WARNING: This blog is ritten in Bear English, wich is phonetic. An that is mor than yu can say abowt the werd "phonetic".
Showing posts with label Bear Not A Bear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bear Not A Bear. Show all posts

Monday, June 22, 2009

Farther's Day

Weekend's scores:
  • Gills: no; resting
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: yes, for batterys for the camra so that we cud mayke a film ov me an Dorothy
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 6- but I waz lettin her win /10
  • Overall Score: 8ish/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

WOW! Weev bin bizzy showin Dorothy arownd, an teechin her stuff like how to play "Bear! Not-a-Bear!" so that she can teech it to evrywun wen she goze on her travols rownd the werld.

Yestaday waz Farther's Day heer in the UK so wen we went to Tesco I ran off separitly to buy him sumthing. Dorothy cayme too. She has reelly tayken to riding on the trolley:Heer's me an Dilly waytin for daddy yestaday morning. It waz grayte cos he had forgotten abowt it so our cards an stuff wer a big serprize!
This is wun ov my grayte presents. It's a pen that yu can rub owt. It's for wen Daddy maykes staykes wen he duz Suduko puzzols. (He yewzerly duzz an he showts "D'oh!" an maykes evrywun jump, speshly Granny, hoo never noze wat he did or wat he showtid. She just noze sumthing mayde a lowd noyze.)
Heer is my uther grayte present. It's choklit lollypops wiv pikchers from the Kung Fo Panda film on them:Thare wer ment to be 4 choklit lollypops in the pak but LBBBJ arskt if he cud borro wun cos he had forgotten to get Daddy Windowsill Bear enything:Hmmm. He DID say "borro" but I don't think weel be seeing that wun agen.

Heer is my card, wich is the best card ever!
It haz 2 Bears on it, both wiv bloo pants on theyer heds!!!!
WA-HEY!Heer is the inside:
The poem in the card sez:
Yor my daddy,
wat can I say...
yor grayte
an I'm just like yu.
But it dident rime so I addid a "WA-HEYY!" to fix it.

In the arftanoon we went to feed skwirrols in the park an show Dorothy the carsol so she cayme wiv us. I hav sum fotoes but I will post them nex time cos Mummy sez I haff to get off this thing now and let Dilly post on her blog. Pah!

Bye fer now!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Wat a week!

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no- but the uther day we had a pre-seeson frendly an we wun 8-1 (!!!!) to Faversham.
  • Simpsons: yes, but it waz anuther wun ov those Halloween speshols an LBBBJ gets a tad nervoss ov thoze so Mummy distraktid him wiv a leaflet abowt manuka hunny.
  • Tesco: no, an we need cow-juice. Mummy went to Sainsbury's. Pah! An we STILL need cow-juice cos she fergot it. Wich jus shows wat goin to Sainsbury's duzz to yer brain.
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5 Sam got me from behind the curtain/10
  • Day Score: 7.73836/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Phew! It's been bizzy rownd heer!

Ferst, the washin masheen broke down- and I got the blayme, jus fer stuffin an extra 17 pares ov pants in. (Well, pant watchin is better than daytime tv an wen it's windy owtside wat's a Bear to do?)

Next, Daddy orderd a new wun off the internet and they sed they wud tayke the old wun away an install the new wun, but ownly if we disconnektid the old wun.

SO! Friday mornin, we got up erly to do that. But we cuddent find the stopcok to tern the warter off. We had to open up the trap-dor in the street an tern it off there. Lukilly it ownly ternd off OUR warter, nowun else's. But it still ment that Mummy cuddent flush the toylet and, as I may hav menshund from time to time, she duzz poo an awful lot, so it waz a tense mornin. Daddy wassent worreed, he went off to werk, whare they hav fully funkshoning toylets. (An if Daddy is goin to yews it, that's the leest yu need it to be.)

The men arrivd by 9am an put in the new masheen an testid it. It dident werk!! So they had to tayke 2 broken wuns bak wiv them. An we havent seen them since!!! An thare is washin piling up everywhare.

I'm gettin a tad worreed that I shall soon hav no cleen pants to frolick. Agen, Daddy issent worreed, as he can ware them inside owt an get twice the distance owt ov them. Hehee.

************

Meenwile, Mummy's wide-awake arty crarfty phase seems to be comin to an end, an she haz re-enterd the sleep olympics. She has spent most ov this week asleep, wich is a shayme, as it has been hot an sunny at larst, an she is missin it. She haz been a bit down, an eevn sed wun day, wat is thare to get up for? But we convinst her that at the very leest, thare waz a cup ov tea, an she got up. I've bin givin her hed-hugs!

I went into town wiv her on the bus an I took her to the crarft shop whare I got sum new cullerin pens. That sort ov cheerd her up a bit. She likes gettin me things. Hoo can blayme her?

************

2 ov yu hav emayled me abowt yor crarfty challenge peeces, so I will put fotoes ov them up in anuther post. Thanks!

An thanks to TB for emayles, too! He haz bin lookin into playin that grayte Bear gayme, "Bear! Not-a-bear!" an watchin my instrukshonal video on it. I think I mite hav a gayme ov it meself, TB, speshly as thare ar no darnsin pants to watch goin rownd an rownd!!!

************

Sorry no fotoes today. But heer is a YouTube vid that Mummy's frend Beth sent her. Beth livs in Maine. Enyway, this is reelly cewt- a bayby moose playing wiv a sprinkler, then he goze an gets his twin bruther an his mummy, an they all hav a frolick!! It mayde Mummy smile- hope it maykes yu smile too!



************

Daddy Window-sill Bear is goin to the optishun tomorro, cos he keeps borrowin Mummy's glarsses so she sed sheel get him his own. He waz a bit offendid at ferst, an thort she ment she just dident want to share wiv him. But then we poyntid owt that hers wer akchewly 3 times the size ov his hed. Hey ho!

Bye fer now!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Jus mewsin....

Weekend's scores:

  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: no
  • Tesco: yes, evenchelly an breefly. An "breefly" duzzent meen enything to do wiv pants. If it did, that overall scor down there wud be bigger.
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score:10 wa-heyy!/10
  • Overall Score: 6.758/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, as I was sayin abowt Bear statews....(hehehe!) I fergot to show yu a cuppol ov Bear statews that Father Crissmoss dropt off fer us:

Snowy Bears!

Thare waz sum discushun over wether they shud be put away wiv the Crismoss dekorayshuns, but I put my furry foot down! An so they remayne on the mantelpeece. An I shud think so, too!

My furry foot bein put down.

*****

I think I've now got the hang ov warin my new hat. In fakt, larst nite I wor it to watch a cowboy film in!:

Wa-heyy!

But today Dilly grabd it, an stuk streemers in it. She sed she wantid to play "The Two Musketeers".
Hmmm.... mayde me think 2 things:

(1) I'm shor this is sum kind ov sakrillidge, an
(2) it's worryin, but it kinda sooots her.

Meenwile, Grayum an Daddy wotcht "University Challenge". Wun ov the teems had a Bear! Yu kno, Grayum jus carnt see a Bear wivowt wantin to go up to them, tap them nose-to-nose an showt "Bear!", jus to confirm their Bearisity.

An ov corse, the teem wiv the Bear won! Hrayyy!

Hmmm... bit ov a foto-jernol today! Never mind. I'll think ov sum mor werds for tomorro. I've bin doin sum deep thinkin laytely, an I mite hav sum deep kwestchuns for yu.

Bye fer now!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Anuther new Bear!

Weekend's scores:
  • Gills: YES- we played Port Vale, wich issent eevn a playse!!! An we lost 2 - 1 cos they're cheatin scum.
  • Simpsons: nope
  • Tesco: yes, fer petrol
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 5 (waz traynin new Bears, an let them win a few times.) /10
  • Overall Score:7 ish /10
  • Advent Calendar Pikcher: Saterday- laydy on a donkey an a man wiv a stik; Sunday- Man carryin cheez on his hed. Onnist, it waz.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, me, Daddy, Grayum an the new skwotter, Mulligan, dropt Mummy off at Granny's an then all went to football. We lost. An it ternd out to be Mummy's fawlt, as she dident ware her Lukky Bloo pants. She sad she had washt them the day befor an they wer still damp. Wat kind ov excewss is that? They wud soon hav got dry wiv the warmth of the buttok area. Wimen! Onnistly! Sumtimes I jus think they carnt think ov stuff.

Enyway....

Wen we got bak to Granny's we diskuverd that a new Bear had arrived thare! He is a small Grizzly, an got there in his very own tardis all the way from Alaska. He brort his own salmon wiv him, too:

His nayme is Sam J. West.

Grayum went to meet him:

"Hullo! I'm Grayum! How do yu do?"

Granny bort sum carrot cayke speshly for us:

Sam is on a mishon to discuver things. So far he has discuverd carrot cayke (an wat happens wen yu try to nik my bit), cats, cars, tunnels, an pants. I introdewst him to the latter myself.

He has discuverd camras, too, an he duzzent like them. He seems to get spookt by them:

Well. He has come home wiv us. Dilly is a tad mifft abowt this, as she sez 2 mor Bears iz 2 Bears 2 menny. Mind yu, she also sez that 2 is 2 menny 2, let alone 2 2 menny. Not that she reelly knows wat 2 is. An theez 2 dident eevn bring her eny bows.

But it's been kwite fun, now I'm over the shok ov their appeerants, to teech them abowt frolickin pants, an serprize nose-hugs, an "Bear! Not-a-Bear!", an sneekin up on Dilly, an all that sorta thing.

An I've been tellin them bowt things to avoyd, too, ov corse. Wich brings me to a kwestchun from Ms Creek an A.bananna, abowt wat a Vomit Sok is.

Well peeps, a vomit sok is baysickly wun ov Daddy's yewsd soks. Wun day, wen mummy waz eetin cheese (wich she luvs, but Daddy haytes an I ownly like wiv Marmite on toast) he sed, "I jus don't understand how enywun can eet sumthing that smells like my feet!" To wich Mummy replyd, "But yor feet don't smell ov cheese, darlin, they smell ov vomit."

Hence, "vomit socks". See also, "Guard Socks".

Bye fer now!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Mooooose!

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: yes, the littol wun rownd the corner- we ran owt ov sultarnas. Mummy feeds them to the starlins. Wen we run owt, they all sit on the roof like in that Hitchcok film. Best not risk it.
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: um, fergot abowt this /10
  • Day Score: 9/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

We hav a frend in Merryka calld Beth. She livs in a playse calld Millinocket, wich I think is wun ov the funnyest playse naymes ever. I think it's Soux for "oo er missus, I've mislayd me pants".

ENYWAY. Beth sent us sum foto's ov this moose, hoo desydid to hav a bayby on sumwun's frunt lorn-


Heer they ar playin "Moose! Not-a-moose!", a variayshun on the game "Bear! Not-a-bear!":
An heer they ar, engaygin in that grayte tradishonal Bear sport, Syncronized Sitting:
As yu can see, they wud get hi marks fer Placing, but Junior needs to werk a bit mor on Form.

Issent this grayte? MY Mummy gets all exsytid if she finds hedgehog poo on the garden. Imagin wat sheed do if she lookt owt wun day an fownd theez! HEHEHEHEEE!

(Wat wud yu call him? I think he looks like a Ralf. Ralf The Moose. Hehehe. Wiv ears like that, they mite invite them to stay ther, so they can pik up saterlite TV.


Bye fer now!!!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Allow me to introdews meself!


HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Bob's still a bit sniffy from the cold that's goin rownd. I dident get it, bein az I am an Older Bear, an havin mor emewnity. So he sed that I cud pop in an do a post fer him on sumthing intrestin. So I thort I wud tell yu a bit abowt me.

I waz born in Lundon, not far from the Tower. My Dad waz a Beefeater Bear. This ment that he waz a Bear of Sertan Clarss, an I hav inheritid the letters BSC arfter my nayme.

Heer's a foto ov him in his yewniform:


We wer very prowd ov him. I dident hav eny brother or sister Bears but I dident get lonely cos there ar always lots ov torrists at the Tower. I don't hav eny pikchers ov my Mum becos she waz the ownly wun hoo knew how to yews the camra.

Wen I left Bear Collidge I becayme a Teacher Bear.

At ferst I tort lots ov subjekts to small Bears, inkloodin reedin:
an art: Wen I retired I thort it wud be nice to go an liv wiv an old man sumware, sumwun hoo had a kwyet howse an a rockin chair. So I arskt a Bear Adopshun Senter if they cud help playse me. They gayve me a chair to sit on in their window, an put a notiss on it to tell peepol that I wantid to go an liv wiv a grand-dad: Bob's Mummy sor me, an adoptid me. She waz goin to tayke me to her Dad's howse. Her Dad is an ex-Navy Grand-dad an haz sevral Bears in Aran Jumpers, so she thort I wud fit in well.


But Bob took me to wun side an warnd me that ther waz a Poodal at Grand-dad's howse hoo chewd Bears' eers.
So I desydid to stay wiv Bob's famly insted.
It issent as kwyet as I thort my new home wud be, but I've mayde sum good frends heer. I thort I waz dun wiv teechin, but I enjoy showin Bears (an Not-A-Bears) how to play "Bear! Not-a-Bear!", an this yeer they eevn got a rockin chair.

All in all I am a happy Bear.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Bear! Not-a-Bear! -the foto's

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!
As promist, I hav popt in to show yu a few foto's ov the gayme ov Bear! Not-A-Bear! Jus to reashor yu that yu don't hav to be a Bear to play it, altho, oviossly, the gayme waz inventid by Bears.

(We ar very thortful as a speesheez, an do inventiv very well. Yu need sumthing to help get yu throo the winter. Wat, yu thort Bears sleep ALL winter? HAaaaaahahahaa!!!! No, we sit up in bed an play, too, yu kno. Makin shadow creechers wiv torches on the cayve wall is anuver favrit. But I digress....)

Ah! Now, theez cud be playing the gayme in its original form, so this wud be a dubbol "Not-A-Bear!"

or, they mite be playing "cat, not-a-cat" or "moose, not-a-moose".



Theez dogs hav grayte nose-tutch tekneek, but hav forgotten to put down the tennis ball ferst. Always put down anything in yor mowth befor playin this gayme or yu cud choke, smeer, or nok owt yor opponent. Or lose yor tennis ball, wich seems to be abowt to happen heer.


Oh dear, no, theez Snowy Bears havent kwite got it. It issent a gayme yu can play angry.

Well I hope I hav been abol to encurridge yu to take up this sport. It is grayte fun an wunce yu get the hang ov it, yu'll be showtin "Bear!" whenever yu see wun, even from a distance, jus like my parronts do. An yu'll never be short ov lots ov room rownd yu wen yu take the bus.

Bye fer now!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Bear! Not-a-Bear!

Yesterday's scores:
  • Gills: no
  • Simpsons: yes
  • Tesco: no
  • Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 30 hahaha tript Henri up on the way to gettin me, an then got him wen he was on the way up agen, hence incurrin the tripol scor rool /10
  • Day Score: 7ish /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I want to introdews yu to another grayte Bear Sport. It's calld "Bear! Not-a-Bear!".

Heer ar the rools:

  1. Ther ar Bears an ther ar Not-A-Bears. Yu hav to kno the diffrence.
  2. Yu tuch yor nose to the Bear or Not-a-Bear's nose.
  3. Yu showt "Bear!" or "Not-a-Bear!" at the sayme time.
  4. Yu can start owt by yewsin pikchers ov Bears an Not-a-Bears in books (see demo).
  5. Make the payper vershun ov the sport harder by speedin up.
  6. Wen yewsin reel live Bears an Not-a-Bears, try to get permishun ferst.
  7. Wen yewsin reel live Bears an Not-a-Bears, scor poynts off yor opponent by dukkin at the larst moment so their nose duzzent mayke contact wiv yors. The wun hoo dukt gets the poynt.

It's kwyte strate forwerd wunse yu get goin. I've dun a demo for yu wich I'm shor will mayke it all perfickly cleer.

Hav a go. Ah go on, enjoy yorselfs! It's the weekend an skool's finisht fer summer. (I kno cos Daddy's a teecher, an he cayme home wiv lots ov choklit from the Scary Monsters today).

If yu video yorselfs playin this gayme I'll put the foottidge on me blog.

Over the weekend, I'll show yu sum foto's ov Not-a-Bears playin this gayme.

Wa-heyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye fer now!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Investigaytin The Bear

Phaseoutgirl Interviews Bob

Do yu kno, Mummy rote bak to PhaseOutGirl an sed that her kwestchons mite be a bit hard fer a yung Bear to arnser. Wat a cheek!!!!! She had them "on hold" in MS Werd, but I sneakt in an got 'em. Ha! I'll show her! Heer goze....


1. Your blog gives the impression that you are an animal lover. Why did you choose the persona of a small bear and not another animal? Any particular significance?

Oh yes, I am indeed an animol luver. I think weer grayte. Far less complicaytid than hewmans. An nicer too, most ov us. Not shor abowt croco-dragons. But most ov us ar.

An yes, havin the personality of a Bear has very particular significants, as I am a Bear. An a particular Bear, at that.

2. I also noticed that you call yourself "agony uncle" and write in "bear language". Can you explain the agony uncle bit, and how it is to write in a different language. Aren't you worried that people won't understand what they are reading?

Ah well, wen I startid bloggin I arnserd letters from Yunger Bears hoo needid advice but dident hav an Older Bear to luk up to. Yu can see sum ov these on my list of "Informativ Exampols-Ov-Bob Posts" on the rite hand side of my blog.

Bears (an Not-A-Bears) ar still always welcom to rite in wiv their problems for me to help solve.


I'm akchewally tri-ligual cos as well as Bear English an Brit-English, I do Spanish too, cos I yewst to liv in Ekwadoor wiv my Daddy. I prefer to blog in my ferst languidge to mayke it easier fer other Bears to reed. Ther arnt menny Blogs owt ther in our languidge, yu kno.

A few peepol hav sed that they carnt reed it. Sumtimes I get narsty messidges sayin I carnt spell. So I rite bak an say, "Well yu carnt reed Bear English, but I don't get narsty abowt it!"


3. Stepping out of the bear character, what does Bob really do and what is he most interested in?

I'm a Bear ov cheeky character, I admit, but ther is a seriuss side to me. I'm a trayned Secrit Agent an cud "phwah!" yu wiv a cunnin karate chop.

Tayken at my Graduayshun from Spy Collidge. On the left is my cuzzin, Henri. We keep in tutch. In fact, he's stayin wiv us at the moment. That's me, on the rite. Our "FIFA" badges stand fer "Federayshun of Internashnol Furry Agents".


As fer my intrests, well, pants, oviussly, then The Simpsons, going shopping, collektin shiney pennys, monitorin rools, navigaytin, marigolding, and sport. I like footboll an I go to watch it wiv Daddy. An Bear sports, like Synchronized Sitting. I also enjoy modern art an will be lornchin a gallery soon.


4. You are given a million pounds to spend on anything, except for yourself and your immediate family. What would you do and why?

WOW thanks!

I wud giv it all to animol charitys, like WSPA, hoo do lots of grayte things to rescew Bears in distress. An The Great Bear Foundayshun too. Ther ar links to them, an other animol charitys on my blog.
Why? Well, sum hewmans hert animols. I don't like that. It also maykes my Mummy cry. I don't like that either. Sumtimes the animols ar hert so much that ther arnt menny ov them left in the wild. I think that nice hewmans shud help us an mayke up fer wat the narsty wuns do. An if they don't, I will. That's wy I'd yews the munny to help.


5. A stranger knocks at your door and tells you that he is a long lost relative, and found your name in letters of his grandparents. He needs shelter since he has had a string of bad luck, is asking for help. He is travelling with his wife and a sick three year old son in their car, and they look really desperate. To top it all, his resemblance to one of your siblings is uncanny. How would you deal with this situation?

Ferst I'd invite them in an get them cups of tea an lots of toast an hunny. Then I'd go an get my Emergensy Hug Pants, cos I mite be a bit scared, akchewally.

I'd arsk Daddy to drive the littol boy up the rode to the hopsikol to mayke him betta. (I wuddent go wiv them, in cayse the boy was sik on me. That stuff mite stik to my fer.) An if the man did look enything like MY sister, I think he wud want to see the docter, too.

Dilly. My sister, & ownly siblin. Yu seriuss?

Then I'd go an get Mummy, an check her Famly Tree. She resercht her Famly Tree larst year an got bak to 1680. I was very prowd cos she fownd out that sum ov her ansesstors wer -wait fer it!- BREECHES MAKERS!!!! WA-HEYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I digress......

Wunce the boy was bein lookt arfter, we'd show the visitors the Family Tree an ask wher they think they fit in. (Bein a spy, they mite not be tellin the trooth, they mite jus be on to me.) If they had nowher to go, we'd let them stay the nite an then call my Arnty an Unkols abowt it. Maybe we cud all meet up at the weekend fer a famly picnic, an get to the bottom ov it all.

But I'd hav to arsk my Daddy, reelly.


Thank cu fer the interview, Cecilia!



IF ENY OV YU WUD LYKE ME TO INTERVEW YU, PLEEZE SAY SO ARFTER THIS POST! Ah, go on!

Now, I've got to put this bit at the end. It issent in Bear English, this bit, so eny Bears out ther, I hope yu hav a translaytor handy if yu need wun...


Do YOU want to be interviewed?

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.