Integration

Kendalee

Wherever you go, go with all your heart

Confucius

All of my heart includes all of my alter-egos: integrated. 

I try to make space in my life for, and honour each of them in some way because without any one of them I would not be me. At the moment some of them are feeling a little neglected and that does not make for a happy whole.

Some are probably more recognisable in everyday me but they all contribute to who I am, including the the me I wish I was but probably will never be, the me I still dream of becoming, and the me I sometimes wish I wasn't. 

Some are definitely more likeable than others. But they all bring their own vices and bad habits and each of them has individual emotional baggage of some description (although some work more consciously than others at sloughing off the layers that don't serve them well). They share some of the same behaviours and qualities too. They all read and enjoy music (although what they read and listen to might vary), they all eat way too much chocolate (even Peggy) and they all value love and friendship (although they have different ways of expressing this). Some are more sociable and so perhaps more visible, but to know me well is to know them all. It's a package deal.

So, after another week that has been a tough one for all of us (big project deadline successfully met though), we are off to curl up on the sofa, eat chocolate and watch Pride and Prejudice - the BBC series - from start to finish. We've turned off our phones and probably won't move far until Monday (as requested by Rae who's been most out of her comfort zone for months now and really needs to have some of her needs met). The rest are happy to go along with this for the weekend. In deference to Grace, the chocolates are Belgian and handmade. Tara loves the historical cultural aspects and imagining how it might have been to travel as a woman in the 18th and 19th centuries. Amy loves the creative elements, especially the beautiful costumes, locations and cinematography. And Peggy always enjoys a bit of Mr Darcy, especially Colin Firth's version...

Whatever you are up to, all the girls and I wish all of you, a happy, harmonious and luscious weekend!

♥

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Alter-ego: Reclusive Rae

Rae

Characteristics:* reserved, introspective, sensitive, kind, eccentric

Life with Rae:* spends her days listening to good music and drinking herbal tea. She works from home - writes novels for a living and poetry for pleasure. Her home overlooks the ocean and is full of light and warmth. She has a beautiful, albeit slightly wild garden, where she grows herbs and plants that are chosen for their flowers and scent. At the bottom of the garden there is a beehive that produces honey for her tea and toast. She shares her home with a Tabby cat, a golden Labrador Retriever and a miniature Daschund. 

Rae wears long, flowing layers in worn, faded cottons and soft, sea and coral colours; pretty shoes and sandals (although she prefers to be barefoot); flannel pyjamas, with warm socks and baggy sweaters in the cooler months. She doesn’t have a telephone, but corresponds with friends and family across the globe via e-mail and in long, rambling hand-written letters. Rae is most comfortable in her own company, or with one or two loved ones (who prevent her from becoming a complete hermit), and spends as much time alone as she is able to. She seeks little or no contact with the outside world except virtually and is happy to conduct all business via the internet. She reads voraciously, watches a lot of DVDs, and has her locally purchased groceries delivered to avoid having to leave home. Deeply connected to the sea, she swims every day, can often be found walking the beach, collecting shells, sitting on the sand gazing out at the horizon, or watching the dogs play in the surf from the swing-seat on her verandah. 

Rae is very environmentally conscious - rides a bicycle into the small local village to go to the library and for the occasional tea or lunch with friends, and recycles as much as possible. She spends her holidays volunteering on a turtle-breeding project, doing research in a marine wildlife sanctuary, or teaching on an adult literacy programme. She loves the smell of summer rains and the sound of the waves at night. She is content.

When she does leave home, Rae carries a passport in another name.

Rae's favourite quotations:*

Leave the world better than you found it, take no more than you need, try not to harm life or the environment, make amends if you do.

Paul Hawken

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

The Dalai Lama

for whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea

e.e. cummings

In solitude we give passionate attention to our lives, to our memories, to the details around us
Virginia Woolf

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.
William Wordsworth

Rae is the quietest, gentlest and recently most neglected of my alter-egos (and also the final one in this exploration) and although she doesn't complain too loudly, when Rae's sad, everyone feels it. This weekend we are going to give her a bit of what she needs. And soon (in a few weeks time) we will take her to the sea for a bit of soulfood...

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Alter-ego: Glamorous Grace

Grace

Characteristics:> independent, elegant, sophisticated, erudite, provocative

Life with Grace:> accomplished, confident and independently wealthy, she lives her life both gracefully and graciously. Although she has a fiery temper when provoked, she very seldom flares and does not bear a grudge. Free to pursue her passions she contributes to and volunteers on philanthropic and conservation projects around the world, as well as travelling extensively for pleasure. Believes firmly in quality not quantity so she always takes carry-on luggage only but flies first class when going long-haul. She prefers if possible though, to travel by boat or train - far more sedate and civilised. She has a small, chic apartment in London but is equally at home in Cape Town, Positano, Zanzibar or Sydney and hosts fabulous dinner parties and weekend getaways for her friends and family, wherever she happens to be. She always has fresh flowers in every room of her home - gardenias, frangipani and lilies are her favourites - and the finest Egyptian cotton linens on her bed. Grace is beautifully groomed at all times, fit and sleek - works out 3 or 4 times a week - and dresses simply but elegantly in silk, linen and cashmere. She has a bit of a weakness, in equal measure, for beautiful lingerie, stylish handbags and very high-heeled shoes. She enjoys the finest foods in the best restaurants and has a great collection of wines laid down in her personal cellar. When not engaged in her heartwork (or socially) she entertains herself with scuba diving, theatre, film and reading. She also loves dancing and can Tango, Rumba and Waltz like a pro.

Grace believes that freedom and responsibility are two sides of the same coin, that small acts of consideration and kindness can have profound consequences, and that grace is to be found by a generous heart. These are things that Grace and Peggy can agree upon but otherwise, they are more often at odds with one another.

Grace's favourite quotations:>

Straight is the line of duty; 

Curved is the line of beauty; 

Follow the straight line, thou shalt see 

The curved line ever follow thee

William McCall

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
Denis Waitley

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

Helen Keller

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark Twain

Luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence of vulgarity.

Coco Chanel

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Alter-ego: Prim & Proper Peggy

Peg

Characteristics:- inhibited, conservative, prudent, humble, resolute

Life with Peg:- sensible, responsible, hard-working Peg never wastes anything, including time or effort. Dresses in sensible mix & match trousers and skirts in neutral colours; plain blouses in cream or white; multi-purpose tailored jackets; sensible shoes - no high heels; always carries an umbrella and sunscreen in her tote bag. Makes a good living but is always saving for a rainy day or ploughing it into her mortgage so lives frugally. Takes one brief holiday a year - somewhere nice, local, and not too expensive. Never spends money on frivolities, only on things needed and useful. Secretly loves a good romantic story but would never let on as she feels guilty about it. Peggy knows her Ps and Qs and always minds them. She's offended by anything crass. Her home is comfortable and safe with nothing that might offend anyone’s sensibilities - bland some might say, but she detests clutter and too much colour makes her anxious. She is very neat and tidy. And never forgets Birthdays.

Peg is honest and loyal but tends to see the world in black and white, emotionally and intellectually, which means she can be a little rigid and judgmental. She sets extremely high standards (especially for herself) and can be difficult to please. Named after her beloved grandmother, who embodied and instilled Victorian sensibilities, a post-war thriftiness and a strong work ethic. Peg is the voice of temperance, thrives on order and is very uncomfortable with change. 

Although raised to be pragmatic, Peggy was one of the most purely idealistic of children. It is she who studied law to uphold human rights and defend the innocent and who is most fiercely protective of her loved ones, including her alter-egos, even when she finds them (and their lifestyles) hard to understand. She's known to have been disarmed by kindness.

Peg's favourite quotations:-

A stitch in time saves nine.

Proverb

Manifest plainness, 

Embrace simplicity, 

Reduce selfishness, 

Have few desires.

Lao-tzu

Industry, thrift and self-control are not sought because they create wealth, but because they create character. 

Calvin Coolidge

To be free, to be happy and fruitful, can only be attained through sacrifice of many common but overestimated things.

Robert Henri

The spirit of simplicity is not an inherited gift, but the results of a laborious conquest. Plain living, like high thinking, is simplification. [...] 

Simplicity is a state of mind.

Charles Wagner

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Alter-ego: Arty Amy

Amy

Characteristics:~ gregarious, fun, creative, generous, bohemian

Life with Amy:~
a free spirit, she has a day job to pay the rent but paints, sketches and sculpts expressively and exuberantly (if not particularly skillfully) and dreams that these might one day fill her days. She dresses in jewel bright colours - especially turquoise, orange and purple - accessorised with exotic jewellery, soft suede shoes in rainbow hues, paisley patterned scarves or fine mohair shawls. Her home is equally colourful and eclectic. Her bathroom is painted peacock blues, greens and golds and has a skylight over the bath so she can lie and watch the stars. Impulsive, sensuous and a little flighty, she drawn to the new and lives in, and for, the moment. She is always exploring, simply for her own enjoyment and edification, history, philosophy, art, languages - whatever takes her fancy. Piles of books teeter on almost every surface and line the risers of the spiral staircase up to her studio. She walks regularly in the mountains or along the beach, practices yoga daily, and burns scented candles at all times. These practices ground her somewhat and prevent her floating away in a hot air balloon or attached to a kite.

Amy believes in dreams-and-wishes-come-true and, for her, they often do. She is more about the heart than the head. Sociable and sparkly, her life is colourful and richly textured.

It's Amy who buys shoes that look like a summer sky, or covered with flowers and rainbows... They make her heart and feet dance.

Amy's favourite quotations:~

Colour is a power which directly influences the soul.

Wassily Kandinsky

though love be a day and life be nothing, it shall not stop kissing.
e.e. cummings

In our life there is a single colour, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the colour of love.

Marc Chagall

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.

Frank Lloyd Wright

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
Diane Ackerman

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Alter-ego: Travelling Tara

Tara

Characteristics:- independent, adventurous, resourceful, direct, active

Life with Tara:- works as a travel and eco-journalist, expressing her life's passions through her writing and photographic projects. Spends most of her time travelling the world and enjoys both country and city destinations but feels most at home outdoors. Dresses casually in rich, earthy colours, comfortable natural fibres and warm, soft leather. Rides a horse like a cowboy, ice skates like a pro, sails a yacht and can fly her own plane. Returns to a lovely little home in a secluded part of the African wilderness or on an exotic tropical island - with breathtaking views of sea or mountains (or both) - filled with special artifacts collected on her travels. There is a swing and a treehouse in the garden. She loves to nap in a hammock on the veranda, lie on the grass under the stars on warm summer nights, or read and sip wine beside the fireplace on chilly evenings. It's here she gathers her friends and family around her for days and nights filled with love and laughter.

Tara is my Archer Fire Horse personified. Living life fully - in her body and not just her head - the bolder, braver me. She comes to visit occasionally and she leads the life I'd lead - if I were bolder and braver.

Tara's favourite quotations:-

We shall not cease from exploration.

And the end of all our exploring, 

Will be to arrive where we started 

And know the place for the first time. 

T.S. Elliot

The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes.

Marcel Proust

I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything.

Bill Bryson

Embrace the detours.

Kevin Charbonneau

Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.

Miriam Beard

In the past week, as part of our unravelling, we were encouraged to explore our alter-egos... Interesting and fun.

I find that I have several - all a little bit the me I am, or the me I'd like to be. Me, and yet not quite me.

I'll introduce some of the others over the next little while...

[Flickr credits]