Writing (Part 2)

Some years back, when I was still trying to get my stories published in a book, I attended a writers' conference at MPH. It was a fun and eye-opening experience. One thing that struck me was the fact that authors (local authors at least) realized that fiction writing in Malaysia is not at all a lucrative business. You must survive on passion alone. What actually sells are books on FengShui (Lilian Too and the likes), finance (how to get rich quick) and cooking (Malaysians love to eat). And even then, don't expect to be able to live on your royalties alone.

A publisher I met there suggested I get my book self-published. All I had to do was to fork out RM5000! I declined. Perhaps I was too cheap - and perhaps I wanted to prove to myself that I can convince a publisher to publish my book - the normal way (ie without having to fork out money in advance).

I suppose I looked a bit disheartened after the event was over. On my way out I was accosted by a stranger. He looked mild-mannered, unasuming enough, but he blocked my way and stuck out his hand to shake mine. He introduced himself, said he was a pastor. Back then I was still a pre-believer (hah! interesting word). So I was surprised when this strange small-ish man came over and told me something that was so unexpected. He told me, without preamble, that I was a sensitive person inside. (Sensitive, me? I thought) He could see that I will be a good writer, and he urged me not to ever give up.

With that he left as suddenly as he'd appeared. I was bewildered. What the--?! And yet, he did give me something to think about. It was somewhat inspiring.

Fast forward many years later: just a few weeks back, his words came back to me. Don't ever give up being a writer. It struck a chord, especially at this moment when I am writing less and less (if at all). Sure, I write at work - but it seems these days that I just purge out everything I read. And I don't consider writing e-mails and structuring agendas for doctors' meetings writing.

Looking back, I realized that the words from the pastor must have been a prompting from God. So was He trying to tell me something? And is He telling me again now, not to give up?

But what is it that He's telling me to write? Another book? If yes, the next question is: on what?

Writing

It's been what - close to a year since I last blogged? I think it's a curse - that when you become a professional full time writer, you sort of lose your will to write for fun. That includes writing this blog and anything remotely fiction.
I miss writing fiction. I miss the adventure and the characters that grew under your fingers, as you write, even without you realizing it. I miss the romance (not necessary the Hollywood kind, mind you) and the mystery of fiction writing. Somehow when I write (or wrote) fiction, I feel like I am the reader too, and the story simply takes flight and soon, I will be wondering myself how this story will end. Cliched as it may sound, sometimes, the story just takes on life of its own.
I want to write fiction again. I miss it so so much! I like having the liberty to write whatever, whenever, and not having to be medically accurate. And especially not having to comply by your editor's or client's or business manager's wishes.
But to do that I may have to give up my day job.
Am I brave enough to do that?