Various Artists – "Real Time 3 - December 1982" (Unlikely Records) 1982

Trendy Turtles were definitely going for that elusive Cherry Red contract weren't they? Only rarely does one find Twee Indie Pop arse to elbow with a rowdy Oi groop,especially as both forms of music are long dead. The Oi Polloi don't sound very likely to harbor any signs of being women trapped in a Skinheads' body, but then again Gender politics were thankfully absent from the minds of the average Teenager,or Yobbo in those 'simpler' times around Christmas 1982. Gender Dysphoria was just a technical phrase in a psychologists handbook. Nowadays, one would rule out the existence of a Trans Oi combo at one's peril....and get shunned by society as a reward. I actually do have a Hardcore record by a Trans hardcore Punk band called G.L.O.S.S. which is actually rather marvelous. So come on you gender fuck-ups, get that Trans Skinhead Oi band going and I might understand you a bit more.

I don't envy kids these days at all....shit music...and shit post truth information overload.

Dunno how I got onto this subject, just thought it amusing to imagine The Oi Polloi or even better the 4-Skins as transexuals........should I take the knee now or something?,,,,wot a fuck UP!

Which is not what this very good indeed C-90 cassette compilation appears to be.

We're on the cusp of Indie here it seems,with the only remnants of Punk being the unfashionably stupid comprehensive school politics of the Oi Polloi....luckily I love the sound of "stupid".

There's always Lurch after all, and a bag full of time specific Power Pop and Indie Tweeness.

Tracklist:

A1 Trendy Turtles– Hickory Dickory
A2 Trendy Turtles– Instrumental
A3 Trendy Turtles– Bamber
A4 The Genitals– Out Eyes Met
A5 The Genitals– Sound Of The Spa
A6 Sons Of The Electrodes– Bear In Mind
A7 Oi Polloi– Police State
A8 Oi Polloi– Poppy Day
A9 Oi Polloi– No Future
A10 Oi Polloi– Media
A11 Lurch – Hush Little Baby
A12 Yr Anhrefrn – Stwffiwch Y Dolig
A13 Yr Anhrefrn – Ynni O'r Sebon
A14 Terminal Spectators – Another Day/Reach For The Sky
B1 The Infamous Zeek & Giz– Ronny & The Rayguns
B2 The Infamous Zeek & Giz– My Brain Is Infested With Mince
B3 Future Future– 21st Century (Dreams)
B4 Graham Larkbey– You Look So Lovely Tonight
B5 Graham Larkbey– Your Husband Didn't Like It
B6 The Invisible Band– Alazarin's Castle
B7 The Invisible Band– Doin' The Ton
B8 Idid Idid– Moloko Plus
B9 Ron Ferret– Wasps
B10 Ron Ferret– Train Of Thought

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Various Artists - "Real Time 2 : October 82" (Unlikely records) 1982

Are you having a good time? I'm having a real good time 2.

Was it really this good in October 1982. I seem to remember 'OCT 82' appearing on the swastika bedecked sleeve of that Bad Seed EP by the Birthday Party....everything went downhill from there unfortunately, especially for crooning Goth Gargoyle Nicholas Cave.Whatever happened to him?....Don't ask!

Second in the "Real Time" series of Unlikely records Compilations gives us proof that 1982 was better than you think, as the Post Punk snowball rolled on down that hill into the oncoming neo-pop lava flow of synth duo's and silly clothes.

It opens with both sides of the solitary single of the classy New Wave pop of Swimming in the Sea.Might have been a hit a year or so earlier.

What follows is a jolly entertaining plethora of quality DIY, Punk Rock,lo-fi synth Pop, and other forms of what passed for intelligent pop music in late '82.

Of course, none of these people were ever heard of again, and Nick Cave went on to conquer every coffee table in Christendom.

Tracklist:

A1 Swimming In The Sea– Hero For The Heroine/The Presents
A2 The Workforce– 10 Fingers Only
A3 Jonathan Rush– Only A Nightmare
A4 David Rush – Laser
A5 Gunslinger– Someone's Got You In The Gunsight
A6 Gunslinger– Step Into The Future
A7 The Blotchees– Funky Ho ! Down/This Isn't Your Day/Melon-Cauli
A8 Extension-Two– The Black Box/We Care/Summary/Scenes Of Today/Sandra/The Black Box
A9 Extension-Two– Extension-Two (Alone Again)
A10 Lurch – Real Time
A11 Robert Cox– A2 Is Missing
B1 Patrol– SS Officer
B2 Patrol– Innocence
B3 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– Cramposaurus Chant
B4 Tom Cramp & The Epilectic Ducks– White Stalk SB
B5 The Puush– Morning Rolls And Hot Coffee
B6 Suburban Strom Troopers– Switchblade & Crucifix
B7 Suburban Strom Troopers– Mau Mau
B8 Switch-Cord Roulette– Theresa
B9 Switch-Cord Roulette– Goliath
B10 The Same – Instrumental 7/3/82
B11 The Same – Auntie Meat
B12 The Same – Sampled & Held
B13 The Same – Sync Or Swim

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Various Artists – "Real Time 1: August 82" (Unlikely records) 1982

Ay Up?  That bloke (Robert Cox) what done "Felixstowe Rocks" is also the brane behind that unlikeliest of record labels otherwise known as "Unlikely Records", from...you guessed it...Felixstowe!?

The label was well known for handing out these compilations for free at gigs. Largely featuring Robert Cox in his various guises.

The catchphrase being : "You Don't Know What You'll Like Until You Hear It!"....which, in my experience isn't entirely true.

There were countless times I knew I'd like a record purely going on Artwork,and any number of those dodgy reviews in the music press from their golden era .The art of reviewing a record has long died a painful death since the birth of the internet. Like the reviews section in Mojo,which sound as retrogressive as Mojo mag is;like it came from the sixties, simplistic and very reverend. Tending to just describe the music rather that the thoughts and attitudes behind it.

But, hearing it first does help....a bit.

So in the post-truth woke conspiracy addled planet of today, hearing it again is all part of the over exposure to information that is fucking up anything with it's own mind...seemingly for good, and certainly for the Bad.

Therefore in 1982, it was necessary to get the kids to actually hear it for free; something we take for granted today. So 'Not' hearing it in the modern context i would argue has many beneficial qualities.

No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition, and no-one expects to be expected to like something one has never heard. This concept is very much part of the culture wars straight jacket we find ourselves in today. Most of the unexpected stuff from the past would have never surfaced were it not for the luck  in appearing in the pre-internet existence. Censorship, i would also argue could also have many beneficial attributes,re-creating the awe and mystery of stuff you aren't allowed to see,hear or feel. Yep, i'm arguing for censorship here, and chinese style internet controls......probably banning me in the process;but i'll take one for the team if it results in the allure of the forbidden to return, and the art world ceasing to be so fucking BORING!

Ok, rant over,and time for me to describe this great tape as if I worked for Mojo Magazine in 2024, or The NME in 1963.

This is one of those classic UK DIY compilations from the Heyday of British cassette culture. Plenty of nice tunes that could be a hit. Especially Pop-tastic being Coventry's favourite post-Jurassic period Donovan fans, the tuneful Digital Dinosaurs.

For all you cool fans of early industrial hits, there's Muslimgauze himself, assuming his early disguise as EG Oblique Graph. The late Bryn Jones and his estate,who is still....,inexplicably, around today, despite the inescapable laws of nature. These laws can obviously be bypassed using the reanimating power of ferric oxide even if he is long dead.

Another myth from the misty shores of a DIY Albion, is the very illusive Lurch, who makes a rare appearance on several of these Unlikely compilations. Ever since he appeared on the classic "Deleted Funtime" C-90 on Deleted records in 1980, i've been on the lookout of that Lurch tape; sadly to zero effect.....one can still dream I guess?

Reading back at this failed attempt to sound as twee and reverend as Mojo and  the 1960's music press, I really shouldn't have bothered.....thankfully, I failed.

Censorship will return to free our minds again., fear not; put into effect by your Woke mates who will be watching you in the emptying Pubs of Great Britain and beyond. That coupled with New Cold War paranoia will ensure the return of music and art in general to a new relevance last seen during  the art renaissance of the 20th century. Blah Blah Blah!

 

 

Tracklist:

A1 Syd Nairda– Nevada
A2 Lurch– High-Steppin' Mamma
A3 Digital Dinosaurs – Sideways Man
A4 Digital Dinosaurs – Red Fire Engine
A5 Jonathan Rush – Synthasalsa
A6 Jonathan Rush – New Dawn
A7 Y Celfi Cam – Mab Y Gweinidog
A8 In Embrace – Excerpts From Clutching/The Air In Between
A9 E. G. Oblique Graph – Scar
A10 The Ffuts (Formerly The Stuff)– Luscious Love
A11 The Same – 453-549
A12 Tom Cramp And The Epileptic Ducks – Die For Doggy
A13 R J Curd– Excerpts From Wastelands 1/The Dream Fades/Interspace/Scepsis/New Dance/Remembrance/Night Flight/Dreaming Of You/Surveillance/Tape Walking/Wastelands 2
A14 Emergency Exit – Falling For You
B1 Emergency Exit – Voices
B2 Part Form– Excerpts From Wire Walking/Waiting Room/Part Form
B3 Future Future – Operator
B4 The Toy Shop – Excerpts From The Maze/Live Wires Kill
B5 Extension-Two – Gaps
B6 General Motors – Tubular Turds
B7 General Motors – Live Wasp Omelette, Lung
B8 Piers Of The Realm– Manic
B9 Someone Else – Something Else
B10 The Same – Set Zero
B11 The Same – Hot & Cold
B12 The Same – Larruping Shuftly
B13 The Same – If You Want To, Do So !
B14 The Same – Du Ma Casa

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