WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".
Showing posts with label navigayters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label navigayters. Show all posts

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Well, it's not befor time!!!!

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: we didn't play this game, we played "Bear! Not-a-Bear!" an Grayum, an ex pro at this, gayve lessons to Sam.
  • Day Score: 7 ish, I gess/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, we had to hire a car. Utherwise Daddy wuddent get to werk next week. An we wuddent get to Football today! Wa-heyy!

So Daddy got strayte on the fone Therzday nite to find a car rite away. He had to get a cab over to whare it livd, then drive it bak. Well, by the time he got home in it, it waz gettin dark an I waz watchin The Simpsons, so I dident tayke much notiss, reelly.

But gess wat?????????? Oh my! Heheee!!!!! I had a proper look yesterday an an an oh! Yu won't beleev it, so I better show yu a foto-.......it's got my nayme on it! It haz!!! Hehehehe! We got a car wiv my nayme on it! Hahaha! Well, it's abowt time. Hahaha! An the GGZ cud be a Beary ggggggggzzzz noize or short for grizzly. Teehee! Daddy sed he haddent realized! D'oh! Hahaha!

I am a TAD worreed abowt bein in it, me bein a Spy an' all. But I serpoze I can rely on the Dubbol Bluff Tekneek. I meen, I can say, "Hoo me? Do yu reelly think that if I wer a spy I'd dryve arownd in a car wiv my nayme on it? Pah!"

Mind yu, it is blak an shiny, wich is kwite a spy like type ov car. I wunder if thare is a button to press to bring owt warter wings an raydars an stuff.

Daddy told me today that thare issent a level bit on the dashbord for me to sit an navvygayte. ME TO SIT AN NAVVYGAYTE???? Duzz he think I'm goin to get into a car wiv my nayme on it an WERK????

No. No, I mayde shor he knew that in THIS car, I'm a passenger an he is MY driver. He understood. He eevn arkst if he shud ware a hat. I don't think he waz bein sarky but I'm not shor.

Enyway. Off to football this arfternoon in it. Bloo pants on, peepol!!!! Wa-heyy!!!

Bye fer now!

Monday, May 19, 2008

A Nice Day Trip

Weekend's scores:
  • Gills: time off
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: yay twice! Wunce fer petrol an wunce fer oats fer the berds. (Mummy maykes them brekferst owt ov oats, froot an fat. No wunder we hav so menny noizy yung starlins in the garden!)
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 got Daddy as he waz fallin asleep /10
  • Overall Score: 7.10693/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

We awl got in the car yestday an went off to The Essex Food Show at Cressing Temple Barns. This is a "Nites-Templar" site from the twelfth centry an has 2 big barns still there from medeevol times. Mummy wantid to go cos she likes histry, Dilly wantid to go so she cud dress up like a medeevol laydy, an me an Daddy wantid to go an get sum cayke.

Heer's me an Dilly in our speshol seat in the car, navigaytin:Heer's me by wun ov the medeevol barns:

This is wat they look like inside:

I fownd hunny!

I fownd a Bear sellin likorish:

This Bear had his own Choklit stall. He maykes it himself, wich is wy he is warin an apron. I offerd to lik his paws but he sed no.

We fownd a kwyert corner ware peepol wer rayzin munny for a animol sanktry. They had sum wols, wich had been reskewd. This is a Littol Wol. He is calld Pip.

He waz carfterd becos he had been hert by a car. He's ok now tho. He haz a frend calld Skweek hoo waz also hert by a car, an they liv at the sanktry together. They like to be held an cuddold. Mummy held him an sed, "Wud yu like to meet him, Bob?" an I wassent shor. Big wols eet small brown furry things. But as I waz the sayme size as this wun.....

I jus tryd not to look too small an mowse-cullerd.

Then we walkt rownd the Tewdor Gardens..... They ar mostly full ov herbs. Heer is a giant fennel (the fluffy leevs an the yello flowers). Mummy waz a bit worreed cos she plarntid sum fennel larst week. She dident kno they got this big. Can yu see me?

This tree waz very cumfterbol. It waz oviossly grown for small peepol to sit in the middol ov! Can yu see us?This waz my fayvrit plarnt tho:
Did yu see wat it's calld? HEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bear pants! Wa-heyy!

Dilly iz goin to post her own pikchers. They'll be full ov flowers an stuff tho. Go an see them if yu like, but remember, yu'll never get thoze minits bak.

Bye for now!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Investigaytin The Bear

Phaseoutgirl Interviews Bob

Do yu kno, Mummy rote bak to PhaseOutGirl an sed that her kwestchons mite be a bit hard fer a yung Bear to arnser. Wat a cheek!!!!! She had them "on hold" in MS Werd, but I sneakt in an got 'em. Ha! I'll show her! Heer goze....


1. Your blog gives the impression that you are an animal lover. Why did you choose the persona of a small bear and not another animal? Any particular significance?

Oh yes, I am indeed an animol luver. I think weer grayte. Far less complicaytid than hewmans. An nicer too, most ov us. Not shor abowt croco-dragons. But most ov us ar.

An yes, havin the personality of a Bear has very particular significants, as I am a Bear. An a particular Bear, at that.

2. I also noticed that you call yourself "agony uncle" and write in "bear language". Can you explain the agony uncle bit, and how it is to write in a different language. Aren't you worried that people won't understand what they are reading?

Ah well, wen I startid bloggin I arnserd letters from Yunger Bears hoo needid advice but dident hav an Older Bear to luk up to. Yu can see sum ov these on my list of "Informativ Exampols-Ov-Bob Posts" on the rite hand side of my blog.

Bears (an Not-A-Bears) ar still always welcom to rite in wiv their problems for me to help solve.


I'm akchewally tri-ligual cos as well as Bear English an Brit-English, I do Spanish too, cos I yewst to liv in Ekwadoor wiv my Daddy. I prefer to blog in my ferst languidge to mayke it easier fer other Bears to reed. Ther arnt menny Blogs owt ther in our languidge, yu kno.

A few peepol hav sed that they carnt reed it. Sumtimes I get narsty messidges sayin I carnt spell. So I rite bak an say, "Well yu carnt reed Bear English, but I don't get narsty abowt it!"


3. Stepping out of the bear character, what does Bob really do and what is he most interested in?

I'm a Bear ov cheeky character, I admit, but ther is a seriuss side to me. I'm a trayned Secrit Agent an cud "phwah!" yu wiv a cunnin karate chop.

Tayken at my Graduayshun from Spy Collidge. On the left is my cuzzin, Henri. We keep in tutch. In fact, he's stayin wiv us at the moment. That's me, on the rite. Our "FIFA" badges stand fer "Federayshun of Internashnol Furry Agents".


As fer my intrests, well, pants, oviussly, then The Simpsons, going shopping, collektin shiney pennys, monitorin rools, navigaytin, marigolding, and sport. I like footboll an I go to watch it wiv Daddy. An Bear sports, like Synchronized Sitting. I also enjoy modern art an will be lornchin a gallery soon.


4. You are given a million pounds to spend on anything, except for yourself and your immediate family. What would you do and why?

WOW thanks!

I wud giv it all to animol charitys, like WSPA, hoo do lots of grayte things to rescew Bears in distress. An The Great Bear Foundayshun too. Ther ar links to them, an other animol charitys on my blog.
Why? Well, sum hewmans hert animols. I don't like that. It also maykes my Mummy cry. I don't like that either. Sumtimes the animols ar hert so much that ther arnt menny ov them left in the wild. I think that nice hewmans shud help us an mayke up fer wat the narsty wuns do. An if they don't, I will. That's wy I'd yews the munny to help.


5. A stranger knocks at your door and tells you that he is a long lost relative, and found your name in letters of his grandparents. He needs shelter since he has had a string of bad luck, is asking for help. He is travelling with his wife and a sick three year old son in their car, and they look really desperate. To top it all, his resemblance to one of your siblings is uncanny. How would you deal with this situation?

Ferst I'd invite them in an get them cups of tea an lots of toast an hunny. Then I'd go an get my Emergensy Hug Pants, cos I mite be a bit scared, akchewally.

I'd arsk Daddy to drive the littol boy up the rode to the hopsikol to mayke him betta. (I wuddent go wiv them, in cayse the boy was sik on me. That stuff mite stik to my fer.) An if the man did look enything like MY sister, I think he wud want to see the docter, too.

Dilly. My sister, & ownly siblin. Yu seriuss?

Then I'd go an get Mummy, an check her Famly Tree. She resercht her Famly Tree larst year an got bak to 1680. I was very prowd cos she fownd out that sum ov her ansesstors wer -wait fer it!- BREECHES MAKERS!!!! WA-HEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I digress......

Wunce the boy was bein lookt arfter, we'd show the visitors the Family Tree an ask wher they think they fit in. (Bein a spy, they mite not be tellin the trooth, they mite jus be on to me.) If they had nowher to go, we'd let them stay the nite an then call my Arnty an Unkols abowt it. Maybe we cud all meet up at the weekend fer a famly picnic, an get to the bottom ov it all.

But I'd hav to arsk my Daddy, reelly.


Thank cu fer the interview, Cecilia!



IF ENY OV YU WUD LYKE ME TO INTERVEW YU, PLEEZE SAY SO ARFTER THIS POST! Ah, go on!

Now, I've got to put this bit at the end. It issent in Bear English, this bit, so eny Bears out ther, I hope yu hav a translaytor handy if yu need wun...


Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Betrayed

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
  • Day Score: minus 3 /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Yu know, there ar a lot of diffrences between Hewmans an Bears.

Sum of the things we hav which they don't are obvious. Like fer exampol fur, cuteness, and an innate ability to darnce without looking like yor trying to get a bug out of yor shoe.

But then there are the things that ar mor suttel. Like, LOYALTY for instance.

Hav a look at this. This is a LOYALTY card. As yu can see, this wun is in my nayme. Daddy has wun too.-

I hav a Tesco LOYALTY card becos I do LOYAL, and becos I do LOYAL, I do my shopping at Tesco. Bears do loyal, yu see. See a theme forming here?

Well, yestaday, arfter a jolly nice arftanoon looking at the baby birds on the pond in the park an throwing bits of Tesco bread at their parents, we wer in mid-drive bak home wiv me navigayting on the dashboard, an yu know wat Mummy said?

"Let's go to ASDA!"

What the????????????????????

Despite my protests they terned the car in the ASDA direkshun. I retreated to the bak of the car. No way was I goin to hav a paw in direktin them to THERE.

Off they went, the two of them AND Dilly, into the scum festerin shop that even has green letterin in its nayme, leaving me to guard the car.

An hour.

ONE HOUR, folks. AND they made me miss The Simpsons during it.

Daddy sed that he was ownly followin instrukshons but I told him, that dident werk at Nuremberg an it aint gonna werk wiv ME.

On the drive back, Mummy told me about how an ASDA person was rood an unhelpful LIKE I WAS MEANT TO CARE.
She apologised for going in there an tryd to get round me by saying,

"Well, Bob, NOW I will just appreshyate Tesco more!"

Ah well, better is she hoo appreshyates wat LOYAL means wivout havin ferst to compare wat a scum festering shop is like, is all I can say.

Wen we got home I had a long talk wiv Grayum. He cheered me up a bit. He's a wise old Bear. Bit skinny though, so not really good on the Bear Hug front. So I wondered off to find another Bear to hug...

little bear lost

WANTED: hugs fer small trormatized Bear



....an guess wat I found Dilly doing?????? BUILDING A BLOG.

Folks, I kid yu not. There is now wun mor green presence on the web.

An there was me thinking my day cuddent get eny werse......

Please send hugs.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Bear Rules

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no (wich is poor coz we needid to go an exchange der kettle we bort cos it's defunct)
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
  • Day Score: 7.3116/10
HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well I think it's time to explain about Bears And Rules.

Bears are loyal and onnist. They hav a code of conduct called the Bear Essenshols(not be confused wiv the Bear Nessessities damn yu, Walt! Thats wot yu get wen yu leave a mowse in charge!). In this code are rules to help liv a simpol life (sum bears wud say that just livin among yu Not-A-Bears made it a simpol life enuff. I cuddent possibly comment. I hav my sponsor to think ov). Here are jus some of the Bear Rules:

    • a car shud always hav a navigaytor on the dashbord;
      bears mayk the best ones. Yu can also have reverse-navigators in ther bak window. Fer sum reason, nodding dogs do this rarther well.

    • tishoos need to be isshooed by trayned bears. Female Not-A-Bears may help themselves on occazon, but Male Not-A-Bears NEVER get there in time.

    • there must be at least 2 in the bed at a time an wun ov them shud idealy be a bear.
Well thats enuff to be going on with. But if I cover something to do with a Bear Rule at any time I will highlight it with this picture ov my nose: Byeee!