Not very good at...

Doing nothing. I did manage for a while this morning as I drifted in and out of slumber, but the freaky dreams about aliens taking over the earth eventually became too much for me.

Since then it's been a non-stop whirl of activity. I've written to do lists and crossed items off, I've cleaned the windows, planned aspects of the upcoming year, learnt how to use a new presentation gizmo and structured some artist interviews (more on those soon...). I just don't do sitting still.

My son is away with his father, and I like to keep busy so I don't feel it so much. His absence does mean I have more time to focus (and work) and less time is spent building things, fixing things and pretending to be a superhero's sidekick (I'm never allowed to be the main guy...). I miss being the superhero's sidekick though...

I'm all of a fidget, I'm making plans and lists. I'm ticking things off. I feel guilty if I'm not up to something and am usually planning the next item on the agenda. I have so many books I want to read, paintings to form, plans to take shape.

I've always been like this, but never very good at completing tasks and ambitions. I'm always great at the start, but then begin to drift into the next idea before I've got all I should out of the first. Next year will be different. Prepare to see things happening. I'm fired up like never before. Watch out world... I'm coming after you!

Yesterday I made a cover for my Diary (the one I'm featured in on Feb 23rd - follow the link and check out the spread in the bottom left corner). Front and back designs plus a bookmark. Another task ticked off the list, albeit one that's been on there for about two months!

Putting it out there

The time has come to procrastinate no longer. The stars are in alignment (or so the delightfully named Shelly von Strunkel told me on the radio). I want my want and I'm gonna go out and get it. Even Wishcasting this week is pointing me in the right direction! Jamie asks: What do you wish to enjoy? Why everything about life and that includes how I earn a living!

I am a writer. I accept this now. I want to write more. I need to write more. I have been earning my living from writing. I need more clients. I must build my business. I want to pull that book out of me (kicking and screaming if necessary).

The most important thing to remember though is that this is what I know I will enjoy. It's my passion. Whatever I decide to do, I must hold onto that emotion and never let it become a chore.

So, here's what I'm going to do next.

1. Update my business website with all the things I've done and can do.
2. Tell people about myself - turn myself into a mini 'celebrity'. Become known in the right circles. Market, market, market.

[Back you demons. I can hear you saying "you can't write that. You're not good enough. Who would be interested in you anyway?" Go away. I'm not listening. I'm talking to the Universe, so kindly don't interrupt]

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, getting my name out there. Well, just wondering if anyone would like me to do a guest post for them on their blog? I'd also be interested in finding other blogs and sites that look for guest writers, so if you know of any, please do share!

Eek, I asked! I am prepared for a deathly silence, but if you don't ask you don't get. No charge or catch for this - just a hint of what to write about.

I hope you're listening Universe!

You can contact me via my email link in my profile page or just leave a message in comments.

Art Every Day - Day 3. Some playing in Photoshop today. I went to a posh garden centre last week and took a stack of photos of all the lovely things they had on display. I couldn't afford to buy them, but anyway, how much more fun it can be to play artistically with their images! Expect to see a few more...

And why a picture of pots today? Planting idea seeds my friends. I wonder what will grow?

Take off

Having set the scene with an earlier post this week, I will now attempt once again to tell you about the latest course I am taking - Kelly Rae's Flying Lessons - rather than another art course, this one takes me on the next step of making a success of my creative business (which at the moment amounts to selling a couple of paintings).

The thing is, my mind is already wandering... I'm thinking about my last take off. Home from holiday just over a week ago. Skiathos has one of those very short runways that end in the sea. Landing was an exercise in swift braking and reverse thrust. Take off was flinging you back in the seat and subconsciously lifting your body up with the plane before the tarmac ran out.

Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, creating my successful creative business... Now of course I can't think of a thing to say (I've gone back to Greece).

I admire Kelly tremendously. An ordinary girl just like me. She's not formally trained, she just fell into art and now not only makes her living from it, but inspires and encourages others to take the plunge too. Her generous spirit has made this course possible and she genuinely wants us to make it too. This week we've been dealing with the fear factor. Those old 'who do you think you are?' niggles. It's all about bringing Faith and Self Belief into your make up box. I should stop listening to the inner critic and instead heed the words of those who tell me I am an Artist. I am Creative. I am good at what I do. It always seems to come as such a shock when I receive praise. Did Rembrandt have this much trouble I wonder? Does David Beckham ever wonder if he's any good at football? J K Rowling if she's got a good imagination?

I actually feel really strange just writing this. Just half-heartedly admitting that I might have some talent that buyers might wish to part with their hard-earned cash for. It's embarrassing. I'm blushing. Why is it so wrong to put yourself out there and say "I am an artist". After all, if someone asks me what I do for a living (ie the day job) I have no worries about comfortably stating I'm an Internal Communications Manager. If I played sport in my free time, I wouldn't shy away from admitting I competed. Why can't I just say I'm an artist?

It's a funny old world. Good job the pilot wasn't so scared of taking off last week!

I did it!

Wow, this writing down your ambitions thing really works. No sooner had I typed those words about sorting out all that paperwork than there I was on the lounge carpet surrounded by piles of recycled trees! I am very impressed with this. What next? Well, write the novel obviously, getting a job would be a good one too. This is day 3 of unemployment and still feels strangely like a holiday which is not good. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up in a cold sweat wondering how I am going to pay the bills, but so far I must say I am rather enjoying myself. I've done two workouts - that's another one - GET FIT! I bought a gorgeous dress yesterday ready for when I meet The Queen (that isn't a joke - I really am meeting the Queen!). It was my boyfriend's birthday and to help him celebrate I took him dress shopping - what a considerate bird eh? Well, truth is, we just popped into Debenhams for a "quick look, I promise" and I came out with a dress. I only tried one on, but it was perfect and he got to sit down for 5 minutes and read the paper.
Anyway, I digress... It's time to get this show on the road as they say. It's all very well writing a blog about me becoming a writer but doing it is another thing. What I envisage is earning money doing a variety of creative things. I want to write a novel (big project; big risk); I want to write and get published some short stories for magazines (doesn't pay much but good experience and how cool would it be to see my creations on the newsagent's shelf). I would like to do some part-time/freelance Internal Communications consulting. This is where I will earn some money. Let's prioritise then. Next ambition - sort out a business plan for consultancy, write to my network. Finally, I just want to write, so we'll start with this blog and see what happens. By the time Masterchef comes around again next year we'll have something about food published.

Back on Masterchef again

It's the final this week and gripping stuff, I almost can't bear to watch. However, the material for this post comes not from the food and cooking, nor the presentation and anticipation. Instead, it is simply from something that one of the finalists said "If you have a dream then you owe it to yourself to go for it." A little reminder that this writing IS my dream. It is something I have always wanted and this is my big opportunity to give it my all. Next week I will be officially redundant from Carlsberg. I have no job to go to, so writing and working for myself will be my role and I must get on with it, allowing no distraction. How easy it would be to fall into a pit of self pity, or to ensconce myself on the sofa digesting a diet of moving house programmes (at least I know I would never stoop so low as Jeremy Kyle!). Thankfully Masterchef finishes tomorrow so I'll be regaining a chunk of my evening!

Off now to indulge in Molton Brown bath soak then slip between clean sheets. Ah bliss...