Mor Pants in the News! Wa-hey!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: No
• Simpsons:yes
• Tesco: no
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 6 (I let Sam get me) /10
• Overall Score: 7.63210

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!!!

Jackie sent me this link. Hav a look! Hehe! It's abowt a spaceman hoo wor the sayme pants for a munth!! HAHAHA! An I'm not eevn shor he did the inside-owt an bak-to-frunt chaynge-abowt iver. Well, thro my arms up at him! Hehe! Yu wuddent want to put THOZE wuns on yor hed, wud yu?

Weer off to Granny's in harf an hour or so. Weer goin to watch Gillingham play a gayme at Thurrock ferst, wich is on the way. Then weel be at Granny's this eevnin an weer taykin sum sossidges for dinner. We won't be bak till Munday.

Meenwile Mummy is owt in the garden, hiding hedgehog food under leeves an bits ov cardbord an stuff; she is feelin gilty that she won't be heer to feed them tonite or tomorro nite.
Next dor thinks she is very odd. -He spends his time cleenin an preenin his garden to within an inch ov its life, an thare's Mummy delibrutly puttin litter abowt hers. Haha! Well I kno hoo I prefer. I think heez borin. (All his pants ar grey. I sor them on the washin line.)

Bye fer now!

Diskuverys

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, for harf a cow. Mummy is low-carbin agen.
  
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5 (from Daddy, cos he sed he herd my beads russlin on my way, wich I think is jus bead-person prejudiss, to be onnist) /10
• Day Score: 7.63982/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Hey I've bin bizzy, an bin carfterin Mummy agen, wich is wy I dident hav time to blog- an then today I notist that SHEEZ bin updaytin HER blog, so I thort, well, sod this!!! That just aint rite, laydy. So! Heer's a kwik peek at wat I've bin doin laytely (wen I wassent mayking her Laydyship's tea an runnin a Bear Massardge serviss up an down her showlders.)

*** *** ***
This is the day we Bears discuvered speshol biskits an BEAR SIZE doh-nuts wer hiding owt in a fancy tin in the kitchen. I thort it waz empty. Yewzly is. But wun day, wile sornterin parst, I thort I'd just hav a chek inside an mayke shor.....just as well I did! Scrum!

My luvly-jubbly new jumper from Mrs Nesbitt is very handy for smugglin biskits, wich yu will see heer if yu look closely an ar not foold by my look ov compleet an utter innosense:

*** *** ***
THIS is the day wen I did a kwik spyin misshun in between Mummy's naps.
I diskuverd wy the bloke nex dor is so miserabol so mutch ov the time.
He apparently ownly haz enuff PANTS to chaynge them evry 4 days, az demonstraytid by the sok-to-pant rayshio on his washin line, heer:I ov corse hav nothin agenst warin pants for 4 days. I think it shoze grayte appreeshyayshun for the full extent ov PANT POTENSHUL. It is eezily dun:

day 1: normal pant warin
day 2: bak-to-frunt pant warin
day 3: rite-way-rownd inside-owt pant warin
day 4: inside-owt bak-to-frunt pant warin

Yu see? It is eesily acheevabol an kwite all rite to do (so long as yu don't eet curry for the 4 days in kwestchun). No! I'm not beraytin him for this at all! I'm jus sayin, if he HAZ to do this, then he oviossly duzzent hav enuff pants for a dam good frolick, an that is enuff to mayke enywun miserabol.

*** *** ***
This is the day wen ANUTHER present arrived for Dilly. Julie sent her this, amung uther things, but cos it waz rapt in BLOO AN BROWN, she sed that I probly needid to open it as if it wer for her it wud be, oh, maybe PINK AN GREEN. Yu think?

But eevn tho the culler ov the rappin sed "BEAR!" an the insides sed "CHOKLIT, WICH BEARS REELLY REELLY LIKE!" she sed it waz oviusly HERS arfter all cos sed choklit waz" Dino-Wagon" shaypet.

YU SEE WAT I HAV TO PUT UP WIV AROWND HEER?
YU SEE?

*** *** ***

But yesterday me an LBBBJ fownd a BEAR SIZE pot ov appol an ginger jam: -so we hav claymd this an tayken it into custerdy.
Com to think ov it, sumthin custerdy wud go very well wiv appol an ginger jam. A nice steamd puddin, maybe. Or a cayke. Well, enyway, we shall be keepin this asit waz oviossly ment for us. An Mummy is on anuther cow diet. So it will help her.

-yu see that?
Yu see?
Eevn arfter so mutch neglekt, I am still a very helpful Bear.

Bye fer now!

Pooey Stuff (well, mostly).

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: serspendid dew to thunderry wether- it waz hot hot hot an muggy all day, an Mummy had a bad hedayke, so I jus KNEW it waz coming.
  
• Day Score: poo/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WELL!!! Arfter the luvly smiley wa-heyy! things I posted abowt the uther day, I now hav 4 things that REELLY MAYDE ME GROWL! I may be a cewt 8inch Bear, but I do ferroshus, too, yu kno, an yesterday sumthing happend that reelly mayde me growl. AN stamp my foot. An that's well seeriuss.

So gess wat happend. Or rarther, wat dident.....

That's rite! THE WASHIN MASHEEN DIDENT TERN UP!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

An I had handid owt all thoze invitayshuns for a freshly-lornderd-pant party. HURRUMPFF!

NOW they say it will come tomorro.

POO. That's all I can say: POO. POO to them wiv flys on it.

***

NEXT! It thunderd- for abowt 4 or 5 hours, it jus went rownd an rownd an rownd us from abowt 9 larst nite till early mornin.

Mummy had the kertens open an wun ov the flashes went strate down behind the howse akross the roade an mayde us jump! I dived under my emergensy-hug-pants (number wun pair) an the uther Bears held me. I am brayve. I AM.

AM.

***

NEXT! Gess wat that pillock nex dor did this mornin? He cut his tree down! It was a reelly reelly big silver birch tree. Newton, the robin, yewst to sit on the top twig, cos that waz the hyest bit arownd heer, an he yewst to do his song.

We don't like peepol hoo ar narsty to trees. He cut bak wun ov ours the uther week, wen we wer at Granny's. He dident eevn yews a sor, an wun ov the branches haz a tare in it now.

POO ON HIM TOO.

Wiv EXTRA flys on it.

***

An finerly, sumthing REELLY not fair! I want to go an see the new Batman film but Mummy sez I'm too littol. NO FAIR! She duzzent understand. I'm an internashnol agent. I need to do reserch all the time. Speshly bowt sooperheeroes. An thare is stuff I need to kno- like, can Catwooman lik her own bottom like real cats do????

***

Oh, this will never do! I need to say sumthing happyer than theez things befor I go.

Oooh! I kno! Mrs Nesbitt sent Mummy a parsol! She sent her sum rubber stamps to mayke mor things wiv!

Mummy waz asleep wen the Postbear cayme, an me an Daddy took the parsol up to her. She waz all happy to see it, an then went bak to sleep. Layter on, she sed she drempt abowt the parsol, an sed that Harry waz in her dreem, sendin her stuff an drinkin tea wiv her an havin a chat.

Harry

I do worry abowt her sumtimes!

Bye fer now!

Bear Hums

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: yes, layte nite ride fer petrol. I kwite like the layte-nite trips. They're eggsytin.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 7.45896/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Wen yor plannin a good think, get yerself cumfterbol ferst, perhaps wiv a faythfol pair ov pants.

If yu ar a skoller ov Mr Winnie T Pooh (ooh! Look at that! He haz the sayme middol nayme as me. I wunder if weer relaytid...) yu will hav herd ov Bear Hums. Mr Pooh tendid to veer towards Hums that endid in things like "Tiddly-pom". Hence:

The mor it snows tiddly pom
The mor cold my toes tiddly pom
Are becoming.

This construkshun is a handy way ov coverin up things. Offen it covers up seekrit thorts, an espeshly seekrit thinkin. Like, wen yu don't want peepol to kno yor thinkin, let alone WAT yor thinkin. Heers another exampol, strate owt ov that epic, The House At Pooh Corner:

Tra-la-la, tra-la-la,
Tra-la-la, tra-la-la,
Rum-tum-tum-tiddle-um.

An untraynd eevsdropper mite be led to think that this is the mutterins ov a nutter. AHA! Yu see? So if he wer a sooper-spy wiv an IQ like that skweeky bloke that goze rownd in a chare rytin books abowt the yewniverse, yood never serspekt it, wood yu? So ther yu ar, yu see. Ther is mor to a Bear Hum than meets the eer.

I prefer the mor modern classiks, bein as I am a modern, up-to-the-minit cosmo Bear. Wun ov my fayvrits is

Laaaaaaaaaaa-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-laaaaaaaaaaa-la-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaa
La-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He-eyyy Jooood.
Laaaaaaaaaaa-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-laaaaaaaaaaa-la-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaa
La-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He-eyyy Jooood.

Wich can be repeetid ad-in-fin-eye-tum. An offen is. Wun eevnin I was doin such intense seekrit thinkin that our naybers bangd on the wall.

Ware ar yor Bears now? Probly on the bed, or watchin telly, or sniffin owt a fresh pot plarnt. (Or, oviossly, in the pant dror, but that wud meen they're havin a well-ernd brayke from Deep Thinkin, an duzzent cownt.) Tip-toe over to ware they ar now, an see if yu can detekt a Hum. But don't interrupt: it cud well meen that they ar considerin wat to get yu fer Crismoss.

Bye fer now!

The Pillock

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: hibernaytin
• Simpsons: yes-wow! It was all about LISA!!!!
• Tesco: yes, a late run out fer toilet roll. Yu can tayke that both ways.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: oops fergot /10
• Day Score: 8.93601/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well. The Man Hooz Anal Retentivness Knows No Bounds (otherwise known as "Him At Number 54") has taken wun more grate stride towards Norman Bateness.

Not likin all the berds in our garden, he has fixt a piece of string, one inch above the top of his fence.

He has akchewally gon to the trubbol of puttin a nail in each post, then tying the string to them. Er, this is ment to stop the berds sitting on his fence.

DuH!

The berds ar fasinated by this an spend lots of time sitting on it an peckin it. I wotcht wun Duv sit ferst wun way, then carefully step rownd to face the other way, then bak agen. He kept doin this fer abowt 5 minits, lettin a pleesingly large dollop of poo fall on the Pillock's side of the fence as he manooverd.

So I'm pleesd to see that his oh-so-sooper-string has had the oppsite effect, an berds ar spendin MOR time on his fence. HA! HA! Take that! There! Stik that wun in yer pants an sniff it, Mister Bates!

Oooooo it's enuff to mayke yu chew yor own fut, it is.

Bye fer now!

ps,

Dilly's put sum pikchers of sum of our berds on her blog today. Hav a luk if yu like. But remember, yu'll never get those minits back.