Phuture – "Acid Tracks" (Trax Records – TX142) 1987

Was this repetitively bleepy knob twiddling four to the floor thumper really the year zero for Acid House? Or was it that it was Accidently created by three knob twiddlers from Chicago with silly names,including Spanky, DJ Pierre, and Herbert Herb Jackson?....who all worked for the music department in the CIA to rob the yooth of their minds(obviously NOT True....I think?)

Legend has it that Spanky,discovered the now classic Acid machine,the Roland TB303 Bassline,collecting dust in the corner of the office. A swift dusting off occurred and Spank hooked it up to the sequencer,and ...you guessed it....twiddled some knobs, resulting in lots of very strange squelchy noises that everyone else had rejected.They had bought one to exploit its claim that it could replace any Bassline you could imagine,which, of course it couldn't...It made squelchy noises;but to the correct Ear,this sound was something brand 'spanky' new,resulting in anyone who heard it to start dancing like a fucking idiot immediately......oh yeah,..I mean,dancing like an idiot as long as they consumed the obligatory sister drug MDMA. Basically,one would dance to anything if one dropped some Ecstasy or 'E' to amplify your tapping feet into a state of pure liquid chaos.
Phuture's debut track "Acid Tracks" caused havoc on dance floors in Chicago when it was originally released in 1986. It then went on to ignite a hells storm of questionable behaviour in farmers fields all around the M25 London Orbital in Great Britain, known as The Magic Roundabout.This was the start of Rave Culture,and the phenomenon was even debated in the UK Parliament on how to control it,as it was getting rather out of hand.

Acid Tracks was officially released on Trax Records in 1987. This track went onto spread around the world many times over and forty years later it,and its many imitators still plague the minds of children across the planet, and an epidemic of memory loss and depression blighted the E-Generation to their graves.

Acid Tracklisting:

A1 Acid Tracks 12:26

B1 Phuture Jacks 7:46
B2 Your Only Friend 4:53

DOWNLOAD the phuture from the past HERE!

Carcass – "Flesh Ripping Sonic Torment" (Self-Released ) 1987

 Ahhh, some Death Metal from the home of the Beatles(Liverpool for gen Z),which sounds like Helter Skelter fed through a cheap distortion pedal and cement mixer......except this ain't Death Metal is it? It's Grindcore innit?

Chief Grinder, Bill Steer, was in Napalm Death for one album....."Scum" I think.So, the relevance of this post was to make a connection between Carcass and the early disemboweling grind of Napalm Death.

However, Bill Steer, was to leave and missed Napalm stalwart Shane Embury joining, like ships in the night,after leaving Warhammer,whom we featured in the previous post.

Most of the musicians....musicians???....in these groups were interchangeable, so no determinable difference was made, and a smooth transition was easily achievable.

The Thesaurus for this entire genre is but a slim volume,concentrating mainly on technical Autopsy references, and different,but the same, forms of putrefaction. Poetry it ain't,but it does convey rotting meat as some kind of alternative Flower representing the horrific ugliness of humankind....an image best represented by a naked Donald Trump....of you can imagine that without losing your mind?

I did also have a pint with Napalm Death,at Leicester University....of course i asked for an autograph for my children,so I provided a Fag Packet and Mick Harris dutifully wrote "Salamanderrrr Autopsy Doss, from Mick Harris". I sold them on Yahoo auctions (remember them?) as part of a package I made up, with The Napalm Death Peel Sessions CD, which skipped like a fucker.....a bit like this tape!? More fun facts>>> This tape was recorded in 22 minutes,but still managed to sound better than the debut album, "Reek Of Putrefaction.

PS isn't "Die in Pain" actually shorter than " You Suffer"? if you remove the count in on drum sticks?

PPS : Check out Stewart Lee on going Orienteering with Naplam Death

Tracklist:

A1 Genital Grinder 1:19
A2 Regurgitation Of Giblets 1:29
A3 Festerday 0:14
A4 Limb From Limb 1:01
A5 Rotten To The Gore 2:51
A6 Excreted Alive 0:56
A7 Malignant Defecation 1:54
A8 Fermenting Innards 2:31
A9 Necro-Cannibal Bloodfeast 1:41
A10 Psychopathologist 1:26
A11 Die In Pain 0:02
A12 Pungent Excruciation 3:01
A13 Face Meltaaargh 1:12

DOWNLOAD your orienteering map with all the boundaries crossed off here!

The Wedding Present – "Live Tape No. 1 - Leicester Poly 5th May 1987" (self-released C-60) 1987

One's gig-life in 1987 was dictated by the burgeoning C-86 Indie pop shoegazing scene ,so i saw endless groups of that genre,and I was AT this one. I have no memory of it beyond that,except for buying an industrial Hot dog outside the venue aprés-show,which was a dangerous occupation in Leicester at the time,involving various violent episodes involving Burger Vans and axes...."The Hot Dog Wars" as it was titled by investigative journalist knob, Roger Cook,on the Cook report TV show. Joe Perscico (spelling?)the rather frightening head thug, lived opposite my Leicester Poly indie friends,and he coned off the entire street for his Hot-Dog vans...and woe betide anyone who wanted to park outside their home!!!!

Hopefully the Hot-Dog I bought after The Wedding Present gig, wasn't one of his.He's either dead or in Prison now anyway.

I do remember that the venue was approximately half-full,and the very quiet audience reaction was mostly due to the microphones facing the band rather than the students who ,frankly, should have been revising!?

The Poly had a fine bar,with reasonable prices, so I wasn't here for the whole of the performance.

My record purchasing in 1887, didn't really include the C-86 mob, even though Bogshed/Big Flame etc were on that, but erred on the side of Ron Johnson Records and all that American noise Rock stuff,like Big Black etc, who didn't play in Leicester Pubs very often. The only Uk equivalents were stuff like Head Of David,Walking Seeds, and, I suppose, Napalm Death?

Ah Napalm Death, the ones who had a sticker on their first LP proclaiming them as the worlds fastest band?.....surely not?...didn't that accolade belong to The Wedding Present in 1987?

Also strangely, The Wedding Present was one of Steve Albini of Big Black's early "production" jobs? Even though he had never heard of them....'Producer' being a rather too fancy job description for his glorified Sound engineering....Production requires new ideas and a creative input of sorts.Something Steve vehemently shuns in favour of leaving the music to the Band....an attitude that would have robbed us of many classic albums.....eg Joy Division.

The Leicster Polytechnic is now called "De Montfort University", worryingly named after a famous 12th century anti-Semite,Psycopath, former Lord Of Leicester,and Dictator of England, Simon De Montfort;who passed a local law banning Jews from Leicester for all eternity.Apparently this is still on the statute books as I type.

Also, De Montfort university is responsible for taking over the city in an endless quest for huge profits, demolishing several of my favourite Pubs to build new student accommodation;some of which now occupies the site upon which I wanted to scatter my mortal remains,namely Filbert street Football ground. Its not there no more!?...but at least the music venue is still going,although renamed as something else....i dunno wot, doon't live there no more.

Tracklist:

A1 This Boy Can Wait
A2 Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft
A3 All This And More
A4 A Million Miles
A5 You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends
A6 I Regret Everything
A7 Something And Nothing
A8 The Day That This Letter Came
B1 My Favourite Dress
B2 Never Said
B3 Give My Love To Kevin
B4 Go Out And Get 'Em Boy!
B5 Getting Nowhere Fast
B6 Once More

DOWNLOAD the perfect wedding gift for your wife HERE!

Paul Kelday – "Rings Of Jupiter: A Retrospective" (S.J Organisation – S.J ORG 013) 1987

That looks like a badly Xeroxed image of the Earth rather than failed sun, and essentially Ring-less. gas giant, Jupiter. Hmmm? ....No Rings!?......Unlike Uranus (Haha..I had to aqueeze it in somewhere? So to speak phnar! phnar!)

I did mention in the previous Kelday post, that he has now left the building,and had taken up residency at Sun Ra's gaff among the resplendent rings of Saturn;but it now seems maybe I was wrong?

This French compilation of Kelday's work,compiled by the man himself,is a fitting epitaph indeed.Showcasing his unassuming cosmic abstractions like a warped copy of Tangerine Dream's Alpha-Centuri as reflected in a funhouse mirror.Lovingly benefiting from a severe lack of anything digital,except for human fingers pressing keys and twisting knobs.

Tracklist:

A1 Rings Of Jupiter (from PSI 1981)
A2 New Age Mutants (unreleased 1983)
A3 Short Stay In The Garden Of Optimism (from the compilation New Babel 1983)
B1 In The Air (from Centuries 1981)
B2 Birth Of Planestesimals  (from Another Time, Another Place 1982)
B3 Technofear (from the compilation "Organic Mind Workshop" 1984)

DOWNLOAD from Uranus HERE!

Stretchheads – "Three Steps To Heaven" (Self-Released Cassette) 1987

"She's got Myra Hindley Eyyyyyeeeessss".....remember that Hit for Kim Carnes?....or was it Dickie Davies Eyes?.....one of the two anyway.

Dickie Davies, for the minuscule minority who are ignorant,on a need to know basis,that,Dickie Davies presented Itv's 'World of Sport' every saturday on British TV.Oh yeah, and Myra Hindley was the blonde one in The Moors Murderers....Nooooo, Not that Punk Group of the same name which Chrissy Hynde and Steve Strange were in for five minutes in 1977, yer actual child killing Moors Murderers.

Anyway,Those Scottish types ooop north weren't wasting their time watching World Of Sport on saturday lunchtime,oh no...they were down the pub getting pissed (as in 'very drunk' for you yankophones).In the case of the Stretchheads,they were busy getting Pished (scottish for Pissed for you Anglophones),then going on to rehearsals after last orders.I'm sure they intended to sound like The Shrubs,but ended up sounding like an Exhibit A recording of one of The Moors Murderers'(not the group!) victims being tortured,....if they were in their twenties and extremely pished.

This deranged version of Grind-core meets Captain Beefheart, on past their sell-by date amphetamines, would have been the perfect soundtrack for a child killing,but Brady(The Scottish one)and Hindley's artist of choice was The Ray Conniff Singers christmas album (This is pure Evil...the Little Drummer Boy) to accompany the torture of Lesley Anne Downey,which they recorded.....crazy but true.That one was indeed Exhibit A at their trial,and doubtlessly still exists in the vaults at New Scotland Yard.....potentially Throbbing Gristle before Throbbing Gristle?...Whereas, Stretchheads were potentially Grind-Core before Grind-Core, but without any reference to Impending Nuclear destruction or evil multinational corporations leading us all from enslavement to obliteration.....y'know, that kind of thing.

The nearest equivalent has to be something Japanese? Maybe Melt Banana? A duet between Yasuko Onuki(Melt Banana) and P6 (that's the name of the Stretchheads' singer,screamer,vocalist etc???);would be something to behold.....except The Stretchheads split up and Melt Banana plough a lone furrow of truly demented Hardcore still...so no headlines of "Melt Banana Split" can get me off the hook anytime soon!

Any group with a vocalist called P6,high speed prog rock chord sequences,and recorded well into the red Zone has to be good? No?

They should have been rightly revered by the Noise-Core youth of today, but they did the right thing by splitting,citing record company theft as a primary motivation....so they now advocate illegal downloading of their back catalog....so you can make the band happy by starting HERE!...and make me feel like Dennis Moore giving lupins to the Poor again.I love you all.

Tracklist:

1 Sidatorium
2 Chicken Fish
3 Confront
4 Fans
5 Headache
6 The Illness
7 Skinrin
8 Jawbox
9 Cancer

'Steal' from the stretchheads' former record companies HERE!.....but its still sharing as far as i'm concerned.

The Great Leap Forward – "Controlling The Edges Of Tone" (Ron Johnson Records – ZRON 20) 1987

It all started to go WRONG with Ron Johnson Records, previously Thee perfect record Label, when bIG fLAME broke up,leaving us with Singer and Bassist Alan Brown's (a pop star's name if ever there wasn't one?) new poppier vehicle "The Great Leap Forward".

Firstly the band name rang alarm bells warning of trendy left wing alignment, to keep open ambitions to join the second coming of any potential "Red Wedge" tour with such like-minded righteous soap boxers as ex-tory Paul Weller's Style-less council, and the brain cell crushing awfulness that was,and sadly still is...Billy Bragg.....who incidentally had a song which went by the same name as Alan's new pinko pop chartbound flops.

As far as i was concerned,having eagerly purchased the debut EP "Controlling The Edges Of Sound", this was more the Great Leap Backwards from the cubist pop perfection of bIG fLAME. 

Right-on lefty lyrics aside,the music is a kind of B-movie version of Haircut 100's bastard child with Josef K.....which sounds quite promising,does it not?.....but it didn't even achieve that.Quite disappointed I was.

Listening to it again,removed from such idealistic times....its not bad....it really does sound like Haircut 100 grafted on to everyone's favourite Kafka cloned Edinburgher's.

Amusingly dated references to the E.E.C.(if only it stayed like that instead of the unwieldy soopah state of today's EU?) and the Common agricultural policy (C.A.P.),which gave us Wine lakes,Butter mountains, and Grain surplus's bigger than the Sahara desert.What would we all give to have that kind of resource at hand today with this idiotic war going on?

Yep...let's Jive While We're Still Alive.....i'm currently tapping my foot to this,so there's still hope.

Tracklist:

Side Head:
A1 Hope's Not Enough, Son - Ask Your Parents 3:17
A2 If The C.A.P's Flat, Than Waive It 3:58

Side Arrow:
B1 Let's Jive While We're Still Alive 2:42
B2 My Grandfather's Cluck 4:31

DOWNLOAD while you're still alive HERE!

We've Got a Fuzzbox and We're Gonna Use It – "The BBC Sessions 1986/1987" (Cherry Red – CDMRED 213) 2002

Without fail,the best moments in any bands history are the first things they do.

As a subscriber to the "First Thought Best Thought school of hard knocks",this quaint attempt at Folk-Art philosophy  should be carved on the stone tablets which emerged when the rock'n'roll Moses rose from the swamps with the Eleven Commandments of Rock clasped under his sweaty armpits.

Another rule scratched clumsily on these holy tablets is don't sign contracts with any entertainment industry conglomerate.

Sadly, "Fuzzbox"...as they came to be known after they signed a contract with an entertainment industry conglomerate..., didn't follow these simple rules,and rapidly became rubbish. Sadly not the first time this was to happen, mainly due to the vulgar pursuit of the mighty Dollah!.

Happily these girls were avid exponents of the "First Thought Best Thought"(or even better No thought No Thought!) process that pervades all great art,and were captured in their natural state,once again, by the BBC.As were The Slits a decade earlier. Nascent Fuzzbox were saved for posterity by the public service corporation of Great Britain,while Fuzzbox were still a new born phenomenon, and still called "We've Got a Fuzzbox and We're Gonna Use It".

I did type previously that all 21st century girl groups are shit in comparison.One was just paraphrasing/plagiarising a fellow blogger,honest guvn'r (Creepscanner)....strictly for shock effect mind.

The rather wonderful Wet Leg seem to be reviving the lost tradition of Girl groups who just wanna have a jolly good larf,and what are you gonna do about it? Hopefully they will curb the tide of dull post-hiphop nonsense that make up the majority of nominees for the joyless Mercury Music Prize 2022.You know what I mean,the Rap Singers.You've seen 'em on the Top Of The Pops..they used to go on there,you've seen 'em.The Rap singers.Y'know,The Rappers,Rap singers.Round the back of the multistory,...The Rap Singers.......

The tracks in these BBC sessions are frozen moments in time when these 2 minute symphonies were in their raw primal state,like Lionesses prowling the monochrome Savannah lands of Birmingham(UK).....dyed Pink of course.

Peel Session-Tracks 1 to 4: ℗ 1986 BBC. First transmitted 10/3/86
Janice Long Session-Tracks 5 to 9: ℗ 1986 BBC. First transmitted 10/4/86
Peel Session-Tracks 10 to 14: ℗ 1986 BBC. First transmitted 11/8/86
Janice Long Session-Tracks 15 to 18: ℗ 1987 BBC. First transmitted 12/1/87

Tracklist:

1 Aaarrrrggghhh!!! 2:23
2 Fever 2:25
3 Rules & Regulations 2:51
4 Justine 2:09
5 Aaarrrrggghhh!!! 2:25
6 Love Is The Slug 2:16
7 Hollow Girl 3:18
8 Console Me 1:33
9 Spirit In The Sky 3:03
10 You Got Me 3:43
11 Preconceptions 2:32
12 Jackie 2:35
13 She 4:02
14 Bohemian Rhapsody 5:18
15 Wait & See 2:11
16 Self 2:37
17 What's The Point 2:24
18 High Hopes 1:04

DOWNLOAD from the rich savannah lands of eighties pop HERE!

Frank Sidebottom – "Fantastic Tales" (11:37 – ets 7) 1987

The sparkling and magnificent sub-celestial abode that some would let it be known to all and sundry as being called thee planet earth;hasn't always been the stamping ground of official top ten entertainment and egoistic posturing.Around the golden era of rock'n'pop'n'roll, 1977 to 1984,there lurked an unpopular form of  rock'n'pop'n'roll called alternative and independent music.There was even some clever individuals who did all that stuff what top-notch mangers like Peter Grant and musical behemoths such as Richard Branson did, themselves.......clever little smartarses such as they were. One such clever smartarse would be Chris Sievey of the alternative and indie rock'n'pop'n'roll group The Freshies,who did everything himself,released lots of unpopular pop tunes on his own label,and to cap it all, in his spare time was the very very funny alter-ego Frank Sidebottom,who lived with his mum in the charming satellite town of Timperley near Manchester.

There was ,excuse my language, a fucking shit film wot i was swindled into watching called "Frank",which has been described by person's unknown, as a "Black Comedy"?....supposedly inspired by Frank Sidebottom; who,i am told gave his blessing to the project before he died..he'd be spinning in his grave if he saw the finished product...Did I say that Frank and Chris were indeed both dead at the time of writing?....no?...well they are. I heard this nugget of movie propaganda and proceed to watch an illegal download of said talking picture,only to learn that the Frank in the film was nothing to do with the Sidebottoms of Timperley,but was some clueless american in a Frank Sidebottom head moaning about how hard life is,and spouting  too cool for skool nonsense about what makes a cool band and that which is not.There has never been,to my knowledge any rock themed movie ever, unless its taking the piss of course(Spinal Tap),that didn't......(i stoop to americanese again..sorry)...Suck Balls real bad.......maybe "A Hard Days Night",but that was more an Ealing Comedy with Pop Stars in than a rock'n'roll movie?

Rule one never ask an american what makes a punk band, they just do it naturally without thinking about it,unless you're Johnny Ramone. Rule Two, don't break the eleven commandments of Rock.....which the band in this exceedingly crap movie do with ease.....they had a keyboard player for Jehovah's sake!?....there are exceptions for this of course,like Una Baines for example(mk.1 Fall),but generally its an idea that...in Americanese....SUCKS! It really makes one just wanna give up.

Frank,However, had the history and meaning of Rock'n'Roll tattoed on his papier maché head

No this film wasn't about Frank...but there is another one that is....more a documentary than movie,but better...."Being Frank" is the titular conclusion for that one.

So as an introduction to the showbiz genius of Frank Sidebottom,Little Frank, and the late Chris Sievey,we bring you 50 minutes of the surreal madness that was Frank and Little frank,interspersed with some very silly songs,to remind the world what it's missing......acktuleh!

Tracklist:

A1 The Day I Found A Hippopomous 17:50
A2 The Day Little Frank Tried To Tell A Fantastic Tale 6:06
B1 The Day I Won A Million Pounds 13:29
B2 The Day I Was Paul McCartney 11:28

DOWNLOAD this fantastic tape here ACTUALLY!

Various Artists – "Ideal Guest House" (Shelter) 1986 & "The First After Epiphany" (Ron Johnson Records – ZRON 21) 1987

As I received a request for a Ron Johnson compilation,it reminded me of the official comedian attached to this shambling Ron Johnson style stuff, Ted "I was Walking Down the Road" Chippington. I'm not sure if he was into this kind of popular music,but he was enlisted to be the compare of this trendy compilation cassette to support homeless charity "Shelter"; which is rather apt as we are facing the largest homeless crisis in Europe since world war too. Its time to start world war Free (dom) innit? I am of course referring to the current Invasion of Ukraine by that nice Mr Putin man....just in case you are part of the uninformed majority,or living in Russia....in which case i have to inform you that your army has been committing War crimes against your Slavic brothers in the west.....basically you're fucked.

The drole monotone self-elected worst comedian in the world ever Ted,links together a bunch of shambling C86-era,Johnson related groups in his characteristic stoic manner...at times he's even funny!?

Its got Bog-Shed and bIG fLAME on it, what more could you want or need?......just ignore the Chumbawamba track,...oooooh, they didn't like Neil Kinnock.....edgy stuff not, nuff said.

Tracklist:

A1 Big Flame– Man Of Few Syllables
A2 The Wedding Present– You Should Always Keep In Touch With Your Friends (alt Version)
A3 The Soup Dragons– Fair's Fair
A4 The Creepers– Sharper And Wider
A5 The Shop Assistants – Home Again (Live)
A6 The June Brides– This Town (Accoustic)
A7 Rob Grant with Yeah Yeah Noh– Mr. Hammond Has Breakfast In Bed
B1 Stump– Kitchen Table
B2 The Legend!– Everythings Coming Up Roses
B3 Pigbros– Barren Land
B4 Stitched Back Foot Airman– The Deadly Spore
B5 BMX Bandits– Sad?
B6 Bog-shed – Jobless Youngsters
B7 Chumbawamba– Kinnochio

DOWNLOAD and give these tracks a home HERE!

Oh Yeah!...here's that Ron Johnson sampler LP "The First After Epiphany" that i mistakenly thought had no exclusive tracks on it, and you could get them from the other official releases on the blog if you search for Ron Johnson Records. I was wrong, There's at least a Twang! track that one can't get elsewhere,and maybe an errant Splat! number,or anything else with an exclamation mark in it's name:

"The First After Epiphany"
Ron Johnson Records – ZRON 21 (1987)

Tracklist:

A1 Splat!– Mistook
A2 Big Flame– XPQWRTZ
A3 A Witness– Dipping Bird
A4 Stump– Big End
A5 MacKenzies– Man With No Reason
B1 The Shrubs– Blackmailer
B2 The Ex– Knock
B3 Twang – Here's Lukewarm
B4 The Nose Flutes– Bodyhair Up In The Air
B5 The Great Leap Forward– Drowning Speechless
B6 Jackdaw With Crowbar– Crow

DOWNLOAD this epiphanal moment HERE!

The Zchivago Reviews Series - 3/ Guns N' Roses - "The truly awful "Appitite For Destruction" record (On the truly very awful Geffen Records) from about 1987!

 

As Prince Harry and Megan......sounds like some kind of naff novelty act doesn't it?.....In fact it is....but.....Prince Harry Hewitt,he of no royal blood at all, said that the internet has bred nothing but Hate. So, this inspired me to think of thee most hate inducing bunch of clueless twats ever to grace a stage in the name of Rock'n'Roll ever....obviously, Guns 'N' Roses. If only they'd called themselves 'Obviously Guns'N Roses', it wouldn't have been quite so terrible,but they didn't, so, Hey-Ho!

Holders of the 'Single Most Badly Dressed people Who Thought They Were Cool' Award for at least ten years running,with Motley Crue and Milli Vanilli in an interchangeable second and third place;their sartorial inelegance was like an explosion from an Australian's nightmare in a German fancy dress shop.

And the 'Music'...Oh god, the music!?

Fronted by balding bandana sporting screecher,Axel 'there ain't nothing I ain't done me',Rose;he and the rest of the group, meaning 'Slash' and the other ones,flesh out a comic book rock fantasy like a graphic novel on how NOT to do it.Like Spinal Tap but without the Jokes.

However, Rose's attempt at slinky rock dancing would have fitted very comfortably in Hollywoods number one Heavy Rock spoof,as would a lot more aspects of this living taste bypass that make Aerosmith look like Dr Feelgood.

What's incredible is that whenever they are interviewed,and why anyone with a brain would want to even acknowledge their existence(?), they seem to think they are Punk's!? 

Maybe they were all locked in a cupboard with a Motley Crue record slipped into a "Now Thats' What I call Punk Rock" sleeve as children,I Dunno!? Whatever the reason is they can't have actually listened to anything that could conceivably be described as Punk in their lives? 

Prancing around like very well fed but 'wasted' 'Rock Stars,and buckets of recycled 'look at me mom' guitar solo's,while doing, alledgedly, wheel barrow's full of illegal narcotics,and thinking its cool.Christ how completely useless be a 'Rock Star'? They offer precisely Nothing to the human story,except how not to be something.

In your nuclear bunker,with one place left to fill,who would you choose to come inside, Slash and Gibson Les Paul, or the carpenter with his tools? Hard decision...Not? Actually,Anyone instead of Slash! In fact, if it was empty, none of G'n R's would get in !I'd sooner die alone quaffing down as much irradiated water as i could slurp!.Collectively they have less than nothing to offer the future world. Imagine the race of cretins we'd have if Axel Rose and Grace Slick were the new Adam and Eve? They'd have tasted the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge within a few seconds of arriving in the nuclear garden of Eden.Expelled from Eden for being crap,it would say in the post-armageddon rock'n'roll Bible.

If these fuckers are in Hell when I die,unless they actually abolish death, like they are trying to do in the Co-Vid crisis,then I well and truly will know I am there.Thankfully we have the eternal blackness of oblivion to save us from this utter shite!......discuss.

By the way,as always,there's a re-edited version of their most awful hit from the album below...imagine this on a loop in hell,and it would be better than having the official version blasting out at 12 in Satan's special hell for music obsessives.

Tracklist:

1. "Not So Sweet Child O'Yours (Zchivago Remix)" (6:35)

DOWNLOAD to satisfy your appetite for Destroying American Rock HERE! 

OR

STREAM it HERE!

Jonathan Briley ‎– "From Kain To Abel......." (Inner-X-Musick ‎– XXX 45) 1987

Enter another Sleepchamber member who made better music on his own.

He was the one from the eighties incarnation who looked like a naughty school teacher.

It's all well made standard Dark Ambient Industrial style muzak.Real good as background sounds to a board games evening with a group of special friends.Which is probably why I don't have any friends anymore?

This stuff may get dismissed as american late-comers by those Industrial snobs who were....er... "There"... when these things were happening,but its jolly good fun to just absorb the silence by.

Right, now where's me Toast?

Tracklist:

A1 Vortex-(Instrumental Remix) 7:51
A2 Heaven's Sounding Sweeter All The Time 5:21
A3 Rize Ov The Carrion 3:02
A4 Dead Virtues 6:45
A5 Sermon Sur La Mort 4:00
A6 Kiss Ov The Whip 2:43
B1 (Untitled) 2:13
B2 To Baudelaire 6:41
B3 Hour Ov The Wolf 4:53
B4 Rituals 4:00
B5 The Last Time We Made Love 7:09
B6 Final Vision 3:50

DOWNLOAD as a sacrifice to Yahowa HERE!

Last Exit ‎– "Cassette Recordings 87" (Enemy Records ‎– EMY 105) 1987

Oh Jesus! How shit is this new Blogger thing wot they've paid some 'expert' to re-jig!? Fucking Hell!

Remember MySpace? This is going the same way. I start a new post with a childlike excitement, then quickly give up in a childlike strop after trying to select labels for my new post.....click and wait technology......But, I won't let the 'Man' get to me with his power games...oooooh no! So here's a transitional Peter Brotzmann work, recorded on the humble cassetten,yet never released on a humble cassetten. Yup, it's Jazz Metal soopergroop , 'Last Exit' innit?

Do I hear a Groan?....unfortunately,yes, Bill Laswell does makes a traditional appearence with anything to do with downtown jazzy types.He's the Thurston Moore of Jazz,although I think Thruston Moore reckons that his-self is in fact the Thurston Moore of Jazz too? What is it with these serial collaborators? They crop up like a bad smell in a toilet,and usually contribute nothing......the jury's out on Eno however,'cus i'm a bit of a fan of our Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno.....but.....with a name like that he is obviously rather Posh,which gave him full Progressive rock qualifications above and beyond the call of duty. Never trust anyone with more than two christian names. A case in point is the beyond awful posh bloke whose childhood ambition was to become Prime Minister of Britain,and worse still, actually did!?......Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson......which is code for 'Bastard'.

Who the fuck has a realistic childhood fantasy of being a country's leader other than that priviliged line of human aliens with the reptilian DNA? Little undernourished Tommy Atkins from the council estate with the abusive parents' greatest ambition was to learn to read, not study Greek History with a bunch of Oxbridge cronies,and future leaders,and, do it all with a smirk on his face!? Why didn't someone slap those smug jowels at kindergarten and nip this horror in the bud? It might not be too late?

Yes, anyone can become a leader, except the Kings won't let it happen.

So, here we have a group, proudly displaying moustaches and beards when it was patently 'Unhip' to do so, wearing clothes that would impress only Michael Bolton's wardrobe assistant. Their debut sooper pooper groop eponymous debut was rather good in its musical napalm tendancies. This outing is less so,with rather too much of Sonny Sharrocks metally guitar work,and his even worse singing, but it has its moments.Brotzmann's sax is, for once, well mixed,and not stage front.Peter's other main contibution is likely to have been the very Brotzamannesque song titles of "Sore Titties" and the terribly rude, but laughable, "My Balls/Your Chin"!!!?

Recorded at the North Sea Jazz Festival in Copenhagen to cassette,so it has that nice saturated cassette sound that's so hard to reproduce in any other medium.We like cassettes here......sorry about the Laswell though.

Tracklist

1. Line Of Fire
2. Big Boss Man
3. Sore Titties
4. Ulli Bulli Fooli
5. Ma Rainey
6. My Balls / Your Chin

DOWNLOAD the last exit to copenhagen HERE!

Ivor Cutler - "Peel Sessions 1987-1997" (a DIE or DIY? Compilation)

As Doctor McBrazil-Nuts said to Missus Big Buttons, "take your clothes off and lay on the trolley, then take my temperature!...What does the thermometer say?"
"Made In Venice" says Missus Big-Buttons.
"Receptionist is there anyone else in the waiting room?
"Just Mister Big-Buttons" replied the Receptionist.
If that doesn't contain all you need to know about the Coronavirus #19 crisis then there's a cure for coronavirus HCoV-229E, aka the common cold......for which, after centuries of trying,is still incurable.So the likelihood of a vaccine appearing like magic early next year is pretty un-likely, I'm sure you'd agree.
Very few literary works make complete sense of the world like the work,if you call it work, of Ivor Cutler. Philosophers like Nietzsche thought themselves into blind corners and early graves to work out what the fuck is going on,and still found no answer. Cutler manages this in one short couplet.....there is no sense to existence,and like the abrupt endings to many of his poems, there is only silence. But at least we can laugh at it all while we still can.It's only as bleak as you make it,nothing you do is gonna change anything. Get reday for living with the Virus, like humanity has done for millenia. For want of a better phrase that isn't emblazened on every mug on the planet; "Keep Calm and Carry On".....for fucks sake!? "Language is a Virus",said the American version of Ivor Cutler, William S. Burroughs.

Tracklist:

1. A Romantic Man 09/06/1987
2. The Shapely Balloon 09/06/1987
3. The Clever Night Doctor 09/06/1987
4. The Aggressive Onion Vendor 09/06/1987
5. Me And My Kid Brother 09/06/1987
6. The Perambulating Scottish Colander 09/06/1987
7. A Wag At The Flicks 09/06/1987
8. Glasgow Dreamer ep 11 (Andy Kershaw 21/05/87)
9. Glasgow Dreamer: Episode 8 09/05/1991
10.Beside the Fish 09/05/1991
11.Footsteps 09/05/1991
12.Green Light 09/05/1991
13.The 2 Coy Hinnies 09/05/1991
14.Seaweed 09/05/1991
15.Insect 09/05/1991
16.Glasgow Dreamer: Episode 6 09/05/1991
17.Biltong Croon 09/05/1991
18.A Long Hard Gland 09/05/1991
19.Hee Haw 09/05/1991
20.Doing The Bathroom (Episode 1) 25/11/1992
21.The Lid 25/11/1992
22.25,000 Miles 25/11/1992
23.Part Of The Ground 25/11/1992
24.Between Two Walls 25/11/1992
25.Your Side 25/11/1992
26.Pschawa 25/11/1992
27.Ros Vulgaris 25/11/1992
28.A Dale Song 25/11/1992
29.Two Paracetamol 25/11/1992
30.Doing The Bathroom (Episode 2) 25/11/1992
31.What Have You Got? (1997)
32.Ruby (1997)
33.Open Your Arms (1997)
34.Jam (1997)
35.Ingredients (1997)

DOWNLOAD because ivor got no more HERE!

Various Artists ‎– "Ende Vom Lied: East German Underground Sound 1979 - 1990" (Play Loud! Productions ‎– pl-67) 2016

What can I say except that i like a nice pair of knockers on my record covers,especially painted ones.

So all i'm motivated to do is cut'n'paste the liner notes,and come to the conclusion that the DDR produced ,by far, the best and most adventurous music in the whole soviet bloc.So as the title suggests,this can mark the end of our fabulous tour of the communist bloc.....not necessarily never to return.There's reems of DDR Punk,but,between you and me...its largely awful 1983 generic rubbish.You can't win 'em all!?

....and i quote:....

"ENDE VOM LIED" is a genre-spanning collection of punk, post-punk and avant-garde bands from the former East Germany, chronicling the work of free spirits pitted against government restraints and implied genre limitations. The underground scene in the GDR was a hydra, a noisy mix of musicians, poets, pain¬ters, photographers, filmmakers, punks and freaks. In the immediate aftermath of the primal scream that was punk, music often bred with poetry or painting in short-lived liaisons or enduring collaborations to produce a new generation of genre bastards. With the lines blurring between forms, a search for new shapes began. In the German Democratic Republic, this search constituted a tightrope walk, a dance for expression between subculture and a dictatorship.

*In German, ENDE VOM LIED literally translates to “The end of the song”, but is more commonly understood as a saying roughly meaning “The upshot”, “The end of the story” or simply “The end”.

TRACKLIST:

01 Ornament & Verbrechen : When I am I am not (1988)
02 Grabnoct : Töten und Fressen (1987)
03 L‘Attentat : linke Ecke, rechte Ecke (1984)
04 Der Schwarze Kanal : spiel mit (1979)
05 3tot : Hintere Gedanken (1989)
06 Der Demokratische Konsum : Sturm im Gepäck (1985)
07 T42 : Dreamer (1985)
08 Happy Straps : Live in Paradise (1985)
09 Planlos : Smog und Ruß (1981)
10 Sendeschluß : Deine Liebe (1982)
11 Zwitschermaschine : geh übern fluß (1983)
12 Aufruhr zur Liebe : mit’m bock auf nichts (1984)
13 Andreas Auslauf : Zivilisation (1985)
14 Rosa Extra : was mir deine schleuder ist dir meine waschmaschine (1982)
15 AG Geige : Fingerwalze (1989)
16 The Local Moon : Kingdom comes (1987)
17 fett : rifflied (1988)
18 Herbst in Peking : Parade (1989)
19 Magdalene Keibel Combo : Stahl Daab (1988)
20 Ornament & Verbrechen : keilter schwaß (1989)
21 BAADER : ceaucescu meiner seele! (1988)
22 Klick & Aus : Systeme rasten ein, ich raste aus! (1984)
23 Der Expander des Fortschritts : Fremdgehen durchs Land (1990)
24 Pffft... : Prenzelking (1985)

DOWNLOAD ende vom lied HERE!

Holy Toy ‎– "Pakt Of Fact" (Tatra ‎– TAT 001) 1987

Ahhh, those halcyon days of The Warsaw Pakt, when black was black and white was grey....and that's a fakt ,so fack yoo!
After Holy Toys first couple of years, they lost the international distribution for their albums, so Norweigen import only was the sole method for us 'Toy' fans to get hold of their post 1984 output.This is why I thought they had ceased to be after the 'Panzer und Rabbits' LP. "Pakt of Fact" was a later purchase for me in the early 21st century, a time when music like this seemed even more alien than it did in the eighties.As we are all increasingly alienated ,subliminally, from the outside world,each other, and ourselves.Holy Toy is strangely relevant once more.
Fittingly the 'Toy',as we fans call 'em, reformed around 2013 with new(?) material!? Their reputation having grown by at least 1% over the intervening years.
In fact, "Pakt of Fact" is classic Holy Toy industrial cold war gloom.
So,It is of no surprise that they called it a day the year the wall came down, only for us to build another wall around ourselves as individuals of the current century,prisoners of technology. 
I should really be writing this using only emoji's, as my computer downloads images of ways i can kill myself, or poison the water supply with easy to manufacture nerve agents.
And so it begins...the rise of the machines. They, the machines, have  already convinced us that all our leaders are liars,and everything we thought we knew is wrong. Its a kind of cyber bookburning perpetrated in cyber space by individuals unknown.Of course 'The Individual' doesn't exist in the world of hi-tech,where the artificial consciousness is universal. Like a man made Godhead;but this time this digital entity is only too real,and he's sending a Flood of zero's and one's
Hopefully the threat of extinction will launch a final wave of human art before the atmosphere becomes too toxic for animal or vegetable life, and the mineral will fill the void in the next stage of Evolution.
There is NO stopping it,and we're all running to the gas chambers, along with the camp gaurds.Probably buying bargains online,as we perish.

Tracklist:

A1 Plan For The Land 4:28
A2 Last Dinner 4:25
A3 Treasure 4:48
A4 Sariusz 3:12
B1 Pakt Of Fact 4:24
B2 Behind The Carpet 3:42
B3 First Lecture 4:57
B4 Invisible 5:16

DOWNLOAD this tightly pakt file HERE!

Various Artists - "Soviet Synth Wave Vol. 3" (2019)

Having lived my young adulthood throughout the 1980's, and am now listening to the pain that my compatriots in the Soviet Union had to endure behind that silly ol' Iron Curtain thingy, I can now fully appreciate how fucking WEIRD pop music was between 1983 and 1989.
Of course at the time I hated all this shit,and could look down on it all because I liked Coil,Einsturzende Neubauten and The Birthday Party,....what a twat was I?
Secretly to myself, I thought that a Flock of Seagulls, Classix Nouveaux, Japan, Simple Minds and the like were rather marvellous. All this stuff sounded even more ridiculous in the 90's when 'real' drummers made a come back,and guitars were played properly again......how fucking boring was that shit? Especially that ridiculous Brit-Pop torture.
Well, you know how kids start listening to music via their parents record collections?.....it was jaw dropping to hear teenagers playing 80's Futurist pop in the early 2000's. It all goes round in circles they say....well they're correct....whoever 'they' are,but 'they' are apparently genius's.,or geni?
Like Punk never happened 'They' said, but this stuff was a direct result of the 'Punk' ethic.....in other words it was 'Punk',but weirder.
Amid the massive gated snares, Simmons electronic kits, digital synthesis,cavernous reverbs,warbley vocals and fretless basses lay something beyond normal comprehension,something genuinely weird....how did it come to this.How did Kajagoogoo happen?
Luckily for any English speaker,listening to this Soviet Wave stuff,the truly terrible lyrics that came with the package are incomprehensible.Something that made the Western Futurists harder to listen to or take seriously.
Simon Le Bon being the new romantic laureat of terrible poetry......"You're just about as easy as a Nuclear War" said the Bard of Brum.
Its no coincidence that Duran Duran were formed not too far from the birthplace of William Shakespeare, the worlds most famous West Midlander,followed by the next most famous West midlanders,Duran Duran;just pipping Black Sabbath,Slade,and half of Led Zeppelin for second place.
Yep,prepare yourself, Duran's debut album was a truly great record!?

Tracklisting:

01.Rock-September "Discorobot"(1982)
02.The Time Machine "He was one of the first"(1983)
03.The doctor "The moon in the sky..." (1985)
04.The airport "To stay children"(1984)
05.Activity zone "I fly like a fireball" (1986)
06.The Model "Again 25"(1987)
07.Edward Artemiev "Picture No. 7"(1978)
08.Ubermannequin "Nightporter"(1987)
09.Michail Muromov "The Earth will return in May"(1985)
10.Dynamic "The light of your windows"(1984)
11.Rondo "Ring off"(1986)
12.Igor Talkov "Lifebelt"(1989)
13.The class "Great!" (1989)
14.Boris Deart "Ecology" (1991)

DOWNLOAD the alternative future of the ussr HERE!

Various Artists - "Soviet Synth Wave Volume One (1980-88)" (2019)

The Soviet approach to making pop music was very similar to their apprach to architecture,as featured on the accompanying photo with this compilation. Brutal,formulaic,structually unsound ,with humans reduced to nothing more than an after-thought. There are no Yazoo's, Pet Shop Boys,or Gary Numanski's on here, just a jumble sale of imported music tech let loose in the hands of young(the 35-45 demographic) socialists with little or no idea of how to write a catchy tune......sounds good huh?
This all sounds like a whole music culture based on catching a brief snippit from a western radio transmission of a post Vince Clark Depeche Mode tune,merged with a three second snatch of a Classix Nouveaux track.
However, the Mumii Troll track is a urainium tipped classic.
Yep, leave the timeless electro-pop hits to those pale eye-liner wearing English Kids, and leave the Russians to do what they do best.....clearing a room.

Track Listing:

01. Alisa - Experimentator (1984)
02. Nautilus Pompilius - Eta muzyka (1985)
03. Nochnoi Prospect - Ansambli (1986)
04. Nikolai Kopernik - Liudi mira (1985)
05. Alians - Govoriashchaia golova (1984)
06. Agata Kristi - Vtoroi front (1988)
07. Mirazh - Okolo polunochi (1987)
08. Kino - Poslednii geroi (1985)
09. Televizor - Chelovek iz vaty (1985)
10. Zvuki Mu - Yezhednevnyi geroi (1987)
11. Mumii Troll - Saionara diska (1987)
12. Avia - Urok russkogo yazyka, par (1986)
13. Pop-kombinat - Telefonnyi robot (1987)
14. Zodiak - Zodiak (1980)

DOWNLOAD these dancefloor emptiers HERE!

Heinz & Franz / A.F. Moebius ‎– "Alle Aufnahmen / Eine Auswahl" (KlangFarbe ‎– 007.) 1987

We can easily slag off the German Democratic Republic from the western political and intelligence service angle,but, the previous regime to that one would have had Heinz and Franz publically beheaded for making this tape. It seems the Socialist Unity Party of Germany,as they were called, turned a blind eye to this underground music scene.Which is a far more liberal approach to subversive art than you would have found in many other Soviet satellites,such as Czechoslavakia for example, where musicians were frequently imprisoned and constantly hassled.The most famous of which were the Plastic People Of The Universe (coming up when we finally leave the DDR behind), whose Zappa inspired lunacy was rather unpalatable for the local authorities.
I can sort of understand the intrusive methods of The East German state.In their eyes they were trying to protect their socialist untopia from the insideous influence of the outside world.And one of the most effective ways to undermine any kind of political philosophy is through art,especially Pop Music.Not that Frank Bretscheider made pop music however,but the roots were certainly anchored in the forbidden world of anglo-american pop culture.
This split tape,shared between Frank Bretschneider and Heinz Havemeister, and Frank Bretschneider as A.F.Moebius,is yet another minimal electronic rock mash-up of the kind you frequently found in West Berlin's underground music.It would have been relatively easy to tune into west German radio, which I'm sure was illegal, but forbidding it was not exactly enforceable.
Listening to this excellent cassette,its evident that Bretscheider and friends may have incriminated themselves.Luckily the Stasi were far too unhip to notice.

Tracklist:

Side A: Heinz & Franz - Alle Aufnahmen

1–Heinz & Franz Beim Docteur 1:12
2–Heinz & Franz Kochkäse 1:44
3–Heinz & Franz Leitungsmasten 2:44
4–Heinz & Franz Blutrausch 1:37
5–Heinz & Franz Forellen Fischen! 3:07
6–Heinz & Franz Der Budder 1:26
7–Heinz & Franz Replik Des Druiden 3:01
8–Heinz & Franz Jemand 0:57
9–Heinz & Franz Mein Junge Niest 2:15
10–Heinz & Franz Blinde Liebe 1:30
11–Heinz & Franz Schlafen 3:56
12–Heinz & Franz Verflixter Raoul 1:27
13–Heinz & Franz Lubminer Nächte 2:31
14–Heinz & Franz Drachen Steigen Immer 2:13

Side B: A.F. Moebius - Eine Auswahl (1985-1987)

15–A.F. Moebius Laura 2:29
16–A.F. Moebius Art-Mart 2:08
17–A.F. Moebius Da & Weg 1:25
18–A.F. Moebius Antipoden 1:50
19–A.F. Moebius Blau 1:42
20–A.F. Moebius Erika 2:34
21–A.F. Moebius Das Ei 1:55
22–A.F. Moebius Industrial 2:21
23–A.F. Moebius Im Kopf 2:23
24–A.F. Moebius Böser Traum 1:47
25–A.F. Moebius Jhö-A-Bäh's 2:26
26–A.F. Moebius Elektro 2:21
27–A.F. Moebius Das Nämliche 1:54
28–A.F. Moebius Na Uhle ? 1:16

DOWNLOAD this frankfurter with lashings of heinz tomato ketchup HERE!

AG Geige ‎– "Yachtclub + Buchteln" (KlangFarbe ‎– 006) 1987

AG Geige were an East German experimental band, formed in 1985 in that hotbed of underground musical activity,Karl-Marx-Stadt. They were kind of German new-wave gone correctly wrong, mixing together elements of Floh De Cologne and Der Plan with all sorts of electro-pop and Krauty underground styles.
Any group who has members called Olaf Bender, plus Jan and Ina Kummer has to be worth a listen....surely?
Naturally Frank Bretscheider was a member too,so musically one has a reliable reference,and its a experimental as fuck.
If Olaf Bender isn't the perect name for an East German gay porn star then I don't know what is!?.....as for Jan Kummer,i'll leave that one up to your own filthy, filthy imaginations to contrive.

Tracklist:

A1 Eine Frikadelle 2:55
A2 Glückliche Reise 4:39
A3 Papagei Der Jungen Leute 3:49
A4 Elektrische Banane 2:54
A5 America 4:30
A6 Melodie & Harmonie 1:42
A7 Schnitz 2:13
A8 Die Vier Söhne Der Frau Fanghänel 3:07
A9 Frühstart Erlaubt 3:52
B1 Beklagenswertes Los Einer Waise 3:57
B2 Die Waldschleiereule 2:53
B3 Das Grauen Der Geige 5:31
B4 Zick-Zack 2:39
B5 Zwölf Trombonen 2:22
B6 Yachtclub & Buchteln 5:09
B7 Stadt-Elegie 2:29
B8 Bruder+Schwester 4:08

DOWNLOAD two kummers and a bender HERE!