Aha! Another mistry solved....

Weekend's scores:

• Gills: yes: we played Hundersfield (full nayme: Hudders-field-ov-horse-poo) an we beet them 1 - 0 in the sekund to larst minit!!!! Three cheers fer Mummy's new bloo lukky pants!
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes (do yu kno, she tryd to sneak off wivowt me? Scandaluss...)
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10/10
• Overall Score: 8.609786259841654 (ish) /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, m'dears. I've been doin a bit mor mewsin, an now that I've got me own keebord to darnse across, I can let yu in on wat I've diskuverd.

It's like this, yu see....

Daddy is teechin the 7 yr olds all abowt Egypshuns at the moment, so weev had lots ov books arownd the howse wiv goldy marsks an pointy bildings on the frunt covers. LOTSA them.

Dilly got kwite tayken by the stuff abowt the Nile Crocodiles, but I cuddent find enything abowt Bears. Cats, lots of cats. An a few jackals. Even a hippo or three. But no Bears. So my attenshun wonderd to the TV an Lo! Hoo shud be on but Stephen Fry in his quiz, QI.

Well! Blow my beads an call me Vincent! Yu'll never gess wat they wer talkin abowt! -PANTS!!!

An not jus eny pants, but THONGS!

(No, I don't mean them funny shooes yu clip on a toe, David. I mean nearly-pants, as feecherd on my Pants Identity Wallchart.)

Ahhh... tis a delite to be abol to post it agen! Heer it is, this time wiv the "thong" hi-lited, fer eez ov refrence.

An wat, pray, wer they diskussin, abowt the minnychorist's dreem ov undergarment? WELL! It terns owt that it waz the Egypshuns hoo ferst wor them! Woohooo!!!! Jus wen yu think a subjekt haz dryd up, yu strike gold!

NOW! I rekkon this solvs wun ov the werld's grayte mistrys: naymely, wy on erth did the Egypshuns walk like that?

Study this pikcher.....

The walk seems a tad eksentrik at ferst, till yu bear in mind that they hav a thong up the bottom. NOW the walk is perfikly understandabol!

I am very pleezd to be abol to publish this diskuvry, as sum people try very hard to do the Egypshun Walk. Sum eevn tayke clarssis speshly, jus to try to be abol to do it. Heer's a pic ov wun such clarss I fownd on Googol:

Think ov the time an effort they cud sayve, if they jus put on a thong!

HEHEHEHEHEHE!

Insidently, if yu don't kno the TV program QI, heer is a clip ov it that I fownd on You Tube. It issent the episode I menshund, but a fella calld Sean duzz do a bit ov an Egypshun walk towards the end ov it!

Bye fer now!

Koalas eat poo! IT'S TRUE!!!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: Lost 5-nil
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: still a bit too snotty for this/10
• Day Score: shut up! /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Gillingham played Carlisle (full name Carlisle Cheating Scum Utd), who obviously bribed the ref cos they got 5 goals an had wun of our players sent off. We were so stunned we fergot to score, so we should hav been given a re-match, if there was eny justis in the werld.... It dident help that Mummy dident wear her new Gillingham Pants. So it was probly all her fault really.

ENYWAY..... The day was saved by my finding out yet another fasinating reason why koalas are not-a-bears. Namely, THEY EAT POO. And real Bears wuddent do enything as gusting as that. (Now look, yu wuddent like it if sumwun said that a member ov YOR family ate poo, wud yu? I carnt stress it enuff times: if yu don't want to offend yor Bear, DON'T call koalas "Bears".)

IT'S TRUE! I found out while watching a programme called QI an it's chaired by Mr Stephen Fry and he duzzent do lies. In fact, he wrote a whole book about Bears in Peru. An I've been to Peru, an any friend of a Peruvian Bear is sumwun to be trusted. Here's his book, by the way:

An here is a link to the ferst ten minites ov the QI episode featuring the disgusting Koala not-a-bear and his curious poo habits. Enjoy!

Bye fer now!