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The Trailor Park (Kristin Powell a.k.a. Pumpkin Sue's blog) then read on....
The month of February is known for Valentine's Day, LOVE, Flowers, Cards, Teddy Bears, Chick Flicks, Dinners by candle light and all of that other mushy stuff. Seems like February is deemed for "couples" and "relationships" this month. Every Valentine's Day I am SO incredibly grateful to have my husband (the love of my life) by my side. However, it does get me thinking....I'm not going to lie....about the past loves in my life. So, what I want to know is....
"Is there somebody out there that you once knew or still know that you never got around to sharing your true feelings to? There may be more than just 1 person out there, maybe you're the silent and shy type, maybe you won't say it because you know that they already know what you feel. Who is this person and what would you say to them if they were standing in front of you at this very moment? (LOVING words ONLY!)"
To answer my own question....
He is a guy I never talk about. My husband knows about some main key characters in my past relationships but not this one. You see, this guy wasn't really "my boyfriend"....to put a label on it.
I had met him during a time in my life when I was going through a rough patch. And oh how I wanted him so very, very badly. I was smitten! We were SO good together he and I. We hit it off right from the start.
I never knew that he already knew my secrets that I wasn't ready to share with him yet. Thanks person who was supposed to be my friend! And all that time we spent together, he knew already....everything. He was waiting and waiting so patiently for me to tell him and I never did. Call me "Coward!"
His friends used to use this phrase when they were around me "It's not that serious!" I never knew that the catch phrase was meant for him and I and sometimes I'd even chime in. How rediculious I must have looked.
He wanted me....probably just as much as I wanted him and yet they always had to be around reminding him that "it's not that serious!" What I didn't know at the time was that he was going through almost the exact "rough patch" that I was going through. If only I had known....we could have been going the road together through it all.
The "rough patch" I'm referring to is that I was already married and in the middle of a divorce with my ex-husband. My marriage was crumbling and there were 3 kids in the mix. I was depressed more than half the time and going through it alone, felt like. He was also going through a divorce though and I never knew. He was living in the same hell I was in.
I don't have anything negative to say about him....so I guess that is why I have never spoken about him to my husband. I have gotten rid of every picture of the two of us and everything that ever reminded me of him. I can't even listen to that retarded song "Roses" by Outkast because it reminds me of him. He exists now only in my memory. He's hardly even there. Since I don't speak of him he's quickly fading fast and I think it's easier this way. It was very hard for me to get over him when he finally left me.
I guess all that matters now is that I've since picked up the pieces to my life and have had a very successful marriage with the most loving, caring and important man I have ever known, my husband. My husband means everything to me and is the only man who deserves all of my attention. I guess that's another reason why he is not spoken about. My husband doesn't need to hear how I was secretly in love with a man who never knew my true feelings and the reasons why it didn't work out....because it doesn't really matter anymore....that's the past.
However, if he and I were to ever cross paths again (which I highly doubt)....if he were standing here in front of where I stand....I would tell him that I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry for not telling you about my situation back then and for keeping it secret when I shouldn't have. I just thought it would be easier that way. For the times that we did share, I appreciate how good you were to me and I hope that you have found love and happiness in your life because I have."
So, that's my story. What's yours?
I can't wait to read your lost words and to see what you've never got to say.
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