Christmas soup...

This afternoon, my sisters and I went to Olive Garden after seeing Ballet West's production of "The Nutcracker". On our way out, I saw a man in an old coat and jeans standing a few feet from the door. For some reason I couldn't help but look at him, and when our eyes met, he hurriedly turned away. His whole body read shame and cold and sorrow.

Without thinking, I ran to the door. I had no money, but I did have a bowl of hot, steaming soup; the untouched all-you-can-eat serving I was too full to even start. I called to the man, who didn't answer. I called again, "Sir! Here. This is for you."

The look on his face was one of utter amazement -- his eyes brightened, and the shame and sadness I had seen disappeared. As he took the soup, he cried "You've got to be kidding me! This is for me?" I told him again that yes, it was for him, and was happy to see him accept it.

Technically, I broke the law -- I don't have a permit to hand out food to someone who is homeless or panhandling. But when I saw that man's face, and saw how he could barely look at me, I absolutely couldn't walk away from him, not when I had something hot and delicious to share. Utah's laws didn't even cross my mind -- only a higher law, that of feeding the hungry and lifting those whose hands hang down, made sense to me. Seeing the change in the man's eyes, and watching as he cupped that simple bowl of soup in his hands -- wow. What I wouldn't give to be able to do that for someone every single day of my life. ‪#‎sharetheGift‬

be the change...

As Christmas approaches, I am even more aware of the injustices and pain that happen in the world. Today, my thoughts have turned to America, and to a story of love and sacrifice that changed one person's life forever. But as much as this story is inspiring, it has an incredibly dark side, one that I do not feel should be overlooked. And so, if you read on, please accept this as my offering to those who have little -- accept this as a plea to be the change that we need.

An angel and a hero -- Tara Starling, founder of SoulFood USA with military veteran, Kaylynn

This woman served her country, became a soldier. She fought to give us a place where we can reach our goals, raise our families, talk about anything we want -- she gave up everything to keep us safe. When she got home, she had nothing. She and her little boy have been living in a tent, in December, with belongings that fit into a closet-sized space. And yet, we have government representatives making hundreds of thousands of dollars, a president who goes on million dollar vacations using tax-payer money. This woman served her country and protected that government so that it can continue to exist -- only to come home to a tent for her and her son.

Not only that, but this group of devoted, compassionate individuals who banded together to help this single mother are required BY LAW to have a permit to help those less fortunate than themselves. Utah now requires that groups who help the homeless (especially those who provide food) have a permit. They are required by a government who rejects those men and women who give all, those men and women who sacrifice family -- birthdays, holidays, births, deaths, all of those precious moments -- who sacrifice safety, security, mental and emotional health -- rejects the men and women who keep safe the government which sends them away when they return.

More and more states are requiring these permits -- requiring that men and women who freely give of their money, time, and resources, with no thought for compensation or recognition, get permission to help those in need. It's suddenly against the law to help our fellow men, unless we get permission from governments that can't seem to help.

I'm not suggesting we become a socialist state. I'm not arguing for communism or big government. I'm pointing out that there is a major discrepancy: those who support the nation and risk it all are put on the streets, while a single man -- the president -- uses taxpayer dollars to go on million dollar vacations to Hawaii.

That isn't right.

Nor is it right that giving, nurturing people be required to have a legal document to aid the homeless with food or other material goods, like coats and clothing and bedding.

This is not the America I love. This is not the country I honor. This is a country that needs to change. This a country that is sick, that has forgotten its ideals, and that has turned its back on the aspirations which birthed it.

Do your duty in this country. Know not just who you are voting for, but what that person stands for, what he or she will do with the power that YOU give.

You decide what happens in this country. Be the change.

lesson One...

Worry less about how your life looks to others and more about how your life feels to you.
There are a lot of trends I'm seeing lately that have started to concern me. I see people documenting their entire lives on the Internet through cell phones, web cams, blogs, Facebook, twitter. At first I thought, oh hey, that's cool! I want Instagram! Then I can show what I'm doing and be cool like everyone else.

But then I started to think more about this sort of thing, this instantaneous documentation and the ways I project myself to the world. I began noticing my motivations, and what I saw made me unhappy with myself.

The event that stemmed all of this thought seems a ridiculous catalyst. It all started with a hamburger. I was at my professor's home for an end of term class party. I'd spent the majority of the time playing with his son, Cade, and I finally got Cade to eat a cookie so that I could have my own dinner. As I stood in line behind my classmates and other students from my professor's classes, I noticed that each of them created similar hamburger ensembles:  bun, burger, cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, mustard, ketchup. They then got guacamole and chips, lots of watermelon and cantaloupe, and for the most part skipped the cookies and shortcake, choosing just to take the strawberries.

My heart sank as I saw each person follow this pattern. I don't really like lettuce, I generally avoid tomatoes, I think dill pickles are gross, mustard is evil, and guacamole just looks yucky to me. However, I felt that to NOT have all of these things was to be too different, and that people would criticize me in their minds for being unhealthy and picky. And so, I copied the pattern I saw and forced it all down.

Looking back, I recognize that those people probably weren't paying that much attention to what I put on my plate and what I didn't. In the moment, though, I was absolutely terrified that they would judge me and mentally call me names like fat and immature. But why was I worried about that? Because those are the names that I called myself. I called myself unhealthy, picky, fat, immature, and projected my own thoughts onto the people around me. I forced myself to eat what I thought people wanted me to eat. I was so worried about how others would perceive me that I forgot the most important thing: how did eating food I don't like make me feel?

As I thought about that experience, I realized that this happens with more than just food at a party. What I pin on Pinterest, the status updates on Facebook, my pictures that I take and post, the things I choose to talk about -- so much of this has been to make people believe I'm a certain way. I was trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be. But if the me I really am and the me I pretend to be don't match up, then does that mean that I am going to spend my whole life pretending?

My answer?

No.

I'm not saying that virtual documentation and distribution of life events/outfits/meals/things is a bad thing! Honestly, I kind of wish I had Instagram because then I could have something like a photo journal. I actually think that and other things are very good, but only if the motivation behind them is correct. I feel that if my motivation is to put on some face that I think others want to see, then my motivation is wrong. If I'm wearing a particular outfit to show that I'm in style, but I'm horribly uncomfortable, then WHY the heck am I wearing it? If I'm working out to "fit in" with society, but not because I want to be healthy, WHY? If I'm eating a certain way to assuage the fears of imagined rejection, but I hate what I'm eating, then WHY am I eating it? If I tell a close friend who I know I can trust that I'm doing great, but I'm actually falling apart at the moment, WHY?

Life isn't about the appearance, and in this case I mean more than the physical appearance. It includes the appearance of how you're living, and why you're living. If how you're living and why you're living are not comfortable or happy or the way you really want to live, then why are you doing it?

And so I say, to myself just as much to anyone else:

Worry less about how your life looks to others and more about how your life feels to you.

Because why be someone you're not truly happy being?

love isn't only about romance...

Valentine's Day. It's been a conversation piece at work and school for the past month. You know what? I'm sick of two things about it:

1. People who constantly squeal about how excited they are for it because of their significant other
2. People who constantly complain about how much they hate it because of their lack of a significant other

I used to think I was impartial to this holiday. And then I got to thinking about it more. I don't have neutral feelings about it at all. Despite my lack of a significant other (which, right now, I am so grateful for), I love Valentine's Day. Why? Let me tell you:

There is always, always, always someone who needs to be reminded that they are loved. It doesn't even need to be a holiday to show someone that they are cared for.

I'm excited for Valentine's Day because it's a day I get to show others I care about them. I care that they are alive. The people I know and love and hold dear, they deserve to know that I love them! People I've never met before, people I'll never see again. They're important in this world! Every person is important, whether you personally know their name or not. That's part of what makes everyone so very special: despite the billions on the planet and the potential to become insignificant, no one truly is.

This Valentine's Day, I ask you to think less of yourself and your relationship status. Think more of those who may be struggling less than, as much as, or more than yourself. Be it a single mother, a child in a dysfunctional or even functional home, a widow or widower, a person down on their luck, a customer at your workplace, a teacher, a friend, a family member, or even the dog down the road--all need to know they are loved.

Those who are loved, take some time out to share it with another person. Those who don't think that they are loved, go out and find it in loving someone else.