Therapy session #4--Spunky's diagnosis

Guten Tag vonce again, my friends.  It is I, Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 

I must confess...today I am a bit discouraged.  If you remember, venn I last appeared on zis blog, I reported zat my famous client had made progress battling his addiction to a certain type of dog snack.

Unfortunately, he appears to have had a relapse und has not been able to repeat his success since zen.  Sigh.  A terrible thingk, ja?...I guess vee vill just have to keep verking...

But I digress.  I zank you for joiningk us.  Today is a very important day for our client, Mr. Spunky Bones Dog.  Because today, after sefferal months of verking vith him, I vill reveal vat I belief to be his diagnozis. 

Again, as you may recall, he has graciously agreed to allow recordingk of his zessions.  Hello again, Spunky.

"Hi, Doc.  So...did you figure out why I'm having my weird dream?"

Ja, I belief so.  I zuspect you may haf a variant of Small Dog Syndrome.

"Really?" Spunky gasped.  "But I don't act like a diva.  --Do I?"

Nein, nein.  As I said, zis is a variant of the disorder.  You are right--ordinarily, Small Dog Syndrome occurs when humans use too little dizipline with zair small dogs.

However, I do not think zat iz your problem.  Your issue iz zee fact that you conzentrate too much on zee limitations of your size, und not enough on the advantages.  

"Really?  I don't think so..."

Vell, let's examine zat for just a moment.  Vill you try zumthingk for me?  Tell me vat you dislike about being your size.

"That's easy.  I can't reach the dog biscuits on the highest shelf.  I'm not strong enough to open most doors by myself.  It's hard to find clothes that fit.  And then it's easy for people to make fun of me..."

Mmm-hmm.  Now, let's svitch tactics.  Tell me some GOOD thingks about beingk your size. 

".....................................................................Um.  I can't think of anything, Doc."

Mmm.  I have some ideas on this topic, but perhaps vee should first appeal to our blog friends for help.  

How about it, meine Freunde?  Can you thingk of some advantages smaller dogs haf over larger dogs?... 

Therapy session #3--Rorschach cards

Guten Tag, my friends.  Vonce again, I am Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 

Before vee get started, I haf some very heartvarmingk news to share.  For a long time, I haf been verkingk vith a famous cartoon dog--I cannot tell you his name, of course, but he travels vith four humans in a van solvingk mysteries--to help him break his peculiar addiction to a particular type of dog snack.  Und zis veek, vee haf made a breakthrough!  He managed to go a whole 24 hours vithout eatingk a single snack.  I am zo proud of him.  A vonderful thingk, ja?

...But I digress.  Today vee continue our qvest to help Mister Spunky Bones Dog.  During our last zession, Mr. Spunky stated he had had a terrible dream, in vich he was beingk pursued by an entity much...uhh...larger than him.

Zince I haf been practicing for many years, zis immediately zuggests to me an underlyingk diagnozis.  Howeffer, to confirm this findingk, I feel it necessary to run some further tests. Iz zis agreeable, Spunky?

"Sure, Doc.  Um...I mean...it won't hurt, will it?"

Nein, nein.  Zis is a zychological test...a completely noninvasif procedure.  All I vill do is hold up zees cards, you see?  Zees are called Rorschach cards.

All you haf to do iz tell me vat you see.  Zair are no right or wrong answers, zo do not think too much about it.  Just say zee first thingk that comes to mind, ja?

"Okay.  That sounds simple enough."

Das ist gut.  Here vee go. Vat do you see?

"I see a big heart surrounded by a whole lot of little hearts."

Mmm-hmm...und here? 

"I see a big tree surrounded by a whole lot of little trees."

Mmm-hmm.  Und here?  Last one.

"I see a big bone surrounded by a whole lot of little bones."

Mmm-hmmm.  Fascinatingk.  It zeems I vas right about the diagnozis all alongk.  Unfortunately vee are runningk low on time today, but never fear...now zat i haf zee answer, vee can start to discuss zee underlyingk problem...
 

Therapy session #2

Guten Tag, my friends.  Vonce again, I am Professor  Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair.  

 

Did you know I vonce verked vith a very famous television dog?  I cannot tell you her name, of course.  But after her TV show vas over, she came to me vith recurrent nightmares in vich her master, a young human boy, alvays got stuck down a vell.  Can you imagine?  Everytime you sleep, you dream about your master gettingk stuck down a vell.  A terrible thingk, ja?...

But I digress.  Thank you for joiningk me today.  Today vee continue our zessions vith Mr. Spunky Bones Dog.  Again, if you remember, he has graciously agreed to allow recordingk of his zessions.

Guten Tag, Spunky.

"Hi, Doc.  Good to see you again."

Gut to zee you, too.  Zo tell me:  How haf you been doingk since our last meetingk?

"Pretty well, thanks.  I try to remember what you told me, about uniqueness being on the inside, not just the outside."

Das ist gut.  Haf you seen your brothers again since last time?

"Yup.  In fact, we're going to play golf together this weekend."  

Fantastisch!  It zounds like you are gettingk along vell.

"Yeah.  They're all really great to talk to.  Well, except for Bill."  

He is still zee quiet vun, eh?

"You bet.  Can't get a word out of him.  But actually, Doc, today I wanted to ask you about some dreams I've been having."

Of course.  Haf a seat.  Are you comfortable?  Gut.  Now...tell me about zees dreams.

 

"Well, one of them is pretty scary.  I'm being chased, but no matter how hard I try to run, I can't move."

Vow.  Very scary indeed.  Vat is chasingk you?  Can you describe it?   

"I don't know.  I never get a good look at it.  I just know it's after me, and it's up to no good.  And...um...."

You hesitate.

"Don't laugh."

Of course not.

"Um...whatever it is, it's a lot bigger than me."


Mmmm-hmmm.  Imagine zat.

“Sorry?  What did you say?”

Err…nothing.  Yes.  Zis is most fascinatingk, Spunky.  I think vee must explore this further if vee are to make any breakthroughs.  Next time vee meet, I haf an exercise I vood like to do vith you...

Therapy session

Guten Tag, my friends, und vellcome.  My name iz Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology.  
 

 

Perhaps you haf heard of my rezearch?  I am most famous for my verk vith Pavlov's dogs.  Many of zees poor dogs haf asked me to help them reverse the effects of Pavlov's initial trainingk, so that they no longer drool when a bell ringks.  Can you imagine-- every time a bell ringks, you drool uncontrollably!  A terrible thingk, ja?...

  

But I digress.  Today it seemz I haf a new client.  He has graciously agreed to allow recordingk of zis session, as he hopes ozers vill benefit from his experience.

So, Mr...Spunky, is it?  How can I help you today?

"Well, Doc...this is a new experience for me.  I've never seen a therapist before.  I feel...shy."

I understand.  Zat is a perfectly normal reaction.  

"But I really need to talk to somebody about what's been going on over the last few weeks.  It's just been so...overwhelming..."   

I see.  Vell, vhy don't you lie down and get comfortable, und vee'll start from the beginningk? Anytime you're ready.

"Well, Doc, it started a couple of weeks ago, when I found out for the first time that I have three long-lost brothers."

My goodness.  That must haf been quite a shock. 

"It was!  And not only that...but we're identical.  Same ears, same fur, same eyebrows...we all look the same!"

Zat zeems to bother you.

"Well, yes!  I  mean, for most of my life, I thought I was special and unique."

I see.  So you feel that you are less unique now?

"Kind of, I guess."

Zis may zeem off-topic, but tell me about your hobbies.  

 

"Well, I like to listen to opera.  Mostly Poochini.  And anything sung by Luciano Poodlerotti or Placido Dogmingo." 

Und vat what do your brothers like to do?

"Well, one of them is an electrician, so I guess he plays with circuits and wires.  Another one is a paranormal investigator, so I guess he hunts ghosts.  And the last one...I don't know what he does.  He doesn't talk much.  Maybe he's a professional mime."

Vell.  It zounds to me as though your interests are quite different from your ziblings'.

"I guess..."

So even though the four of you look the same on the outside, you are certainly different on the inside, ja?

"...Huh.  I never thought of it that way before."

Vat makes you special is not on the outside, Spunky.  It's vat's inside that makes you unique.  

"Yeah.  Wow, thanks, Doc.  I feel much better already."

Das ist gut.  Vee are making progress.  Vell, ve're almost out of time for today...vee vill continue this another time, ja?  Call me if you need me...