Danny Trejo is A MOTHERFUCKER in Bad Ass (2012)

When the popularity of Epic Beard Man reached soaring heights and made an internet celebrity (i.e. youtube sensation) out of Tom Bruso, it was only a matter of time before his already not so bright and shiny image would be unnecessarily mishandled for the sake of an incredibly shitty action movie. Internet "memes" are of course the next logical steps in storytelling these days (where else are new ideas going to come from?), and what better one to expand upon than the AC Transit Bus Fight I am a Motherfucker video! But trust me, this is no Safety Not Guaranteed... oh no... what could have been a heartfelt movie with a lot of emotion was only halfway thought up and the rest of it was filled with made-for-tv slop.

I love me some Danny Trejo. In fact, I think he's an awesome choice as the lead here. I know that Slick Tom there is an old white dude, and the guy he beat down was some trash talkin' black guy, but Trejo just works perfectly in this role. I don't even really mind that in the movie he beats down two skinheads who are threatening elderly folk on the bus. Facts are always changed in movies and little changes like that just have to be dealt with. I was actually pretty excited about seeing this when I rented it a while back, but after it was all done with I just felt really let down.

It started off nicely enough, with a shot of Dat Ass! Danny Trejo looked great dressed just like the dude. There was a girl wearing big headphones who looked kinda sorta like Amber Lamps, but like a frumpy totally not as hot version of her... then the skinheads showed up, and it was weird, but the bus scene played out and it ended up being a cool representation of the original event. As the film slowly progressed and Epic Beard Man became popular around town (and all over the net) it started to be a rather endearing film. It was gritty, depressing, and bleak. Just the way I like it.

Then Charles Dutton and Ron Perlman show up (two guys I have no problem with, in fact, I do enjoy their work), but man, the material that these two are given here with this lousy as all fuck script just turns this potentially uplifting movie about a guy forever down on his luck to a goddamn shlock-fest. Total z-grade action thriller type stuff ensues and it's all really lame. This second TRAILER actually does a decent job of making the film look somewhat better than it actually is, but even watching the first one or the film itself left me cringing. This could have been a hell of a lot better it the filmmakers didn't turn it into such a dumb emotionless turd by the end.

Safety Not Guaranteed is proof that a movie can be made out of something with as little background story as a newspaper clipping about a guy wanting a companion to go back in time, and if you've got writers and directors with heart, there can be an awesome film there. Bad Ass just leaves a bad taste in my mouth when it's all said and done. The story was changed so much that I bet Tom Bruso never saw a penny of whatever money was made from this. If I'm wrong about that let me know, because really I would like to know the facts on that. It would have been cool if he had a cameo at least, or it was dedicated to him, or he saw some profits. But I don't even know if he's aware the movie even exists.

I would recommend renting this or however you view movies these days just for a single view. But for me, the real story and multiple videos online about this guy are a hell of a lot more interesting than this flick. It's too bad, because like I said, there was a lot of potential with this project. It was just handled incompetently and by the looks of things, for all the wrong reason$$$.

"What are Brains... Like a 10 Piece?"

Zombie Drive-Thru Prank, Let's Go! I'll admit, I wasn't too amused with EdBassmaster when I had first seen his videos on youtube a year or so ago. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, what the hell is this "bartledoo" shit? But he's grown on me over time with bits like his "PSH" prank (which he's got about five now), his refining of characters, and the way he just yells out what he's dressed at while he's startling people. Don't know why but something about him dressed up as a bush then jumping out screaming "I'm a bush!" just gets me every time. Kinda like this video, where he scared the shit out of people and fails to scare a girl who afterwards asks one of the dumbest questions ever.

Am I ever going to get tired of this video?
Not a Zombie's chance in Hell!

*NOTE* The picture of the chick with the BIG BRAINS above has nothing to do with the video that I didn't make but I'm posting here because I like it and want people to know that I do. And I really hate it when a post doesn't have a pic to go along with it... Soooooooooooooooo boobs. That is all.

Teh Internets Presents: Miss Hannah Minx

It's Hanna Minx appreciation day! Why? Because I said so bitches. Rawk.

Photo Credit to whatever that says up there. Nice picture though.

She did some Elvira cosplay at one point in which Elvira herself did a little mock-up video right back at her. I thought that was a little interesting.

Miss Hannah Minx gets a lot of hate over on her YouTube account. Aside from comments that stem from jealousy, there's remarks about her "pretending to be Japanese" which annoys the shit out of certain people. Also, how she's basically just parading around like a "cheap ass cock-tease" and never just comes out honestly about it. Does she have to? How her channel is simply just "Boobs!", and all the talking is just an excuse to show them off. That she's "annoying as hell" and the "Mute Button was made for her". So on and so forth.

I like Miss Hannah Minx, aside from the obvious reasons... I get it. I take her "personality" and channel at total face value. It's ridiculous. She's got them titties hiked way up and in yer face every video and doesn't ever seem to acknowledge it, but why should you give a fuck? [Take for example the video below where shes starts doing push-ups... I mean, come on.] It's not like she's really being devious or trying to trick people with her boobs. It's totally obvious, she knows it, and I would think that the studio audience knows it too.

Personally, I think she's cute as all hell. She reminds me of my lost but not forgotten Ex in a haunting sort of way... but I can deal with that, in fact, it's what made me a fan in the first place. Plus, I like it when chicks do Cosplay... especially when it's Gothic or Devilish! I happen to think a lot of the "YouTube Personalities" out there are quite shit. I can't stand the featured stuff and find a lot of these popular videos really annoying. Hannah Minx gets irritating after a while (dat voice), but I think her channel is some wholesome, non-family entertainment.

Hmm... "Look at my weights ^_^!" Yeah. I'm lookin' alright.

Shit Teh Web #3: Epic Beard Man

Bronson from Street Trash is apparently Alive and kicking some f’n ass! How he survived that flying canister to the lump above his shoulders is beyond me, but by the looks of it he’s cleaned up a little bit. His clothes are washed, his beard (though now gray due to aging) is nicely groomed, and he’s wearing a sweet-arse shirt that reads: “I am a Motherfucker” on the back. But while his style may have somewhat improved (total matter of opinion there), he’s still a psycho Vietnam flashback havin’ bastard and it looks to me that he’s carrying a sharpened femur bone in that fanny pack of his!

“Out-fucking-standing Chow Man!!” Now 67 years of age and after upgrading from walking and stomping to riding public transportation, he seems a bit more peaceful than his previous junkyard days. But that peacefulness isn’t something that he can easily control… what with the lingering dementia and such… so when a jive ass mofo gets smart with his mouth, ol’ Epic here lays down the law – Street Trash style. Even commenting on how it’s better to be “pissed off, than on” I’d say we’ve got a solid open and shut case here. Just listen to the way he screams the words “I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!” at exactly 1:51. One Fifty One… ain’t that some shit, let me know. That’s the fuckin’ Viper, baby!

Muhammad Ali ain’t got shit on the pounding Bronson gives this straight up G. “You bitch! You never defile me that way in front of the men!”

Let it be known here and now, that Epic Beard Man (and his minions - yes, he has minions... and they're all old as shit too, but strong as fuck) is the guy all shit-talkers should fear. Lesson learned is keep your fuckin' mouth shut on the bus you punk ass bitches! Or it's gonna' be opened for ya'... and then you'll be spit-shining someone's velcro sneakers with your blood. An old ass dude can't even go to his mum's funeral these days without someone talkin' shit and threatening him with a knife?

No. He's no "hero"... not in the traditional sense. Heroes help people. This guy just helps people to believe… and what people believe, that’s their own business. Everyone’s got an opinion from “Racist Comments” to “Don’t Mess with the Elderly” to “1st Post! Dur!”… Check out EPIC Beard Man @: Know Your Meme.

Shit Teh Web #1: Skeletor/Beastman

Brandon DiCamillo is an intriguing fellow.

Now I’m not going to lie here. I know jack shit about CKY or their crew, I never really watched Jackass or Bam’s show, and generally I think actions such as pissing on your friend’s faces while they sleep is a bit too juvenile for me to enjoy on a regular basis. I’m not into skateboarding despite being from perhaps a city most well known for surfing and skating, I was a metal head not too much concerned about punk music while all of this shit went on, and my unnatural fear of shopping carts just kept me from enjoying all of the festivities.

But I still love prank videos. And my fondness for all things horrible has led me to seek out some of Gnarkill’s material. Brandon is from what I’ve seen, first of all, fuckin’ nuts! But add to that the fact that his aura and style is Brutal, Raw, uncaring and popped-cherry on the top funny… makes him just f’n unbelievable. Naturally charismatic and random as all shit, he seems to be most surely the loose cannon life of the bunch. Skeletor “VS” Beastman (a song and video that not only stunned me as I instantly proclaimed it greatness!) has probably the best rhythm, beats and lyrical flow out of all the stuff from him I have heard. Plus, the song is just gay as all hell, which makes it a whole lot funnier. Let's face it.

Oh yeh, and his Chinese Freestyle rap, is nothing short of Pure Brilliance! Check em out.