1 Pt 5:8)" 

This thief, lion, devil is our enemy, and he'll do all he can to keep people in the darkness.
"But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.(Jn 11:10)"
Jesus tell us “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

These folks that do unspeakable things are simply in the darkness. They don't know the life that Jesus, in his mercy, gives.

Jesus tells us, "...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.(John 10:10)"
"they" includes the killer of that little boy. 

So... What should our response be towards the bombers from today?
Pray for them. 

"(Jesus talking to Saul/Paul in Acts)...so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."

Pray that God would be glorified by the transformation of their hearts, and that these people would become followers of Christ. 

As far as justice goes, well.. We were all once in the darkness, and deserved death. It's by God's perfect mercy and grace, and by Jesus work on the cross and power over death, that we now live.

To Nate's words, I would just add this. There are some that cannot rest until justice is "properly" served, even though they may forgive and pray for the offender. To them, I'd say that God says we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7). It is up to Him to provide the consequences to the offender. I can rest knowing that justice is in His hands, the same hands that provide grace serve justice meted as HE sees fit. 

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When it just doesn't make sense...

Who can explain it?

The suicide of a godly young man after years of battling mental illness.

The cancer that relentlessly ravages a child’s body.

The loss of a job leaving a family destitute.

The car accident brutally killing a vibrant 20 year old girl.

The addiction rendering a boy’s brilliant mind vacant and dashing high hopes for his future.

And that’s just this week.

As I sit at my computer right now, my son and his friends are in the basement practicing a song their band will perform in Friday’s talent show. It’s hard to tell if more singing or laughing is taking place. And I think… how fortunate we are, but what about tomorrow? Are there any guarantees?

Well, yes and no. There’s no guarantee of a blissful Beaver Cleaver life. God didn’t promise us an easy life. In fact, He promised just the opposite (John 16:33). But He did guarantee that He’d be with us (Heb. 13:5). If God didn’t spare His own Son, is it right for us to expect that He should spare ours?

We ask “Why?” We want to understand. But our understanding is limited. We are finite created beings who wish to make sense of God’s infinite mind. My dog tilts her head with a puzzled look on her face when I change one of the usual patterns she’s accustomed to. If she could, she’d demand to know why - what’s going on, where are we, why are you feeding me that, what’s that Gentle Leader thing on my face??????? Could I explain my actions to her in a way that she could fully comprehend? Not in a million years. She simply lacks the ability to reason as I do.

Although God sometimes is gracious enough to allow us to understand, to learn and grow through our pain, much of the time He doesn’t let us in on His reasoning.  "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" (Is.  55:8-9).

Yet sometimes we feel if we could just make sense of it all, if we had a reason, we could make it through. The truth is – if we always understood, we’d be tempted to rely on ourselves rather than seeking God. The very essence of faith is that we CAN’T see what’s going on, and yet we trust. (Heb. 11:1)  Frankly, if little ol’ me could fully understand God, He’d be way too small a God for me.

On this journey we’re traveling, God’s Word is a “lamp to our feet and a light to our paths.” (Ps. 139:105) It is not like a stadium floodlight that makes the night as bright as day. It’s more like a flashlight in the dark allowing us to see one step at a time. Perhaps if we could see more, we’d run the other way. But God takes hold of our hand providing the peace and the strength to continue forward with trust that someday we will know. “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely” 1 Cor. 13:12

My reading this week took me to a hard passage of Scripture “…if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps.” 1 Pet. 2:20-21

The choice is ours. We can either be like the soft egg which hardens in boiling water or like the hard carrot which is softened by the same boiling water. But we could also be like the coffee which when immersed in yet that same boiling water is transformed into another being, still made of coffee and water but so intertwined, so inseparable that it has a new identity.

When Jesus was on the cross, He not only bore our sins - He bore our sorrows too (Is. 53:3) By His wounds and suffering, we are healed of ours. (Is. 53:5) 

If I don’t understand anything else but this - that my suffering is producing Christlikeness in me – then I have not suffered in vain. If I can avoid resentment and bitterness, if I can say “Father, forgive them” while still in my suffering, I will be transforming into His image.

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!  So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Cor. 4:17-18

Father, our prayers are with the Warren family, but also with all those others who are suffering through their losses. May their pain be lessened by Your presence.

Get Rid Of It - For Real

I was so proud of myself.

I've been digging, sorting, and clearing out stuff.

I bagged it, washed it, and carted it to the car to be donated to Ditto, the "upscale resale thrift shop" that raises funds for my kids' alma mater.

Felt like a real accomplishment.

The problem is Ditto's hours of operation aren't in sync with my hours of operation ;D  I can't seem to get there before closing time.

And so I have been driving around with my discarded stuff for a week. I went through it - did the inventory. I identified and separated it. I even moved it. But I haven't really gotten rid of it. I plan to, but it's still there hanging around. Moving around. I stopped short yesterday to avoid a car that ran a stop sign, and heard a symphony of shuffles as the stuff in back slid toward the front.

In order for me to actually get rid of this stuff, I have to make a change. I need to change my habits and rearrange my schedule. I have to move out of my comfort zone.

I have some other stuff I'd like to get rid of. Fear, anger, resentment, jealousy. I have done some soul-searching. Taken inventory. Identified what needs to be addressed. Felt some pride and a sense of accomplishment in that.

But that stuff is still hanging around. An unwelcome remark or a difficult situation becomes like that car running a stop sign bringing all that stuff toward the front, a symphony of emotions sliding around my interior. So how do I actually get rid of it - for real?

Paul says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." But he doesn't leave it at that.
He continues with, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you." (Eph. 4:31-32)

James instructs us, "Get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent" 
And like Paul he goes on, "and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, .. Do what it says." (James 1:21-22)

To get rid of these unwanted emotions and behaviors, I need to move beyond identifying them. I need to replace them with desired behaviors. Clearing out the old creates a void and the old will slide right back in if there isn't something already in its place.

Replace resentment and anger with forgiveness.
Replace doing evil with doing what the Word says.

Then I'll be getting rid of it - for real!

How about you? Do you have unwanted stuff hanging around? How can you clear it out? For real? Let's talk about it.

Stuff

I heard a song recently that struck a chord with me. It wasn’t the tune which got me. In fact, when I first heard it, I was ready to dismiss the song as fluff, “gospel-lite”, not worthy of my attention. But the words convicted me deeply.
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Too often, I’m derailed by small things, things that are so trivial it’s embarrassing to admit I’m bothered by them, “stuff” as Francesca Battistelli calls them. In a world where people experience deep suffering, why do I allow these small matters to rob me of joy and peace?
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The Bible refers to small annoyances such as these as “little foxes that ruin vineyards.” Song of Sol 2:15
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Many small things have great impact.
• A poor widow donated two small coins and was honored for it.
• A young boy shared a lunch of two small fish and five loaves, and it was used to feed thousands.
• The mustard seed is the “smallest of all seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants...” Mk. 4:31-32
• “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” Jms 3:5
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Small things can have large consequences -- negative ones or positive ones -- depending upon our response to them. We’re given a choice: to just be irritated OR to allow God to use these irritations to shape our character like a file smooths a rough surface.
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This is the Stuff - Francesca Battistelli

I lost my keys in the great unknown

And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

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This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use

...

So break me of impatience my frustrations

I've got a new appreciation

It's not the end of the world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HteoxWzAT8

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The Perfect Comeback

I almost did it.
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Have you, like me, ever yearned for a perfect comeback to someone discourteous, but couldn’t think of a thing until hours later, and only then after mulling over all possible options for hours?
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Today, I almost had my moment.
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Of course, it’s a dicey situation, isn’t it? What if that person walks into my office tomorrow or my church on Sunday, not to mention the fact that I represent Jesus who is always with me. But today, as I muttered to my steering wheel, it came to me. The perfect comeback. And I almost had the opportunity to express it.
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Here’s how it all went down:
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I met my husband and son at the Post Office needing to renew our three passports. The clerk, Ann, had just taken their mug shots photos and seemed a little annoyed that she had to stay in the chilly lobby to take yet another one. [OK, I get that.]
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My husband’s joke, “Can I get a different background?” was met by stony silence. No smile, headshake, or even an acknowledgement that he had spoken, despite the chuckles of other patrons stamping their letters nearby.
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After my quick headshot, we returned to her station to proceed with the paperwork. Tony reminded her to process my son’s application first because he needed to leave quickly. Her steely-eyed glare was almost as cold as her reply, “I heard you the first time.” Ouch, that was a little harsh, but giving her the benefit of the doubt, my husband can have a tendency to make sure things are done “right.” [Luv ya, hon ;D]
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As she continued to process the many papers, photos, and payments, her attitude continued to deteriorate from abrupt to curt to downright churlish.
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Tony and I walked away mumbling to each other about her. My photo horrified me. For the next 10 years, I will be identified by a ghastly auburn slash of bang bisecting my forehead. Come on, I’m a girl, you’re a girl, can’t you clue me in before you snap?
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But later I had to return to mail the applications with a “traceable delivery method” and I would have my chance. At least I thought I would. Here’s how I had it worked out in my head:
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“Hi, again. Are you having a bad day today? Because I’d like to pray for you.” [genuine sweet smile]
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“Hmmmpphhh…”
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"But if you’re just ordinarily surly, I’ll pray differently for you. [wink, not so genuine huge sweet smile] Thank you so much. Have a great day.”
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When I returned to the scene of the crime, alas, at clerk Ann’s counter stood Charles; Ann nowhere to be seen, perhaps gone for the day. The momentary disappointment that I wouldn’t get my chance for the perfect comeback was partnered with a flood of relief that I couldn’t share that perfect comeback.

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In the movie, You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) longs to hurl a perfect comeback to her adversary, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks). Only when she finally does, it came with the realization that her words left her feeling worse for having said them. “Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. I didn't get any satisfaction from it," she types, "I just felt mean. When you say the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.” I knew I’d feel the same way.
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So, what is the perfect comeback? It is to come back to the Lord and allow Him take care of any consequences my “adversary” deserves. I spent half my day invisibly tethered to a mean-spirited postal worker. What a waste of time and energy.
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Instead, I decided to honestly pray for her. You never know why God puts certain people in your path, and it may be that I’m the only one praying for her. For the next 10 years, my bifurcated forehead photo will serve as a reminder, not just to pray for Ann and others like her, but to keep turning the other cheek, going the second mile, and loving the unlovely, for as Jesus said, “If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? …In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Mt. 5:46-48 MSG





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I Hate Chipmunks!

In September and October, you walk our front pathway at your peril. We have the most aggressive acorns you’ve ever seen, or felt. Honestly. The dents they render to a car’s hood or roof are nothing compared to the bumps they produce on your noggin.

Then in the spring, I tackle the unhappy chore of removing of hundreds of tiny oak trees sprouting in my garden. So this week, I decided to pre-empt those suckers and rid the garden of them before taking root. Not as easy as I thought. Like giant pistachios, they had already split and many a root sprouted, burrowed firmly in the soil.

Although there were hundreds, maybe thousands, most were on the surface, fairly easy to dig up, but here and there I uncovered clusters of acorns hidden in the stone wall, under the branches of low bushes, concealed among the stalks.



Then I found it - the Mother Lode, the Cave of Wonders, the Pirate’s Booty. No way was this pile the result of falling acorns. This was a secret stash, a stockpile surreptitiously buried in some clandestine plot. This was the resident chipmunks’ winter preparations.

The outward appearances of these adorable little furballs belie their true identity - hideously destructive varmints. They burrow holes in the soil, loosen the supporting rocks, and now hoard potentially damaging future oak trees.

I didn’t see any chipmunks as I was working. No, they save their activities for when no one is around to witness their detrimental deeds. But the evidence of their handiwork is apparent.


Of course this got me thinking….

These acorns are like the barbed comments that people fling our way. And they hurt, not a bruise on the head, but on the heart. Zingers that find our soft spot, and embed themselves. If we let them take root, they will grow and fester and bear bitter resentful fruit. The longer the root remains, the stronger it gets and the harder it is to remove. It is easy to narrow our eyes at the perpetrator, to retaliate, to judge. But Scripture tells us:


… make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison. Deut. 29:18
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Heb. 12:15

After wasting useless minutes fuming at these critters, I realized -
             they are just doing what chipmunks do.
All my anger isn’t going to make them more sensitive.


I can’t change them, but I can change my root structure:

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Col. 2:6-7


Instead of hating the chipmunks, I have a choice.
And with those whose comments dent my soul, I have a choice.
I can let them fester, develop bitter roots, and ultimately poison me. Or I can respond as Jesus did. "Father, forgive them. Those chipmunks just don't know what they're doing." Well, a loose paraphrase, but you get the idea.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Eph. 3:16-19

Do You See What I See?

Betsy, as promised, here’s the story…

At training camp last week, I entered the primitive shower stall ever-so-gently, trying not to waken my sleeping cabin-mates. And there it was. A cricket on the floor of the stall. Shudder!!

Have I ever mentioned - I have a thing about crickets. I absolutely LOATHE them. If they stay outdoors in their proper habitat, I can manage, barely. But should they dare to enter MY habitat, they become an endangered species.

It all goes back to the summer of ’79. A rainy summer it was, that first year my friends and I rented a summer cottage (think - converted garage) in the Hamptons. By summer’s end, we had enough of the rain, especially since it brought crickets and their incessant chirping inside. I learned to ferret out their hideaways, anticipate their jumping trajectory, and have my flip-flop poised, ready to trounce. I became a serial cricket-murderer.

[by the way, one of the kids at training camp told me that when he first heard the term serial murderer, he wondered why anyone would want to kill cereal. But I digress, sorry]

Now toward summer’s end, I developed a fierce case of bronchitis. When my friend, Donna, went out for the evening, I rested on the couch in the living room. Delirious with fever, not quite awake or asleep, but somewhere in between, I see it. Sitting on the coffee table beside my bed. Staring at me with its hideous eyes. Antennae quivering. A giant, white albino cricket. And I do mean giant - it was the exact length and width of the coffee table. Frozen under my sheets, I sense it poised, waiting to pounce at my slightest movement. My lungs constrict as I ponder its possible trajectory.


Ah! Lights flash in the driveway. A car door thud, followed by the crush of gravel underfoot. The screen door creaks and Donna enters the room. Courageously, I shout a warning, “LOOK OUT FOR THE CRICKET!” Baffled, she asks, “What cricket?”


What cricket??? Is she blind?


My arm pointing to the offender, I shriek, “THE GIANT ALBINO CRICKET ON THE COFFEE TABLE!” And then with a huff, I turn my back to both Donna and the cricket.


In my mind’s eye, I saw both Donna and the imaginary cricket, so I pose the question:

How can she miss what I can see so clearly?

Which, in my illustration-grappling mind, translates to “Why doesn’t everyone see things my way?”


Ok, so that time, it was a fever-induced hallucination. But there’s many a time that subconsciously we picture ourselves as “the smartest person in the room,” so why isn’t everyone listening to ME? And though we may not say it, we wonder - Can’t you see my brilliant wisdom?? Can’t you see the situation or the solution as clearly as I do?


Be it is a colleague at the office, a fellow team member with a differing leadership style, someone in our circle of friends or a family member, somewhere along the line, it is certain that we will encounter a thorn in flesh, and when we do, we need to get over ourselves.

When I have that prideful attitude, I’m wrong even if I’m right. In his letter to the Phillipians, Paul says it this way:


If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.


Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.







Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever...

The Christian life is not a “my way or the highway” life. Before insisting on our way, we need to consider others better than ourselves. Who knows? God used a donkey to speak to a prophet. Imagine what can He do with me when I set aside my own agenda.

Climate Change

Yesterday, a patient entered our office declaring, "It's so hot outside." Hmmmm… It's January in New Jersey, how can it be considered "hot"?? Well, at 55 degrees, it was sweltering and came close to setting a record.    


But the same 55 degrees in August would be considered frigid.

Now today it's down to 35 degrees, a cold snap compared to yesterday, but compared to the 10 degree temperatures we suffered in December, today’s 35 degrees would be considered downright balmy.
This thing is - 55 degrees is 55 degrees.
Period.
If it's been cold, 55 feels like a heat wave, but if it's been warm, 55 feels chilly.

It only seems to be cold or warm because of our feelings. The temperature is what it is, but we respond to it differently based upon how we feel at any given moment.

And our feelings are subjective. They are influenced by people around us, circumstances that we can or cannot control, health issues, the slow driver in front of us, the pants that no longer zipper up, the song that reminds us of something we want to forget, hormones (or as Beth Moore says "haaar-mones, ladies").

How we feel about something doesn’t necessarily reveal the truth of a matter.

One day, my husband can ask, “Are you ready?” and I’ll say, “Just a minute, hon, gotta grab my bag.”

And another day, same question, same 3 words, but I’ll bite his head off. “What do you mean - am I ready? Who do you think you are anyway, the time-dictator? You’re always criticizing how long it takes me to do things. You don’t always have to wait for me. Sometimes, I’m ready on time. Do you think I try to make you wait? This is how long it takes me to get ready, so just hold your horses. Now I gotta grab my tissues and makeup. You made me cry. Thanks a lot.”

Same question. Two different responses depending on how I was feeling.

Our feelings change like the weather, up and down. (Sometimes even because of the weather, right?) And how we feel changes how we perceive things.

But there is something that never changes.

Jesus.

He is who He is - unchanging, fixed, the same yesterday, today and forever. Our temperature may change, but His truth remains the same.

When we are upset or depressed, we must evaluate our feelings against the barometer of God’s Word. What is really the truth? How I feel? Or what God says?

True peace is not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, or in good feelings. In fact, true peace is found in spite of them. (Philippians 4:6,7)

And speaking of personal climate change, Ron Hutchcraft wrote a wonderful story about how our temperature affects those around us.

http://www.hutchcraft.com/a-word-with-you/your-personal-power/changing-the-climate-6010

His conclusion:
It's easy to complain about how things are in your family, or how they are at work or how they are at church or at school. But complaining won't change a thing. Neither will condemning or criticizing or preaching. What is needed where you are is someone who will be what they wish others would be - to lead by contagious example. To step out from a climate that is negative or nasty or stressed or prideful or selfish, and to challenge it, not by their words, but by their actions. Decide how you wish everyone would be in your situation, and then start being it yourself!


Over time, one person can have amazing power to change the atmosphere and to improve the climate. In the places God has put you, why don't you be the one who quietly leads everyone else to something better? Don't wait for someone else to change. You have the power to start changing the climate in your personal world.


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How can you be a climate-changer? What would it take? 

Susan

The Princess and The Pea

It was there. I knew it. I just couldn't find it.

Every step I took told me there was something sharp under my foot. I took off my slipper. I took off my sock. I shook them out. I put on my sock. I put on my slipper. I took a step. Arrrgh! Still there! Over and over, I repeated this on-off-on procedure until I discovered a tiny,but sharp pebble deeply embedded in the fleecy fur of the slipper. I felt like the storybook princess who felt a tiny pea buried under her many mattresses. Something so small disturbed her terribly.

This tiny stone irritated my foot and annoyed me greatly. How about when a piece of sand gets in your eye? It rubs and scratches and grates against the delicate tissue causing redness, tears and ultimately destruction if it is not removed.

A few (quite a few!) years ago, I was on a retreat with several friends. Nancy, Neil and I were walking, and I had trouble with the stairs due to an old injury to my right knee. At 16 years old, I had surgery on the knee after a bad fall that chipped part of the back of the kneecap (among other things). The surgery removed the chips and repaired the ligaments & tendons, but the surgeon did not smooth the back of the kneecap, as he should have. Consequently, the knee was (and is - despite 2 additional surgeries) a "constant source of irritation". When I explained my knee trouble to Nancy & Neil, I mentioned those words "constant source of irritation". Immediately, Nancy turned to Neil with a smile (or should I say smirk) and said, "Neil, you are a constant source of irritation!"

We have laughed about this for years since. But if you have someone, or something, in your life that is a constant source of irritation, it usually is not a laughing matter. Just the sight of that person can raise all sorts of emotions. Just the reminder of that situation can cause physical responses such as tightening of the muscles, headaches... do I need to go on?

But take that very same grain of sand, that source of irritation to the eye, place it in an oyster, and something magical happens. When that irritant is caught inside the oyster's shell, the oyster starts to secrete a substance called nacre. This substance coats the irritant and encapsulates it. According to Wikipedia, "Nacre, also known as mother of pearl, is strong, resilient, and iridescent. This substance is called "mother of pearl" because it is literally the "mother", or creator, of true pearls." What begins as an irritating annoyance is transformed. The insignificant grain of sand has become a valuable pearl.

What is important to note is the fact that the irritant in the eye is exactly the same as the one in the oyster. What is different is the response! Scripture is clear that God allows tribulations in our lives (John 16:33). Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The phrase, "you will have trouble" is sandwiched between "you may have peace" and "take heart. I have overcome the world!".

Whatever is your "constant source of irritation" can be transformed into a valuable pearl if you respond as the oyster. Won't you be "strong, resilient and iridescent" (reflecting the light!)? Would you receive your irritation as the beginning of a beautiful transformation in your life? Will you recognize that God allowed this person or situation to be close to you for your benefit, so that you can be transformed? And take note - there would be no valuable pearl without that annoying irritant!

In the fable, the princess was troubled by a small matter. In real life, you are a princess (1 Peter 2:9) You are a daughter of the King. Do not let yourself be troubled by what really is a small matter compared to our kingdom, our eternity! Allow that nuisance to bring about transformation - Christlikeness - the most precious, priceless, valuable quality you could ever possess.

Susan

Why Worry?

That second statement is just so true, isn't it?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life ? Matthew 6:27

Susan