KOALAS

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I need to tell yu about the most faymuss bear imposter of all- the KOALA. I could hav sed "bear impersonater" but be honest- wot part of this yung wipper-snapper looks like a bear? Ther koala not-a-bear is a MAR-SOUP-E-ALL an like all mar-soup-e-alls he is very probably a shop-lifter. This is wy they hav bilt in pokkets. Yu thort dis was to carry their babies? Well yes, but that is how they do the shop-lifting. Hoo hassent seen a baby in the trolley in front ov dem in the kew at the supermarket grab sumthing off the shelf as dey go throo? Aha! See? It is the same for mar-soup-e-als.

I hav eevn herd sum peepol call them "Koala Bears". NO! No no no! They're not! They are Koala-not-a-bears. They are sneeky littol things wiv beaks an an an dit is very insulting to us proper bears to call them bears.

This brings me to the International Bear Anthem, wich I menshoned the other day wen I tolkt about Bear Sports. This is how it goes:

GROWL says der polar bear
GROWL says der brown
GROWL says der grizzly bear
all with a frown
[all jump up an showt der next bit]
KOALAS ARE NOT-A-BEARS!

It has been a bit contravershol in resent yeers. Spectacled bears, pandas an black bears all sed they felt un-represented. It was put foreward that they cud go in a second verse but they dident go fer this, as no-one ever sings second verses. So in the end we added the bit about koalas so now we bears can all be united- in our annoyance at theez silly littol
bear-wannabees.

I hope yu will never agen call koalas "bears" or at leest, if yu must persist in yor error, keep it out of yor bear's earshot. The larst thing yu want is a bear-wiv-a-sor-hed.

Bye fer now!