Check out this new Warlock Tap Handle!

Duuuuuuuuuuude... take a look at the newest tap handle from Southern Tier. The deluxe Warlock pump! Damn that sounds nasty. This blunt instrument is sixteen inches of pure sexual aggression just waiting to be unleashed on some unsuspecting drinker. Much like its bodacious cousin the Pumking tap handle, this beauty is a sight to behold. Just the thought of some hot tramped-out blonde bombshell bartender stroking this thing while pouring me a tall glass of sugary pumpkin grimness is enough to get these crusty shorts soaking wet. It's madness... madness I say!

And then there's this sweet Pumking gear that they've got for sale as well. Imagine how much of a f'n dork-ass-nerd you'd look like walking around in a matching Pumking hat and t-shirt, especially if you were like "oh hay bro, wanna play some Pumking Frisbee while wearing Pumking gear and drinking some Pumking!?" That'd be radical! And then your bud would be all like "Oh no way brah, fur sure." Man, back after Grindhouse came out I remember the FLAK I got at work from my buddies when I'd wear my matching Death Proof shirt and hat combo. I'd have to tell those fuckers, "Hey, just because I'm wearing a matching Death Proof hat and shirt that doesn't mean I'm a freak, alright!" Like I'd have to wear that shit to be a freak anyways.

But hot damn would you look at that sweet Pumking hat. I'm not really into mesh backs and the stitching looks a bit shady, but what-the-fuck-ever cuz. Myself, I like a nice fit on a hat. I've bought hats before and some of them were really awesome, but they fit like shit and didn't look right. This one would probably do nicely on my dome since my head is, after all, shaped like a fucking pumpkin from doing too much acid back in the day! I swear every time I walk down the street this chill smoked-out Mexican dude just stares at me in wonderment, like he just shit a dog meat burrito in his pants. I'm tellin' ya. 

Just bought a motherfucking case of Pumking!

That is all.

Never too late for more Pumpkin Beers!

Hello and welcome to Beer Porn #9 (aka #7 if you don't count empty bottles or merchandise!)... I was pretty psyched when I hit up the shop today. For some reason CBC's Heather Ale didn't show up in my part of da hood, even though I saw it two months ago just a half hour away, and every single other CBC brew has popped up on the shelf right upon release. So what's the deal with this one? I waited, figuring it would show up but I had given up hope this last week and decided to take a trip. This would be one of my 6 beers for the 15% off deal... until I almost forgot, that is.

CLICK THE PIC!

Pictured (from LtoR):

Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA [My 3rd Bottle] (I reviewed one and mixed the second with WWS)
Dogfish Head Olde School Barleywine [1st Bottle]
Wachusett Imperial Pumpkin [3rd Bottle] (Reviewed)
Southern Tier Imperial Pumking [5th Bottle?] (Reviewed and mixed the fourth with WWS)
Jolly Pumpkin La Parcela No. 1 Pumpkin Ale [1st Bottle]
Heavy Seas Greater Pumpkin [1st Bottle]
Cambridge Great Pumpkin Ale [2nd Bottle] (Reviewed)
Cambridge Heather Ale [1st Bottle]
Breckenridge Christmas Ale [1st Bottle]
Avery Old Jubilation Ale [1st Bottle]

Walking into the liquor store Craft Beer Shop, to me, is like a kid walking into fucking Toys-R-Us. What was the first thing to catch my eye? Hoppin' Frogs Barrel Aged Christmas and Pumpkin Ales! Did I want them? You bet your ass. It's all I can think about now as I sit here typing this. But the Christmas Ale was $20 and the Pumpkin was $15. I've already had both of the Regular Seasonal Versions (reviewed), but that is some steep cash dude. What in the fuck is up with those Hoppin' Frog prices!? Sure I had two orgasms while drinking the regular release version of their Frosted Frog Christmas Ale... but damn, $20 for 22 ounces?

There were also some great gift boxes to be held. Notable exception which I had never seen was a huge display for the Mad Elf Ale with a massive stand-up of the Elf himself (some 6 Feet tall). They had tons of Sixers, that Huge Ass Bottle of the stuff in a box, and even a Gift Set with one Bomber and a Glass (featuring the Elf and Logo on it). Even saw two bottles of Dogfish Head 75 Minute for $10 a piece. As I conspired a way to get locked inside the place overnight, I realized that I had obligations, and just ended up buying my six pack for $35. Will what I want be there the next time I go back? Could I have enough First World Problems? They're going to have to change the name of that term pretty damn soon, that's what I think (I mean, take a look around).

Mixing Brews #3

Southern Tier Pumking (2012) "VS" Dogfish Head World Wide Stout (2009)

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?: I can hear Foley's manic screams of "He's Hardcore!" blaring through my skull, as I prepare to down a Thirty-Four fluid ounce mix of two of the most intense beers in the world! Southern Tier's Pumking, no doubt the most infamous pumpkin beer ever known to man or beast, is a potent and magical elixir easily capable of capturing the more than willing offered souls of the not-so-innocent. But what happens to the Autumn Solstice when the frost of an early three-year-old winter comes flooding in from forgotten times and blackens all of the gold, yellow and orange leaves!? Dogfish Head's World Wide Stout, an extremely powerful medicine, is here with some dark forces of its own to figure these things out. Best to never forget the past.

HOW IT WENT DOWN: First of all, just smelling the Pumking as I poured half a glass of it was a fucking treat in itself! Man, does this really bring back the good times. And after pouring the World Wide Stout and smelling it, all I could muster up was a thought of "Uh-oh." Remember what happened last time you went to the pub, came home and busted out the WWS Drunketh? Yeh, I said hello to my good friend side of table and his buddy floor.

This black and tan, my very first actually, looks pretty damn incredible. I like the whole concept of it... it's visually interesting, fun to do and hell, a while back I got a few free 'Bass Black and Tan' pouring tools that fit right over a 16 oz glass. Been aching to use it, but I knew what I was saving it for... for This! I poured it like a total black and tan virgin too. All worried n' shit. Ha. It feels exciting to do something for the first time, and it's been a while...

The logistics of Black and Tan elude me of course, as one brew rests atop the other so I'm not exactly getting a real "mix", so what the hell... I think I'll just stir the fucker up! Alright, stirring it turned it a pitch black and gave it a sliver of a dark khaki head. The scent, if magnificent!! Loads of brown sugar, molasses, gingerbread cookies, and some dark fruity booze.

Took the first gulp, and yes, we have a winner. These two beers blend perfectly. There's the usual harsh boozyness from the WWS that's gently calmed by the Pumking, and at the same time that booze from the WWS subdues the spices from Pumking ever so slightly. It's pretty amazing how well these two fit in together. It's really syrupy sweet, and a bit grainy as well. Heavy hitting, but the harshness is brought to an "appropriate" level and overall it's just a pretty damn exciting mix of poisons.

For some reason it starts to smell like maple syrup after a while, especially when it warms and that WWS takes over. Not that I mind though. Pumpkin pie drizzled with maple syrup? I don't do it everyday. All out of WWS now, and I gotta say that I've really been wanting Pumpkin all year long! I'm really pleased that I chose these two to get things going for the Autumn months or whatever. I wanted to make it speshull for my popping my b and t cherry, and I think I did it. Shit was off the fucking hook.

Check out this new Pumking Tap Handle!

Tap Handles are always cool! It's a fact. Even the lame ones are still cool... [/PawnStars] I mean, that's how fucking awesome tap handles are. Think about it. Go into a bar with a shitload of taps and just gaze for a moment (or an hour) at the spectacle of awesomeness. Go into a dive with just a few tap handles on display (maybe just the basic bullshit american lager shit) and if there ain't a girl working the bar, then those pieces are the prettiest things in there by far. Oh, and they're always good for knocking someone over the head with if you've got beer rage. Say for instance if some douchebag comes in a starts playing Ska Musuck. I'd break a shitty green Heineken tap handle over some Fuckin' Rube's head any morning of the week at the pub if need be... but this Pumking puller, man, is this thing a work of art or what?! This is just too pretty to bust over some numbskull's chromedome.

Tell me that ain't badass. Too bad I don't got a keg area set up in my place. Perhaps sometime in the near future, but I'd still love to drop the measly $45 and just have this thing to admire and gently stroke. Not a weird thought in the least I'd say. 

And even though it's widely available on ST's website for $8, I've been waiting for an upcoming Pumpkin Beer Tasting to hopefully score one of these glasses for free with a bottle purchase. I doubt that shit will ever happen though! I might as well just order it for my throne room and get the agony of waiting over with. Goblets are always some serious shit, and I'm one seriously serious dude when it comes to goblets. Seriously. And while glass ain't the most worthy of elements for a goblet, this one is the only in its class.

Testing out my new Nikon Coolpix S6200

My old digicam is something like ten years old. It's OK, but runs on AA batteries and is shit for anything close-up. So I figured it was about time to upgrade (Thanks Ashton!), what with me taking so many pictures and all lately. I'm pretty strapped but I got a decent model for a low price and it's capable of capturing a lot of detail (such as Cyberverse Commander Class Megatron's face, which is roughly half the size of my pinky fingernail). That review is coming a bit later. I'm still working on figuring it all out, and I've dumped about over 90% of the pictures I've taken so far.

Trinkets

I've learned a few things though: 1) I take better pics when I'm buzzed, as instead of shaking, I simply wobble slightly. 2) My apartment is dusty as fuck. 3) Getting a sharp detailed near 100% accurate photo without the flash ruining everything is hard as shit! Perhaps I should have bothered to read the instructions... nah. and 4) I'm never going to grow up.

My computer desk

Southern Tier Bottles (Still missing a few)

Soundwave and Ravage

Dusty ass Leader Skywarp

RoTF Starcream

Chest-burster Barricade

A few CDs

Hopefully with this new camera I'll be able to get some of these figure reviews off the ground. And perhaps I'll slowly get better at taking pictures altogether. Who knows. Click on the pics for greater detail.

Southern Tier Imperial Pumking Ale

This is technically my second time trying this ale (since I had a small swig at a tasting about a week back), but is my first buy and real drinking of the product. Oh, and welcome to my first ever beer review.

Southern Tier Imperial pumking Ale (2011)
Brewed and Bottled by Southern Tier Brewing Company in Lakewood, NY, USA.
Autumn Seasonal (Yearly Release).
22 fl. oz  / $7.99 USD / 8.6% ABV (I hear that it used to be 9% in previous batches from years before.)

About: "Bewitched and brewed with pagan spirit! Pumking is an ode to Púca, a creature of Celtic folklore, who is both feared and respected by those who believe in it. Púca is said to waylay travelers throughout the night, tossing them on its back, and providing them the ride of their lives, from which they return forever changed. Brewed in the spirit of All Hallows Eve, a time of the year when spirits can make contact with the physical world and when magic is most potent. Pour Pumking into a goblet and allow it’s alluring spirit to overflow. As spicy aromas present themselves, let it’s deep copper color entrance you as your journey into this mystical brew has just begun. As the first drops touch your tongue a magical spell will bewitch your taste buds making it difficult to escape the Pumking. Malts: 2-row Pale, Caramel / Kettle Hops: Magnum / Aroma Hops: Sterling / Pureed Pumpkin."

Thoughts: Look at that evil motherfucker. This bottle is impossible not to see when you're walking through the shops. Love the little orange bats that are flying off to the right of the label. This bomber is truly fit for the king.

It's gotta orange rusty color that's somewhat translucent (heard that it was grainy like you'd want to chew it but it's not even hazy at all), a 1/4 inch finger head and the bubbles are very small. There doesn't look to be all that much carbonation, which I didn't expect. The head dissipated in no time flat.

This ale smells great! That's probably the best thing going for it, not that I'm knocking the taste, but I'd say that the aroma is a major attraction and focal point of this one. There's a strong pumpkin pie, gingerbread/graham crackers and cloves scent. I'm not really getting much of the cinnamon, but there's a little vanilla. I read one review saying this ale has a scent reminiscent of spicy creamed corn. When I read that I went back to the empty bottle for another smell, and yes, there it was. The aromas here completely engulf the senses. I could breathe this one in for days.

Nutmeg, Pumpkin Pie (surprise), Cloves, Brown Sugar. The faint hop aroma ain't that faint once you taste it. It's a strong ale and you can tell, but it's not too overpowering after the second and third gulp. The spices are strong and the taste is quite sweet, yet it's got a not-too-harsh kick to it. After drinking a bit over half of the bottle, the taste and smell seemed (and this was almost unnoticeable) vinegar-like.

Because of the light carbonation this was really easy to drink. It was however mouth coating and the slightest bit astringent, leaving me puckering like a kissing fish for a while.

Bittersweet, Metallic aftertaste is quite good with a long lingering finish. The flavors all seem to stand out, yet in the end it's pretty balanced. I like this ale, but probably wouldn't buy it on a regular (limited) basis  due to the price. One thing is for sure: The bottle has a very cool design. It really stands out what with that Evil Pumpkin(g) on the label. I think I'll be keeping it for a while.

NOTE: I'm not giving this ale a rating yet, since I'll be trying about a dozen or more pumpkin related drinks this month and at the end of all of it I'll be grading them on a curve. Cheers you crazy fothermuckers!