More on "Lost" Bears

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes! me an Mummy wolkt there an bak cos Daddy haz lost his car keys.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: suspendid (mummy has got a snotty nose)/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I have received a message regardin' my recent post on "Lost" bears. Here it is:

Margaret said...
Thank you for explaining where bears go when they are 'lost'. I will remember to tell my
little ones this if they lose any more of their cuddlies. It is very
traumatic when one a favourite bear jumps out of the push-chair and runs
off, though, Bob. I think there should be a rule that you don't do special
missions when your human is very small, at least not till they're grown up,
as it is too upsetting.I am very glad your mumy and daddy got you back. How
long would you have stayed there, otherwise? (Not wishing to pry into the
nature of your mission, obviously).

Well, Margaret, I wouldn't have stayed there any longer than necessary 'cos they all supported Chelsea in that house. Yuk! Luckily I had just finished my work when my parrents came to get me.

As fer your little wuns, I am very sorry fer wen little humans (I mean young, not little like my Granny, hoo gets littler each year) get upset. I am, honest I am, they make a horrible screeching noise an I've only got small ears.

Unfortunately a Bear's got to do what a Bear's got to do, an sometimes this is a poo in the woods, an other times, a "speshol misshon". May I suggest non-spy Bears fer very small persons? That way they shouldn't need to nip out anywhere.

If you do get a non-spy Bear (check ears fer one-forward-an-one-back-ness, if this feature is absent, he is not a spy) an' he STILL goes AWOL, then he is very probably workin' for the other side (he's come in to spy on your spies). An' so don't worry about him. Adopt another one.

Bye fer now!

Speshol Mishons

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10 - got mummy when she was washing up
• Day Score: 7.2136/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I was having a chat wiv Grayum der other day, he's quite an old Bear, yu no. An he was tellin me about how upset peepol get wen dey think dey hav lost dere Bears.

I agreed; mummy sumtimes reeds out the "lost"colum in the noospaper an sez "Ahhhh....". Mostly its full ov cats hoo hav nipped up the road fer a bigger dinner, but sumtimes it has Bears, too. Understandably it is very stressful wen yor Bear goze "missing".

So I thort I wud tell yu about wen we go "missing", then nex time it happens yu mite not be so worreed. (Yu'll still be upset, obviously, I meen hoo wudent. Life wivout a Bear must be a terribol trial fer yu Not-A-bears.)

So, take larst year, fer instance. Daddy was going out to buy sum cream fer Mummy to use in the dinner. I had to nip out, too, so I hitched a lift in daddy's pokket, then jumped down an ran off kwikly wen we got round the corner.

Apparently this mayde them verry upset and they spent hours looking fer me and put up "Lost" posters. Here's wun:

(what do dey mean, "owner"? - "Adoptid parent" wud be mor respectful, thank you)

It terned out that they wer ASHAYMED ov living wiv a small bear an put "YOUNG" owner on der poster an pertendid to hav a small boy hoo owned sed Bear! They then went door to door pertendin thus, till they came to the house where I was just finishing a very important mishon...

"Have yu seen dis bear?" Daddy asked, handing a copy ov the poster to a rather large man in a Chelsea futbol shirt (theyer scum, they are),

"Yes, we found him!" the man replyed, an came an got me.

He took me to Daddy at the door and Daddy sed, "BOB!!! What are yu doing in THERE?" at wich poynt the man handed me over rarther kwikly an shut the door.

Well wen we got home it was like the fatted carf all over agen. Well, lots ov choklit peanuts all round, enyway. But yu see, there was no need, really, because wen yu think yor Bear is lost he is probly just out on a Speshol Mishon.

(I carnt giv yu the detayls ov the mishon, obviously, or I wud haff to kill yu.)

Bye fer now!