Showing posts with label James Bond. Show all posts
Showing posts with label James Bond. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Goldfinger (James Bond #7)


Goldfinger, by Ian Fleming
No date stated (1965)  Signet Books
(Original UK edition 1959)

For some reason I never read this seventh James Bond novel as a preteen in the late ‘80s, even though Goldfinger was one of my favorite movies in the franchise. I had it on VHS and I recall watching the movie a lot in the summer of 1987. My assumption is I could never find the book back then, either in one of the new Charter editions or in an older edition at the local second-hand bookstore (the Paperback Exchange of Lavale, Maryland – I sure do have a lot of fond memories of that place!). Somehow I arrived at the idea that the book and film were pretty much alike, and now that I’ve actually read the novel all these years later I see that I was mostly accurate – while the film does appropriately hype up the action and the spectacle, it does at least follow the general setup of the novel. 

But one thing that’s changed over the years is my appreciation of the film. Today I’d judge Goldfinger as my least favorite of the original Connery films…yes, even lower than Diamonds Are Forever. I picked up all the movies on Blu Ray some years ago and watched them in succession, and Goldfinger I found to be a proto-Roger Moore spoofy romp. Also the finale really bugged me; as a kid I was somewhat able to suspend my disbelief at the climax, but as an “adult” I found it all ludicrous. And there was a lot of nonsensical stuff in the film, like Goldfinger patiently explaining his plot to rob Fort Knox to a bunch of hoods, and then killing them off. I guess if you were being lenient you could say he was getting rid of the competition, but it’s not like any of the hoods were planning to rob Fort Knox themselves. It was just a lazy way the producers doled out exposition for Bond and the audience. My favorite part – I think even when I was a kid – was actually the pre-credits sequence, of Bond in scuba suit (and then white tuxedo) raising some hell in South America. 

So going into the novel I had low expectations, which turned out to be fortunate. Goldfinger wasn’t as subpar as Casino Royale, and it wasn’t as boring as Moonraker, but still it just seemed like an “off” installment of the series. In fact it pretty much confirmed my suspicion that if you are a bestselling author, you can get away with anything: Goldfinger trades on coincidence (lazy coincidence at that), features a protagonist whose mood changes with the pages, takes forever to build up to anything, and climaxes in a finale that is preposterous at best. At least the movie included a little more sex and violence; Bond doesn’t even kill anyone in the novel until the very final pages. And once again he doesn’t even fire his Walther PPK, so heavily introduced in Doctor No; he didn’t fire it in that one, either. The pistol only appears early in the novel, when we learn that Bond conceals it in a “thick book” titled The Bible Designed To Be Read As Literature, a real-world book that was published in the 1930s. No mention is made if Bond’s actually reading this book; one would assume not, as it’s hollowed out to hide his gun. Which he doesn’t even use. Again. 

The novel opens with my favorite line in the series yet: “James Bond, with two double bourbons in him, sat in the final departure lounge of Miami Airport and thought about life and death.” This leads into a moody sequence in which Bond reflects on his just-completed assignment in Mexico, where he killed a heroin smuggler with his bare hands. Fleming effectively nails a depressive vibe as Bond, in flashback, muses over death after killing the man, how the man’s soul has so clearly left his body. The assignment has left Bond in a bit of a funk, and the character here is a far cry from the one who craved action in Doctor No. But then, Bond will go through several personality changes in Goldfinger, from a moody assassin in the opening to a bitchy boss at headquarters (where he snaps at a secretary for bringing him tea instead of coffee), before Fleming finally settles on making him, basically, the prefigure of Sean Connery’s take on the character, doling out sarcastic rejoinders to Goldfinger and his minions. 

In future Bond novelist Raymond Benson’s The James Bond Bedside Companion (1984), Benson too states that Goldfinger is a “weak” novel, but enthuses over its characterization. He also states that this book shows more of an inner view of Bond than the previous novels, in particular his tendency to daydream. This is certainly true; much of the narrative is comprised of Bond speculating how such and such things will occur, even stuff like how he might pick up a girl along the road. I guess this is one interesting element of the book, yet at the same time I would’ve preferred more pulpy action thrills along the lines of Doctor No. Benson also notes that in Goldfinger James Bond first begins “to take things less seriously,” and I guess he means mostly in regards to Bond’s sudden penchant for sarcasm and quips. I agree with him that this comedic element is “much needed” in the series, and I have a suspicion that much of this paved the way for the film take on the character as later devised by Sean Connery and director Terence Young. 

But man the plotting sure is lazy. After his two double bourbons Bond is approached by a Miami-based businessman who apparently sat beside Bond some years ago, during the big gambling match in Casino Royale. This is a guy named Du Pont, and he takes up a good portion of the first quarter, shuttling Bond around Miami and putting him up in a nice hotel, one Du Pont owns. Fleming was very much in an egalitarian mood when he wrote this one and thus it is filled with Bond wining and dining, with a host of French cuisine namedropped in the middle half. Here he feasts on crab with Du Pont, and Fleming’s culinary detail is enough to stir the reader’s appetite. But man you get the impression that Bond has to put on at least a few pounds in the course of Goldfinger, because it seems all he does is eat and drink booze, and smoke a ton of Chesterfields. And it’s not like he sees much in the way of physical action. 

While Du Pont was removed from the film, the producers captured the essence of this opening half. Only here in the novel it’s Du Pont who first alerts Bond to Auric Goldfinger, a man Du Pont suspects is cheating him at cards. Given Bond’s card-sharkery, Du Pont figures Bond will be able to help him out; he even mentions that he’s heard Bond is in the secret service! Gert Frobe was so memorable as Goldfinger in the film that I couldn’t imagine anyone but him as I read the novel. So far as Fleming is concerned, Goldfinger is big and round, with a moon-like face and red hair, using a sunburn to “camouflage” his ugliness. Despite being super rich he still finds the time to swindle Du Pont, all as in the film, with a lovely girl up in his room monitoring the action and telling Goldfinger Du Pont’s cards via a secret radio link in his ear. One thing different here is that when Bond barges into Goldfinger’s room and discovers the girl, Jill Masterton (Masterson in the film), she’s standing, so that she can see over the balcony. 

Jill is pretty much the typical Bond-girl, young and pretty with “firm breasts” that are clearly visible in her black lingerie; true to Bond-girl fashion, she makes her entrance mostly nude, which Kingsley Amis noted was required for most every Bond-girl in The James Bond Dossier. Fleming though has reigned in on his exploitation this time; “breasts” are only infrequently mentioned, and in fact for long stretches of Goldfinger there are no female characters at all. It’s as if Fleming realized he’d created such a vivid female character in Doctor No and didn’t even bother this time. For as it is Jill Masterton spends a few days on a deluxe train to New York, all courtesy Goldfinger as part of Bond’s “payment” for not turning him in to the cops, but Fleming gives no details – we flash forward a week and Bond’s back in London, only reflecting on the trip with the girl. Meanwhile he’s working the night duty, monitoring international Secret Service happenings…and, as mentioned, bossing around the staff. 

The novel is set up as three books: Happenstance, Coincidence, and Enemy Action. In this “literary” way Fleming attempts to gussy up what is just lazy plotting. For Bond is given his assigment by M – himself as bitchy as ever – and it is of course to track down Auric Goldfinger. The first section of the book has nothing to do with this; M is unaware Bond has already met Goldfinger. Instead it’s developed that Goldfinger hoards gold, and he’s got a lot of England’s gold, and the Bank wants it back. Bond is to track him down and bring him in. There follows a grueling part where Bond learns a lot about gold and Fleming is damned determined to let us know how much research he’s done on the topic. Bond gradually – and I do mean gradually – learns that Goldfinger’s vanity has undone him, as he’s put his own mark on his special bars. 

An interesting thing in the novel that’s not in the film is that Goldfinger is part of a larger plot. The film jettisoned the SPECTRE setup of the previous two movies, with Goldfinger just a random crook Bond went up against. But in the novel we learn that he might be the paymaster for SMERSH, the literary Bond’s archenemies in these early novels. I find it curious that the producers of the film didn’t stick to this and have Goldfinger act in a similar capacity for SPECTRE. As it is, Goldfinger is one of the more memorable characters yet. He doesn’t have the wild freakishness of Doctor No, but he’s more entertaining, a totally arrogant bastard who, despite cooking up the ultimate crime, still finds the time to swindle people at cards and cheat at golf. 

This was another part that bored me, though. I mean overlong card games, info-dumping about gold, and and overlong golf match…I have no interest in any of these things. But regardless Fleming’s very much into it as he writes a long match of golf between Goldfinger and Bond on the course that Bond frequented as a teenager. The egalitarian vibe is very thick in this section of the novel. While the match itself bored me, I enjoyed the presence of Oddjob, Goldfinger’s hulking Korean butler – more wonderful casting by the producers, as Harold Sakata was so memorable in the role that I could only imagine him in the novel. We learn that Oddjob is one of the “only three” people in the world to have a black belt in karate; as Benson said in The Bedside Bond, “surely there were more than three people in 1959.” Regardless, Oddjob’s karate skills, demonstrated for Bond at Goldfinger’s command, are presented as so superheroic that Bond offers his hand in congratulations. 

That is, when Bond isn’t making sarcastic comments as to the spectactle. In the latest personality overhaul, Bond here develops an acidic whit, very in line with the film version. My favorite part is after Oddjob does one of his karate masterstroke moves, devastating some piece of furniture or somesuch, and Bond quips, “Handy chap to have around.” If I’m not mistaken this line made it into the film. But a part that didn’t make it into the film follows, where Goldfinger caters to the Bond template and wines and dines Bond at his massive estate – this sequence has Bond at his most sarcastic, so it’s surprising it was left out of the film. There’s a part where Bond turns into a snoop, as Goldfinger and his Korean minions leave on some errand, and it’s clearly a setup to see how trustworthy Bond might be if left alone in Goldfinger’s house. This sequence features the unusual capoff of Oddjob being given a cat to eat! 

There’s a lot of what now would be termed “racial insensitivity” in Goldfinger; during the meal Goldfinger regales Bond with his thoughts on Koreans, speaking of them as less than human. This is expected of a villain, but more suprisingly Bond himself is revealed to share these sentiments: later in the novel Bond thinks to himself how he intends to put “Oddjob and any other Korean firmly in his place, which, in Bond’s estimation, was rather lower than apes in the mammalian hierarchy.” As Raymond Benson notes: “So Bond is revealed to be a bigot as well. This aspect of his character is not particularly evident elsewhere in the series, though one should notice that 95 percent of the villains in the novels are non-British. But this is the only instance in which Bond/Fleming actually derides a race.” For more insight into this particular aspect of the series, I once again suggest Ian Flemings Incredible Creation. But yes, there’s a lot here that might unsettle modern readers…but then I want to think overly-sensitive types wouldn’t be reading the Bond books in the first place. At any rate, I predict that someday soon these novels, if they’re still in print, will either be edited for content or, more likely, will come with warnings over “outdated racial and gender views.” 

And to be fair to Bond, perhaps by “Koreans” in the passage above he doesn’t mean Koreans in general, but these Goldfinger-servants in particular. Whatever, his suddenly-keen wit is on definite display in this sequence, especially his glib comments as Oddjob hops around smashing furniture and tossing his steel-rimmed hat. This was the first time in the literary series in which I could really see Sean Connery’s take on the character, mostly because there’s a macho bravado lurking behind Bond’s retorts. But the literary Bond lacks the physicality of Connery’s version, even if we learn that Bond’s working on a book about unarmed combat in his spare time. This from the guy whose chief move in Casino Royale was kicking people in the shins! None of the famous action scenes from the movie are in the book, however, nor is the tricked-out Aston-Martin with its machine guns and oil slicks. 

But again, this sequence does factor into the novel, just in less big-budget style. Bond gets his Aston Martin DB III from the shop – there’s no Q in the novels to show off fancy new gadgets – and “motors” through the French countryside as he tails Goldfinger. The car’s augmentations are a hidden compartment and a tracking device that allows him to stay within 100 miles of Goldfinger, a steady beep emitting from the dashboard. The egalitarian vibe is very thick here, with a plethora of French smattering the text as Bond thinks of this or that restaurant he wants to eat at as he drives along. There’s absolutely no suspense here and it’s as if Bond’s a decades-removed host of some Food Network show as he drives around the French countryside, thinking of places he’s eaten before. Things are spruced up by the appearance of a Triumph sportscar, driven by a beautiful young woman – which leads Bond into yet more daydreaming. 

All follows as in the film, though not as over the top; Bond realizes the girl is getting in his way, so manages to get her in a fender bender to stop her. This leads to her riding in the car with him, and there’s more humor here as the tracking device is still beeping in Bond’s car, and Bond comes up with some b.s. explanation for the sound. Everything is more subtle in the novel, and I had to give the producers credit because they delivered a better story in the film than Fleming did. Mostly because they wisely exploited the material that Fleming himself left vague. For example, the most memorable image of Goldfinger the film is the gold-painted body of Jill Masterson, which a horrified Bond discovers. In the novel, this never happens. The Triumph-driving babe turns out to be Tilly Masterton, Jill’s sister, and it is she who tells Bond that her sister was later murdered by Goldfinger, who totally painted her body gold. It’s all relayed via dialog, Fleming apparently never realizing that the moment would be so much more impactful if the reader were actually to see it. 

And the great action scene that occurs in the film isn’t in the novel, either; Bond discovers Tilly, who is about to kill Goldfinger, and in the movie version this leads to a big action sequence involving Bond’s tricked-out car. Tilly Masterson’s onscreen fate is also much different than Tilly Masterton’s in the novel. And the character is different, even in addition to the changing of her last name: the Tilly of the movie is another of Bond’s conquests, but in the book she’s a lesbian and has no interest in him. (And, once Bond’s learned Tilly’s proclivities, he displays no further sexual interest in her.) Again the novel plays out in more threadbare fashion; Bond and Tilly are merely captured, and next thing Bond knows he’s strapped to a table and Goldfinger is interrogating him. Here Goldfinger truly becomes a villain in the Bond mold, delivering some delightfully “evil” dialog, all while maintaining his pompous air. The novel’s more brutal in this respect: in the film, it’s a laser that threatens the bound Bond. In the novel, it’s a saw. 

But that’s another thing Fleming was constantly guilty of but which the filmmakers wisely fixed: the literary Bond is always being saved by someone else, whereas the film version more heroically saves himself. Bond in the film manages to bullshit Goldfinger and talks his way out of it; in the book, Bond tries to will himself to death and then passes out…only to wake up and find himself on an airplane. More daydreaming from Bond here, as he imagines he’s in heaven, with lots of ridiculous stuff about how he’ll need some time to set himself up in the afterworld! Goldfinger has decided to keep Bond and Tilly alive, for reasons that make no sense: he’s planning a big caper, and he needs to native English speakers (or somesuch) to handle the secretary work. Bond, who of course wants to live, takes the job. There follows super goofy stuff where Goldfinger, now in pure villain mode, assembles a host of American mobsters and tells them of his plan to rob Fort Knox. 

All this is very reminiscent of the hoods in Diamonds Are Forever, and in fact the new leader of that novel’s gang appears here, but Fleming does absolutely nothing to exploit it. Again, it’s another opportunity he misses to add more suspense and drama to the book. Instead much is given over to bald exposition as Goldfinger explains his plan, and meanwhile Bond obediently sits there and marks a list as to which of the mobsters he thinks Goldfinger shouldn’t trust! Here also we meet the most famously-named Bond-girl: Pussy Galore. She is much different than the film version: short black hair and “violet” eyes. It’s also established straightaway that she too is a lesbian, and in fact her all-girl gang, The Cement Mixers (of whom we see absolutely nothing of in the novel!), is also made up of lesbians. There’s no big “meet” between her and Bond in the book; she merely sees him when coming in for the meeting with the other mobsters, and there’s none of the Bond-girl template in effect for her, as there was for Jill Masterton. Indeed, Fleming hardly tells us anything about Pussy Galore, and her ample charms are not exploited at all; Bond clearly disregards her because he’s told she is a lesbian. 

However, Tilly Masterton does take a shine to Pussy Galore, and vice versa. What’s curious is that Pussy, in her very few dialog exchanges with Bond, refers to him as “Handsome.” This appears to be Fleming’s half-assed way of setting up the finale, but it rings hollow. So too does the playout of Goldfinger’s scheme. Bond, in Goldfinger’s plane, hides a message explaining the plot and begging that the note be taken to Felix Leiter at Pinkerton’s, offering a reward. He hides the note beneath the toilet seat in the restroom and then sits there as everyone in the plane goes back to use the can before landing, desperately hoping that none of them will raise the lid and discover the note(!!). I mean the idiot couldn’t even wait until closer to landing to hide it! From there to the same implausible finale as in the film, with the citizens of Fort Knox lying dead in the streets, thanks to the water Goldfinger has poisoned…only for it all to be revealed, so implausibly, as a massive city-wide sting on Goldfinger and the mobsters. 

Fleming goes all the way with his ludicrous concept, complete with Felix Leiter, a private investigator, dressed up in army fatigues and toting a bazooka, which he hands over to Bond...who takes a shot at Goldfinger’s departing train. Oh, it’s all so dumb. There follows some “bromance” between Bond and Leiter as they exchange manly put-downs on Leiter’s fast driving as Leiter takes Bond to the airport. But our hero is ensnared again, leading to the same post-climax as in the film; he’s Goldfinger’s prisoner, on Goldfinger’s plane. Here Fleming sees if he can pass off yet more implausibility, with Pussy Galore, who has had maybe a handful of dialog exchanges with Bond, suddenly announcing that she is “with him.” Here, at the very end of an overly-long novel, Bond finally kills: first he uses the blade hidden in his shoe heel to smash a window so one person is sucked out of the fuselage, and next he strangles someone with his bare hands – perhaps an allusion to the opening flashback in Mexico, in which Bond also killed with his bare hands. 

And here mercifully Goldfinger comes to a close; Pussy Galore snuggles up with Bond once they’re safely in a hotel. Bond says he thought Pussy didn’t like guys, to which she responds she’s never met a “real man.” This of course has truly bunched the panties of modern readers; even in Benson’s 1984 study the sequence is questioned, but not nearly as mockingly as it is today. And speaking of future Bond continuation novelists, Anthony Horowitz was so incensed by all this that in his 2015 novel Trigger Mortis, which was set immediately after Goldfinger, he went out of his way to correct this “deeply, deeply offensive” aspect of the novel. (Where would leftists be without their adverbs?) Indeed, in true “capri pants & soy latte” fashion Horowitz went even further in his novel, having Bond be chastised for his “homophobic” sentiments by an openly gay fellow secret agent (in 1959!!). I imagine reading Trigger Mortis immediately after Goldfinger would demonstrate how quickly society has changed in just a few decades, but I’ll never read it – this review tells me all I need to know. 

I guess in the end all I really liked about Goldfinger was the sudden gift for sarcasm Bond had, and also the big scenes from the movie that were here, only in somewhat muted form: the discovery of Jill Masterton in Goldfinger’s room, the Aston Martin, Oddjob and his deadly hat, the interrogation of Bond, and of course Pussy Galore. But I still feel the filmmakers took these elements and did so much more with them. And speaking of Pussy (couldn’t help myself), my issue isn’t so much her abrupt about-face on the whole gay situation, but that Fleming did so little to set it up. I mean she isn’t in the book enough to get worked up over; even in the assault on Fort Knox, when Pussy is dressed in an (apparently) form-fitting black leather outfit, Fleming does nothing to exploit her. She’s just another mobster in a final third that’s filled with mobsters. But then suddenly she’s not only willing to risk her life to aid Bond in the finale, but she’s also jumping into his bed. It isn’t so much insulting as it is half-assed. Raymond Benson also has insightful commentary on this, comparing and contrasting the fates of the two lesbians at the end of Goldfinger, how Tilly Masterton runs away from Bond and how Pussy Galore runs to him. 

Well anyway, I didn’t much like Goldfinger, but still it is a James Bond novel, so I recommend it – and, if you do decide to read it, be sure to listen to my Music To Read James Bond By compilation while doing so!

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Doctor No (James Bond #6)


Doctor No, by Ian Fleming
October, 1963  Signet Books
(Original UK edition 1958)

I certainly didn’t mean to take so long to return to the James Bond novels, especially given that I’ve been looking forward to re-reading this particular volume. As I mentioned in my review of Casino Royale, Doctor No was the first Bond novel I read; it was the summer of 1987, I was 12 years old, and I bought, new off the shelf at WaldenBooks, the recently-published Charter Books edition with the glaring orange cover. I’d already read a few of the John Gardner Bond novels, and now I wanted to read a Fleming original. And I certainly enjoyed it, as soon enough I was reading all the other Flemings I could get my hands on. 

Now that I’ve read the preceding novels in sequence, it’s clear that Doctor No is a cut above. I know you’re supposed to say that From Russia, With Love is the superior novel, with its cerebral plot and probing characterization, but I’ll take pulp over that any day. And Doctor No is certainly pulp; the villain is straight out of Sax Rohmer and Bond is much more of a man of action than he was in previous volumes. In fact Fleming’s at pains to tell us how much Bond’s enjoying himself, particularly when in danger. This is a far cry from the effete snob of Casino Royale. Bond’s so tough this time that his main weapon is a big .38 revolver; humorously, Doctor No sees the introduction (at great narrative expense) of the Walther PPK, which will become James Bond’s trademark weapon, but as it turns out he never even uses it in the course of the novel. Anton Chekhov would not be amused! 

While Bond comes off as fit, recuperated from his stay in the hospital after his pseudo-death at the finale of From Russia, With Love, one can’t say that his boss M comes off very well here. I’m fully with Kingsley Amis, who in The James Bond Dossier states “no thought is taking place behind those damnably clear eyes.” M is a buffoon here. He’s as cantankerous as ever, and clearly blames Bond for almost getting killed at the previous novel’s end. First he strips Bond of his beloved Beretta (“For the first time, Bond hated the man”), then he tasks him with a “vacation” to Jamaica to look up some minor business with Strangways, a character who appeared in Live And Let Die. While we readers know that Strangways and his assistant have been murdered, M is incredibly negligent in his muleheaded certainty that Strangways and his pretty young assistant have just run off together. 

In fact M is so obstinate here that it’s a wonder Bond doesn’t suspect “the old bastard” of having dementia. Even Bond, who has been in the hospital for some indeterminate amount of time, instantly suspects foul play when he’s briefed on Strangways’s disappearance by M and the Chief of Staff, aka Bill Tanner, the pseudonym Kingsley Amis adopted for The Book Of Bond. M even mocks Bond for assuming that he, M, hadn’t himself suspected foul play, but of course the old bastard turns out to be completely incorrect. There’s of course the possibility that M knowingly sends Bond into the lion’s den, as penance for nearly getting killed last time, but there’s no real indication of that. In fact it’s the opposite: M gets his digs in by sending Bond on an “easy” assignment, unsubtly implying that this is about all he could trust Bond with anymore. 

A great thing about Doctor No is how quick it is: Bond’s briefed and on the job within the first few paragraphs. There’s no stalling while he dithers about at home or ponders past assignments or anything. In fact, Bond’s private life is almost a closed book this time, and he never thinks of the events in From Russia, With Love, as if blocking all of it from memory. The novel Doctor No most refers back to is Live And Let Die, given that here Bond returns to Jamaica, the first he’s been here since visiting the country “almost five years ago” in that earlier novel. I should say though that while the novel is quick-moving, at least when compared to previous books in the series, it’s still a little too overstuffed: this Signet edition is only 192 pages, but it’s got some seriously small and dense print. And a lot of this stuff is made up of evocative word painting as Fleming brings to life the flora and fauna of his beloved Jamaica. 

I’ll try not to refer to the film version very much, but I will say that it certainly has more action than this original novel. And “adult” stuff, too; oviously, Bond’s “fiance” doesn’t exist in the novel, as she did in the film (a character that was wisely ejected by the third film), and Miss Taro, the busty evil pseudo-Asian babe who beds Bond in Jamaica, is here a very minor character who has no interraction with Bond himself. Also one of my favorite parts of the movie is all the radiation zone stuff in the finale, with goons in pastel radsuits (not to mention Ursula Andress flashing a bit of skin during the “decontamination” sequence – though in reality it was just a “flesh-colored skinsuit”). The goons here for the most part just wear khaki shorts and are much more brutish than their film counterparts, not to mention foul mouthed; Fleming shows the skittish era in which he’s writing by self-bowdlerizing their expletives (ie “Shut your –ing mouth!”). And on the action front, there’s much more of it in the film, with car chases and shootouts that you won’t find here. 

Yet despite all that, Doctor No is still the most action-packed of the novels yet. Bond blows away several goons in the finale, even gunning down some of them in cold blood. He isn’t nearly the ruggedly virile hero Sean Connery portrayed in the film, but he’s still a much tougher bastard than the man we knew in the earlier books. Here the subtext is clear: Bond’s been toughened up by his near-death experience. He even requests Quarrel, the Cayman Islander who also first appeared in Live And Let Die, to further toughen him up. Also this volume has what I consider the best villain in all of Bond: the titular Doctor No, aka Dr. Julius No, who comes off like a Fu Manchu for the Space Age. Memorably described as a “giant venomous worm wrapped in grey tin-foil,” Doctor No is a towering half-Chinese madman with mechanical pincers for hands and a heart that’s on the wrong side. 

The plot of Doctor No is such a Jungian archetype that it practically became the archetype that all Bond films would follow (I am of course only referring to the original films, nothing with “starring Daniel Craig” in the credits): Bond is briefed, goes to some exotic place, meets some exotic locals, dallies with some exotic babe, and eventually tangles with the exotic villain in his exotic lair – foiling, of course, the villain’s exotic plot. At least viewed after all these decades of repeats and retreads it seems like an archetype, though clearly Fleming in his day was also hewing to established pulp templates. He just does it with his usual skill; to me one of the most humorous things to read in vintage Bond criticism is the complaint that Fleming’s prose is childish or poor. Today it comes off as downright literary. So either the literary critics at the time were just effete snobs themselves (how the times have changed…oh, wait…), or our reading standards have plummeted. Honestly I think it’s a combo of both; I’ve seen early 1900s English primers for Elementary school students at antique stores, and some of them would likely challenge college students of today! 

So given this archetypal vibe – not to mention the fact I suspect that most of you have read the book or at least are familiar with the story – I’ll skip over my usual belabored uber-comprehensive rundown of the plot, and just stick to my impressions. It’s been a bit since I read Live And Let Die, but Quarrel is a very memorable presence here. Fleming seems to have an affection for him, and he brings the character to life. Likely Fleming’s portrayal here would at times be seen as insensitive in our overly-sensitive era, but Quarrel is much more of a strong, capable presence than the stereotype seen in the film. One thing I really enjoyed was how Quarrel developed such a “thing” for Annabel Chung, the “Chigro” news photographer who hounds Bond upon his arrival in Kingston; this bit made it into the film, with Quarrel hurting Annabel per Bond’s order and Annabel slashing Quarrel’s face with a shattered flashbulb. But here in the book it further develops that Quarrel’s pretty damn turned on by the whole thing, and in fact thinks about looking Annabel up one day! 

Ah yes, “the Chigroes.” In what will certainly be considered the most off-putting element of Doctor No to today’s coddled readers, the Chigroes are half-black, half-Chinese natives of Jamaica who have suffered much racism, to the extent that a local rep of the British Government tells Bond it’s only a matter of time until someone rounds them up into a political movement! Of course Bond will discover that Dr. No has done just that, he himself being half-Chinese. The Chigroes are presented as all part of one underground network, almost mindless in their devotion to Dr. No. The men who act as No’s soldiers are especially sadistic, boasting of how they like to torture their victims and coming off as much more vile than any opponent Bond’s faced in the past. It goes without saying of course that I was not offended by any of this, I mean it’s a pulp novel for crying out loud, but these days you can’t even read a modern review of a Fleming novel without encountering the words “offensive” or “racist” or “sexist.” I wonder how much longer until these sorts of books are either suppressed from publication or just edited for content – but then that’s nothing new, either, as the original US editions of Live And Let Die removed some of the “racist” content of the original UK printing. 

I also loved the stuff on the “mount of Venus,” which honestly I always thought meant something else entirely! But at least here, per Quarrel, it’s the span of flesh directly under the thumb; the thicker it is, the wilder in bed a woman is. Well that’s something new I’ve learned! Throughout Quarrel has such little homespun profundities, and his dialog is a lot of fun, but really he so pales in comparison to Honeychile Rider that he must be removed from the narrative shortly after her introduction. Deemed by Amis as “the most appealing” of Bond’s women, Honey is usually voted the fan favorite, at least in the surveys I’ve seen over the years. She is I think the most fully developed Bond heroine yet, and I’m not just talking about her “firm beautiful breasts.” She’s naïve but not innocent, childish but not immature. She’s smarter than Bond when it comes to survival in the wild, and Fleming even unknowingly taps into our modern demand for “female empowerment” in that Honey not only saves herself in the finale, but also gets hold of a weapon and goes after Dr. No for revenge! 

Interestingly though Fleming doesn’t cater as much to the exploitative content this time; Honey is introduced fully nude (save for the fetishistic touch of wearing only a wide leather belt), but Fleming doesn’t go hog wild with all the “chesty” details. This is mostly due to Bond’s very interesting response to Honey; while he certainly admires her ample charms initially (watching her like a true Peeping Tom from the bushes), after this he takes on an almost paternal or at least brotherly approach to her. This is different than how he responded to, say, Tiffany Case in Diamonds Are Forever. The implication here is that Honey is too “pure” for Honey, almost a child of nature; there’s also an age divide, as she’s only 20 and Bond at this point is late 30s, I believe. But when has that ever bothered a guy?? It’s deeper than that, as evidenced by the various insulting names Bond refers to Honey as in his own thoughts: “female Tarzan,” “Ugly Duckling,” even “poor bitch.” 

But Honey so sparkles with life that she seems to exist outside the page, and for my money at least she’s the strongest heroine Fleming’s created yet. From my readings of the following books many years ago I don’t believe any female character impressed me as much as she did, though I do recall liking Kissy Suzuki in You Only Live Twice. Honey was to become such a fan favorite that John Pearson had Bond end up with her in his 1973 novel James Bond, The Authorized Biography. Initially though Bond takes as mentioned more of a protective stance toward Honey; perhaps it’s her horrifically-broken nose, which in one of the more memorable moments of the book she covers instead of her “beautiful breasts” when Bond meets her nude on the beach. In her extended monologue Honey proves here again that she’s not the innocent Bond initially suspected; the broken nose was courtesy a man who raped her, a man Honey later murdered in a very cruel way. Bond’s response to this story is so great it made it into the film, and actually does sound very much like the sardonic rejoinders Connery would soon be known for: “It’s not a thing to make a habit of.” 

Once Bond has met Honey on Crab Key the novel takes on more fantastical elements, all for the better. Not only does the mysterious Doctor No employ legions of Chigro followers, but he also has a fire-breathing “dragon,” which Bond rightly assumes to be a modified vehicle of some sort. When Bond and Honey are taken captive they find themselves in an opulent “mink-lined prison” that’s built inside a mountain, complete with a pair of receptionists who seem to have stepped out of the Hilton – and who in one of the few unexplained bits seem completely unaware of Dr. No’s nefarious plots, even if their “guests” often show up in handcuffs. But then it’s established that No’s hold on his minions is so complete that they wouldn’t even think to ask him of such things. But even here, in the well-appointed suite, Bond still refuses to see Honey as the sexual character she is; she practically begs him to have sex with her, to which our hero responds, “This isn’t the time for making love.” 

Here is yet another reminder that Bond the literary character cannot be much confused with Bond the film character. The film version of Bond’s already been through two women at this point, with Honey soon to follow, while the literary version has presumably been celibate since the previous adventure, having been confined to a hospital bed all the time since then. But Bond is all business at this point, determined to figure out how to stop the seemingly-invincible Dr. No and get them out of this seemingly-inescapable prison. Despite which, he’s still kind of a dolt in that he doesn’t suspect the food they’re given might be drugged. That being said, Fleming here creates a bizarrely domestic scene of Bond and Honey, freshly showered and in silk kimonos, eating a hearty breakfast after their surreal adventures in Crab Key. 

But I do feel we get to a stone wall with the almost-neverending monologue courtesy Dr. No on his past. The villain, while incredibly menacing in his visual presentation, turns out to be a damned bore when he opens his mouth. Sure, it’s all about power and the merciless acquisition of it, but still his interminable backstory just seems to never come to an end. I did appreciate Fleming’s occasional mentions that Bond and Honey would exchange mocking looks throughout the speech, none of which No apparently notices. Here we at least learn Dr. No’s fiendish plot: that he intends to do something! Humorously, his entire plan is to do something wicked as “the next chapter” in his villainous career; currently he’s been messing with American missiles, thanks to some Russian programmers he has in his employ. The film version I felt fleshed this out a bit more satisfactorily, also making Dr. No a member of SPECTRE, which didn’t exist yet in the novels. 

But then the movie doesn’t come close to matching Fleming’s climax, which takes up almost a full quarter of the narrative. Clearly an inspiration for the death mazes that would feature in the later TNT series, this harrowing sequence also seems to go on and on…but the effect is the exact opposite of No’s tiresome speech, with the reader almost breaking out in a vicarious sweat. Bond is placed through a series of obstacles, with the clear understanding that he won’t ultimately survive. Here we see an aspect of Bond’s character that hasn’t been this fully explored: he is a survivor, and will fight until the end. He goes through electricity, fire, spiders (almost too much after the celebrated bit with the poisonous centipede earlier in the book), and even at the climax of it all fights a “kraken,” aka a giant squid. Bond also proves himself a proto-MacGyver in that he makes weapons out of what he has at hand, and also has had the foresight to smuggle a bread knife and lighter out of the dining room. All this is great stuff, more thrilling and action-packed than anything in the previous five novels. 

Another interesting element here too is that Bond’s struggle to survive isn’t even to save his own skin; it’s to get out of this death maze so he can save Honey. She’s been carted off to her own sadistic fate, to be Dr. No’s first “white victim” of the crabs that inundate the beach each night and tear apart everything in their wake. I can only assume this bit was the inspiration for Guy N. Smith’s later Crabs series. But as mentioned Honey isn’t nearly the damsel in distress Bond assumes. Even though she passes out when Dr. No reveals her fate, it’s later revealed that Honey knows more about these crabs than the doctor does, and she passed out because she knew Bond’s fate would be even worse than hers! With Bond and Honey reunited, we do get some of the action the movie series would be known for, with an armed Bond running roughshod through the place. But again it’s nowhere to the spectacle of the film, with Bond only making a few kills – some of them in cold blood. Another part I loved: Bond kills one guy and apologizes to Honey for having to do so in front of her, to which she responds, “Don’t be an idiot!” Man, I really loved her character. 

Here’s one part where Fleming goes to greater lengths than the film: Bond and Honey make their escape in the “dragon.” I kept waiting for this to happen and was glad it did, but unfortunately Fleming doesn’t decide to go all the way with it and have Bond light up the flamethrower and fry up some thugs. Fleming does deliver Dr. No a more gruesome fate than the anticlimactic one he received in the film; in one of the more hard-to-buy bits in the novel, Bond suddenly knows how to operate a crane and manages to dump a ton of guano on the doctor. Even more sadistic is how Bond gets hold of the crane controls; he jams the sharpened bread knife into the operator’s throat. Again, all much more brutal than the James Bond of the previous five novels. 

I feel that Fleming knew he’d created such a strong heroine with Honeychile Rider that he had to establish, even here, that she would not be in the following novel, per the series template of a new “Bond girl” each book. For Bond, once back to safety in Kingston and about to have some much-delayed good lovin’ with Honey, thinks to himself how he can help her get her nose fixed and set her up with a good job. (Another great bit: Honey’s earlier statement, delivered matter of factly, that she’d become a hooker to make enough money to fix her nose!) It’s almost as if Fleming’s telling us now that Honey, despite being such a vibrant character, will have to go. In reality though I think practically any guy would try to hold on to her for good. I know I would. But then, Fleming here has Bond for once reflect on a previous flame, Solitaire from Live And Let Die, so perhaps this material at the end is just playing off of that; Bond already knows that these relationships are not meant to last. But unlike Solitaire, whose fate Bond briefly wonders over earlier in the book, Bond will know exactly where Honey is: with the job he sets up for her. 

There’s an interesting thematic subtext in Doctor No that Bond is constantly being told what to do. This of course plays into Jacquelyn Friedman’s somewhat twisted interpretation of the series in Ian Fleming's Incredible Creation. But it’s pretty obvious here, starting off with the M-Bond briefing which ends with Bond saying, “If you say so, sir,” and M replying “I say so,” and continuing throughout the novel, the last line of which is Honey telling Bond: “Do as your told.” It’s almost overt given how frequently it happens, with Fleming giving the impression that Bond, despite being the action-prone hero of the series, is really just a pawn on a chessboard. Speaking of Friedman, I do appreciate her study, if only because it’s so far-out, but she does miss one thing: in the chapter “Dignity and Grace: The Morality of the Wasteland,” she claims that Fleming never outright states what Dr. No’s plans are. This is only partly true, of course. Otherwise I suspect Friedman took a lot of her inspiration from Doctor No; this novel in particular shows the “decayed death-throes of the white world” in full effect, with all the white figures of authority, from M to the Governor of Jamaica, so disaffected and siloed in their elitism that they have no concept of the “vibrant, non-white energy” that thrives around them – and, as is the case here, that plots against them. 

At the bottom of the post I’ll put up the cover of that Charter edition I got when I was a kid; I’m betting I picked it up right around its publication date of July, 1987. In past posts I’ve been writing “1986,” so clearly I got my dates wrong based off this publication date; maybe 1986 was when I started reading the John Gardner novels. My memory of summer of 1987 is certainly wrapped up with Bond, as I recall reading Doctor No as well as the two new Gardner novels: Nobody Lives Forever, which I had in the just-released mass market paperback edition and loved at the time (I recall telling my pal Jimmy Stevens I’d come over and play with him some other time ‘cause I wanted to keep reading the book – which was a big deal because Jimmy’d just gotten that insanely massive G.I. Joe aircraft carrier and wanted to show it off!), and No Deals, Mr. Bond, which I had in the just-released hardcover edition. 

But it was Doctor No that apparently made the biggest impression on me; it was the first “pure” Bond novel I’d read, in that it was by the creator himself, and right away I could see how different the character was from Gardner’s interpretation. That summer I went on to read as many of those original Flemings as I could. I always held Doctor No in high esteem, but I recall it was the one-two punch of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and You Only Live Twice that thrilled me the most, and which I ranked as my favorite. I look forward to seeing whether that’s still true, as I have to say Doctor No was a lot of fun and I can’t see any of the others topping it; the older I’ve gotten, the more I appreciate pulp, and this must be the pulpiest the Bond novels ever got. Disregarding of course the ninjas in You Only Live Twice

Oh and if you haven’t already, be sure to download my Music To Read James Bond By compilation! I listened to it for the first time in years while reading Doctor No, and it really does make for good music to read Bond by! 

And finally, here’s the cover of the Doctor No mass market paperback (Charter Books, July 1987) that I got off the shelves of WaldenBooks in the summer of 1987; I recall the cover being very neon ‘80s orange, which isn’t really reflected in this cover scan:

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Music To Read James Bond By (A Glorious Trash Bondsploitation Compilation)


Over the years I’ve collected many LPs from the ‘60s and ‘70s that cashed in on the James Bond craze; sometimes they’re referred to on the collector’s circuit as Bondsploitation albums. Most of these records were released in the Bondmania heyday of 1964 to 1966, back when you could chose between the stereo release or the mono release. The majority of the records featured cover versions of John Barry’s music from the official soundtracks, with a few of the releases getting more adventurous and attempting original songs based on the Bond novels that hadn’t yet been filmed.

Recently I started thinking about putting together a compilation centered around this “original song” theme, with the idea that this could be the third Music To Read James Bond By compilation we never got. In 1965 United Artists released Music To Read James Bond By, and a year later they released Music To Read James Bond By Volume Two. The records featured loungy, easy listening covers of tunes from the Bond movies up to Thunderball (the most recent film) as well as original songs in the same vein, all of it in a “spy” mold to go along with your next reading of Fleming. But when Sean Connery announced he was done being Bond while filming You Only Live Twice, it was as if Bondmania was gutted overnight – heck, even Eurospy movies abruptly came to an end. Same goes for the majority of the Bondsploitation records.

So since there was never a third Music To Read James Bond By, I decided to make my own – and in our imaginary world we could pretend it was released in 1967, right as You Only Live Twice came out, and also we could pretend it was a triple album. Why not? It’s our dream and we can make it as big as we want. Further, the tracks on the compilation would be arranged in the order of Fleming’s novels, focusing on original theme songs for as-yet unfilmed books, original music, and cover versions of the actual John Barry/Monty Norman scores. My goal was to have at least three songs for each novel: one theme and two songs representing incidents that occur in the narrative. For novels that had been filmed by 1967 I of course had more to chose from, Goldfinger in particular. That movie came out during the height of Bondmania, and there are a wealth of Bondsploitation records that cash in on it.

The album Confidential: Sounds For A Secret Agent by David Lloyd And His London Orchestra was key – this 1965 LP features superb original theme songs for unfilmed Bond novels. As for covers of songs that were written by John Barry et al for the first four Bond films, there were plenty of choices. I went with the ones I like the best, in particular the ones by Ray Martin And His Orchestra; the two Bond-themed albums Martin released are the pick of the Bondsploitation litter, I think, though unfortunately the second one only features two Bond tracks.

In one instance I had to cheat: track 57 is from 1972, from an obscure LP only released in France, Italy, Belgium, and Japan. It was produced in Japan and features a few original themes for novels that hadn’t yet been filmed; while the songs are much more orchestral than the groovier stuff on Confidential, I just had to use the track “Octopussy And The Living Daylights.” How could I not use a song that was composed for “the last great adventures of James Bond 007,” as Signet Books hyped its 1967 collection of Bond short stories?

Many of these Bondsploitation LPs featured generic music that was, no doubt, just given arbitrary 007-esque titles, to cash in on the craze; in particular there’s Casino Royale by the George Mann Orchestra. This LP features a cover version of Burt Bacharach’s theme song for the ’67 film (which my compilation pretends doesn’t exist), followed by a bunch of smokin’ instrumentals. I tried to insert a few of these in the tracklist in places that I thought made sense. Anyone who has read You Only Live Twice will hopefully see how fitting it was to include a track titled “Who’s James Anyway” in that novel’s sequence. In a similar regard is Theme From Thunderball And Other Themes by The ”Sleepwalk” Guitars of Dan and Dale – which has a sticker on the cover stressing that this is not the original soundtrack. As if anyone could confuse Dan and Dale’s bland surf instrumentals with the real thing! This record in particular is filled with music that has nothing at all to do with Bond, other than the arbitrary titles, and some of the songs are borderline plagiaristic, as evidenced by the Bach-inspired “J.B. On The Rocks” which I included in the Man With The Golden Gun sequence. This is the sort of thing I went for throughout; if there was a song title that fit that particular novel’s theme, I used it – and James Bond is certainly on the “rocks” at the start of the final Fleming novel. Sometimes though it worked out very well, like Dan And Dale’s “Eve Of Explosion” and “The Shark Bite,” which neatly sum up the climax of Live And Let Die – Bond waiting for the limpet mine to explode and Mr. Big’s grisly fate in the gaping maw of a shark.

Some of the Bondsploitation LPs tried to pass themselves off as pseudo-soundtracks, likely in the hopes of fooling potential customers who didn’t bother to check the album credits. The Dan & Dale LP falls into this category, though as mentioned it at least has a cover sticker announcing that it isn’t the real thing. But two Bondsploitation records in particular are guilty of misinformation: Casino Royale by the Hollywood Studio Orchestra, and Thunderball And Other James Bond Favorites by the The Cheltenham Chorus And Orchestra (which exists in a stereo version, which I have and have used for the compilation; for some reason discogs.com only lists a mono release). Both albums were released by budget label Wyncote, and both pass themselves off as soundtracks of their respective films, yet neither Burt Bacharach nor John Barry are credited. In fact, no one is credited for anything on either album. In the case of Casino Royale though this appears to be intentional, as the song titles are named after the chapter titles in Fleming’s novel: ie, “The White Tent Song” is named after chapter 19, in which Bond convalescences on the French coast, “Black Patch,” is named after the title of chapter 25, and so on. So in other words, this particular record is a soundtrack to Casino Royale the novel, not the goofy 1967 film. Sounds great, doesn’t it, until you discover that the tracks on it are exactly the same as those on Thunderball And Other James Bond Favorites by the Cheltenham Chorus and Orchestra, just given new titles! Only the cover version of “Casino Royale” is new. Bondsploitation buyer beware!!

Fellow Bondsploitation enthusiasts will note two records in particular are missing from this compilation: James Bond Songbook, by James Bond & His Sextet (Mirwood, 1966), and The Bedside Bond, by Des Champ and James Economides, Jr (Decca, 1966). Both albums are filled with Bond originals; the former, like David Lloyd And His London Orchestra’s Confidential, attempts theme songs for novels that hadn’t yet been filmed. The latter features groovy easy listening originals based around characters in the franchise. I didn’t use anything from James Bond Songbook because it’s officially available on remastered CD, and I didn’t want to piss any lawyers off – but more importantly, I didn’t use any of it because I’m not very fond of the album, even though like a true obsessive I have the LP (and scored it for two bucks!). It’s all swinging jazz courtesy bassist Jimmy “James” Bond and his sextet, done on organic instruments, without any of the electric embellisments I prefer in music. Given that, the music would sound at odds with the other material compiled here. 

As for The Bedside Bond, it’s not here for a few reasons, even though I love the album. For one, it was only released in the UK (by Penthouse Magazine!), and it was only released in mono. My goal was to use stereo mixes for my compilation. Also, The Bedside Bond LP is very scarce, and I personally don’t own a copy. However, the Vocalion label released it on CD in 2010 with a first-time-ever stereo mix, and it’s highly recommended. A brief sidenote on this one, and the work of James Economides, Jr; his name graces many Bondsploitation releases. He produced Elliott Fisher’s Bang! Bang! Bang!, and he wrote the three originals on Ray Martin’s Goldfinger. But here’s where it gets confusing. That Goldfinger LP suffers from some weird mistakes; the titles of two of those originals are different on the cover than on the LP label, at least on my copy. For example, the cover states “Doublecross” as the title of one of them, but the LP label states “Glarore’s Theme.” And for that matter, this exact same song – only with a different arrangement – appears on The Bedside Bond under the title “Prissy Miss Galore.” Another mistake on the Goldfinger cover is that “Honey’s Theme” is listed as one of the tracks “from the film Goldfinger,” whereas in reality it’s an original song dedicated to Honey Rider of Dr. No. (It also shows up with a different arrangement on The Bedside Bond). I’ve reflected the differing song names in my tracklist below, and “Honey’s Theme” is placed with the other songs inspired by Dr. No.

Without a doubt I spent more time on this post than any other I’ve done for the blog. I converted all my Bondsploitation LPs to MP3, determined the songs I wanted to include, and worked hard on the sequencing. Hell, I even spent a late night designing the cover on my phone. It was an obsession, I tell you! I actually did the brunt of the work two years ago, ironically right before I upgraded my turntable. Then I let the files sit around for a few years, too lazy to put everything together. I finally decided to finish the project, just in time to sort of be the Glorious Trash version of a Christmas present.

Anyway, enough interminable preample. Follow the link directly below, where you can download a zip file with the MP3s, the cover, and the tracklist, which I’ve also included below. Then get out your favorite Bond novel, pour yourself a dry martini (and unlike Daniel Craig’s so-called version of the character, you do give a damn whether it’s shaken or stirred), and enjoy Music To Read James Bond By – in stereo!

Music To Read James Bond By (Click Here To Download):

1. James Bond Theme – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
2. Casino Royale – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
3. Baccarat – The Hollywood Studio Orchestra
4. The White Tent Song – The Hollywood Studio Orchestra
5. Oh! Oh! Seven – George Mann Orchestra
6. Live And Let Die – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
7. Solitaire – The Sounds Orchestral
8. Eve Of Explosion – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
9. The Shark Bite – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
10. Moonraker – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
11. “M” Joins The Hunt – The Zero Zero Seven Band
12. Moonshot – The Sounds Orchestral
13. Diamonds Are Forever – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
14. Warm And Deadly – The Zero Zero Seven Band
15. Theme For Brawling – George Mann Orchestra
16. The Chase – Studio Group
17. From Russia With Love – The Sounds Orchestral
18. The Golden Horn – Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra
19. Girl Trouble – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
20. 007 – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
21. Dr. No’s Fantasy – Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra
22. The Island Speaks – Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra
23. Honey’s Theme – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
24. Underneath The Mango Tree – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
25. Blues For Dr. No – The Zero Zero Seven Band
26. Twisting With James – The Roland Shaw Orchestra
27. Goldfinger – Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra
28. A Gilded Corpse – The Zero Zero Seven Band
29. Pussy Galore Meets Bond – The Zero Zero Seven Band
30. Undercover (aka Bond’s Lament) – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
31. Doublecross (aka Galore’s Theme) – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
32. Blues For Pussy – The Sounds Orchestral
33. Mr. Oddjob – The Sounds Orchestral
34. Music Galore – Studio Group
35. Fort Knox Swings – Studio Group
36. Theme For Pussy Galore – Billy Strange
37. For Your Eyes Only – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
38. Sporting Girls – George Mann Orchestra
39. Violence! – The Zero Zero Seven Band
40. Thunderball – Ray Martin And His Orchestra
41. Spectre Theme – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
42. The Bomb – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
43. Sea Chase – The Cheltenham Orchestra And Chorus
44. Mr. Kiss-Kiss, Bang-Bang – Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra
45. The Spy Who Loved Me – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
46. Shiny Chandelier And Silk Stockings – George Mann Orchestra
47. Golden Glow – Studio Group
48. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
49. Night Love – The Cheltenham Orchestra And Chorus
50. Spectre – The Sounds Orchestral
51. You Only Live Twice – Billy Strange
52. Kissy Suzuki – The Sounds Orchestral
53. Who’s James Anyway – George Mann Orchestra
54. The Man With The Golden Gun – David Lloyd And His London Orchestra
55. J.B. On The Rocks – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
56. O.K. You’re Faded – George Mann Orchestra
57. Octopussy And The Living Daylights – The London Original Sounds Orchestra
58. Caribbean Nights – The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale
59. Mr. Bond – The Roland Shaw Orchestra

Tracks 1,19,20,23,24,30, and 31 from the album Goldfinger And Other Music From James Bond Thrillers, by Ray Martin And His Orchestra (RCA Camden, 1965)

Tracks 2,6,10,13,36,44,47, and 53 from the album Confidential: Sounds For A Secret Agent, by David Lloyd And His London Orchestra (Epic, 1965)

Tracks 3 and 4 from the album Casino Royale, by The Hollywood Studio Orchestra (Wyncote, 1967) https://www.discogs.com/Hollywood-Studio-Orchestra-Casino-Royale/release/1612923

Tracks 5,15,37,45,52 and 55 from the album Theme From The Motion Picture Casino Royale and Others, by George Mann Orchestra Featuring The Golden Trumpet (Custom Records, 1967)

Tracks 7,12,17,32,33,49, and 51 from the album Impressions Of James Bond, by The Sounds Orchestral (Parkway, 1965)

Tracks 8,9,40,41,54, and 57 from the album Theme From Thunderball And Other Themes, by The “Sleepwalk” Guitars Of Dan and Dale (Diplomat Records, 1965)

Tracks 11,14,25,28,29, and 38 from the album James Bond Thrillers!!!, by The Zero Zero Seven Band (Somerset, 1965)

Tracks 16,34,35, and 47 from the album Theme From Goldfinger And Others, by “Studio Group” (artist is not credited on the album) (Crown, 1964)

Tracks 18,21,22,27, and 43 from the album Bang! Bang! Bang!, by Elliott Fisher And His Orchestra (Capitol Records, 1966)

Track 26 from the album Themes From The James Bond Thrillers, by The Roland Shaw Orchestra (London Records, 1964)

Track 35 from the album Goldfinger, by Billy Strange (GNP Crescendo, 1965)

Track 39 from the album Thunderball And Other Thriller Music, by Ray Martin And His Orchestra (RCA Camden, 1965)

Tracks 43 and 49 from the album Thunderball And Other James Bond Favorites, by The Cheltenham Orchestra And Chorus (Wyncote, 1965) (note: Discogs only lists a mono release, but there was also a stereo release – the tracks here are taken from it)

Track 51 from the album James Bond Double Feature, by Billy Strange (GNP Crescendo, 1967)

Track 57 from the album James Bond 007 by The London Original Sounds Orchestra (Music For Pleasure, 1972)

Track 59 from the 45rpm promo-only single Thunderball/Mr. Bond (London Records, 1965)

Artwork credit: Daniel Schwartz: illustration for “You Only Live Twice, Part II,” Playboy Magazine May, 1964; I designed the cover with the Canva app

Monday, September 30, 2019

From Russia, With Love (James Bond #5)


From Russia, With Love, by Ian Fleming
No month stated, 1965  Signet Books
(Original UK edition 1957)

It’s clear from the outset that Ian Fleming has something grander in mind for this fifth James Bond installment. It’s almost like he’s attempting the War And Peace of the espionage genre. Bond himself is almost secondary to the plot and the supporting characters, in particular the villains. Overall the novel is certainly the best so far in the series, but at the same time it lacks the pulpy spark of Live And Let Die.

Fleming seemed to have followed a “serious/pulpy” pattern for the Bond novels, ie Casino Royale, the first one, being a serious affair, and Live And Let Die, the second one, being a bit more pulpy. Whether consciously or not, Fleming mostly followed this pattern throughout the series (to wit, overall serious From Russia, With Love being followed by the pulp masterpiece Doctor No), with of course the occasional detour. I guess I’m supposed to say that now that I’m an “adult” and all (in fact I’ll turn 45 on October 6th) I prefer the serious, more meaty books…but I still love the pulp!

As mentioned Bond himself doesn’t appear until From Russia, With Love is well underway; we won’t see him until page 72. That doesn’t sound like very long until you consider the insanely small, dense print of this Signet paperback. Instead Fleming takes his time with the narrative, going to great lengths to bring his cast of villains to life. In fact the first character we meet is nutjob Red Grant, who is given a background much more elaborate than any previous Fleming villain. Now the chief executioner for SMERSH, Grant grew up in Ireland and got his jollies as a kid killing animals, then eventually moved on to people, always on nights of a full moon. Now he gets to indulge in his favorite hobby and get paid for it.

But then Grant leaves the narrative and we flash back a few months to an indordinate meeting among various Soviet bigwigs, chief among them “General G,” who challenges them to come up with something big to put Russian espionage back in the game. The question is where and who. After much discussion England is settled on, and someone brings up the name James Bond, who caused so much trouble for the Reds in the previous books. At this point Rosa Klebb, this volume’s main villain, enters the fray. A grotesque, toadlike creature with an “asexual” nature, Rosa is one of the few “mother figures” in the Bond world, and thus of course is the natural enemy of Bond, who is a destroyer of the life-cycle. (Uh, at least according to Jacquelyn Friedman!)

Klebb threatens to steal the show in her few pages, but I was more interested in Kronsteen, a master chess player who serves as a strategist for SMERSH. He is the one who comes up with the plot, which ultimately will be fooling the Brits into sending Bond to Turkey to collect a cipher machine, while in reality compromising photos will be taken of Bond in the arms of a Russian girl. When both Bond and the girl turn up dead on the Orient Express, victims of an apparent murder-suicide, and the photos are printed in the papers, the British government will be properly embarassed, and the Soviet intelligence network will be back in the big leagues.

I was impressed with how faithful the movie was to the novel. Of course SMERSH was changed to SPECTRE, and a little more action was added, but really the film is quite close to the book. Even things I assumed were inventions of the film, like Rosa Klebb “testing” Red Grant with a brass knuckled suckerpunch to the breadbasket, occurs in the novel. But bringing it back to Kronsteen, at least the film gave him a conclusion. In the novel he appears at the opening and that’s it. This is a shame, as I found his storyline very interesting; called away while in the midst of a big chess competition but briefly ignoring the urgent summons so as to defeat his opponent.

Klebb’s job is to find an appropriate “girl” to woo Bond, and ultimately this brings us to brunette beauty Tatiana Romanova, who is given more narrative time than any of the other “Bond-girls” (as  Kingsley Amis calls them). But to tell you the truth, friends, Tatiana really got on my nerves and she was my least favorite Bondgirl yet. But this is only later, when she finally meets Bond and becomes his traveling companion. In her opening sequence she’s more tolerable, called out of her innocuous but safe existence by a summons from Klebb, who offers Tatiana the assignment (of course not telling her about that whole “killed on the Orient Express” part) – and then comes on to her. (“She looked like the oldest and ugliest whore in the world.”) Interestingly, Raymond Benson states in The James Bond Bedside Companion that Fleming’s first draft ended with Rosa asking Tatiana to have a seat beside her; in the final novel Tatiana runs away.

At this point we finally reunite with James Bond, who is performing some morning calisthenics in his apartment. It’s “nearly a year” after Diamonds Are Forever, late August, and Bond broke up with Tiffany Case in July. It’s notable we’re informed of this because it’s the first time we’ve ever been told what happened to a previous Bondgirl. Unfortunately we won’t be told what happens to Tatiana, but late in the novel Bond muses to himself what likely will happen to her upon her entry to England, and my bet is we’re to understand this is exactly what will happen to her: grilled for info in various government safehouse and then shipped off to Canada to live an anonymous life. Here we also meet Bond’s housekeeper, May, and learn a little more about the protagonist of the series, who isn’t nearly the cipher that is his filmic counterpart.

The M-Bond sequence is as enjoyable as the others, particularly M’s comment here that it’s best to stay away from “neurotic” women like Tiffany Case! His attempts to convince Bond that this situation in Turkey could be legit are also humorous. But Bond immediately disbelievies this story of a Russian code girl approaching the station man in Turkey and telling him she’s in love with James Bond and wants to leave the USSR and live with him in England, even offering a highly classified SPEKTOR cipher machine as part of the bargain.

There is a romantic flavor to the novel, one that Fleming consciously develops with his usual scene-setting and florid description. When Bond arrives in Turkey this is especially pronounced, but first we get a reminder of Bond’s fear of flying. Similar to the flying sequence in Diamonds Are Forever, Bond has a panic moment when his plane encounters severe weather, and here we learn he has a “hurricane room” within himself, to which his mind flees when danger outside of his control arises. 

Bond’s ally in Turkey is Darko Kerim, whom Kingsley Amis deemed the “most appealing” of all Bond allies in The James Bond Dossier. I would certainly agree with that, as Darko steals the show. He’s much larger than the film version of the character, taller and broader than Bond, with curly black hair, a bulbous nose, and a vagabond-esque earring. He gets all the funny lines and all the grandiose statements, but curiously Darko nearly being killed by a bomb in his office – which goes off while he’s having sex with one of his many female companions – happens off-page in the novel, and is only related via dialog.

My favorite part of the novel is Darko and Bond’s journey beneath Istanbul, through a rat and bat-infested tunnel, a sequence nearly as chill-inducing as Rambo’s crawl through the bat cave in First Blood. The hackle-raising journey has a goofy payoff: Darko reveals a periscope in the tunnel, one that provides a view into the meeting room of the Russian Embassy above. This sequence of course made it to the film, but one thing that always bugged me – admitedly after I’d seen the movie a few times and even pondered such trivialities – was why this tunnel and periscope were even there. A movie of course can just cut to the next scene and pass over real-world explanations, but a book can’t, and Darko’s explanation of the periscope answered a question I’ve had for a long time.

Action is, as you’ll note, sporadic. I felt more like I was reading a classic of literature than a spy thriller. The focus is more on suspense and character; Bond’s first view of Tatiana, through the periscope lens while she comes into the Embassy office above, is very memorable in this regard. Particularly given the strange, almost resentful looks she gets from the bigwigs there. Again Bond’s suspicions are aroused, but ultimately nothing comes of it – Bond really is caught unawares in the climax, whereas he was a little more on the ball in the film. Speaking of which, the firefight in the gypsy camp occurs here in the novel as well, and Bond shoots down two men, his first kills in the book.

Fleming is a bit more risque this time around; the novel’s sole sex scene occurs when Bond and Tatiana first meet. Per Amis’s template in The James Bond Dossier, she’s nude when she meets Bond, but Fleming adds some kinky details like a choker and stockings. We get a bit more detail on her ample charms than I recall being in the previous four novels, but nothing too extreme by today’s standards. She’s beautiful and built and all that but she still gets on my nerves; she complains about everything (“that is not kulturny” being a constant snobbish refrain) and keeps things from Bond.

The final quarter takes place on the Orient Express and here Fleming goes fullbore into romantic adventure fiction, detailing the various scenic stops on the exotic ride. As in the film this will be the last we see of Darko Kerim, and he has mostly the same exit dialog, probably one of my favorite speeches yet in the Bond series – to the effect that one might know the rules of the game he is playing, but outside forces could intervene and change the game itself. Darko’s loss is felt by the reader; he is by far the most colorful character in the novel, given to grandiose speeches and flamboyant actions.

At this point Red Grant finally returns to the narrative, in disguise as Gerald Nash. The novel diverges from the film in that Bond assumes “Nash” has been sent by M, so this means that Grant fools him entirely. Whereas the film Bond has a measure of distrust for the obnoxious Nash, thus catching him when Nash tries to drug Bond on the train, the novel Bond is caught unawares, and curses himself for a fool when Grant gets the drop on him. The fight between the two isn’t nearly as elaborate in the novel, but more brutal – Bond makes use of the knives hidden in the special suitcase Q Branch made for him, jamming one of them into Grant’s crotch! Also per Amis it’s the villains who mostly use the gadgets in the novels, and here Grant uses a gun hidden inside War And Peace, shooting Bond but hitting his metal cigarette case; Bond manages to get hold of the weapon and unloads it on Grant’s face for a gory coup de grace.

I enjoyed Bond’s confrontation with Klebb even more. It’s a bit hard to buy – Bond’s able to talk the French authorities into letting him surprise Klebb in her hotel room, having learned from Grant that she’d be there the following day at a certain time – but still very entertaining. Klebb pretends to be a harmless old woman and Bond’s somewhat uncertain if he’s really dealing with the head of SMERSH’s execution wing. It all climaxes with Klebb trying to jab Bond with poison tipped needles, and Bond’s silenced Beretta gets stuck in his pants so he has to pin the madwoman down with a chair, like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon or something.

The end of the novel is where it really diverges from the film: Fleming leaves Bond’s fate in question, as well as Klebb’s. She manages to cut him with a blade hidden in her shoe, and last we see of Bond he’s collapsed onto the hotel room floor. Last we see of Klebb she’s being loaded onto a stretcher and strapped down, meaning she lives and Bond, apparently, dies. Of course this wasn’t to be, as Bond would return a year later in Doctor No, which was the first Bond novel I ever read and was always one of my favorites. I look forward to re-reading it after all these years.

Speaking of which, I know I read From Russia, With Love back in the summer of ’86, when I was 11 and had been bitten by the Bond bug, but it must not’ve made much of an impression on me. I suspect I probably skimmed it at the time, considering it slow-paced, and was content to just stick with the film version, given how similar the book was. Or, sadly, I was probably more excited to read the newest John Gardner Bond novel! Well, I very much enjoyed it this time, and would say it’s the best installment of the series yet. Light on action, but heavy on atmosphere, character, and suspense – and Fleming’s writing, always excellent, seems even more refined.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

The Book Of Bond (or Every Man His Own 007)


The Book Of Bond (or Every Man His Own 007), by Lt.-Col. William (Bill) Tanner  
No month stated, 1966  Pan Books

In 1965, the same year he published the awesome and highly-recommended The James Bond Dossier, Kinglsey Amis posed as William “Bill” Tanner and published this separate look at the James Bond novels of Ian Fleming, but this one in a more humorous vein (and it’s even more scarce on the second-hand market). Not that the Dossier wasn’t humorous, but whereas it was an overview/study of the Bond novels, The Book Of Bond is more of a satirical how-to manual for “would-be Bonds,” taking instructions directly from Fleming’s books, but filtered through Amis’s sense of humor. And I have to stress again, this dude is very funny.

Tanner of course is a character within the Bond novels; he’s M’s Chief of Staff and supposedly Bond’s best friend. Amis starts off the jokery posthaste by mentioning this in the brief bio at the start of the book, stating that Bond took Tanner out to dinner “at least once.” As Amis himself noted in the Dossier, it’s hard to imagine James Bond having “friends,” so this is actually an in-joke for those who have read both books. And as Amis also stated in the Dossier, readers themselves don’t want to be friends with Bond – they want to be Bond. Clearly then The Book Of Bond picks up from this idea and shows the reader how to go about it.

This slim Pan paperback (there doesn’t appear to have been a US paperback edition) is almost like the 007 version of a study Bible; Amis will mention such and such elements from the series, and to the left of the text we’ll have a reference to the work in question via book title and chapter. So we’ll have say “DN 9” for Doctor No chapter 9. The short stories from For Your Eyes Only (Octopussy And The Living Daylights not being published yet) are referred to by the book’s title followed by the number of the story within; ie, the title story of that book is “FYEO 1.” There are also photo-realistic ink drawings throughout the text.

The first chapter is devoted to “Drink,” and Amis briefly outlines the various spirits Bond has consumed, advising would-be Bonds that drinking is very important if you want to be your own Bond. “Your daily intake should stay around half a bottle of spirits.” But avoid beer whenever you’re in England: “To be seen with a pint of beer in your hand would be instant death to all your hopes of 007ship.” Beer is okay when out of the country, though; whiskey is more along the lines of what you want, in particular bourbon. As for gin, you want Beefeater’s or Gordon’s, and for vodka, you insist on Russian, “neat and ice cold.” Brandy though is “essentially a medicinal drink for certain emergencies or ordeals.” Next we come to cocktails: “you don’t do the making, of course, but you should know how.” As for champagne, you’ll drink anything well-known, but table wines really aren’t your thing. Same for liquers. As for soda? “None.”

Throughout Amis subtly pokes fun at the source material, illustrating the appearance of each drink via sly references to the novels – not in a snarky way, but in a way that makes clear his love of Fleming’s work. For example, in the “cocktails” section Amis details a few of the mixed drinks Bond has consumed, one of them of course the Vesper, from Casino Royale; Amis goes on to suggest that, upon drinking this concoction, you should compliment the bartender (whom of course you had to tell how to make the drink in the first place) and say that, while good, it would’ve been better with Russian vodka instead of potato vodka – all, of course, the same as Bond in Casino Royale. Amis specifies though that you must hope the bartender is particularly dense, as potato vodka is practically “bath-tub water,” and you’d be hard-pressed to find any establisment that serves it, even behind the Iron Curtain.

Chapter two is all about “Food.” “Your position here is being gourmet while pretending not to be.” Under General Principles, Amis stresses, “Never invite anybody, least of all a girl, to a meal at your flat.” This means you would have to chose the course and also oversee the preparation of the meal, which goes against another 007 dictum: “Show no knowledge whatever of how food is actually prepared.” Finally, “a cheap way of asserting your individuality” is to always complain about the service and the fare in the various restaurants you frequent, particularly when on a date.

“Smoke” is the subject of chapter three: “The two basic points are to smoke hard and to enjoy it.” As we all know, Bond smokes a whole bunch of cigarettes in the novels: “Your basic consumption is sixty a day” if you want to be your own 007. However, be sure to “Treat it as a pleasure, not a habit.” We also get some details on Bond’s “specially-made” cigarettes, which in fact are available for anyone to purchase at certain tobacco shops. Also handy tips on how to exhale – only either as a hissing sound between your teeth, or through your nose.

Next we come to “Looks” in chapter four: “Those under four foot six and over seven foot would be better to model themselves on one of the original 007’s enemies.” As for your age, “You should be, or should aim at seeming to be, between about thirty-seven and thirty-nine,” and your hair must be black, even if you have to dye it. Amis frets over those suffering from baldness; “Sean Connery can carry off a toupee,” but for the average guy this might prove to be troublesome. As for your weight, “A paunchy 007 cannot exist.” Hardly anyone notices eye color, fortunately, but you should have a tan – though if you have to resort to a tanning bed, you must hide the fact. Amis jokes that you can hide it along with your spare toupee, dentures, etc.

Chapter five is all about “Excercise” and goes over what few physical activities we’ve seen Bond endure in the series. You should Golf on weekends; “Your handicap has risen to nine.” Skiing is also important, and here Amis relies heavily on On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Swimming gets most of its details from Live And Let Die. Unarmed Combat leans heavily on Goldfinger: it’s probably best not to tell your female companion gory stories about past battles; just leave it at, “I only know five ways of killing a man with a single blow.” As for Keeping Fit, we get the morning routine from From Russia With Love, which is hilariously simple: “twenty slow press-ups” and some toe-touching, etc. 

“Clothes” are the topic of chapter six, with a brief rundown of “the original 007’s” standard wardrobe, from his suits to what he wears to the beach. You can find all of this stuff, along with images, over at the Clothing Of James Bond website. But Amis stresses that you must avoid anything “gaudy” or “obviously expensive” in your wardrobe. He also says not to get a 007-mandatory gun, as the holster will mess up the line of your coat and will get in the way of your golf swing. Instead, go with a knife hidden in a compartment above the heel of your shoe.

Next up is “Accessories,” chapter seven: here too Amis advises against “unnecesary ornament,” ie things like gold watches and whatnot. He says to focus on only three items: Luggage (using the tricked-out one in From Russia With Love as an example), Writswatch (a Rolex Oyster Perpetual Chronometer – which by the way makes for a handy “knuckle-duster”), and Saftey Razors (you want an old Gillette). In chapter eight we go over “Cars:” You tell people your car is a 1954 Continental Bentley, even if you don’t actually own one, but you’ve also been known to drive an Aston Martin DB III with reinforced bumpers and hidden compartments within. Your first car, a classic Bentley, was destroyed by an insane former Nazi.

Chapter nine is about “Places:” You don’t pretend to have been everywhere, despite the amount of traveling you’ve done, but you know what you like – and it isn’t Paris. “You have cordially disliked Paris since the war.” Amis briefly goes over Venice, Istanbul, New York, and places outside New York, relying as ever on material from the novels. Chapter ten is “Chat,” where Amis says that, despite all the vague remarks you make, the time will come when you will have to actually talk to someone. He says to stick to generalizations and thrown-off remarks, and in a humorous sequence provides conversation scenarios based around events in the novels.

Chapter eleven is “Culture,” where Amis says you should only have a “modest” library, as having a lot of books is more typical of a villain(!). We get a list of all the books Bond is noted as having read in the series, with the note that “you aren’t an author of note,” providing an example of the “original 007’s” attempt at haiku in You Only Live Twice So I take this to mean Amis considers Fleming’s poetry subpar. You can also claim that one day you’ll write a book on Unarmed Combat, to be titled “Stay Alive!,” but of course never actually do it, just like Bond in Goldfinger. We have a very brief overview of the theater, music, and cinema mentions in the series – Amis wraps up by saying that Bond is really more interested in trains, fast cars, and of course women.

Chapter twelve is focused on “the most important” part of the 007 character: “Gambling.” Amis says you can’t hope to gamble in the amounts Bond himself does, but to go through elaborate schemes to fool people into thinking you’re a famous high-roller. This incurs visiting the casino early, tipping the various employees and making yourself known, then returning soon after and exploiting the image you’ve just created. While you yourself never actually gamble, you pick out someone at a table who looks “sinister” and stare at him all night, calmly exhaling smoke through your nostrils. Explain to your female companion – you of course have picked one up if only due to the image you’ve created – that you aren’t gambling because you’re “after bigger fish.” Then continue to stare meaningfully at your pretend target.

Chapter thirteen is “M (for the older reader)”: “When 007ship begins to strike you as too expensive, too strenuous, and (above all) too juvenile a pursuit, the time has come to make the switch to Mship.” As we’ll recall from The James Bond Dossier, Amis is no fan of M, and this brief snapshot of the crusty old bastard is a hilarious piece of character assassination. Basically, dress however you want and always be testy with others, but of course you’re doing all this yourself, as M himself appears to be sexless. You of course have “damnably clear” eyes. You smoke a pipe, but limit yourself to two cheroots a day; it “must be coincidence” that cheroots are normally smoked by “very bad people” in the Bond novels.

Chapter fourteen is dedicated to “Girls (for the 007-chaser),” and is a guide for women on how to pick up their own 007. Using the various Bondgirls as illustrative examples, Amis breaks it down to Clothes (“near the top of the price range” but “unlikely to look good on anybody over thirty-five”), Looks (“ideally you need to be a blonde” with “blue or possibly grey eyes” and, of course, “beautiful firm breasts”), and also the type of car you should drive to get any 007 panting with lust. Amis mostly leans on Domino from Thunderball, Vesper from Casino Royale, and Solitaire from Live And Let Die; I was surprised that Honeychile Rider of Doctor No is only mentioned so far as her “outdoors” clothing goes (ie leather belt, snorkel mask, and nothing else). Amis rated Honey as his favorite Bondgirl in the Dossier, so I expected to see more about her here.

The final chapter is “Research” and returns to the role-playing antics in the Gambling chapter. Here Amis dispenses with the Bible study-esque book references in the left column and instead comes up with scenarios for the more advanced would-be Bond to attempt, once he’s gotten the hang of the material presented in the previous 14 chapters. This entails Excercises (go around your hotel room searching for bugs in the presences of your latest female companion, etc), Experiments (mail yourself a clock and immediately dunk it in water upon opening it, again in front of your latest female companion, etc), and Teamwork (try to contact other would-be Bonds, using the recognition code from From Russia, With Love; ie I use a lighter,” etc).

And that’s it, just barely over a hundred pages in this Pan edition, The Book Of Bond is a humorous look into Fleming’s work, at least filtered through Kinglsey Amis’s own perception of it. It’s not nearly as insightful or entertaining as The James Bond Dossier, but I’d say it too is highly recommended for the Bond fan, and also should be mandatory reading for any modern-day continuation author looking to set their Bond novel in Fleming’s day – which is to say, as with the Dossier, you aren’t going to find any watered-down modern sentiments here. And I think Fleming himself would’ve enjoyed this one, but then he was always self-deprecating about his work.