World Toylet day!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: yes, leest sed the betta (see yestaday's scors)
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: too bizzy /10
• Day Score: 7.40000002 /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today iz World Toylet Day! On this day we remember all thoze peepol hoo havent got toylets. Ther is a website all abowt it, heer. There is seerioss stuff on the website, but also sum fun stuff, like, a kwizz calld "Wat Type Ov Toylat Payper Ar Yu?". Me an Mummy ar ded leevs, apparrently. Still, that's kwite appropryet fer a Bear hoo likes to poo in the woods!

Speekin ov wich, I kno it is TRADISHUNOL for me to poo in the woods, but it issent always possibol in this day an age.

It's a bit like Crismoss Puddin. Now, it's TRADISHUNOL to mayke yor own Crismoss Puddin. But nowadays, most peepol jus buy wun. In the sayme way, it's TRADISHUNOL for me to poo in the woods. But mostly I yewz a pot plarnt. It's the sayme sort ov thing, reelly, an less charnse ov a nettol.

In our howse we hav 2 toylets. Peepol think that it's so ther's wun fer wen yor upstairs an wun fer wen yor downstairs. But reelly it's cos if Daddy duz a poo, it puts that toylet owt ov akshun fer sevrol hours. Not that this happens very offen. As a spy I am big on observayshun, an I hav observd that Mummy duz on averridge 4 pooes a day but Daddy ownly manidges that in a week. Still, probly just as well, given the state ov the ozone layer, eh?

Enyway, wen yu go off for yor poo today (if yu havent allreddy, or if yor dew another wun, or, if yor like Daddy, rite this down an sayve it fer Wenzday) spare a thort for all thoze peepol in the werld hoo don't hav toylets, an if yor Bear, all thoze Bears hoo still hav to brayve the nettols.

Bye fer now!

Oodels ov serpport!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, short vizit, mostly fer veggies, but I still got a ride in the trolley
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: LBBBJ thinks he got me, but I waz ownly hewmerrin him. so reelly it's a 9.5. But if he arsks, say 8. /10
• Day Score: 7.3296/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW! Thank yu evrywun hoo haz alreddy pledged their serpport fer Gillingham by signin up to my "Don't Mok The Bear" club. Remember, this starts this weekend: ware sumthin bloo on Saterday! The gayme starts at 3pm UK time an shud be dun by 4.50. Ther's a 15 minit brake arfter 45 minits. I thort I'd tell yu the times in cayse yu dident kno much bowt footboll, an wantid to put bloo pants on yor hed for the dewrayshun, or sumthin like that. Then, if ther waz a nok at the dor, providid it waz dewring the brake, it wuddent matter if yu had to remoov them temporarilly. Jus thort I'd let yu kno. I wuddent want yu to be inconveeniensed or enythin. Or to worry bowt dor-arnserin responsibilitys.

Just a few kweeries to arnser now:

Lynda (Granny K): thank cu fer puttin yor bloo undies in the wash in rediness fer Saterday. Fer fewtcher refrence, an in cayse yu carnt get to do the washin, unwasht wuns wud werk just as well. An remember, "Derty pants, cleen bottom."

Phytheas: bloo trowsers wud werk very well. In fakt, if yu hav no pants underneeth them, yu cud just pretend they wer very long pants, enyway.

Chalky: a bloo swetter wud be grayte. Grayum offen nicks mine to show serpport.

David: I've ownly seen Ozzie Rools footboll wunce, an it's weerd. They grab the ball like in rugby, but don't pile in on top ov wun another as much. An just as well, as they wear very very tiny pants. Yu mite think they're shorts, but no shorts ar that short. It wud never be allowd in the Northern Hemisfeer, I can tell yu.

Pope Terry: thank yu fer tryin. I hope yu manage to find sum bloo pants. If not, how bowt bloo sox?

Shrinky: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahaHAAA! Yu reveeld that yu reveeld all in my Ankles Or Knees? survey! It's too layte to be coy now! (But never too layte to take up pant wearin agen...)

I'm not serprised that yor men folk serpport Manchester (pawses to spit) Utd, as yu don't liv enywhere neer Manchester, an this is in that teem's finest tradishun, that no fan shall liv in the sayme cownty as Manchester, or eevn Country, in most cayses. Ha. Pleez do find a bloo sumthin. I carnt promiss a choklit biccie, but the choklit peanuts ar plentiful.

Ms Creek: Mummy issent a sport fan either, but she likes to liv wiv a happy Bear. Hence her new bloo pants. Thank yu fer pledgin to wear yors if the wether issent too hot. Tho I'm intreegd: wat cullor do yu wear wen it IS too hot?

Rachelle: ah yes, a bloo shert will be grayte. But yu hav no bloo pants at all? Yu must mayke a note ov this deprivayshun, an report it to Farther Crissmoss this yeer. Put a sticky note on the fridge dor. That's ware I write things wen I hav to remember to remember them. An then sumwun else mite reed it, an think, "Oh deer, poor Rachelle duzzent hav eny bloo pants! How awful! I must buy her sum!" an then yu'll get sum that way, too. An befor yu kno it, yu'll hav enuff pairs fer a dam good frolic.

Chewy: Horrayyy!!!! An congratulayshuns on havin lots ov diffrent cullerd pants! I wud expekt no less from a grayte artist like yorself. Thank yu fer pladgin yor bloo wuns!

Mousie: ahhh, my littol redenty frend, if a pair ov yor so-small-smalls wer espeshally dyed fer the occayzshun, wat enharnsement that occayzshun wud enjoy. I hope. I wonder if I cud get a few pairs on the mice that liv under the kitchen too. Thank yu for yor serpport.

and finally, Ruth: thank yu fer yor serpport! An I never knew yu wer from Kent. Mummy comes from a Kenty playse calld Walderslade. It yewst to be woody, but now it's mostly houses. Poor Walderslaydian Bears. I jus hope they hav gardens, or a good indoor plarnt. Peepol don't seem to realize that those pekuliar screwd up expresshuns yu see on lots ov Older Bears ar corzd mostly by the remooval ov adekwayte toylet fasillytees in their mid-teens. Yu carnt jus go rownd bildin on woodland willy-nilly.

RITE!!!

I'll report bak an let yu kno wat the scor is at the end ov the gayme. An did I menshun the compensayshun/sellybrayshun proseedures? NO???????? WELL! If we win, yu get a sellybraytory banarnana. If we looz, yu get wun choklit peanut fer evry goal the cheatin scum stole off us. An if it's a dror, yu get WUN choklit peanut AND a banarnana. Wa-heyyy!!!!!!

Bye fer now!

Survey Results: Daddy is weird

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes (they are crawling, now, trying to make up for the other day)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10 but wun was a bit snotty so I think I shud get extra/10
• Day Score: 7.395/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Thank yu all fer yor messidges of support yestaday. It's gud to know yor on my wavlength.

Right. Now to the results of my Important Survey.

If yu havent been arownd (where yu bin???) then yu might like to read the original outline of my research, here. Here are the results:

• NO PANTS: 10
• NEVER POOS/ONLY ONCE A YEAR: 8
• KNEES: 10 (one said just below)
• ANKLES: Daddy

So it's a draw between pantlessness and resting pants at knee-point.

The deeper implicayshun being that Mummy is normal in her preparayshun habits, and Daddy is, well, odd.

Thanks fer yor valuable contribushon.

Bye fer now!

Survey Update

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Just a kwik update on my survey.

Arfter seeing so menny of yu favoring KNEES over ANKLES, Daddy has tried this out. (He was always an ANKLES kinda bloke.) Well, he came in here just now to report to me that he finds it extremely ODD, an "just dident feel right sumhow." I'll leave yu to yor own responses on this wun. I cuddent possibly comment. It may affect my fewcher Choklit Peanut allowance if I did.

Ankles, Knees and No-Pants

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10 improving
• Day Score: 7/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Thank yu to those hoo hav alreddy partisipaytid in my Important Pant Survey (see yestaday). I'll publish the final results on Friday, but this is how it looks so far:

• ankles: 0
• knees: 7
• no pants at all (I haddent even thort of this wun): 5

I just hope that those of yu hoo say yu don't wear eny pants decline to do so becos they share their living space with sum small enthewsiastic Bear hoo has nicked them all for a dam good frolicking, and not that yu are seveerly Pant-Deprived.

If yu ARE akchewally Pant-Deprived, this must mean that yor Bears are too, an as I warned Shrink-Wrapped, I can ownly urge yu to rektify this as soon as possibal, becos a Bored Small Pant-Deprived Bear can become "Difficult". I won't go into detail. Just be warned, that's all.

I waz shokt to read that so menny of yu out there are pantless. But then, Mummy confessed that she scarcely wor eny pants at all in the 1990s. (Wen Daddy sed he wished ha had met her sooner, I had NO IDEA this was wat he ment...) She sez she ownly startid to wear them agen wen she got a bit spongey rownd the middle, an needid an extra bit of stretchy cotton to hold things in. Well, it was that or giv up the choccie biccies, so hoo can blame her.

Vote soon if yu havent alreddy!

All this talk of pants has put me in the mood for a Dam Good Frolic. I'm off to find a Pant Drawer.... Bye fer now!

HELP NEEDED: take part in my survey

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

As yu can see, the countdown to my berfday has begun. And next Monday, I shall add to the sellybrayshons still further by removing my Lucky Kit via a daring darnce, an wear ownly my berfday suit fer the rest of the day. Wa-heyyy!!!!!!!!!!

But that's next week. For now, there is werk to be dun....

I need yor help wiv sum important research.

Mummy saw this cartoon in the paper on Saturday:

Wen she saw it, she commentid on how unrealistic it was, as "yu jus don't do that."

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At ferst, I thort she ment that yu don't go to the toilet. Shorly not! -She poos at leest 5 times a day, mostly becos she eets stuff she shuddent, like shugar.

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Enyway. "Pray, wat can yu mean, dear matre?" I arskt, or werds to that effect.

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"Yu don't pull yor knickers right down to yor ankles like that!" she replyd.

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Huh???????

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Then Daddy came in the room an so I arskt him if this wer so. He was as confewsd as me, an wantid to know wat she DID do wiv her knickers whilst..... ahem.... yewsing the smallest room.

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"Well, I just pull them down as far as my knees. Or sumtimes not even that far!" was her expanashun.

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Well, me and Daddy are, frankly, shocked. WHO was responsible for her potty training? But she insists, SHE is the normal wun.

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An so it's over to yu, folks. This is where the SURVEY bit comes in. Please tell me where yu stand on this.

Or rather, sit.

During.

Yu know wat I mean.

Let me know in the Comments arfter this post:

Do yu pull yors right down to the ankle, or leave them precariously up on the knee?

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The mor delicate among yu may arnswer with simply "ANKLES" or "KNEES".

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Please do take part. This is important research.

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Bye fer now!