Und vee're back!...

Guten Tag, my friends, und vellcome!  Vonce again, zis is Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 

It has been some time since vee last met, ja?  Perhaps you may be interested in zee verk I haf done since our last meetingk.  My client must, of course, remain unnamed, but I am currently verking vith a blue-skinned canine who is tormented by zee memories of his lost love, zee mysterious "Clementine."  He simply cannot go a single day vithout singingk a sad song in her memory.  A terrible thingk, ja?

...But I digress.  Today it seems vee haf a new client, Mr. Patch Benjamin Dog.  He has graciously agreed to permit recording of his therapy sessions, in zee hope zat his experiences may help other troubled dogs everyvair.

How are you today, Mr. Patch?

"G-good, thanks, Doc." 
 

I sense zat you are somevat nervous. 
 

"Y-yeah, I guess you could say that.  A-actually, that's part of why I'm here today."

Vell, you haf come to zee right place.  Vhy don't you lie down und get comfortable?  Und vennever you are ready, tell me your concerns.
 

"Okay...(ooo,this is a nice soft pillow).  Anyway...the reason I'm here, Doc, is because...well, to put it plainly, I'm a scaredy-dog."

I see.  Zis is a self-diagnosis? 

"Yes, sir."

Tell me how you came to zis conclusion.

"Well, I'm just...afraid of everything."

I see.  Can you gif me an example?

"Well, um...the most recent example was when my friends and I were picking out a movie to watch together.  I was too scared of the movies they wanted to watch."

Mmm-hmm.  Und if I may ask, vat movies zid zey vant to vatch?

"Well, Spunky wanted to watch Aliens."

My goodness.  Zat is a VERY scary film, Patch.

"You think so?"

Ja, ja.  I zink your reaction vas not so unusual.  But let's examine zis further, shall vee?  Can you gif me another example?

"Well...there was that time that Droopy was kidnapped, and we had to go to the docks at midnight to deliver the ransom...if Spunky and Grandpa hadn't been there with a flashlight, I would've run away screaming."

My goodness.  Again, zat sounds like a situation vich vood frighten most reasonable people. 

Patch looked hopeful.  "Really?"

Jawohl, Mr. Patch.  I zink perhaps you are being too hard on yourself.  You zink you are a "scaredy-dog," but you are only displayingk a very rational reaction to fearful stimuli.   

I vood like to suggest an alternate diagnosis.  I belief you may be an HSP.

Patch looked worried.  "HSP?  What's that?  Is that bad?"

Nein, nein.  HSP stands for Highly Sensitif Pooch, vich means you are more sensitif to criticism, loud sounds, und strong emotions zan your peers. 

So...it iz very important for you to monitor zee sights und sounds you take in.
  

Patch looked thoughtful.  "Hmm.  That does make a lot of sense."

May I make a suggestion? 

"Of course, Doc."

Every day, try to do vun thing zat scares you.  Start very small and build up slowly.  Before long, you vill surprise yourself vith vat you are able to do.  Vill you try zis for me?

"Um...okay.  I'll try."

Sehr gut.  Vell, vee are out of time for today, but I zink vee haf made much progress.  You know how to reach me if you need me, ja?  Until our next session, zen...

Therapy session #5--Advantages of Spunky's size

Guten Tag, everyone.  Vellcome back to another therapy session.  As alvays, I am Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair.  

Vell, Spunky, last time you had some trouble comingk up with good thingks about being your size.  Do you remember?

"Yes I do, Doc."

Und then vee sent out an appeal for help to our blog audience.  Vee had a very robust response...many goot suggestions.  Vhy don't vee go over them together?

"Sure, that sounds good.  I'm curious to hear what they came up with."

  
Very vell.  First, vee had zee followingk comment:  

When the dog treat jar is quite deep, I would think Spunky could crawl right down into it and get at the dog treats, whereas bigger dogs would be unable to do that.

"Oh, wow," Spunky said.  "That's a really good point.  I didn't think of that." 

Jawohl.  Zat could actually be lifesavingk, in a starvation situation.  Here's another vun:

Smaller dogs also fit better into human bags, thus making it more likely that they will have grand adventures outside.

"I guess I am travel-size," Spunky admitted.

Und here iz vun final comment: 
 
If you lose something under the couch, Spunky can fit under there and retrieve it.  

"Like what?" Spunky asked.

Vell...thumbtacks, for example.  Pens und pencils.  Rings und uzzer small joovelry items.  Und, last but not least, spare change.

 "Oooo....I think I like that one the best!" Spunky exclaimed.  "You're right...maybe being small does have its advantages."

Jawohl.  It iz zimply a matter of perspectif.  Vell, that is all zee time vee haf for now.  Keep lookingk for vays your size verks to your advantage, ja?  Until next time, zen...

 

Therapy session #4--Spunky's diagnosis

Guten Tag vonce again, my friends.  It is I, Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 

I must confess...today I am a bit discouraged.  If you remember, venn I last appeared on zis blog, I reported zat my famous client had made progress battling his addiction to a certain type of dog snack.

Unfortunately, he appears to have had a relapse und has not been able to repeat his success since zen.  Sigh.  A terrible thingk, ja?...I guess vee vill just have to keep verking...

But I digress.  I zank you for joiningk us.  Today is a very important day for our client, Mr. Spunky Bones Dog.  Because today, after sefferal months of verking vith him, I vill reveal vat I belief to be his diagnozis. 

Again, as you may recall, he has graciously agreed to allow recordingk of his zessions.  Hello again, Spunky.

"Hi, Doc.  So...did you figure out why I'm having my weird dream?"

Ja, I belief so.  I zuspect you may haf a variant of Small Dog Syndrome.

"Really?" Spunky gasped.  "But I don't act like a diva.  --Do I?"

Nein, nein.  As I said, zis is a variant of the disorder.  You are right--ordinarily, Small Dog Syndrome occurs when humans use too little dizipline with zair small dogs.

However, I do not think zat iz your problem.  Your issue iz zee fact that you conzentrate too much on zee limitations of your size, und not enough on the advantages.  

"Really?  I don't think so..."

Vell, let's examine zat for just a moment.  Vill you try zumthingk for me?  Tell me vat you dislike about being your size.

"That's easy.  I can't reach the dog biscuits on the highest shelf.  I'm not strong enough to open most doors by myself.  It's hard to find clothes that fit.  And then it's easy for people to make fun of me..."

Mmm-hmm.  Now, let's svitch tactics.  Tell me some GOOD thingks about beingk your size. 

".....................................................................Um.  I can't think of anything, Doc."

Mmm.  I have some ideas on this topic, but perhaps vee should first appeal to our blog friends for help.  

How about it, meine Freunde?  Can you thingk of some advantages smaller dogs haf over larger dogs?... 

Therapy session #3--Rorschach cards

Guten Tag, my friends.  Vonce again, I am Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 

Before vee get started, I haf some very heartvarmingk news to share.  For a long time, I haf been verkingk vith a famous cartoon dog--I cannot tell you his name, of course, but he travels vith four humans in a van solvingk mysteries--to help him break his peculiar addiction to a particular type of dog snack.  Und zis veek, vee haf made a breakthrough!  He managed to go a whole 24 hours vithout eatingk a single snack.  I am zo proud of him.  A vonderful thingk, ja?

...But I digress.  Today vee continue our qvest to help Mister Spunky Bones Dog.  During our last zession, Mr. Spunky stated he had had a terrible dream, in vich he was beingk pursued by an entity much...uhh...larger than him.

Zince I haf been practicing for many years, zis immediately zuggests to me an underlyingk diagnozis.  Howeffer, to confirm this findingk, I feel it necessary to run some further tests. Iz zis agreeable, Spunky?

"Sure, Doc.  Um...I mean...it won't hurt, will it?"

Nein, nein.  Zis is a zychological test...a completely noninvasif procedure.  All I vill do is hold up zees cards, you see?  Zees are called Rorschach cards.

All you haf to do iz tell me vat you see.  Zair are no right or wrong answers, zo do not think too much about it.  Just say zee first thingk that comes to mind, ja?

"Okay.  That sounds simple enough."

Das ist gut.  Here vee go. Vat do you see?

"I see a big heart surrounded by a whole lot of little hearts."

Mmm-hmm...und here? 

"I see a big tree surrounded by a whole lot of little trees."

Mmm-hmm.  Und here?  Last one.

"I see a big bone surrounded by a whole lot of little bones."

Mmm-hmmm.  Fascinatingk.  It zeems I vas right about the diagnozis all alongk.  Unfortunately vee are runningk low on time today, but never fear...now zat i haf zee answer, vee can start to discuss zee underlyingk problem...
 

Therapy session #2

Guten Tag, my friends.  Vonce again, I am Professor  Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair.  

 

Did you know I vonce verked vith a very famous television dog?  I cannot tell you her name, of course.  But after her TV show vas over, she came to me vith recurrent nightmares in vich her master, a young human boy, alvays got stuck down a vell.  Can you imagine?  Everytime you sleep, you dream about your master gettingk stuck down a vell.  A terrible thingk, ja?...

But I digress.  Thank you for joiningk me today.  Today vee continue our zessions vith Mr. Spunky Bones Dog.  Again, if you remember, he has graciously agreed to allow recordingk of his zessions.

Guten Tag, Spunky.

"Hi, Doc.  Good to see you again."

Gut to zee you, too.  Zo tell me:  How haf you been doingk since our last meetingk?

"Pretty well, thanks.  I try to remember what you told me, about uniqueness being on the inside, not just the outside."

Das ist gut.  Haf you seen your brothers again since last time?

"Yup.  In fact, we're going to play golf together this weekend."  

Fantastisch!  It zounds like you are gettingk along vell.

"Yeah.  They're all really great to talk to.  Well, except for Bill."  

He is still zee quiet vun, eh?

"You bet.  Can't get a word out of him.  But actually, Doc, today I wanted to ask you about some dreams I've been having."

Of course.  Haf a seat.  Are you comfortable?  Gut.  Now...tell me about zees dreams.

 

"Well, one of them is pretty scary.  I'm being chased, but no matter how hard I try to run, I can't move."

Vow.  Very scary indeed.  Vat is chasingk you?  Can you describe it?   

"I don't know.  I never get a good look at it.  I just know it's after me, and it's up to no good.  And...um...."

You hesitate.

"Don't laugh."

Of course not.

"Um...whatever it is, it's a lot bigger than me."


Mmmm-hmmm.  Imagine zat.

“Sorry?  What did you say?”

Err…nothing.  Yes.  Zis is most fascinatingk, Spunky.  I think vee must explore this further if vee are to make any breakthroughs.  Next time vee meet, I haf an exercise I vood like to do vith you...