Wojciech Karolak – "Easy!" (Polskie Nagrania Muza – SX 1069) 1975

Cold war Polish Jazz on the Polish state-label with  jovial pop-art cover that sounds like the background music for"Bullitt" or "The French Connection". Anyone would think that they didn't want to be there?

Poland looked so much fun from this side of the Berlin Wall after all?

There were a few Polish Prog bands that were half decent , but 'twas Jazz that echoed through the scorched earth ruins of  post war Warsaw most.

Wojciech Karolak tinkles the ivories on this groovy soundtrack album desperately searching for a cop movie to be associated with.....but they didn't make funky cop movies in the communist bloc.Firstly there wasn't anything worth stealing,any criminals were either pre-emptively shot, poisoned or imprisoned without trial,and the state police all had the charisma of a cabbage....which would make for a very boring cop movie.One of the only countries,where the burglars break into museums or banks to put stuff back. 

And,to end,a fun fact? Just in case you didn't know , the Ring modulator & phasing were done by one Brian Taylor of England...whatever he was doing in Cold Cold war Poland we may never know.

Tracklist:

1.A Day In The City 5:20
2.(DACP 796) Endless Transit 4:10
3.Instant Groove 7:05
4.Strzeż Się Szczeżui 3:45
5.Easy 5:53
6.Why Not Samba 4:12
7.Seven Shades Of Blue 3:55
8.Goodbye 6:25

DOWNLOAD easily HERE!

Оризонт – "Оризонт(in Moldovan "Orizont")" (Melodia/Мелодия – С60-10691) 1978

 90% of all decent soviet music came from Estonia.The reason for this is geographical,just as it was for The Beatles.Access to the sea.In Estonia's case access to the right sea,namely The Baltic and the west,rather than being landlocked like Moldova.At best they could holiday on the Black Sea coast,which sadly meant being culturally locked in to the weird gypsyfied Eurasian way of doing things.That coupled with living in the wall-less prison of the former Soviet union,and missing out on the greatest renaissance of the arts since...well...er....the Renaissance.Leads us to explaining why this state sponsored slab of Moldavian library music Schlager Funk exists.

Indeed, we sophisticates of the west will laugh at the pure cheesy shitness of these records,but they do have a healthy vein of well recorded break-beats and ooodles of charm. One somehow feels sorry for them as victims of the distorted intellectual bollocks of Soviet Communism. Without some bespectacled political theorist reading Karl Marx's Das Kapital as reflected by a distorted funhouse mirror,This fucked up Funk would have never existed outside of the Eurovision song contest in the 1970's. 

The funniest part of all this is that the poor sod's left behind in mother Russia are gonna have to go through all this shit again thanks to the whims and insecurities of a Phil Collins lookalike with a marsh-mellow like complexion akin to the Pilsbury Dough Boy.The silly fuckers are gonna have to listen to Russian music again, and spend 50% of their state approved wages on a burger from "Tasty and that's IT!",the new national Burger joint.....sadly they've yet to come up with a Russified version of a McFlurry as of yet.

A sadly contemporary example of that silly Soviet trait of making dangerous and downright bad forgeries of western products,and then boasting that "we have Burgers too american pigdogs", just as they used to think that they had Funkier Music......even in Moldova?!

Tracklist:

1.Гайдуцкая Баллада6:46

2.Монолог3:44

3.У Мельницы3:22

4.Край Мой2:55

5.Калина3:01Ничего Не Оспорю4:44

6.Первое Танго2:48

7.Апрель3:37

8.Оризонт3:19

DOWNLOAD enjoy yourself and you will dance,or be shot HERE!

Vodograi - "Водограй" (Мелодия – 33 С60-09399-400) 1978

Its a shame that we are going to be deprived of the Russian entry in the next Eurovision Song Contest. Held in the lively Ukrainian town of...Liverpool(?) substituting Kiev, for obvious reasons? However we will have another fine Ukrainian entry to make us all wonder if we're on the wrong side in this increasingly pointless war....er...i mean, Special Military Operation. The horrible winning entry earlier this year, was from.....you guessed it....Ukraine! An awful amalgam of Eastern European sub-hip hop with clothes resembling a car crash between The Black Eyed Peas and Teletubbies' Fuzzy Felt chic...with added Rapping...or raping if you're a Russian 'soldier'.

It got the sympathy vote of course, and cost the UK their first Euro-win since all the former Soviet republics were admitted in 1991.

So to compensate here's another Soviet Ukrainian attempt at cold war entertainment from groovy commie combo ,Vodograi.

This type of break-beat laden cheesy listening got me through the nineties (hard times musically),allowing a humanitarian corridor through all that 'orrible house crap leading to many a chill-out oasis in the depressing clubs and repurposed discotheques of local clubland.

The singing may empty an already empty room of all it's sub-atomic particles, but these cheesy grooves could even get a legless Russian Special Military Operation veteran dancing till his stumps bleed. Spelling out "Thanks Mr Putin" in his blood while swaying Ironically to the heartfelt and jawdroppingly unironic ballad called "For The Motherland".Ahh, the unbridled joys of Nationalism.

Tracklist:

1 Запроси До Танцю = Invite Me To Dance
2 Незване Моє Кохання = My Unexpected Beloved
3 Дiвчина Мила = Darling Girl
4 Путешествие = Journey
5 Несла Дiвчина Воду = Once A Girl Was Carrying Water
6 Тебе Назло = Just To Spite You
8 Вишневый Рассвет = Cherry-red Daw
9 Воспоминание = Memory
10 Родине = For Motherland
11 Голубой Вагон (Музыкальная Шутка) = Blue Car (Musical Joke)

DOWNLOAD from a motherless motherland HERE!

Various Artists - "Soviet Ukrainian Funk" (Goat Goat Grooves – GG02) 2015

Steaming Hot Cold War Caucasian Jazzy funk from the Caucasus Back from the days before every Ukrainian band was a metal act,and Vladimir Putin was a joyless Stasi clerk Twat in Dresden. They were secretly Funky Mo-fo's;but,Funky as in Elevator's,libraries, and shopping centres, but nonetheless Funky.

Rather than try to work out whether these hieroglyphically named Soviet era musicians were actually Unkrainian and not Russian, or more commonly when it comes to music, Estonian.Here is a handy mixtape that has done the hard work for us,concentrating solely on our Ukrainian chums,gettin' the groove on, albeit in a TV cop-show library music kind of way,from the 70's and 80's.

Just to make it even more amusing for us Anglo-Saxon types, I have translated the Ukrainian tracklist into Chinese restaurant English,giving us such titles as "Let me, father, at the wedding","Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit", and the probably illegal in CCCP..."You Smiled?".

The Vladikavkaz peoples ministry of democratic Funk released a statement back in 1975 forwarded to the British gutter press:

"You Anglo-Saxon Western Pigdogs think you have a monopoly on 'The Funk'don't you with your arrogance? Well,we morose Eastern fuckers have got the funky rhythms too,bigger and better funky sheet than your capitalist freedoms could ever hope to equal.You have this James Brown agent, we have Nazariy Yaremchuk, you have zis secret Bootsy Collins weapon, we have Tatyana Kochergina, and Nile Rogers is no Yuri Bogatykov by any stretch of your western propganda's imagination.Directly as we speak,the Sofiya Rotaru Ensemble have been super-glued to a nuclear missile and sent to our Moon to perform a seriously funky version of her 'Hero of the Democratic Socialist Peoples Republic' award winning number "Ballad of two violins".We have fully loaded Kalashnikov's that say we're funkier than you,and are prepares to use everything at our disposals to prove it....we are NOT bluffinks!

Thank you for your time....what you have left, that is."

Back in the day,these records were the go-to place to find obscure beatz to sample the fuck out of. Luckily I have a couple of these, courtesy of the Ultima Thule record shop bargain bin section in the mid-nineties.....comin' up. 

Tracklist:

SIDE A:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)
01. Viburnum - Three trembitas
02. Nazariy Yaremchuk - Ozovysya
03. Arnika - Let me, father, at the wedding
04. Sofiya Rotaru - "Chervona Ruta" - Ballad of two violins
05. Kobza - Vodogray
06. Smerichka - Vodogray
07. Ensemble "Vodogray" - Three trembitas
08. Sofiya Rotaru,"Chervona Ruta"-Pisnya will be a part of us
09. Smerichka - Two Rings
10. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Fairy Tale
11. Kobza - Na Ivana Kupala
12. Sofiya Rotaru, ensemble "Chervona Ruta" - Two rings
13. Nazariy Yaremchuk - You smiled?
14. Kobza - Oh, I will throw a beech on the pit
15. Kobza - Dudaryk
16. Nazariy Yaremchuk - When the blue mountains fell asleep

SIDE B:

Intro - MC Alex Pervin (aka Sahlim Quick)

01. Tatyana Kochergina - Play, Violin, Play (cut)
02. Patterns of the Ways - Circle of the Kalina Mill
03. Vodogray - Maiden Mila
04. Kobza - Wait
05. Arnika - Spring (fragment)
06. Vatra - How I Slept on the Seine
07. Arnica - How I Slept on the Seine
08. Vodogray - Puteshestvye
09. Kobza - Ishov Kobzar Clean Field
10. Vodogray - Vospominanie
11. Patterns of the Paths - Guajira
12. Yuri Bogatykov - Quiet Water
13. Arnika - Silver Ships
14. Vatra - Verkhovyna Lullaby
15. Arnika - Lviv Evening

DOWNLOAD these dirty ass-kickin caucasian elevator muzak classics HERE!.....or be shot!

"Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble (Vol. 2)-보천보전자악단 (제2집)" - (KMC / PEE-C-1002) - 1991

 

Having,unsurprisingly, failed to locate any North Korean Punk Rock,although some Hoaxer pretended to be Kims favourite Punk Rocker for a prank, there are zero punks and, of course,zero Gays in the PDRK.I did however, find a copy of this on Archive.org, The workers official pop orchestra, who sounds not too dissimilar to some unfinished electronic work found in a box at Joe Meeks flat/studio. Please humour me as to the factual accuracy of the info on these recordings which is a tad sketchy at best....and there are about 150 volumes of this stuff out there

Singer Yun Hye-yong was a woman beyond the reach even of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il. Yun, the lead singer of Kim’s favorite band The Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble, was apparently brutally executed after she spurned Kim’s persistent advances and copped off with another bloke....The Pianist..When Kim's agents discovered their relationship by tapping her phone, Yun jumped from the roof of Mokran House, an official banquet hall, with her lover. Although the man died instantly, Kim ordered his men to kill Yun after resuscitating her by any means. She was eventually executed at the end of 2003, while still in coma.Another new low for humanity.

The disturbing  paragraph above is probably a bit light on facts, but somehow I think it probably isn't.The source being a dodgy defector with a book to promote. Tragic for Yun Hye-Yong,but entertaining for us freedom luvin' bastards in the Free world.....unless I've got that upside down as well?

The love of this musical group is absolutely mandatory in the Democratic Peoples Republic of (North) Korea,a bit like ABBA is here,so given the choice between watching or listening to this utter drek or execution, this ain't half bad .

It has that creepy state controlled vibe only equaled by the BBC's test card music of the 1960's1970's when Britain was virtually a communist state too....except with,debatably  'better' music. Although like in the DPRK, homosexuality was still illegal in Britain up to 1967;it just wasn't a capital offence anymore. It sometimes seems that but for the roll of a dice there go we (sounds like a rival Korean Dictator don't it?).Maybe this was the true subject matter of track 3 "Dear Brother is Arrested".........that can't be real can it???....or,to be really trendy, gender politics on track 8, "When I Bloom as a Girl".In fact the running order could have easily been mistaken for an album by The Clash.

It wouldn't surprise me if the powers that be in North Korea played this relaxing,but sinister, elevator muzak at mass execution rallies to wild applause.

Being the ultimate Nanny state,and a very stern Nanny at that, DIY is strictly frowned upon,so,like in the former Soviet Union,you aren't allowed to make and play your own music unless you can prove yourself qualified.....called,laughably,'Professional' status in the CCCP. Then you would be restricted to traditional Folk,classical or play in a weird muzak orchestra like the Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble.You could defect to the BBC if you don't mind being shot at I suppose.

So the phrase "Die or DIY?" is a deadly reality in the DPRK, so don't get any fancy ideas of you're North Korean.....not that they have access to the internet to be 'inspired' by the drivel I write,so they're safe....unlike you lot!

Tracklist:

1. Jong Il Peak, Shine 

2. Tondollari

3. Dear Brother Is Arrested

4. Farm's Young People

5. I Will Remain in the Motherland

6. The Village We Live

7. Song of Blessing

8. When I Bloom as a Girl

9. The Youth of the New Day

10. Spreading the Seed of Revolution

11. Young Engine Driver

12. Red Followers on the Beach of the South Sea

DOWNLOAD like one of Kim Jong-Un's latest missiles HERE!

Trevor Duncan ‎– "Other Worlds" (Impress ‎– IA 428) 1981

Was there ever an American called Trevor?
The infamous,or, Not famous, composer of the main theme to "Plan 9 From Outer Space" has a glaringly 'English' name, from the Eric Clapton skool of Les Noms Anglaise? Was probably born in Squatney, next door to Nigel Tufnel and David St Hubbins of Spinal Tap.......it says Camberwell here...close;but then we find out that his real name was a very foreign sounding Leonard Charles Trebilco,and now we're all confused,and a tad saddened!
Alas he redeems himself by working for the BBC,just before the Radiophonic Workshop was formed back in '56, and went down the freelance library music for films angle,which by a cruel twist of fate led to Edward D. Wood Jr selecting Trevor's music for the best worst movie ever made. I'm not even sure he would have been aware,or even paid, of this glorious fact before 'Death the proud brother(Criswell)' tapped him on his shoulder in 2005.
By the sound of this Library album from 1981, he would have blossomed had he stayed at the Beeb. This late period ,post synth Radiophonic Workshop era, collection of Electronica,could have been made by any of the post-Derbyshire staff on hand at Maida Vale studios.
In fact some of this stuff would not have seemed out of place on an 'Ash Ra' album,it being very proto-trance Manuel Gottshing in style.
Another thing I am a fan of is Library Music cover art,of which this is a glorious example, that suggests a willful workmanlike anonymity that most muscians balk at. Bright,but unassuming colours,clean lines,library label font bigger and snazzier than the composers name,and absolutely no pictures.
Most musicians' idea of cover art is a full size picture of their own face with name writ large to the expense of both taste and information.


Tracklist:

A1 Galactic Congress 4:12
A2 Cyclopulse 2:56
A3 Enigma On Centaurus VII 2:39
A4 Downtime On Lasvega V 3:30
A5 Sunrise On Aldebaren III 3:25
A6 Sunset On Sirius IV 2:15
A7 Girowarp 2:40
A8 Landscape On Rigel VI 2:53
B1 Beltegeuse V 3:29
B2 Outpost On Beltegeuse V 1:58
B3 Terror On Beltegeuse V 1:51
B4 Megadrive 2:39
B5 Laybeam I 2:03
B6 Laybeam II 0:38
B7 Laybeam III 1:26
B8 Eden On Arcturus IV 3:45
B9 Asteroid Trail I 1:59
B10 Asteroid Trail II 1:05
B11 Asteroid Trail III 1:04
B12 Asteroid Trail IV 1:07

DOWNLOAD this other-worldly music HERE!

John Baker ‎– "The Vendetta Tapes" (Buried Treasure Records ‎– BUTR8) 1966 / 2015

A recently discovered stash of John Baker's jazzy soundtrack to BBC mafia themed crime series "Vendetta", first broadcast in the golden year of 1966 when England won the world cup. That will never happen again, and having inventive musicians such as those of the cabilibre of John Baker won't either. This was hands-on underpaid creativity at its most humble.
As usual, John wouldn't have got a credit for this .That honour always went to the BBC Radiophonic Workshop,and the collective responsibility rule. This is what caused the downfall of the communist block, the human need to be noticed,and given a reassuring pat on the back every now and then...like a pet dog.Some acknowledgment that one exists?
The human ego can be a terrible thing to taste,as does equally the iron boot of the committee.

Tracklist:

1 – The Sugar Man (Cue 2) 0:38
2 – The Sugar Man (Cue 3) 3:35
3 – The Sugar Man (Cue 5) 0:27
4 – The Sugar Man (Cue 7) 2:03
5 – The Sugar Man (Cue 9) 0:29
6 – The Sugar Man (Cue 15) 1:44
7 – The Sugar Man (Cue 17) 0:33
8 – The Dolly Man (Cue 1) 1:06
9 – The Dolly Man (Cue 2) 2:26
10 – The Dolly Man (Cue 3) 1:41
11 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 1) 0:38
12 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 7) 0:50
13 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 13) 0:14
14 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 15) 2:07
15 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 1A) 2:05
16 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 2A) 0:48
17 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 4A) 1:27
18 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 10A) 1:43
19 – The Ice Cream Man (Cue 18A) 1:22
20 – The Widow Man (Cue 8) 0:28
21 – The Widow Man (Cue 9) 0:56
22 – The Caves Of Steel - RQ1 (Music) 1:10
23 – The Caves Of Steel - RQ9 (Music) 0:22
24 – The Caves Of Steel - RQ11 (Mono - Stop T/O) 0:36
25 – The Locusts: Plagues Of Man (Cue 9) 1:31
26 – Orbit 0:44
27 – The Lively Mind 0:21
28 – Suivez La Piste (Cue 3) 1:43
29 – Suivez La Piste (Cue 5) 0:58
30 – Suivez La Piste (Cue 8) 0:49
31 – COI Technology Pavilion 9:32
32 – The Tape Recorder (Cue 1) 1:11
33 – The Tape Recorder (Cue 2) 0:51
34 – The Tape Recorder (Cue 4) 0:21
35 – Computers In Business 0:50
36 – Man Alive: UFO 1:15

DOWNLOAD the bbc vendetta against john baker HERE!

Various ‎Artists – "Test Card Classics: The Girl The Doll The Music" (Flyback ‎– FBCD 2000) 1996

This is musical Heroin for me.
Like lying back in your mothers arms,unless your mother was a violent alcoholic of course, and having all those shitty adult problems melt away like plastic earmarked for recycling in a council incinerator.
This takes me back to those days off sick,when one was left at the mercy of daytime television,or lack of it back then,or when I bunked off school to avoid a test or the shower after basketball,or just to avoid the horrible sport of Basketball itself; then came home when the parents were at work and there was fuck all to do!...so we watched the Testcard!? Which was the equivalent of watching something like "Celebrity Love Island" today, but more entertaining, and lacking the suicides.
Those of you who came from countries with no public service broadcasting organisations will not understand......and that's ok.I won't hold it against you;but here's your chance to catch up.
Basically,You haven't lived until you've bounced yer booty to "Holiday Highway" by the Stuttgart Studio Orchestra.
And the Nu-Right wanna shut the BBC down????....leaving us at the mercy of Facebook and the Flat Earth Anti-vaxxers!.....i'm sure that's an actual band????

Notes for the average Test Card enthusiast:

Compilation of test card music as used by the BBC between 1966-1984. Previously unreleased original recordings.

Tracks 1, 9, 12, 16, 19, 21 and 24 are in mono.
Track 1: Spoken.
Track 2: BBC1/2 1969-84
Track 3: BBC2 1967-74
Track 4: BBC2 1968-72
Track 5: BBC1 1968-84
Track 6. BBC1 1968-71
Track 7: BBC2 1972-75
Track 8. BBC2/1 1967-84
Track 9: BBC1/2 1968-71
Track 10: BBC2 1968-72
Track 11: BBC1 1971-72
Track 12: BBC1 1968-71
Track 13: BBC2 1967-74
Track 14: BBC1/2 1969-74
Track 15: BBC2/1 1968-84
Track 16: BBC1 1969-71
Track 17: BBC1/2 1968-75
Track 18: BBC2 1967-74
Track 19: BBC1 1966-72
Track 20: BBC1 1968-71
Track 21: BBC1 1968-70
Track 22: BBC2 1967-74
Track 23: BBC2 1968-72
Track 24: Tone used on BBC2

Dates diven above are first and last years of transmission, not necessarily consecutively.

Tracklist:

1–John Ross-Barnard -Introduction 0:07
2–The Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -Royal Daffodil 2:17
3–The Westway Novelty Ensemble -Riga Road 2:10
4–The Oscar Brandenburg Orchestra -Angry 3:16
5–The Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -Capability Brown 3:33
6–Unknown Artist -BBC Chimes 0:10
7–The Cavendish Ten -Waltz In Jazztime 2:44
8–The Benito Gonzalez Latin Sound -Bella Samba 2:14
9–Unknown Artist BBC Chimes 0:10
10–The Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -Holiday Highway 2:40
11–Orchestra Heinz Kiessling -Cordoba 2:56
12–The Oscar Brandenburg Orchestra -My Guy's Come Back 2:40
13–The Langford Orchestra -The Lark In The Clear Air 2:25
14–Unknown Artist -BBC Chimes 0:10
15–The New Dance Orchestra -Pandora 2:43
16–The Fernand Terby Orchestra -Firecracker 2:42
17–Unknown Artist -BBC Chimes 0:09
18–Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -Hebridean Hoedown 2:54
19–The Gerhard Narholz Orchestra -High Life 2:29
20–Orchestra Heinz Kiessling -Samba Fiesta 1:48
21–Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -Stately Occasion 3:02
22–Unknown Artist -BBC Chimes 0:10
23–Mr Popcorn's Band -Chelsea Chick 2:46
24–Roger Roger And His Orchestra -Greenland Sleigh Dogs 3:07
25–Unknown Artist -BBC Chimes 0:10
26–The Cavendish Ten -These Foolish Things 2:12
27–Stuttgart Studio Orchestra -March From "The Colour Suite" 3:12
28–Ensemble Roger Roger -Long Hot Summer 2:11
29–The Oscar Brandenburg Orchestra -Going Places 2:52
30–No Artist -440 Hz Tone 0:20

DOWNLOAD the music without the girl or the doll HERE!

BBC Radiophonic Workshop ‎– "Fourth Dimension" (BBC Records ‎– RED 93 S) 1973

Delia Derbyshire left the workshop in 1973,and a lot of the reason why is contained on this BBC album of local radio theme tunes and Testcard music.
The arrival of a couple of EMS synthesizers made it all too easy to create something musical,with a catchy tune.Just what der management would have wanted.No more weird noises made from tape loops and lamp shades.Horrific was replaced with 'Jolly'.....which is,for me probably even weirder than actual 'weird'.
The music is the stuff that filled up the empty spaces in the 1970's TV schedule.Incredibly,there was nothing on in the afternoon or morning.Briefly the news and childrens TV appeared at lunchtime,and increasingly programmes for schools filled the morning schedule,with creepy classics like "Picture Box",whose Theme Tune was one of the most sinister of the lot.....but that was on ITV,so it don't count!
The Testcard filled most of our days when bunking off school....we used to dance to this stuff,and howl with laughter at the more cheesier tunes. This was UK youths version of Martin Denny and Esquivel.This is why we are weird.
Now, if The Sex Pistols did a testcard style version of Never Mind The Bollocks for their second album,including "Belsen Was A Gas" as arranged by the producer of "Fourth Dimension" (Paddy Kingsland),they would have served us all up thee ultimate 'Punk' record,and hopefully saved us from the hoardes of 'Punx' who haunt us to this very day.
Why won't they fuck off mummy?

Now I've finished with my silly nostalgic opinions and analysis,I'll let the BBC explain it in their special no-nonsense terms from the Sleeve notes....I especially like how they explain away their rare use of Stereo on a BBC records release:

"Music heard on radio and Television (including Test Card Transmissions)....

One aspect of the work of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop is the composition and realisation of signature tunes and incidental music for BBC Radio and Television programmes. Programme producers come to the Workshop with varying requests - it must be 'bright', 'catchy', 'sinister', 'modest', 'supernatural', 'funny', and so on but, most important, it must be unique in terms of sound qualities.
The composer then sets to work to create the tune using natural sounds, which have been manipulated in some way and cut together on tape, or electronic sources, such as the voltage controlled synthesiser.
Several such signature tunes are included on this record, composed by Paddy Kingsland, who joined the creative staff of the Workshop in 1970. Before this, he worked as a tape editor, then studio manager, chiefly for Radio One. He is a firm believer that instrumental sound combined with electronic and treated sound is essential for this type of work. The tracks on this record include compositions for Radio 1, 3, 4, Local Radio and Television programmes.
The synthesisers used on this disc are both British, and both made by E.M.S. of London. They are the VCS3, an amazingly versatile miniature synthesiser, and its big brother, the Synthi '100', known within the Radiophonic Workshop as 'The Delaware', after the address of the Workshop. This machine incorporates a digital memory that can be programmed via a conventional keyboard, and can store 256 events on 3 layers in any one 'run'. In combination with the multi-track tape recorder, it provides all the facilities of an electronic music studio, its range being limited only by the imagination of the person using it.
The specially created stereo is not an attempt at realism, but is used as a sound object in its own right."


Tracklist:

1.Scene & Heard (Radio 1)
2.Just Love (BBC TV)
3.Vespucci
4.Reg (BBC African Service)
5.Tamariu (BBC TV)
6.One-Eighty-One (Radio 4)
7.Fourth Dimension (Radio 4)
8.Colour Radio (BBC Radio Leeds)
9.Take Another Look (Radio 4)
10.Kaleidoscope (Radio 4)
11.The Space Between (Radio 3)
12.Flashback

DOWNLOAD from the fourth dimension of sound...easy listening...HERE!

Petite M'amie ‎– "Girl Friend Baby Doll" (Victor ‎– SJV-511) 1971

Nowadays they make 'realistic' life size dolls that resemble Petite M'aimie (Kieko Mari), which is a quaint way of saying Girlfriend in French ("my Little Friend"), to use and abuse in whatever way the purchaser requires.
Back in the seventies the sex dolls looked like mister Blobby's slimmer cousin, and the only way to get your rocks off without an actual woman, was to play records like this....if you were Japanese of course.
This one is,on the surface, more innocent than the others I've posted, full of lots of giggling and whispering, and ,of course, some crying!? But I have a sneeking feeling that Petite M'Aimie might be suggesting that she is below the legal age of consent, which inflicts a darker tone on the proceedings somewhat.


Tracklist:
A1 Girl Friend 3:36
A2 Baby Doll 3:21
A3 Splendor 3:03
A4 Pardon 3:01
A5 Cry 2:50
A6 Make-Love 3:10
B1 Prologue 1:37
B2 Drive 3:27
B3 Coffee 4:23
B4 Wine 1:56
B5 Shower 4:30
B6 Date-Time 4:48

DOWNLOAD your new little friend HERE!

Mabuki Junko - "Ai No Dorei (Slave Of Love)" (Victor Records) 1980

My definition of "Avant Cheese" is turning out to be anything about sex it seems?
But it certainly fits into the DIY bracket, as in DIY sex for one category.
From the film, uncontroversially entitled, "All Women Are Whores", is the spoken word and dulcet singing tones of Mabuki Junko,who plays the Love Slave in question. Lots of whip action and crying going on here,and a surfeit of groaning;its more about pain than pleasure this time. There always seems to be a crying track in these Jap soft porn flicks. But it begs the question,What kind of perv bashes his bishop whilst listening to a imprisoned woman being whipped and crying,obviously in distress?You should be ashamed of yourself you filthy rotten disgusting excuse for a creepy perv bastard that you are!Crawl back under the rock that shat you out and diiiieeee!...right thats me sorted, who's next?
If this film was made and directed by some swedish art-house director called ,for example, Jurgen Harbormaster,the darling of the critics. This would be lauded as high art...but if its made by a bunch of depraved Jap's, its Smut! A payback for the Burma Railway perhaps?

Tracklist:

1 おもいで酒 = Omoide-zake 8:17
2 ふて節 = Fute-bushi 3:51
3 昭和枯れすすき = Shôwa Kare-susuki 14:41
4 ミスター・ロンリー = Mr. Lonely 1:24
5 みちづれ = Michizure 8:19
6 花街の母 = Hanamachi No Haha 11:51
7 理由もなく = Wake Mo Naku 3:07

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Ike Reiko -"恍惚の世界 / World Of Ecstasy" (Teichiku Records ‎– SL-1375) 1971

So somebody had to mention 'Avant Cheese' didn't they?.....you wanted it and boy are you gonna get it!
The way that Ike caresses that conical ended phallic microphone kinda suggests what you're gonna be in for,but its weirder than that. 
Staunch womens libber, Ike.....okay...i made that bit up.... But isn't it a womans right to unfurl her medium sized breasts to earn a crust? She might have been just, hot?.....don't judge her.
Thw whole thing sounds like the 'male' producer tried to just record half an hour of Ms. Reiko moaning and groaning into that conical ended phallus she had in her sensitive fingers;but, afterwards had the idea to get some 'erotic' lyrics together. Beneath the saucey singing, and first generation moaning,is a constant degraded third generation analogue tape copy of Ike's original groan-fest.At times it sounds like a dog whining at dinner time in the house next door.Other times like creaking floorboards,or a Baby writhing in a crib.Which is interesting because some versions of this are called,inexplicably, "You,Baby"!?
There are inevitably some pervy japanese behaviours betrayed in the song titles. Like 'Love Slave' which includes sounds of Flagellation with Ike clearly enjoying it.I dread to imagine what "Dawn Scat" is all about...mum,i'm frightened!
The library music backing tacks are suitably sleazy,and possibly ideal love-making music for under 18's....excuse me while I walk casually bent double to relieve myself in the toilet.....to Urinate thank you very much, not masturbate!!!...what kind of person do you lot think I am!?.....oh, yeah, a Loudmouth Tosser, I forgot.

Tracklisting:

1 The Woman Cannot Help It 3:19
2 It Is This Twilight 2:45
3 Vertigo 2:35
4 It Stops The Rain 3:02
5 Dawn Scat 3:02
6 I'm A Woman Named 3:08

7 Wandering Guitar 2:39
8 Angel 2:54
9 Experience 2:43

10 Rainy Day Blues 2:38
11 Love Slave 2:54
12 Chords Of Love 3:20

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Antony Newley and Fiona Richmond - "Frankly Fiona" (Paul Raymond ‎– PR1121973) 1973

I said, better some cheesy listening than some normalsville Industrial boredom from former Czechoslavakia....well you ain't gonna find anything cheesier or sleazier than this erotic classic.
Music by the thinking mans Tommy Steele, Antony Newley, and voice by seventies nudey bird, Fiona Richmond.
(Apparently Newley was involved in a drug fuelled orgy at Roman Polanski's house,Sharon Tate was present,pregnant and active, a few nights before Tex Watson murdered all the inhabitants...sadly Newley had long gone before the Manson lot had arrived)
Cosi Fanni Tutti, of Throbbing Gristle, was a stable mate of Fiona Richmonds at Men Only magazine back in the early seventies. And I would love to hear these naughty monologues atop some of TG's industrial backdrops. Maybe Genesis P chose the wrong soft porn model for the group,or the grope?
The music has that certain John Barry,Ennio Morricone monophonic simplicité,that turns me into putty,even without the dulcet tones of Fiona Richmond  telling me what she wants me to do to her in her clipped, just off Chelsea, accent.
Antony Newley in the seventies, as a solo artist and singer, was something to behold.Open mouthed,as a child, i stared at this shocking exhibition of singing from beyond Mars.A proud exponent of the monobrow, his vibrato was like the buzz of a dying bumble bee in late august.Unbelievable stuff!..still is!
There were few musicians that would make my father leave the room,and second only to The Sweet, was Antony Newley, just pipping Max Bygraves for his dismissive venom. I played no end of Industrial and Punk in my bedroom,but none of that got anywhere near the same reaction as Antony Newley, and/or The magnificent Sweet.
Alas, Tony Newley was a very sucessful composer,and the soundtrack to "Frankly Fiona" was one of his more subtle triumphs. Needless to say he never won a Emmy or a Tony for this work,which makes Most Industrial records sound like the feem toon to a childrens telly programme....well almost. No doubt Tony got paid in kind by Fiona herself,and why not...it was the seventies man.

Weird fact: Tony Newley was one of the victims of the infamous 'Plaster Casters' of chicago,joining such contemporaries as Jimi Hendrix to have their nether regions imortalised in plaster of paris.

Tracklist:

A1 Fiona's Theme (Music And Introduction)
A2 My First Time
A3 Look At Us Now (Song)
A4 Latin Lover
A5 Vibrations
A6 Whenever I'm Alone (Song)
A7 Don't Do It In The Dark
B1 The Boys In The Band (Music And Introduction)
B2 Diner's Dessert
B3 You Are What You Eat (Song)
B4 Turn On
B5 The World Is A Circus (Song)
B6 Fiona's Fantasy
B7 My Baby Does It Good (Song)
B8 Climax

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Liza Minnelli ‎– "The Singer" (Columbia ‎– PC 32149) 1973

As i'm obviously having a cabin fever moment,the symptoms including  an inexplicable obsession with Yes,among other No-No's; so I figure its time to select some right-on cheese.
Yes...., it's showbiz royalty,Liza with a 'Zee'. Punch drunk and Judy Garlands' daughter by Vincente Minnelli. She looks like a fuck-up in the album photo with a demented thousand yard stare. She didn't quite reach the heights of self torture that her mother so openly displayed, but there was a moment, in the nineties, after she married David Gest that she became part of a living circus for a few years.
'Cabaret' was her 'Wizard of Oz' moment,which gifted her a loooong slow declining career slide in quality.
However, when I was deeply inside the easy listening counter-culture of the nineties, this album was one of my favourites. In between the cheesy song'n'dance one woman show style numbers, there are a few cool funky tracks, Especially, "Use Me" and "Dancing In The Moonlight" which would get even the most introverted Gaylord tapping his feet.
There's also a cop movie soundtrack version of the horrendously smug Carly Simon number "You're So Vain",which was written about me......I think?
I saw one of those 'greatest album' programmes on BBC4, and it  featured toothy tunesmith Carly Simon, who never stopped telling us what a fucking gorgeous looking genius she was....maybe that song was about herself after all,and not me...or Warren Beaty? She's so Vain,she probably thinks this blurb is about her.....but with a great set of nipples,as she points out on the candid album photo. No such pleasures on the Liza Minnelli cover shot. Singer songwriters are wankers anyway, and Liza,with a Zee, could hardly write her own name never mind a smug self-satisfied anthem like 'You're So Vain'. 
You'll feel dirty after playing this unpretentious funky showbiz ear battering classic.....i'm still scrubbing but the stench won't leave my skin,or my mind.Why won't it leave!? This must be what it was like to be arse-raped with an Oscar by Harvey Wankstain?
I suppose I should be posting some obscure Industrial cassettes from former Czechoslovakia, but this stuff is far more frightening, and far less fucking boring......and certain not to be reissued on Vinyl-On-Fucking-De-Fucking-mand.
I'd love to dig Marvin Hamlisch,the producer of this album, up to have a go at rearranging that 'NON: Rarities Box Set'(Only 150€ plus p&p from HERE!) with brass and string arrangements..maybe adding some lyrics from Hamlisch's classically terrible "A Chorus Line" as the cherry on top......now that's what I call 'Subversive'.Non?

Tracklist:

I Believe In Music 3:37
Use Me 3:39
I'd Love You To Want Me 3:36
Oh, Babe, What Would You Say? 3:31
You're So Vain 3:30
Where Is The Love 2:49
The Singer 2:31
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight 3:51
Dancing In The Moonlight 3:19
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 2:36
Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me 2:52

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Zodiac ‎– "Disco Alliance" (Мелодия ‎– C60-13771-2) 1980

It's 1980,the year of the Olympics, the one when nobody went because of the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan, and Disco was hitting big in the Baltic states.
Meanwhile ,in the students' club of the Latvian State Conservatoire of music, Janis Lusens (a Bloke by the way!) organized a rock-group, named "Zodiac". Their first album, "Disco Alliance",turned out to be the Soviet "Dark Side Of The Moon" if not for its spacey themes,then for its persistence in the Soviet charts. LP's, issued in large quantities, sold out immediately in every corner of that huge drab empire.The Melodija pressing plants were straining to keep up with demand, even with their low grade pressing standards, and cheapo sleeve printing.

Zodiac's mid tempo instrumental electronic rock had everyone dancing like the zombies in the 'Night Of The Living dead',from deepest Siberia to the Kremilin ballroom.Even leonid Brezhnev was seen tapping his foot to this classic Latvian cheese, momentarily before he had to stand and endure the mayday parade of nuclear missles.Ironically the very things that destroyed the USSR.Their incentiveless economy was drained dry by spending all their roubles on those rediculous ICBM's.

The only joy the proletariat had were the unannouced record releases that state label Melodija turned out.Your average Comrade only had to look at the front cover and read such forbidden pleasures as 'Instrumental Rock Group' that adorned the terrible cover of Zodiac's magnum opus, and you were away. The word spread quickly that there was a new Rock group from the glorious republic of Latvia, and everyone wanted one. Not easy to supply millions of albums when your industry runs on sludge. No-one knows how many copies they sold ,but it must have been over a few million.

It's a sort of cross between 'Dark Side of the Moon',BBC Testcard music,Georgio Moroder and 'Stars on 45',all the way from the Dark side of the Earth.

Tracklist:

A1 Zodiac 5:12
A2 Pacific 3:52
A3 Provincial Disco 4:18
B1 Polo 3:17
B2 Mirage 4:02
B3 Rock On The Ice 2:42
B4 Alliance 3:41

DOWNLOAD from the dark side of the earth HERE!

New Trolls ‎– "Concerto Grosso Per I New Trolls" (Cetra ‎– LPX 8) 1971

As the Three Billy Goats Gruff gazed over the bridge at the fresh green grass of Italian Prog from a field where everything musical had been consumed,digested and shat out,leaving nothing but crap, and rap. The New Trolls,and their geeky fans lay in wait for them, to jealously guard their secret and threaten to gobble up any music fan looking for greener pastures.
There is even an elitism in such dodgy quarters as Italian Prog, just as it does/did in Krautrock. A maelstrom of nerds squabbling as to who was into it first, and who knows the most obscure Progressivo Italiano band......who's more Kraut or Italiano than thou.That 'I was a Kraut before you was a Kraut' bollocks!
Well, like Little Billy Goat Gruff,who trotted jauntily over the bridge,and left his brothers to be chomped down by the Trolls like an old twix,the fresh green shoots of an ignored genre lie awaiting in the lush fields of Italian Prog. Yes,the grass is always greener on the other side of the bridge,but consume too much and it can make you violently ill....so beware! Like 'Krautrock', it most certainly ain't all good......but this film soundtrack collaboration with composer Luis Enriquez Bacalov is certainly reclining comfortingly in the 'Jolly Good' pile.
Its very much a blend of symphonic Prog Rock Italiano style and lush Morricone-like strings, swirling lushly in the breeze like the long green grass of the field beyond the bridge in that popular Norwegian Fairy Tale.At the same time there is a certain cheesiness that could find it filed alongside James Last in the loungecore section.
Don't let the Prog Trolls keep it to themselves.

Tracklist:

1.Allegro 2:15
2.Adagio (Shadows) 4:50
3.Cadenza - Andante Con Moto 4:10
4.Shadows (Per Jimi Hendrix) 5:30
5.Nella Sala Vuota 20:25

6.La Prima Goccia Bagna Il Viso (part 1) 3:54

7.La Prima Goccia Bagna Il Viso (part 2) 4:43

DOWNLOAD from over the rickety bridge HERE!

Ananda Shankar - "Sa-Re-Ga Machan" ( His Master's Voice ‎– ECSD 2636) 1981

Behold!Ananda's cheesy tribute to the animal kingdom.
All his years of 'classical training' is tossed in the bin,and his Led Zeppelin influence has long been foresaken in favour of the James Last Orchestra.He has a style that has rivited together all the various aspects of eastern and western culture that results in a mixture not quite as good as either,but in a way is far more entertaining.This album is a bit late to call it Psychsploitation, but time passes slowly in India,so here you are....Psychsploitation from the early eighties,which was the begininning of that truly awful, bourgeois, 'World Music' phenomenon;so perhaps this is a Globalsploitation album for Peter Gabriel worshiping city traders and suchlike.The 'we're not racist cus we like african music' crowd......all are now Ukipers,Trump supporters, and Brexit voters to the man.

Tracklist:

1 Birds In The Sky
2 Can't Help falling In Love
3 Charging Tiger
4 Dancing Peacocks
5 His Latest Flame
6 How Would You Like To Be?
7 Jungle King
8 Jungle Symphony
9 Monkeys' Tea Party 
10 Night In The Forest
11 Playful Squirrels
12 Romantic Rhino     
13 Sa-Re-Ga Machan

14 Teddy Bear

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Ananda Shankar ‎– "Ananda Shankar" - (Reprise Records ‎– RS 6398) 1970

"His Name Is Ananda. He's a young man with a sitar and a dream and his name means peace and joy.
He's as Indian as the tradition in which he recieved his education as a classical musician.
But he's excited about Led Zeppelin and Janis Joplin and electronic music. " ....thats what it says in the liner notes anway.

This 'young man with a sitar and a dream' was the funky nephew to the more famous and far more boring Uncle Ravi,who spent most of his later years hanging with the Beatles and fathering scores of illegitimate children all over California.
At least Ananada is a 'proper' indian,and he can play the Sitar properly...if the wanted to;but the real dosh lay in doing naff versions of 'Light My Fire' rather than anything interesting.
I sold this album for 175 quid in the early noughties,before it got reissued on CD. Its Cheesy, its silly, but I do adore the final track rather a lot.Stuff that in yer pipe and smoke it Uncle Ravi. 

Tracklist:

A1 Jumpin' Jack Flash 3:40
A2 Snow Flower 3:10
A3 Light My Fire 3:29
A4 Mamata (Affection) 2:50
A5 Metamorphosis 6:49
B1 Sagar (The Ocean) 13:13
B2 Dance Indra 3:49
B3 Raghupati 3:35

DOWNLOAD the other shankar HERE!

Chim Kothari - "Sound Of Sitar" (Deram SML 1002) 1966

As always Deram got there first with the Sitar-sploitation angle,almost as soon as George Harrison had put his Sitar down after recording 'Michelle',out came "Sound Of Sitar"(Without the 'The's').
They conjured up an 'Indian' bloke called Chim Kothari......a made up name for a white bloke if ever there was one.Although it does sound like he's never actually seen a sitar before,Chim is not as appalling as Rajput and the Sepoy Mutiny.But i'm sad to say that 'Yes', you can indeed have too much Sitar.
I guess they couldn't fit the 'The's' into the title? Surely it should be "The Sound Of The Sitar"? Or maybe its was a clumsey attempt to infer an Indian accent? "Jolly Good and gawd blimey sir,album called 'Sound Of Sitar' mem saab", said that 'blacked up' bloke from 'It Ain't 'arf Hot Mum'....another banned seventies British Sit-Com....'Oh dear, how sad, never mind'(Windsor Davies RIP)

Tracklist:

Strangers In The Night
Winchester Cathedral
The Carnival Is Over
Barsaat ''Rain''
Eleanor Rigby
La Playa
Downtown
Guantanamera
You Don't Have To Say You Love Me
Hi-Lili, Hi-Lo
Bhigmangon Ka Mela - ''Beggars' Festival''
The Sound Of Music
Looking Through The Eyes Of Love
Cast Your Fate To The Wind

DOWNLOAD of sitar HERE!

Lord Sitar (Big Jim Sullivan) - "Sitar-a-gogo" & "Lord Sitar" (Mercury/Columbia) 1967/1968

Big Jim Sullivan's rock'n'roll credentials go back as long as British Rock's family tree existed. Big Jim's career started in 1959 after meeting Marty Wilde in the 3'i's coffee bar.
He's played on fifty nine number one UK hit singles, and his lengthy career included stints with Tom Jones and the James Last Orchestra.
Naturally, his Sitar technique was far superior to virtually anyone elses in the western world(yes even Bill Plummers!),although he still is no Ravi Shankar of course.
As Lord Sitar, he knocked out a couple of dozen easternized Psych-pop hits over the course of two cynical Psychsploitation albums.they obviously shifted some units because they made two albums of this stuff.
Before he died, he used to vist Tony 'Bass Player' Bell,who used to live nearby, here in France.He's the one who reckoned he played the bass on Johnny Kidd's "Shakin' All Over".....I checked this out by e-mailing Johnny Spence,the bass player in the Pirates...and he said he was talkin' bollocks.....read the full anecdote from earlier in the blog HERE!
Sadly I never got to meet Big Jim! Rest in peace you legend you.

"Sitar-a-Gogo" (1967):

1 She's Leaving Home 2:39
2 Sunshine Superman 3:29
3 A Whiter Shade Of Pale 2:49
4 LTTS 3:48
5 The Koan 3:08 (featuring John MacLaughlan)
6 Tallyman 2:36
7 The Sitar And The Rose 2:54
8 Translove Airways (Fat Angel) 2:09
9 Within You Without You 3:50
10 Flower Power 3:30

"Lord Sitar" (1968):

1 If I Were A Rich Man 5:40
2 Emerald City 2:50
3 Tomorrow's People 3:00
4 Daydream Believer 3:30
5 Like Nobody Else 4:30
6 I Am The Walrus 4:10
7 In A Dream 3:15
8 Eleanor Rigby 2:20
9 I Can See For Miles 2:45
10 Blue Jay Way 4:20
11 Black Is Black 2:50

DOWNLOAD and worship the lord HERE!