Sunday Scribblings #39 - change

Change. I love it. It promotes growth, whether the change is good or bad we struggle through it and learn, and hopefully in the end we come out of it a better person. 2006 has been a year of change for me. Not just creatively but personally, emotionally and physically. I remember sitting down at the end of 2005 and writing down my goals for the upcoming year. What did I want to change? How was that going to happen? What steps could *I* take to help that? The biggest goals I had for this year were to get published again, get on a design team (or at least a guest spot) and ultimately get published in Simple Scrapbooks. I set small goals to help me along the way. Such as challenging myself creatively, take more photo's, and creating more.
I acheived ALL my goals by May 2006. I think this was a combination of my small steps and a quote by Ghandi:

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

I wanted things to change so I made them happen by changing my attitude. I set the bar and did everything *I* could to get me there. I have been very blessed in 2006 with publications, design teams and crafting in general but there are still lots of things I want to do. Lots of things I want to try. Everything I set out to do for 2006 left me with more things, more options, more directions to go. I'm still working out what I want for 2007... this year has been so great that if 2007 is half as good I'll be happy!

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Sunday Scribblings #38 - Anticipation

Anticipation

As soon as I hit send it's gone
but I know I cannot forget.
Its part of who I am to stew
pondering a question or two.
Will they pick me?
Will I make the team?
Did I send the best projects?
Why didn't I make more for the call?
Everytime it's the same.
Everytime I sit and stew.
The calls go out
the anticipation grows
will I be one of the chosen few?
I press F5, refresh, send and recieve
check the emails again and again
nothing, nothing, sometimes nothing
occasionally the "thanks but no thanks" email
anticipation over, another round begins.
but then some days, there it is,
that happy email arrives in my inbox.
I break out into a huge grin!
Anticipation over.
Another round begins...

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Sunday Scribblings: #37 Punishment and Reward

I'm a little (ok a LOT) behind on the Sunday Scribblings but I now have a list of what to do with the blog and on what days so this is helping me keep track and actually DO these challenges! Yesterdays prompt was "punishment and reward" which conjured up many images for me but this one I think speaks to many crafters!

Punishment & Reward
I am a woman, and I hate housework! There I said it! Now don't get me wrong sometimes it can be quite theraputic if I'm pissed off with something or someone, and need to work through the anger. In general though it bores the pants off me! To help with the mundane chores, earlier this year I devised a reward program for myself. "Paying" myself for chores done and for completing my list for the day/week. It worked great! For a while... You see the problem lay in the fact that initially the money I was earning was money I'd put to scrapbooking supplies. Then I got a design team, and another, and some guest spots. Now I have enough supplies right now! I'm more picky in the supplies I choose to buy. Therefore I don't NEED the reward so the punishment doesn't get done! Which in turn punishes me even further cos the messier the house is the more it stunts my creativity! Its a vicious circle! I think the reward system is something I definately need to revisit! My house was cleaner, my creativity level higher and I got the bonus of spending money on things I wanted! Its all to do with 2007 lately! Needing to plan for the New Year! I remember I had small incentives for creating too! Definately made me WANT to create more!
Punishment & Reward: it worked! I stopped! I need to start again! I have other things I can spend the money on besides scrapbooking. I need new clothes, new shoes, new everything really! I need a bigger plan! How many hours do we get in a day again? Mostly I need to feel better about myself which I did when I had this system in place!

Thanks for the reminder! I'll work on implementing this again in the New Year!

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Sunday Scribblings #24 - I will never write

I will never write my deepest fears
I will never write my darkest secrets
I will never write and be completely open
I will never write my true feelings
I will never write and post my first draft
I will never write without first thinking
I will never write that I failed...

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sunday scribblings #23

Haven't done one of these in a while, been uber busy, but here is my scribbling for "Fortune Cookie". Eventually this will be a scrapbook page, something I've been meaning to do for a while! Those close to me will know that I can be quite the doubting thomas, however a chain of events relating to us, our favorite chinese restaurant and fortune cookies that changed my mind.

We've been going to this restaurant for about 2 years. Best Chinese food ever! And its vegetarian (bonus!). You know you always go, have your tea, eat your food, crack the fortune cookie, pay and leave. Never giving it much thought. In Nov/Dec 2005 that all changed. Bob got sick. He was diagnosed with atrial fibrulation. His heart was beating totally out of whack, and he was put on numerous medications. Lots of testing was done over those weeks, and we were told by his cardiologist that if his heart didn't return to normal on its own then he'd have to be shocked into a normal rhythm. After 3 weeks of worry his heart did convert naturally.

What does this have to do with fortune cookies? Well the weekend prior to this we went out for chinese. There were three of us. Two of us got a fortune in our cookie. Bob didn't! At the time you think nothing of it, just an empty cookie. But then things happen afterwards that make you think!

And it wasn't just THAT fortune (or lack of!).

Earlier this year my scrapbooking dreams began to be realised. I got a design team, and got published by my dream publication (Simple Scrapbooks). Things just started happening. Then I remembered my fortune. I don't remember it EXACTLY but it was something along the lines of "what you have worked for will come to fruition" or something. I keep them but we've just rearranged the furniture in my scraproom and I can't remember what I did with them. Anyway I noticed that the last few were TOTALLY dead on! Which got me to thinking and yep they have all been pretty acurate! Each time I'd get a "things are coming" fortune then yep they would.

Its not science, I guess there is a lot of room for interpretation, BUT it can help with decision making. I was pondering a decision two weeks ago about a call that ends next week. Do I apply? Do I stay where I am? Do I try to move forward? All the what ifs! My fortune that weekend read "Yes do it, and with confidence!" and you know what? I think I will!

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Sunday scribblings - hotel stories

I've always loved to travel, its part of my astrological make up being a typical sagitarrian. The first time I stayed in a hotel I was 16 or 17, on a college art trip to London. The hotel wasn't swanky it was a typical student hotel... cheap. The hotel was called "The Regent Palace Hotel" and I remember it sounded so regal and luxurious. A far cry from the truth! The BEST thing about it was it was situated right in the centre of piccadily circus! Just an awesome location. I remember we had to share a room, but for the life of me I can't remember the name of the girl I shared with! I think her name was Alison? (remember my previous Sunday scribbling about me being called Dory from finding Nemo? now you see why!). As I remember the rooms didn't even have private bathrooms! There were communial bathrooms on each floor. The whole thing was organised by college, we'd taken the train down, and had a full itinerary of art galleries and museums. It was my first time in London. A huge city compared to Derby where I'd grown up, and I loved it. I just loved the hustle and bustle of a big city, the galleries, the museums, the shops, the people.

When I returned home I knew I had to come again. And I did, many times with Jen. We started a tradition of going every spring for the sales. We stayed at the same hotel (did I mention it was cheap?). We did the whole tourist thing, the shops, the nightlife. We'd even seen some celebrities!

In the mid 1990's Jen went to London with Mik, and told me the sad news. The Regent palace hotel was no more! It was now an insurance company or something. I was actually quite sad to hear this. It was like that whole chapter of my life was closed. The two of us never went back to London.

In 2001 Bob and I had to go to the US embassy in London to apply for our visa's. We passed through Piccadily and I caught sight of what used to be the hotel. Same building but now it was some insurance company. Just seeing the hotel brought back lots of memories of Jen and I having our girls week each spring. The buffet breakfast; Jen and her migraines and her being violently sick on the back staircase; the IRA terrorist attacks, that seemed to thwart our plans at some point each year; seeing our first musical. I just dug out some photo's from those trips, something I really should scrapbook soon! Looking back at the photo's I think my love of nature photography started here. I realise I have more photo's from the zoo and parks than I do of the buildings! I even have the electronic room keys still. I'm sure somewhere I have brochures from places we went whilst staying in London. I'm glad I have photo's and memorabilia from this trip, its a part of my life I don't want to forget.

And here I am trying to add a photo to this but blogger is not co-operating! Grrrr blogger!

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Sunday scribblings - bed

Our bed! How things change! Remember when we lived in England? Our bed was a wooden double bed, with wood slats (some broken). The size of a queen/king US bed. Bedding from Argos, and with an electric blanket for those cold winter nights. Remember the winter nights we spent huddled together for warmth on the electric blanket that was the size of a postage stamp (no not really but it seemed like it!). How we used to hate getting out of bed on the cold winter mornings, into the unheated house!

And now? In our California King sized bed, the size of a basketball court! How the first night we slept in it, I was sure you weren't actually in there with me! You seemed so far away! The difference is huge in many ways! Remembering those winter nights now that we're lying in bed in the 80 degree nights here in Southern California, with the fan and air conditioning on, not wanting to cuddle for fear of bursting into flames being so hot!

Which do I prefer? Any so long as its with you!

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Sunday Scribblings #11 - Mystery

This weeks prompt is "Mystery". As per usual I read this and a million and one things jumped into my brain:

Who? What? Why? Where? When? How? huh?

For me the biggest mystery is LIFE.

Why are we here? What's life all about?

{insert Monty Pythons "meaning of life" song here! *chuckle}

Ok seriously though. Why? I mean there has to be some purpose otherwise what's the point? Why bother? I can get quite deep on occassion. No, really! The biggest question about life is what happens next? Is it pearly gates (or fiery damnation)? or do we get to go round again? or something else? Are we destined to end up as ghosts? Energy?

The human brain is so complex what DOES happen to it? Its the essence of US that makes it tick. Does that simply cease to be? Does it "go" - "somewhere"?

Its this that really makes me wonder about the validity of reincarnation. It does make total sense in lots of ways. Talk to me about seeing the light at the end of a tunnel? yeah maybe its a birth canal? and the shadowy figures you percieve as relatives? yeah maybe they are! just NEW relatives! or maybe old relatives renewed? hmmmm?

The whole human brain is so complex and still large parts of it are a complete mystery to us, so what's to say what IS and ISN'T possible for it? (I started off on a psychology tanget here but went back and deleted it - totally went off topic!) I mean we all go about our lives, childhood, teens, adults, old age and then ......? Is that it?

So for me LIFE is the biggest mystery. Why? because no-one can answer with absolute 100% proof as to what the heck the point is! And why we're here. Or even where we came from! Sorry I don't beleive in the Adam and Eve fairytale. But then there are so many missing evolution links! Maybe its the aliens? Yes I said it! Aliens! Maybe the aliens know?

Because lets face it - to quote another Monty Python song

"pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,

cos there's bugger all down here on Earth!"

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Sunday Scribblings - chocolate

Chocolate - oh how I love thee.
Seriously.
Although it seems you do not love me.
As I savor each milky mouthful.
Later I know I'll pay the price.
You see I have eczema and migraines
and one of my triggers?
Is the delicious, and silky - chocolate

So for now I'm content with the occassional peice
just to keep my skin and mind at ease.
I settle for carob for my sweet cravings
In the end I guess it all works out
for I don't have migraines, eczema and...
it stays off my hips as well ;)

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Sunday Scribblings

This weeks prompt: REAL LIFE

What is REAL LIFE? I had a whole thing typed out but it just didn't feel me y'know. Like something forced something I think everyone wants to hear. I often do that. Just give people part of me, not that whole thing, afraid of hurting feelings, of being too raw. I'm afraid people won't like the real me. The person with the bad PMS, who is quite capable of erupting in a mad tirade of verbal abuse and rage one minute, yet breaking into tears the next. Yet for those two weeks I am me... raw. That's real life. Raw. It's an unedited documentary that, one week is boring shit and the next full of excitement, twists and turns. Its about choices. Whether you see the glass half full or half empty its up to you. Real life is what you see when you turn OFF the TV and go out into the world. Its what you experience when you STOP taking photo's and come out from behind the camera. Its who you meet when you get out of the virtual world and actually venture out of your house. Its nature, its the cycle of life, its beautiful and ugly at the same time... its balance. But more importantly real life is what YOU make it.

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