Curiosser an curiosser...

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no, an Mummy sneekt off to the CO-OP insted. I refewsd to go. I don't care if they DO do exslent choccie biccies or eevn if their big boxis ov speshol Crismoss choccie biccies ar on speshol. 2 big boxis fer £4. Pah! Well they carnt be that good can they?
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7.93692/10
• Advent calendar pikcher: girl in a sheet goin for a walk

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well! The mistry deepens.

Those ov yu hoo hav been reedin comments from days parst will hav spottid that a koala (not-a-bear) haz infiltraytid the blog!

I speek ov corse ov "anonymous" hoo left a messidge on my post the other day, the wun abowt the Windosill Bear Familee's growin lak ov respekt. I cud tell it waz a koala (not-a-bear). Hav a reed ov it! Yu can jus smell the beak-nosed-tree-hugger-issity waftin throo the werds. Ha! It waz a wile befor I susst owt the orther's speesheez. But it dornd on me layter that nite that ownly a koala (not-a-bear) cud be that darft or that narsty. Heer's wat the yung ninkompoop rote:

Here did you learn english? Ever heard of spell check? What is this British Ebonics? Learn how to spell you idiot!

A crood, rood, an koala-like messidge, I'm shor yu'll agree!

Heer's wat I rote bak!

Anonymous,"Here did you learn english?" Yor sentence duzz not mayke sense, sir! AND! As I say at the top ov my blog, I RITE MY BLOG IN BEAR ENGLISH!!!! An I spell English wiv a capital "E", too, unlike yu! So don't go callin ME the idiot! At leest we Bears hav a sense ov hewmer yu silly incognito pooey Not-A-Bear! Don't come rownd heer spreddin yor silly forrin synicysm!

HA! Phwar! Tayke that!

I do hope that this messidge's tymin is meerly coinsidental. I do hope that the Windowsill Bears arnt recrewtin Koalas (not-a-bears) in their corze. No. I carnt beleev it. No way. No. I jus don't think they wud do that: they ar compleetly trustwerthy.

Still, I've put seekrit camras rownd the howse all the sayme. Weel discuver tomorro wat they've been up to!

Bye fer now!

Football, Poo, an Kangaroos.

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills:YES!!!!! We won! Hurrayyy!!!!!!!! We won 3 - 1 agenst Leyton Orient (full nayme, Le-ton-ov-poo, abowt as Oriental as Birmingham). Me an Daddy traveld down to Kent to see them. I dident get to go on the pitch and nose the ball this time, but I did jus spot a small brown blur runnin parst the goal at wun poynte, so another Bear did it for me. Me, I waz bizzy in the chairman's offiss, tryin to explayne wy I cuddent arfter all tayke on the job of new Team Manager. My existing sponsibilitys ar jus too varst, I hav realisd. He sed he kwite understood, an wood hav to pick sumwun else insted. Probly sum time this week, akchewally, if he can trak down his number two choyse.
• Simpsons: mist them, but fer a good reeson
• Tesco: no: now weer runnin out ov toilet papyer. This is gettin seerious. Daddy issent too fayzed as he ownly goze abowt 3 times a week. But Mummy duzz 4 or 5 poos a day. An that's wen sheez well. I cort her taykin sum tishoos into the loo wiv her. As if it issent bad enuff that she is self-ishooing, she is now yewsin tishoos fer unapproovd perpossis. She apologized an sed it waz an emergensy an assured me that eech tishoo wud be fasilitayted 3 times: to coff, blow her nose, an 'wipe'. Hehehee. I explayned that this was reelly no excews an mayde her fill in the correkt rekweezishon form. Yu carnt just go abowt doin anarky, yu kno. That's wen the trubbol starts.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 10! Got Grayum. He thort it waz all still serspendid. /10
• Day Score: 8/10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

I waz thinkin today abowt kangaroos. They're grayte, aren't they? An I desydid that if I weren't a Bear, I'd be a kangaroo. That way I cud run abowt leepin an frolickin, an if it startid raynin I cud jus jump bak into my Mummy's poket. It'd be cool.

The kangaroo: wun ov Winnie T Pooh (esq.)'s best pals belongd to this aynchent tribe

So now I hav a kwestchon fer yu all:

Wat kind ov Bear or Not-a-Bear wud yu be, if yu wer not the Bear or Not-a-Bear yu ar?

Yu can pik anything yu want. Jus be advized that if yu pik enything reptillian yu mite be encurridging a certain small croco-dragon onto yor blog, s'all.

Bye fer now!

thanks to Animal Wallpapers Blog for this foto!

April 1st! Quick! Hide!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: YES! We won! No, it's not an April Fool joke!
• Simpsons: no
• Tesco: yes: pettrol
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: oops fergot /10
• Day Score: 8.5293r /10

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Now look, I know it's April the 1st, but I kid yu NOT- Mummy has just roasted a chicken, at 4am, and is now sitting here munching on wun ov its legs.

The REALLY scary thing is that she duzzent seem to think this is weird in eny way. She even offered me a bit.

Sheez gon all nocturnal agen. So I'm carftering her. Me an Dilly do shifts thru the night. We don't leave Daddy alone in bed, of course, that wud be breaking the Bed Rule.

I'm a bit worreed that this will be just the ferst in a long list of weirdness today.

So I've decided to hide. I won't say where, as this is the ferst place they'll look fer clues (Not-a-Bears are sooooo predictable). Becoz, kwite frankly, I'm just too machture for their silly goings-on.

Anyway, if I do get bored, I can always jump out at them an get a 10/10 score for nose hug suprizisity.

frankly, I'm jus too matchure fer April 1st

Good luck, all. And bye fer now!

It's not a panda, it's an imposter!

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

On Saterday we all went to an animal park called Port Lympne where they had sum of those terribol imposters that go by the name of Red Panda. I've talked about these reprobates before; see here! So, whilst at the park I made this short film to demonstrate how UNBEARlike these weird fox-type creatures are- not-a-bears, and NOT-pandas!

Bye fer now!

More Imposters!

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 8/10
• Advent Calender Pikcher: another girl, this time with a tea-towel on her head.

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well, I take it we all know about koala not-a-bears now. Or, if yor new around here (where've yu been???!) click here to read about my campaign against the impostering koala. Now the time has come to introduce another imposter, THE RED PANDA.

We came across a few ov these reprobates when we visited Colchester Zoo earlier this year. Everyone was saying how cute they were, and littol gerls, espeshally, kept going "Ahhhhhhh" and other such silliness. I've nothing agenst them, myself, yu understand, I'm shor there's a lot to be sed fer being dressed up like a cross between Batman an Little Red Riding Hood. But there is no need, I mean NO NEED to call yorself a Bear whilst doing it.

Look at this:

fig 1. "Panda": clearly a Bear

Now look at this:

fig 2. "Red Panda". FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!! IT'S A BLUDDY RACCOON!!!!!

Is there a new Darwinian rule I don't know about? Wun that goes sumthing like, "If it looks like it's about to rob a bank, call it a Bear"??? STROOFFF! Why carn't they call it a Red Raccoon? It's not right, and an an it's NOT CLEVER!

Stop it!

Answer to an email...

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Thank you fer all yor emails. I am workin on arnsering yor kwestions, inclooding inquiries regardin my grayte appreesheayshon ov pants, an how to play the game "Bear! Not-A-Bear!".

I hav also reseeved dis comment from Audrey Not-A-Bear:

Im sorry Bob,but as a little sister all my life I have to agree
with Dilly~ BOYS DO SMELL!!!!!!!! HONESTLY THEY DO SO

Love Audrey ( not a
bear)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boys don't smell! We don't! Don't! I arskt my Daddy an an an he agrees wiv me so dere! An an an wot mummy sed about his socks issent troo! Dit issent! They don't walk downstairs to der wash basket on dere own steam! It issent troo an an an it issent even funny!

Skwirrols

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9.5/10
• Day Score: 8/10
  
  
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Dit was another warm day yesterday (what's happened to autumn? Did dey ferget it?) so mummy went into town an fed der skwirrols in der park.

a Not-A-Bear ov skwirrol type genus >

I've notist dat mummy seems to like a lot ov Not-A-Bears, espeshally der stoopid wuns. Take deez skwirrols fer instance. She givs dem two hazelnuts at a time. Sheez been doing this all summer. Dey eat wun, den run off and bury der uver wun in the flower-pots round der band-stand. Den dey run bak fer more. Now, not all deez skwirrols are dis year's batch, so they must hav dun this larst year, an der year befor, too. So how come they don't realize dat der counsil will com and empty all der flower pots an tayk dem away at der end ov der summer? About 70% ov wot dey have skwirroled away fer der winter iz going to be nicked by der counsil workmen eny day now. An der magpies yewsually nick der rest. See? Not the sharpest pointy stick in der forrest, are dey?

Dits like granny liking English Bull Terriers cos deyer ugly an she sez she feels sorry fer dem. (Maybe I hav uncuvered der reeson wy my parents adoptid my little sister.)

Enyway, mummy ended up wiv muddy skwirrol foot prints all over her cos wun partikularly gluttonous wun kept climbing up her fer mor hazelnuts. Now if I did that wen she got der choklit peanuts out I'd be told off, but not der skwirrols, oh no, she thort dat was cute! Dit's species-ist, I tell yu.

Bye fer now!

KOALAS

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Today I need to tell yu about the most faymuss bear imposter of all- the KOALA. I could hav sed "bear impersonater" but be honest- wot part of this yung wipper-snapper looks like a bear? Ther koala not-a-bear is a MAR-SOUP-E-ALL an like all mar-soup-e-alls he is very probably a shop-lifter. This is wy they hav bilt in pokkets. Yu thort dis was to carry their babies? Well yes, but that is how they do the shop-lifting. Hoo hassent seen a baby in the trolley in front ov dem in the kew at the supermarket grab sumthing off the shelf as dey go throo? Aha! See? It is the same for mar-soup-e-als.

I hav eevn herd sum peepol call them "Koala Bears". NO! No no no! They're not! They are Koala-not-a-bears. They are sneeky littol things wiv beaks an an an dit is very insulting to us proper bears to call them bears.

This brings me to the International Bear Anthem, wich I menshoned the other day wen I tolkt about Bear Sports. This is how it goes:

GROWL says der polar bear
GROWL says der brown
GROWL says der grizzly bear
all with a frown
[all jump up an showt der next bit]
KOALAS ARE NOT-A-BEARS!

It has been a bit contravershol in resent yeers. Spectacled bears, pandas an black bears all sed they felt un-represented. It was put foreward that they cud go in a second verse but they dident go fer this, as no-one ever sings second verses. So in the end we added the bit about koalas so now we bears can all be united- in our annoyance at theez silly littol
bear-wannabees.

I hope yu will never agen call koalas "bears" or at leest, if yu must persist in yor error, keep it out of yor bear's earshot. The larst thing yu want is a bear-wiv-a-sor-hed.

Bye fer now!

Grayum

Yesterday's scores:

• Gills: no
• Simpsons: yes
• Tesco: no but mummy went to a non-Tesco shop. And she has a Loyalty card! Onnistly I don't think humans no der meaning of der word loyal.
• Nose Hugs Surprizisity Score: 9/10
• Day Score: 7/10
  

HULLO NOT-A-BEARS!

Well Wendzday woz a kwyet day. Grayum an I jus hung out an wotcht telly really. Sept fer wen mummy did der woshing- dere were lots ov pants an so wen she hung dem out we sat on der bak ov der sofa an wotcht dem all darnsing in der wind heheheh hehehe pants are so funny.

Enyway I don't think yu an Grayum hav been formally introduced. He yewst to be a teacher in the game ov "Bear! Not-a-Bear!" but heez old so heez retired now. Akchewally I had a email yesterday from Mousie askin wether bears retire an if so, how old ar dey wen dey go. Well Mousie, we don't really retire, we jus sleep more. For sum ov us dat means staying on der bed awl day. Others mite like to moov to der attik an liv in a box wiv books an other bears. Grayum likes to hang out wiv other bears, speshally me. Here we are hanging out in our jumpers:

and here we are wen we swoppt hehehehe:

I'll tell yu mor about the game "Bear! Not-A-Bear!" another day.

Bye fer now!