the future is coming...

I'm staring down the barrel of my future, inserting the bullets that will soon shoot into the long thought of, always a dream and never a reality target called graduate school.

Seriously.

Friday afternoon I discovered that I can, if I desire, graduate in April. Being an intelligent person, I'm going to delay that date until August, because 18 credits plus a job will most likely kill me. However, one 3 credit hour class in the spring means that I will be done with my bachelor's degree in June of 2013 -- a year later than I would have liked to graduate because 8-year-old me set a goal to be done by age 20, but a year sooner than 21-year-old me ever imagined.

I've found three schools so far that match well -- they offer a Masters in Library and Information Science with Archival and Special Collections specializations, and each of them are either online or offer satellite programs near where I live. The dream would be to actually go somewhere for grad school, but practical me realizes it's not an option. There are far too many things keeping me here -- possibility of landing a job at the BYU library where I work now, money (always money), family things, Adam (yeah, he's a major stay factor), and money (again with the money). To top it off, one of the programs  has the option of specializing in Museum Studies, which few others have. I learned about that through one of my professor's, who is the director of a museum on campus.

Even better? None of these programs require test scores from the GRE. I'd hash tag my excitement level, but I'll spare you.

Now I'm beginning to understand the sentiments expressed by friends who have graduated.

This is crazy.

I'm 21. I'm going to graduate a year earlier than I thought possible, with a minor I just added last month. All of the sudden I'm forced to think about not just the classes I have to take this fall, but the applications for colleges and scholarships, student loans, finding a real job (though my job is pretty darn close), and applying for graduation. Me. Applying for graduation!

I'm growing up. And almost throwing up at the realization.

It's too terrifying to be exciting.

Also. Pray that I pass Economics 110 this semester. If I don't, my life will be on hold until I can at least get a C out of the devilish beast.

back...

Hey, y'all.

After a good 9 days of clearing my head and re-evaluating what I'm going to do with my life, I feel like it's a good time to start sharing my adventures again.

So far, I've done these things:

1. Moved up my graduation date from December 2014 to April 2014 -- Spring/Summer term scholarships create great incentive to get the heck out of here.
2. Decided NOT to serve a full-time mission for sure.
3. Made plans to reapply to UVU after graduating to complete the photography certificate, a year long program that I've had my eye on for awhile (because BYU has been sending me emails telling me that I have a lot of credits and should think about graduating).
4. Also decided to do MATC's culinary arts program, just for kicks.
5. Started checking out grad schools and have narrowed it down to three or four, none of which require me to leave the state -- holla for accredited satellite programs.
6. Gotten myself in debt to the bank for the first time in my life -- yay for emotional spending sprees. But it is pretty worth it -- got my first pedicure (the polish matches my eyes) and my first pairs of American Eagle jeans (because my favorite pair died). And a Build-a-Bear. Because I needed something to hug.
7. Rented a puppy.

What? Rented a puppy, you ask? 

Why, yes. I actually scheduled that before Adam broke up with me (hence the blog break for a little while), and when little Toby showed up two days after things fell apart, he was a welcome distraction.

 This is Toby. Adorbs, isn't he?

this bone is Toby-size for his convenience

Kinda wish I could keep him, because he is such a little love. Puppies (and dogs in general) just make everything better.

Anyway. I'm back. I've got what I want figured out, and I'm feeling pretty good. There are hard moments, obviously. My life is pretty great, though. I'm a lucky girl.

I've been lucky for a long time.

picking up where we left off...

I'm not making new resolutions this year. Instead, I'm making a list of things that I have been working on and will continue to work on.

...this year, I will...

...be kinder
...be gentler
...be patient
...be honest
...be diligent
...be healthy
...be smart
...be cautious
...be true
...be active
...be silly
...be involved
...be sincere
...be open
...be driven
...be happy
...be faithful

...in others and myself.

heaven forbid...

Resolved, if I am ever a college teacher/professor (ugh), things will go like this:

I will not be vague about what my students need to know for exams.

I will hold them accountable for the work/reading assignments by having discussion-based lectures.

I will not return papers/exams without any comments.

I will expect students' work to be their best, taking into consideration that students are human, not super heroes.

I will not insult them or treat them like children.

I will have accessible office hours, respond to emails, and provide detailed syllabi that I stick to, not change at whim.

I will not lecture them the whole class period.

I will give homework that is actually worth doing (granted, worthwhile is an opinion thing), with no hint at the term busy-work.

I will not be the stuffed-shirt, eagle-eyed professor who goes by Doctor wherever she goes, choosing instead to connect with my students and others on a person-to-person basis, because I am not my degree (particularly on my children's wedding invitations -- seriously?).

I will encourage higher thinking and incorporate many types of presentations because students learn differently and will enjoy learning something they love in a style they understand.

I will not be the professors I had this semester (or most of them). I will guarantee that.

I will be warm and approachable, helpful, yet demanding because I know students can and will do a good job if they know what is expected of them. 

It'll be like teaching Primary, except the students will be bigger and I can wear pants. 

family matters...

I am going on record by stating this goal for my life: that when I have a family of my own, I will never yell at my spouse or children, unless it is to warn them of danger -- like if one of the kids runs out into the road and I need to stop them, or if a tree is going to fall on them (it happens -- my dad has been hit by trees twice). All other circumstances will be handled without any kind of yelling, screaming, swearing, belittling, guilt tripping, or any other such displays of loud, unkind anger. I will not be the cause for contention and fear in my home.

I know I'm not going to be a perfect wife or parent, but by golly, I will do whatever it takes to not scare or hurt my family. I want my spouse and kids to feel safe, loved, and treasured. If I've learned anything in my 20 years at home, it's that family members should be treated with respect, kindness, and love -- family members are not punching bags for you to verbally abuse because you are frustrated or upset. It is not and never will be okay. And so I promise now, today, forever, to do my best to be a peacemaker, to be understanding and kind -- not to be permissive -- but gently firm.

more...

...goals for my life...
...talk less, listen more
...think less, do more
...social media less, face to face more
...plan to be less, be the plan more
...laze less, study more
...fear less, hope more
...change less for others, change more for me and the Lord
...worry less, act more
...fight less, accept more
...complain less, rejoice more
...cry less for sadness, cry more for joy
...walk less, dance more
...silence less, sing more
...forget less, remember more
...frown less, smile more
...dress down less, dress up more
...get less, give more
...spend less, save more
...waste less, use more
...watch less, read more
...ignore less, observe more
...doubt less, believe more
...make from box less, make from scratch more
...copy less, create more
...surf less, write more

Ready...go. :)

oof...

There is a rather large flaw in my personality. I have no self-control when it comes to money. Or I try to have self-control and I do great! For awhile. And then I see a necklace that would go perfectly with my best friend's church outfit, or I have to keep the tradition of buying my dad a licorice pipe every time I go to Gardner Village (really, I have to keep those stupid little traditions or I get so nervous that something bad will happen), or I want a sister to cheer up after a hard day so I buy her ice cream. Those are just a few examples. So I go about the day saying in my head, "I cannot buy anything. I will not buy anything. I have no job, no income, no money to spend. So I just won't do it."

Ha...thaaaaat lasted all of 12 hours. As usual. Because, SURPRISE!! I just spent money. Too much of it.

In my defense, I saved nearly $90 by shopping smart (if any shopping I do right now could be considered smart). BOGO sales, clearance, all that jazz. And I'm actually excited about a lot of the stuff because it's all CUTE. Or at least cute to me.

I still spent too much money. That's what I get for vanity. Nothing but what I deserve.

Resume updating begins tomorrow. Employment is looking pretty good right now. Pretty dang good.