Stoopid reptillyen.

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: No
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 hahahaha! /10
• Overall Score: 7.6668/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

I never eevn wantid a sister, I wantid a scarf.

We wer awl owt at London Zoo an stopt off at the gift shop. I offerd to stay an gard the car, hopin they wood be abol to SELEKT A SCARF FOR ME (note lak of 'come bak wiv a sister' in that phrayze). I waz hoping for a stripey scarf wiv ellyfants on. Enyway. Wen they EVENCHEWERLY reternd, it waz wiv a small green thing an the rest is histry. ANNOYIN histry. Annoyin histry rite up to this morning wen she serparst herself in annoyingissity.

Thare waz I, wandering across the bed, minding my own bizness an tryin to deside wat to do wiv my day, wen up comes Dilly wiv that darft Nessie frend ov hers, an sez,
"HEWO BOB! BOB! Want play hide-seek?" to wich I, polytely ignoring her speech impediment (a sort ov preposishun-fobia) sed, "Yeah ok, watever" all cool like.
SHE offerd to go an hide ferst wich is always good wiv Dilly cos if yu chaynge yor mind abowt playing it's a good way ov gettin rid ov her for hours.

WELL!!!!
I cowntid to 30, (THERTY!), an then ternd rownd AN THEY WER STILL THARE!!!!
I jumpt so hard I NEERLY FLEW THROO MY EARS!!!!
An then they just rolld arownd larffin.

Well, I told them, if theyer not playin proply I'm not playin wiv them wich is fine, rite? I meen yu carnt play wiv peepol hoo don't do the rools. It jus duzzent werk.

THEN she sed I had no sense ov hewmer.

NO SENSE OV HEWMER????? NO SENSE OV HEWMER!!!!!! I WANTID A BLUDDY SCARF!!!!!!!!!!!

Good greeeeeeeeef. It's enuff to mayke yu chew yor own foot.

If yu hav siblings, how do yu cope? An did yu want sumthing else insted?

Bye fer now!

Her nayme's not on the list, an she issent coming in. So there.

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: restin
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 7.862/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Arfter yestaday's blog abowt the Thunder Shelter, I reseevd sum messidges from peepol very worried abowt Dilly (onnistly, yu lot!) becos she wassent seen in the photo's.

Well there is a reeson for wy she wassent seen in the photo's.

She wassent in the Shelter.

An befor yu hurl biskit crums at me an say I'm not a gud bruver (wich I yam), let me tell yu sumthing aout her relativs: Dragons mayke the lightening.

It's troo. Dilly sed so. Wich I'll admit, duzzent reelly meen much, even wen yu can understand wat sheez sayin. But then I sor it in a book, too: the lightening is dragons flying abowt breathing fire.

An she issent even bothered enyway. In fact, wen we took to the Shelter, she was so un-scared, she just went shopping.

Dilly, off to the shops. Probly fer mor pink gerly stuff.

So there yu hav it. Feer not, I hav not abandond my littol sister. Even tho I dident wont a sister, I wontid a scarf.

Bye fer now!

A Little Extra

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Here is a great film jus fer all of yu who hav ever felt picked on. Like fer exampol, if yu wanted a scarf an got a sister insted.

With thanks to Leon at 2 Lazy 2 Blog fer bringing it to my attenshun.

For the Birds
Uploaded by givit

Quiz Answers

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, slowly: Mum stubbed her heel. I mean, how do you stub your heel? A toe, yes. Even maybe an elbow. But a heel? She was doing this weird funky-gibbon walk all day. It was embarrassing.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10 Grayum caught me back as I was coming in from the loo
• Day Score: 7.85486/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Horray! I have a new subscriber, Carol from Shrink-Wrapped-Scream. Her last name used to be Beattie so she wonders if we might be related. Could well be, Carol. How furry are yor toes?

Enywun can subscribe by filling in the form on the left of this page, by the way. Yu get all my new posts, plus any with new comments. And don't worry, the emails include my picture so yu won't miss out.

SO! How did yu all do in my Quiz? Margaret, wat a wonderful woman yu are; Matt, stay behind arfter class. Here are the arnswers:

(1) see if he has KNEES

(2) see if he has one ear forward and one ear back

(3) Federation of International Furry Agents (it's ok that none of yu seem to hav got this- it's to do wiv spying, arfter all)

(4) Dilly. If yu got her full nayme, Dilly St George, help yorself to a choklit peanut

(5) Gillingham

(6) Absolutely

(7) NOT

(8) evil, inherently so

(9) a big toothless fat cat that lives at Granny's

(10) Lisa, of course. Have 1/10th of a mark if yu put Santa's Littol Helper

For mor on these fassinayting topics, and Dilly, follow the tags at the foot of this post! Bye fer now!

Dilly and the Dragon

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Hope yu enjoyed my short but to-the-point vid.

Dilly (of course) got in on the act, in the reptile house. Here, recorded for posterity, is her meeting with a chameleon (or "meelowagon"...) sigh........

Bye fer now!

Sisters! Pah!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 8/10
• Day Score: 7.21365/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Not a good day reelly.

Dilly got me in trubbol by saying I'd been nasty to her. All I did was sing a song. It goes like this:

"What's that coming over the hill? is it a monster? no, it's Dilly!"

Daddy arsked me if I was sorry that I'd upset her. I sed it wasn't me that upset her, it was how she took it that had upset her. Then he changed it to, was I sorry that she was upset? I sed yes, cos her whining is making my hed hurt.

In the end he pointed out to her that I had akchewally sung that Dilly wasn't a monster, and that this was, in fact, Not Nasty.

She grovelled so I let her be frends agen.

Sisters! Pah!

Bye fer now!

Dragons, or, My Familee Part 3

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

My parronts hav been in heer looking at my blog an hav, in deyer infinit cheek, suggestid that I tell yu mor about my littol sister. Oh well, at least then yu'll no mor about wot I hav to put up wiv round heer. So heer goes.

Like lots ov littol sisters, Dilly is very into the following things: pink, carsols, princesses, pink, dresses, pink, kittens, frilly stuff, pink, Tommy Lee Jones and pink.

Wenever we awl go away, no matter where, if there iz a carsol within a 30 mile radius, we end up in it. Here is a momento ov our visit to Arundel:
and here is wun of a visit to a littol town near home:

yu get the idea.

Dilly likes dragons an sez that wen she grows up sheez goin to be wun. Lots of things are relatid to dragons, apparently. All lizards are dragons, obviously, as are dinosaurs, which are dinowagons. Birds, also, are dragons because they desended from dinowagons (apart from in some parts of America, where dey just appeared wun day wen God was getting bored wiv the walking things an decidid to try attaching wings). All dragons are nice, except for red dragons. Granny has a red dragon that sumwun brort home from Wales. The wun time Dilly got into trubbol badly woz at Granny's an she sed that it woz cos the red dragon had been a bad inflooence. So we now avoid red dragons. Her Tommy Lee Jones obsession comes from seeing Men In Black, in which, in Dilly's vershon at least, he fights the bad dragons and looks arfter the nice littol wuns.

She likes to dress up as a princess. Dis means pink. She tends to wear a lot ov ribbons (sigh).

Music-wise, she likes heavy metal. She sez this is dragon music. I don't think that's very princessy at all but I'm not allowed to tell her cos it 'winds her up' an sheez smoller dan me. Enyway she likes watching CSI becoz "Der Hoo" play the theme tune. Unfortunately she likes to sing along.

Well, other than the yewsual girly thing ov saying that awl boys smell WHICH DEY DON'T, I think that's all there is to say about Dilly. At least fer now. Right. Can I get on wiv my blog now pleez?

Bye fer now!

Skwirrols

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  
  
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Dit was another warm day yesterday (what's happened to autumn? Did dey ferget it?) so mummy went into town an fed der skwirrols in der park.

a Not-A-Bear ov skwirrol type genus >

I've notist dat mummy seems to like a lot ov Not-A-Bears, espeshally der stoopid wuns. Take deez skwirrols fer instance. She givs dem two hazelnuts at a time. Sheez been doing this all summer. Dey eat wun, den run off and bury der uver wun in the flower-pots round der band-stand. Den dey run bak fer more. Now, not all deez skwirrols are dis year's batch, so they must hav dun this larst year, an der year befor, too. So how come they don't realize dat der counsil will com and empty all der flower pots an tayk dem away at der end ov der summer? About 70% ov wot dey have skwirroled away fer der winter iz going to be nicked by der counsil workmen eny day now. An der magpies yewsually nick der rest. See? Not the sharpest pointy stick in der forrest, are dey?

Dits like granny liking English Bull Terriers cos deyer ugly an she sez she feels sorry fer dem. (Maybe I hav uncuvered der reeson wy my parents adoptid my little sister.)

Enyway, mummy ended up wiv muddy skwirrol foot prints all over her cos wun partikularly gluttonous wun kept climbing up her fer mor hazelnuts. Now if I did that wen she got der choklit peanuts out I'd be told off, but not der skwirrols, oh no, she thort dat was cute! Dit's species-ist, I tell yu.

Bye fer now!

Sum Advice (4)

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Day Score: 6.73291/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I hav reseeved an important qweery from Canneletto Bear. He writes:

hullo Bob i simpafize wiv you abowt your sister. I got one too. I wontid a hat
to keep my eers warm. But insted they brort home anuver bear. Sheez pink and
curly and smells of "Lavinda". Wot's rong wiv another brown bear? I still havont
got a hat and Im worryd abowt my eers in de winter. Wot advice can yu give me?

First of all, Canneletto, are yu by eny charnse Italyon? I hav an Italyon bear cuzzin. He graduaytid der sayme day as me from spy college. He's called Paulo. Terribol story. He was adoptid by a gerl an she maykes him wear a dress.

Enyway. Do yu hav a scarf? If so, try wrappin it round yor hed in a bandage motif an tukk it in under yor chin to stop it blowing away. Dis can act as an emergensy hat, as in "Oh deer, I brort my scarf but I reelly need a hat".

But yes, yu reelly shud hav wun fer winter. Try telling yor Not-A-Bears dat yu will refuse to do yor navigayting dewties on der car dashbord untill yo get wun. Dat'll scare dem, cos Not-A-Bears hate to get lost. Dere's allways sumthing on telly they want to get bak in time to see. If dey still won't tayke der hint, write to Farther Crismos for wun. Dat's how I got my first scarf. Lie down on der paper an get sumwun to draw round yor hed so dat he gets der rite size. I did dat fer my scarf an as yu can see from my photo, he got it rite.

Mummy bort me dis fetching hat to keep my ears warm in der winter >

As fer yor "lavinda" smelling sister. I agree, wot would ever be wrong wiv a brown bear? Wy did dey need to adopt a pink wun? I suspect dat dis poor bear was brort home from a rescue sanctuary, where stray bears go to get new homes. There's wun fer cats near where we liv. Try to remember dat she is BEAR first, an silly pink gerly sissy thing second. Yu could encurrage her to write to Father Crismos too, perhaps fer sum bloo clothes or a haircut.

Bye fer now!

My Familee part 2

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an we've still got that broken kettle
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 0/10 (fergot)
• Day Score: 5/10
• (there woz thunda. I hate that.)
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well I'm sorry folks but it cannot be delayed eny longer. Heer she is, in all her green-ness (an on my hed), my sister, DILLY:

......>>>sigh<<<....

as yu can see she is wun big green dollop of larfs. She likes climbing things, yu see, dats the problem. An my hed jus happend to be there wen the climbing demon got her.

She also likes staulking things. Snakes, mostly. Well, anything that looks like a snake. Well, anything long and thin and curly. Good job we don't liv on a farm.

We're all off to the Isle Of Sheppey to stay wiv Granny fer the weekend. Granny's got LOADS ov bears. Grannys tend to, I've noticed. My cuzzin Henri lives dere. I'll try to get him to pose fer a pikchur fer yu all. (Shoodent be too difficult, bluddy french poseur.)

Till Monday then,

Bye fer now!

(click here to go to My Familee part 3)