Friday, December 19, 2008

Grateful

I started my new job 2 weeks ago and I have many things to be grateful for. The list may seem trivial to most people, but to me, it means quite a lot, especially after 4 and a half years of working as a embryologist.

Here are some of the stuff I am thankful for:



My very own workstation, with my very own laptop and my very own cushy high-backed swivel chair, and my very own telephone extension. In my previous place, all 10 of us had to share 3 PCs, 3 telephone lines (with just 1 passcode).



And I get to be pleased with my cool work shoes and work bag. In the previous place we had to wear ah pek slippers and loose-fitting pajamas, and nobody cared to look at your bags.

Last but definitely NOT the least, I get to keep foodstuff and drinks on my desk! No more hassle of putting on a labcoat, walking through long corridors and past at least 5 doorways and down at least one flight of staircase to be able to eat and drink. Woohoo! Sigh, I like keeping myself hydrated. :)

And did I mention that the management is superb?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Across the Threshold

I have been cheating with my latest posts: putting up pictures and posters without much words in between. But then again, a picture paints a thousand words, right?

Anyhow, it has been a week of endings and beginnings. I left my old job as an Embryologist - and thank God, it was with a big bang... I was sent all the way to Osaka in 2005 to train for a tricky procedure called IVM (in vitro maturation), which is a safer alternative to IVF but with a lower success rate. But when I returned, the boss did not see a need to use that particular procedure, so my training was left to gather cobwebs.

Then after I tendered my resignation, the boss thought, hey, she's leaving soon so better squeeze all those information out of her brain first. No centres in Malaysia and Singapore had reportedly carried out this technique before so we may as well try our luck. And true enough, we had our very first IVM case 1 month before I was scheduled to leave.

I had to fight through those thick cobwebs and retrieve those information and get updates on them - because afterall, it's been 3 years since. The case went better than expected. And 2 weeks later, the pregnancy result came back with a very high positive. Praise God.

Needless to say, the boss was elated. Sure he still managed to squeeze my brains even 3 hours before the end of my last day, but he did that in a kindly way - if that was possible.

Anyway, so I left with happy thoughts. And ready for a new adventure ahead. There's trepidation, but I've decided to put all my cares on that big guy upstairs. :)

Oh, and I've moved house too. From PJ to PJ. Haha. (Thanks so much to J for helping me move!) The new room looked rather intimidating, I don't know why. Perhaps I have not settled in properly so it doesn't have that cosy feel to it yet. There's much to do still.

So there it is. The end of the old, and start of the new.

[And yet another thing: a fresh start of an "old" thing. But that's another story ;)]

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The People of Egypt

School girls





With kids in a mosque





Crowd outside a mosque



Our boatmen



Traffic police



A bread maker

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Staying and Leaving

It's been an eventful year where human relationships are concerned. Being on Facebook helps - you get to know your friends' status in realtime. Who's getting married, who's engaged, who's divorcing, who's single again.

It's a happy happy occasion to find out friends who are getting married. They are bubbly and overflowing with joy that you can't help but celebrate with them. Here are testimonies that no matter what the couples have gone through - the highs and the lows and the breakups and the getting back together - if both are willing to fight for their relationship, a happily-ever-after is possible.

And I also tip my hats off to the guy who is so brave to take on a woman with two extra packages in tow. Not many guys would dare to come close to someone who has got a history.

But it's the breakups that shatter one's perception of how "Love conquers all". It can be quite surprising / devastating / disorientating when you find out. Whatever happened to the relationship that had looked so perfect and comfortable? Perhaps there had been warning signs - or none at all. All one can do as a friend is to provide comfort and a listening ear to them.

And all these staying and leaving make you think of your own relationships (or lack thereof) and you become introspective and retrospective about it all. How fragile human relationships can be. And how precious.

And then there are endless questions: Where does one go from here? What happens now?
Only God knows.

(Sorry for the pointless rambling. Just me and my brain processing all these news and trying to make head or tail out of them.)

Friday, November 07, 2008

Monday, November 03, 2008

As the sun sets in Egypt...

Camels by the River Nile



Felucca at sunset






Bridge over River Nile




Pyramid of Giza



Temple of Kom Ombo


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Prelude

Oh Land of Pyramids, Pharoahs, papyrus,
Sand, camels, museums,
River Nile,
Here I come.


(P/S: Thank you all for your well-wishes, journey mercy prayers, etc!)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Life

Life is invariably tough. The moment you think you’ll finally find rest, something else gets thrown onto your face, blinding you from the road ahead and gets you a little sidetracked. You lose your bearings, and try to regain your balance. And all around you, mayhem. You have stepped into a quagmire. You try to get out of it only to be sucked in deeper.

Is there a rope nearby? A helping hand? You call out for help.

Maybe help arrives immediately. Maybe it takes its time while you try to keep your head above the waters. And all the time, you hold on to dear life.

Almost certainly you will get out of it alive. Not necessarily unscathed. Not necessarily without pain. But you survive. Perhaps you emerge from it all the stronger. You may have learned something valuable from it all. You emerge victorious.

You get back on the road, with brand new resolution. Brand new hope. Stronger faith.

Without fail, you’ll get thrown off again. But you are more prepared now. You look at your troubles square in the face, ready for a fight yet again.

You roll up your sleeves and dig in.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Of Weddings, Bouquets and Prayers

Romance & Marriage

I attended a wedding recently. I have to admit it was one of the more touching weddings I have been to. The pastor was engaging and his advice about marriage and romance was heartfelt. I cannot remember his exact words but it went something like this: a marriage is not only about that loving and romantic feeling for your partner. It is about accepting that person despite his/her faults and idiosyncrasies. It is not about finding your soul mate, but working together to build a successful married life with that person you have chosen to spend your life with.

No Karaoke, OK?

Much later, someone asked me how I would like my wedding to be. I said I haven’t thought about it much. As long as it’s not garish and there is no karaoke involved, I am fine with it. Then I questioned myself. Why haven’t I, like most girls, imagined exactly how I would love for my wedding to be like? I’d like to conclude that I would rather be planning a marriage – instead of a wedding. And, the less prudent side of me would rather be imagining a honeymoon, instead of a wedding.

Flower Power. Not.

Another thing about wedding I cannot fathom: the tossing of the bouquet. A feminist would despise such a blatant show. Pictures of girls jumping for and snatching the bouquet always make me wince. Many a time, I have been pushed to the crowd of girls to be among the catchers by well-meaning people. Excuse me if I appeared reluctant and even annoyed. To me, it’s demeaning. Why should girls be expected to clamber for a wedding? I don’t see the groom’s side doing the same thing. Imagine the groom tossing say, a piece of cake and all the single eligible guys rushing to catch it with their mouths open. Hehe… But then again, knowing guys, they’d probably be on the next boat to Indonesia in a blink if that was ever to happen.

Prayers

On a different note, there’s a list of prayers to be done for friends. You know who you are.

- For she who is waiting for a reply for her PhD application. Am praying for a favourable answer soon!
- For he whose boss is making his life at work hell, I pray for a light to shine through the dark clouds ahead.
- For the couple who had just blessed us with their wedding, may their married life be wonderful as they learn to grow old together.
- For she who is bearing a precious life within her, I am amazed by her courage and her trust in God to take care of all things.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Free to Leap?

I was reading this book, Five Little Questions which asks this particular question: Are you free? I'm going to put a different spin on that question and ask myself:

- Am I free to leave this country and go off to a place far far away for as long as I wish? And not waste a single thought on money, job, family, friends, etc? NOT just for a holiday, but for work or even to live? BY MYSELF?

- Am I free to do crazy stunts like sky dive, bungee-jump? Without worrying about the price I have to pay - for the jumps which would cost a bomb; and also the price I may have to pay if things went awry? (I may lose a leg, become blind, get strangled by the bungee cord...)

- Am I free to live life recklessly? Like not caring to obey laws, or bosses? Wouldn't it be nice if once in a while we can rebel and refuse to carry out an order given by a "higher authority", which we think is foolish, morally-corrupt, or a waste of time, etc?

There are so many restrictions that we put up for ourselves. We cannot do this, we must do that... When, oh, when will we be truly free?

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Why Egypt?


Two of my favourite author's books were set in Egypt. One in the 1930's and another in 2000BC. One had a romantic setting onboard a Cruise ship, "Death on the Nile" and the other was set in Ancient Egypt, "Death Comes as the End".

It helped that Agatha Christie's second husband was an archeologist in the Middle East. The flavour of Egypt in both her novels was strong and decidedly delicious. They painted Egypt as a mysterious and dangerous place. Sweltering heat, shifting dust, rolling boulders, scheming tourists, conspiracies, dead concubines.

Which are reasons why I want to go there. ;)

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

My Favourite Poetries

Here's a selection of my favourite poetries:
(Click on the titles for the full works)
~~~

When the stars threw down their spears
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?


Tyger, Tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

-The Tyger, William Blake

~~~

And a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
And every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariners' hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white Moon-shine.'

'God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!--
Why look'st thou so?'--'With my cross-bow
I shot the Albatross.'


-The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,
Samuel Taylor Coleridge

~~~

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flash'd into the crystal mirror,
"Tirra lirra," by the river
Sang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces thro' the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.










- The Lady of Shalott, Alfred, Lord Tennyson

~~~

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Celebration of Children

When I saw the letter asking for helpers at the National Children Prayer Conference, I immediately decided to go for it. I didn't think about it. I JUST DID IT. Then I paused and thought: what makes me think I am qualified to teach children about prayer? Being a new Christian, I won't be surprised that some of those kids in the NCPC knew more about Christ than yours truly. And there really were a few brilliant kids I met there whom I learnt a lot from. So I guess the role of being a helper was two-fold: to teach and be taught.


Whilst there, an amazingly intelligent boy of about eight started to talk to me about how he tried to tell his friends about Jesus. But they either ignored him or teased him about it. I was lost for words. What do I say to that? Thankfully, a man, who was also a helper, came to our rescue. He said, "Do not be discouraged. You have already planted a seed in their hearts. You may not see a change immediately. But continue to pray for your friends. God will do the rest."


Wow! I think for me, my teachers in Sunday School years ago, planted that seed in me. I grew up always knowing about Jesus, though my family was Buddhist/Taoist. I even ended my childish prayers, which I did every night, with the words, "In Jesus's precious name."


But once I was older, I became cynical and rebellious. Religion, I argued, has became reasons countries declare war on each other. I believed in God wholeheartedly, but I didn't think religion can solve anything. Who have not heard of priests who had been caught for paedophilia? Or pastors who turned out to be false prophets or involved in frauds? And what about those religious teachings that say women are inferior compared to men?


But I have learnt to separate the human factor in religion, and concentrate on GOD instead. We humans are fallible and imperfect. Only God's grace can save us. HE and only HE is perfect. And He loves us even though we are flawed.

The crux of the matter is that Christianity is not a religion. It is a relationship with God.


Coming back to the NCPC... It was a real eye-opening experience. I enjoyed playing with the children. It was like being a kid once again. I thought I may have to resort to strangling or even sitting on the more boisterous ones ;-P - but I found myself smiling indulgently at them instead (as they jumped around on their seats, spilling their food all over the place, breaking out in rashes, etc).


Anyway, I thought the name "prayer conference" sounds rather daunting. They ought to rename it "celebration" or something more apt, for it was after all a celebration of God's love for children - and the child within us.

Flush before you eat!

At Queensbay Mall in Penang there is a food outlet with a very interesting concept. The name of the shop is T-Bowl. So one may think it has a bowling theme. Or perhaps all its food come in bowls? Nope. It’s a different kind of bowl altogether. T-Bowl is short for Toilet Bowl. Yup, you got that right. Fancy sitting on a toilet bowl as you tuck into your noodle that comes in a mini toilet bowl replica? Or enjoying your ice cream in a mini bathtub? And while you wait, you can check out the seashells in the washbasin that doubles up as your table.



Seriously the owner of that place has got a really crooked sense of humour. Gives a different meaning to “eating and cr@pping at the same place”, doesn’t it? Good thing their copywriter wasn’t crafty enough to come up with interesting names for their menu. Imagine ordering something called Deep Fried Faeces, or Sputum in Salsa Sauce, or Piss n Peas… How appetizing.



The only questions me and my friends came up with were: “Where did they find all these toilet bowls? Are any of them used before?” We certainly hope not!


(Anyhow, the dessert above was yummy - without any extra "unexpected" ingredients. :-P)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Racial harmony?

It's sad. I'm still having a brain block. I wonder what happened? Could be due to all those rubbish I've been reading in the papers about university students protesting against some new proposal by the Selangor Menteri Besar. Somehow this piece of news was reminiscent of the US historical scene where the people protested against admitting minorities into certain establishments. Surely that can't be happening in peaceful Malaysia where all the races live together in harmony, right? Er, right?


And yet, in a different arena, there's the Olympics. The whole of Malaysia is rooting for Lee Chong Wei as he gets ready for the final showdown against Lin Dan in badminton. (At the time I am writing this, there are still a few more hours before the finals starts.) In this particular scene, it's heartening to see that race has nothing to do with it. I could imagine all those protesters putting down their badly-scrawled banners and angry fists (and pitch forks?) to sit down in front of the telly to cheer for Chong Wei. Wouldn't that be ironic?


Or maybe I'm just wishing. It could be that massive brain block - I'm not thinking straight...

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Of Kangkungs, Evolution and Masochism

I have got a writer's block. And when I can't write, I read. Or sing. Or play. Or whatever. Here's a list of things I've been up to. If you should care to know (OK, I'm a bit moody too).

1. The War between the Theory of Evolution and Creationism. Can't Science and Religion go together? (My thoughts: Science is just man's way to figure out God and his works.)

2. Adultery. No, I'm not going through this in real life. But I've been reading this book "Fourplay" by Jane Moore, and I can't help feeling rather depressed. There was not only one, but at least THREE instances where adultery was committed. If this was real life, I'd rather not live. (Didn't I tell you I am moody?) This should teach me to resort to chick lit. Give me murder or sci-fi please...

3. I've been learning to play the keyboard by myself. I found a cool site where I can download those kiddy piano sheet music and have been teaching myself songs like "Silent Night", "Joy to the World", "Fur Elise". Just don't ask me to play for an audience yet unless you've got a masochistic streak in you. You have been forewarned.

4. Phlegmy Flamingo. Ian Phlegming. Nuff said.

5. Punny Pun Pundit. Puny Punner.

6. Nasi kangkang. Kangkung kangkang.

I better end here before my brain walks out in protest. Till next time.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Picture Perfect?

~ Random shots of beauty ~



Colmar


KL Tower


Kudat



Pulau Sapi



Subang


Subang II


Damansara

Disclaimer: I don't have a digital camera. All the shots were taken with a pathetic 1.3 mega pixel phone camera. Amateurish, yes? But the gorgeous skies kinda made up for it...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thank God for Pokok Pintu

Pokok Pintu = Door Tree = Daughtry.

Geddit? ;-P



They are simply amazing. Both Daughtry and the Power of Prayer. It took me weeks of SMSing and telephoning radio stations (Hitz.fm) and TV stations (8TV) for tickets to watch Daughtry perform live at 1 Utama. There was no other way to get the tickets besides buying a Sony Ericsson Walkman phone or their music accessories. I went like, Whhhhhaaaat?! I would have been willing to BUY a ticket the NORMAL way, thank you very much.

But all my effort was to no avail. So I kept praying. And believe it or not, deep down, a little voice told me I would get the tickets somehow. But it whittled down to only 1 more day and still no signs of the ticket. I was about to give up hope when out of the blue an old old pal called me up and offered me FREE TICKETS to watch Daughtry! (Thanks, Su Sern!)

And they were no ordinary tickets: they were VIP tickets. See, when you ask God for something and when you don't get it immediately, it's because He has got something even better in store! When He gives, He gives abundantly and exceedingly.



To cut the whole story short, Daughtry was simply EXPLOSIVELY amazing! The VIP tickets were Godsent because it drizzled - and the pavillion sheltered us from the rain. And there was free food and drinks. And I was surrounded by wonderful friends. I could not have asked for more.

So this is my testimony to the awesome Power of Prayer.


~Thank you God!~

Monday, July 21, 2008

Speed

I just discovered I was born to be a racecar driver. Just the other day I had to drive a few friends to the Subang airport and they were already late for their flight. I found myself weaving in and out of traffic as I floored the accelerator till my poor 1.1cc Kia Picanto (nicknamed Orange) groaned in protest. I loved the thrill and the adrenaline rush as we zoomed towards our destination, with the clock ticking away. There were also times when certain skills were required to manoeuvre bumps and bends at high speed, and to squeeze in between huge lumbering lorries and I must say I did pretty good.

I lurched into a stop when we arrived at Terminal 3. I could almost hear Orange sigh in relief. Or was it my friends? Speaking of those poor kiddos, they jumped out of the car with their bags and rushed into the airport as if they were in the Amazing Race and it was the last leg. Or maybe they were just in a hurry to get as far away from the car as possible.

They were already 5 min past the closing time for check-ins, but still managed to get through. Phew… I gave my Orange a pat for a job well done and drove home in a much saner speed.

Too bad Keanu didn’t jump in for the ride.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Home

Statement # 1: The Purpose Driven Life is a really insightful book. I believe I grew up a lot spiritually reading that book in the 40 days as was recommended.



Statement # 2: Home by Daughtry is a damn good song. The words keep morphing into different significances since I first heard it last year.
So what do The Purpose Driven Life and Home have in common?

#1
Here is a summary from Chapter 6 of the book: “What on Earth Am I Here For?” We are here on Earth only as ambassadors. This world is not our ultimate home. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

We may experience hardship, sadness, and rejection in this world. Some of God’s promises seem unfulfilled, some prayers seem unanswered, and some circumstances seem unfair. But this is not the end of the story of our life. We are not home yet. At death, we won’t leave home – we’ll go home. Home that is of a heavenly kind, where we can expect God’s promised reward in eternity for those who are faithful to Him.

#2
Which brings us to Daughtry. When Home came out last year, I thought it was such a beautiful song. It was so inspiring that it stuck in my mind as I made my way up Mount Kinabalu, determined to reach the top at all cost. (It must have been the words: “The miles are getting longer it seems, the closer I get to you.”)

And I always sing it whenever I miss my family back in Penang. Then there is also that aspect of a loved one who has strayed too far and coming back home. (“I’ve not always been the best man or friend for you, but your love remains true and I don’t know why, You always seem to give me another try.”)

#1 + #2:
So when I read The Purpose Driven Life a couple of months ago, the lyrics of the song leapt into my mind, but in a slightly different sense. (Home! Our eternal home!)

I’m going to the place where love
And feeling good don’t ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain.

Chorus: I’m going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me.


Gosh, this sure gives a different meaning to the song, doesn’t it? I'd always thought Daughtry rocks! Now he rocks in a whole different sense as well.

Anyhoo, I've learnt that if life is getting you down, just remember to focus on God. Your time on earth is not the complete story. You must wait until home/heaven for the rest of the chapters. And like another Daughtry single: It’s Not Over!

Monday, June 23, 2008

spirit revived


i had been in woe
didn't know what to do
i felt abandoned
trampled and in despair.


with every step i took
the grounds shook below
for every shelter i sought
the walls were overgrown.


faces blurred into space
honey into bile
and the brook once flowing
hardened into cold cold ice.


but fear not said a voice
and i reached out for His hand
my thirst was quenched
and my spirit revived.


my palms were filled
my shoulders unburdened
peace and hope renewed
and in faith i will soldier on.


"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Philippians 4:13


Friday, June 20, 2008

FICTION: The Unexpected Visit

There is a saying that writers of crime fiction are usually mild-mannered (and sane) people. Usually. I guess that is because they have a very useful and effective outlet to vent. The story below was written about five years ago. It was indeed a great outlet for me. I hope you will like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Unexpected Visit
by
Lee Su Ann
(Copyrights 2008 reserved)
The clock strikes six when he reaches home. His girlfriend will be here in an hour’s time. He is just about to take off his tie when the doorbell rings. He raises his brows. She can’t possibly be here already?

He opens the door and stares at the person standing outside.

She smiles. And before he can say a word, she steps in, gently brushing past him into the living room. He is a little surprised to see her. Okay, maybe more than a little – he is overly shocked.

She smiles again ever so sweetly as she hands him a bouquet of flowers.

He blinks with incredulity. Flowers? How unusual for her to be bringing him flowers. But he, ever the gentleman, thanks her and takes the flowers.

He faces her. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his forehead creasing earnestly. His eyes shoot a quick look at his clock. His girlfriend will be there in an hour.

She saunters around the living room with a satisfied look. She has a glint of the wild cat in her eyes that he has never seen before. She says bitterly, “Of course, now that we are no longer lovers doesn’t mean I have no right to come visit you here?”

He chuckles slightly despite himself. He can feel it. Something about her is different today. She just does not seem herself at all. Her voice has a sparkly laughing tune to it, her eyes brighter than usual, her steps light and graceful. And the flowers… it doesn’t make any sense at all.

They have hardly been keeping in touch after the break-up, and now here she is, at his apartment, dressed in sexy little red dress that cling snugly over her curves and the hem flows flirtingly at her thighs. And he has never seen her wear dresses before.

Suddenly she comes forward to him and touches his face. He jolts. Her touch is cold, but gentle and there is something about it that is soothing. Calming. And that makes him uncomfortable. He tries to take his eyes away from her face. Her brick red lips came within inches from his own before she takes her hand away. She laughs enigmatically and pulls away.
She disappears into the bedroom. He walks slowly, cautiously there.
Whatever that is left of the daylight peeps in through the window and dances on her flowing black hair. She almost looks like an angel as she swirls around to look at him.

She takes the flowers from him and puts it in an empty vase. It is the very vase she bought for him a few months ago. It is then that he notices the dark green bottle in her hand.

“Wine?” he asks and instinctively moves to the kitchen and produces two glasses.

She bit her lip lightly and smiles. She doesn’t even make a move to open the bottle. She places it gingerly on the table. “So,” she says as came towards him, “how’s Shirley?”

He hardens. So it is about this. He should have known. He takes off his tie uneasily. “She’s fine,” he says.

She laughs suddenly. “Don’t worry. I’m not mad at you two anymore, honest. How can I possibly be angry forever with my best friend and the man I used to love?”

He looks sheepishly at the floor. He remembers vividly the incident where she walks into the apartment without knocking and found him kissing her friend. He would have regretted his actions had it not been that their relationship was already cracking at the seams. He has always known she was not the right one for him. Shirley, on the other hand, is all he has always wanted and more.

“Come,” she says with a beguiling smile. “Let us be friends again. I miss you. Tell me what you have been doing the last few months.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, nothing much. Been extremely busy at work.”

“Been working late again? What does Shirley say to that?”

“She’s been quite supportive.”

“I’m sure,” she says.

He looks sharply at her. She walks to the window where she has placed the flowers. She fingers the petals of the precious white wildflowers.
“They’re Brazillian,” she says in near whisper. “Aren’t they beautiful? I bought them when I was in Brazil for a month. They’re amazing, don’t you think? They survived the trip back here and even the customs.”

“What were you doing there in Brazil?”

“I thought I needed some time away from all these.” Her gaze falls slightly. “I went cruising down Amazon River and stayed with some of the tribesmen. There’s just so much I’ve learnt there. It was a magical place.”

“You didn’t even tell me you were going away. But then again, I hardly know what you’ve been up to these days.” He moves towards the wine bottle.

A grin comes to her face. “The flowers aren’t the only things I brought back from my trip,” she says as she reached for the bottle. Her cold fingers graze his slightly. He holds his breath.

He watches silently as she opens the bottle and pours the white liquid into the glasses. He reaches for one but she stops him. “Do you know,” she says, “that some of the jungle tribes mix curare in their wine for special ceremonies?”

“Curare?” He stares at her and then at the wine.

She steps up to him. “Yes, that’s what they use to tip their arrows to kill wild animals in the jungle.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of it.”

“And yet,” she continues, her voice dropping into a whisper, “they drink it in their wine.” Her steely eyes looks steadily into his, as if challenging him. Seducing him. “Would you dare to drink it if you knew that curare could kill you in an instant?”

She dips her finger into the wine and brings it to her mouth. Slowly, deliberately, she licks her red lips. He feels faint. Her perfume drifts sensually to his nostrils, almost suffocating him.

He lifts a glass and without hesitation, he takes a sip. It tastes bitter. He finds himself holding his breath for a second.

A smile creeps to her face. He stares into her coal black eyes. God, he could drown in their darkness! She is hauntingly beautiful. She comes forward and kisses him in the mouth. Wildly. Uninhibitedly. The effect of the alcohol surges strongly in his blood as he kisses her back. The kiss feels familiar and yet there is a new sense of something reckless that he has never realized she possesses. It is a taste of something dangerous and forbidden.

He withdraws suddenly. He can feel the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. She had bit his lip. She flings back her head and laughs. Reaching for her own glass, she smiles at him and drinks her wine.

He lifts his to his lips and downs it. The wine burns his throat as it goes down. She pours him another glass, which he takes gratefully. He needs the drink to steel his nerves. The bitter taste of the wine bites into his tongue, waking him from his dreamlike state.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asks. Reality hits him and he sits down at the edge of his bed. He glances vaguely at the clock beside his bed. Surely, if he remembered correctly, he has a prior engagement.

She sips her wine delicately. She sits down opposite him and crosses her long legs. “Why?” she purrs. “Do you have somewhere else to go?”

His eyelids feel heavy. He brings the glass to his mouth again. But it is already empty. He has drained its last dredges. He feels giddy and the room begins to swirl.

“What’s the matter?” she asks as she comes over to him and runs her long fingernails down his cheek.

His head seems light and he strains to look up at her. What is happening? Suddenly the glass falls from his hand. His chest feels tight, as if gripped by an invisible vice. He drops to the bed, breathing heavily.
He sees her looking at him with childlike curiosity. Then she kisses him on the forehead. “You know,” she whispers to his ears, “curare is a curious poison. You can’t die by swallowing it, but it kills instantaneously if it gets directly into your bloodstream.”

She kisses him lightly on his lips, his blood staining her already red lips.
Then she says with cold irony, “This should teach you not to kiss a girl who’s not your girlfriend.”

Then she walks to the door and turns back to look at the room for the last time. A little grin is playing on her face. She steps out and closes the door behind her.
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Copyrights (c) Lee Su Ann 2008

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Love Me


I saw this drawing on the wall of a building near Pudu. It was a picture of a boy crouching with his face hidden underneath his arms, and the words "Love me" overhead. It's heartbreaking. Someone, whoever it was, was crying out for attention, for love.

So how do YOU cry out for love?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Slices of Heaven


Little drops of happiness can be found in the simplest things, such as


  • Composing a silly poem, ditty or letter to your loved ones on Valentine's Day

  • Chasing the sunset from a hilltop



  • Chasing the sunrise at a mountaintop

  • Seeing your words in print

  • Performing a stageplay for the Glory of the Almighty

  • Seeing the joy in the eyes of a woman who finally received a positive on her pregnancy test

  • Receiving a sincere hug from a friend

  • Giving a sincere hug to a friend who needs it

  • Embracing a child and making him/her laugh

  • Wishing Good Morning and Sweet Dreams to a loved one

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." -1 Thessalonians 5:18



Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Forgiveness

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is unconditional.
Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the offense.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship resumes without change. (Forgiveness is instant, but trust is something that’s only rebuilt over a period of time. It must be re-earned.)
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting what’s happened.

It's all simple and straightforward when it is for us to forgive the other person for some wrong-doing. (OK, maybe not easy - but quite straightforward.) The tough part is when you are unable to forgive yourself for the wrongs you've done.

What if you beat yourself up with guilt for hurting someone you cared about? What if you blame yourself for how things turned out in your life? What if you feel self-pity and self-blame when things failed? How hard is it to forgive yourself? How hard is it to mend? How hard is it to leave our past actions and face a fresh future?

We are human beings. We make mistakes all the time. Besides learning to forgive others, should we not also learn to forgive ourselves? How else are we to grow?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Curious Incident of the Oranges in the SC room

When I feel uninspired, I usually dig out some old article I'd written some time ago to be recycled. Hehe... Here is one I wrote for my clinic's newletter in Feb 08. Enjoy...

The Curious Incident of the Oranges in the SC Room

Just the other day I found some oranges lying around in the Semen Collection room. Someone had given our patients mandarin oranges since it was the Chinese New Year season. It crossed my mind to wonder, what do oranges have to do with the SC room or in fact, fertility?

Plenty it seems. Dietary wise, it contains folic acid, which is really important for women, before and during pregnancy. As a matter of fact, our doctors prescribe folic acid to our patients as well. And of course oranges also have plenty of Vitamin C, which has been shown to improve sperm count and sperm motility. Vitamin C is also needed for optimal functioning of the male sex organs.

Little wonder then that the patients had brought in those oranges along with them into the SC room. At least, I hope they were intending to EAT those oranges...

Just a little trivia about oranges and fertility:
In Medieval times, oranges and orange blossoms were used on a couple's wedding day. It was believed that the scent of oranges was calming to the couple on their wedding night. They were also thought to be a symbol of fertility.

I wonder what fruit we'll find next in the SC room?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Karen's Tale

Sometimes a story has to be told. And this is one of them. Thanks Karen, for allowing me to share it.

Karen was in primary school when she had a crush on a boy. He was charming and handsome. Girls fell for him easily. So Karen was very cautious in her admiration for him. She was shy and the more she felt for the boy, the more she did not dare to speak with him. Then one day her heart was crushed when she overheard him saying to his friends that when he grew up, he would marry another classmate, who happened to be Karen’s best friend. In her little innocent heart, she was in great dismay. After leaving primary school, they lost touch.

She grew up, always timid and quiet. She met a guy in her university who was a good talker and had a charismatic personality. And since it was difficult to make her speak to people she wasn’t close to, she was grateful that he talked to her. He was intelligent and had a good sense of fun. She was besotted. And yet, he had a barrage of girls and admirers whom he talked about to her. It grazed her but she smiled stoically and lent him an ear. She was determined to be there for him even though the circumstances were all wrong. You see he never viewed her as anything more than a friend because they were of a different race. Yet two years later, something sparked between them. Karen was elated. Finally, here was a chance at happiness. But it all ended as quickly as it began. He just broke her heart one day, telling her he needed to talk. He said it just wasn’t working for him. She never knew what was the real reason behind it all. Perhaps it was race; perhaps he never intended any further in the first place. Her heart was torn into pieces and she was even convinced that she couldn’t love again.

Many years passed. Karen was introduced to a friend of a friend and they had a few dates. She was cautious. He was all wrong, and she knew it. Yet because she wished to be loved so much she hung on to it waiting perhaps for a glimmer of hope. But it was not meant to be. He just stopped calling her, claiming to have “cold feet”. In a way, she felt freed. But it was still painful. It messed up her insides. A voice told her she was not pretty enough, not good enough to be loved. Sure, she had friends and family who adored her. But she could not help feeling self-pity and a loss of confidence.
Along came Mr Right. A close friend, he was kind, and caring. And she thought perhaps he could like her and grow to love her. But he fell in love with someone else. It was all happening over and over again, her love unrequited. She cried herself to sleep. Why does this happen to her? Is it so hard for her to be loved in return?

Then she met another Mr Right. This time he was reciprocating in like. They went steady and she was deliriously happy, thanking God everyday for this gift. After such a long time, she allowed herself to open up her heart, feeling safe it would not be crushed again. Months flew by as everything just fell neatly into place. But as history is prone to repeat itself, her heart lurched to a stop one day when he said the words, “I need to talk to you.” Not again, she thought, not again. Her world came tumbling down in the blink of an eye.

But this time, it was different. She turned to God and knew that although times were bad, He will never forsake her, even when others did.

He told her too that all that had happened, happened for a reason. All those times, when the guys deserted her, she had quietly let them go. Perhaps she knew deep down, they were not meant to be. It was God’s plans. This time though, she realized it was different. This time, she would fight on. She pushed aside her pride and her fears and her hurts. Gone was the little timid girl.

And as soon as she decided that, there was a calm, steadfastness within her. Yes, it would be an uphill task to fight. There would be times of frustration, despair and sense of loss. But it was what she needed to do.

And she will do it.

(To be continued...)

My Baptism

I put my foot on the plank and slowly dipped my toe into the water. It was cold. I held on to the railing and stepped into the pool. It was not more than 2 feet deep.

I sat down cross-legged next to the pastor. He asked me two questions: “Have you received Jesus as your Lord and personal saviour?” and “Have you renounced you old life and have you received your new life now in Jesus Christ?” I replied in the affirmative. My voice sounded rather foreign to me because I was nervous and cold.

Then he said, “I now baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I put my arms across my chest as he laid his hand on my forehead and gently lowered my head in the water. I saw the water rise above me and I saw the bubbles and ripples as I went down. I felt water rush up my nostrils. I felt my body floated up as I was pressed down. And then I was lifted up again. Screams and cheers began overhead.

I shook my pastor’s hand before I got out. It was a short but memorable experience. Rather dreamlike – especially since I was half-blind without my glasses! And I have it all on video!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Joseph versus Judah

Sometimes it is fruitful to question things in the Bible that you do not quite understand. In Church last Sunday (and for the last few weeks) we talked about Joseph and how God blessed him in everything he did. Case in point, even in prison, “The Lord was with him, making everything run smoothly and successfully” (Gen 39:23).

But I noticed that it was not Joseph’s name in the record of ancestors of Jesus. Instead it was stated: “Jacob was the father of Judah and his brothers” and so on. Why wasn’t it “Jacob was the father of Joseph” because it would make more sense, right?

Instead, it was Judah, the rascal brother who had his name cemented on the Hall of Fame. It was like giving him his own star in the Hollywood Boulevard when it was his stepbrother who had been the main celebrated actor in the movie.

Judah, the guy who slept with his daughter-in-law because he thought she was a prostitute!
Judah, the guy with the Big Idea to sell Joseph into slavery and make a nice profit! (He was a cunning businessman in the making, wasn’t he?) But then again, we can be thankful that because of him, the brothers didn’t kill off Joseph after all.



Then it was also Judah who stepped up to protect his stepbrother Benjamin when the brothers were put to test by Joseph to see if they had learnt their lesson. It was Judah who would not abandon Benjamin because he had made a pledge to his father that he would take care of the boy. Humbly he pleaded with Joseph. He was willing to take Benjamin’s place as a slave. (Wow, would YOU do that for your own stepbrother?)

So here’s my 2 cents’. Even though it was Joseph who was the main character that was so openly favoured by God, that did not mean that God had abandoned the rest of the rascally brothers too. Judah, despite his faults, managed to rise above and redeem himself. And in the end, he got the blessings of his father and was the one destined for leadership.

I guess that shows that even though at some point in life you screw up Big Time, that doesn’t mean the end. There is always still hope. All you have to do is to trust God, learn from your mistakes, and rise above yourself and your circumstances.

Just my humble 2 cents’ worth… :-)

Monday, May 12, 2008

My Pandora's Box of Quotes (Part 1)


Over the years, I have collected a myriad of quotes, one-liners from books, movies, even songs. They could be thoughtful, sardonic, lame or funny. But something about them had struck a chord in me one time or other. Perhaps I had been low, down in the dumps when I came upon one and it motivated me. Or the truth of a quote jolted me into realisation, or something like that.

The other day I used this wistful quote "My life is like a perfect graveyard of buried hopes" on my Facebook. It may sound all gloom and doom, but I always thought it was a very hopeful line. Taken from "Anne of Green Gables" (when I was a jolly schoolgirl) it sparked a memory from the book/movie that even though your life may seem terrible or unfair, there is ALWAYS hope that better things will come. One day, that buried hopes will be uncovered and dreams will be realised.

Another one is “What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” This passage by Goethe can usually get me going when I have doubts or hesitation. (And I’m always a sucker for rhymes.)

I also love Jane Austen’s, “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” It’s so dripping with sarcasm that I just lap it up.


And this ought to be followed up by another delicious line from Pride and Prejudice, uttered by Mr Darcy, “She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

There are also less pretentious ones.

I like the sharp wit of this one: “I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just @ssholes.”

And the lameness of this one: “Laugh a little bit more than you already do. At least you’ll know if you’ve got something in between your teeth.” Hee…

There are many more from movies, songs and PC games too. Most of them don’t make much sense but they are nice little mementos for me, nonetheless.

“The truth is out there.” (The X-Files)

“What is the Matrix?” (The Matrix, duh)

“Shoot the hostage, take her off the equation.” (Speed)

“Endure. In enduring grows strong.” (Planescape: Torment)

“Go for the eyes, Boo! Go for the eyes.” (Baldur’s Gate II)

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(Note: No wonder I like the Bible. It’s got great lines and passages - with thousands of years of wisdom and truth - all collected in one neat package!)