Supermarket cruelty

I'm on a diet and fitness regime. It's going pretty well and I've lost 5kg already. As well as consuming the obligatory rabbit food, I've also cut down on the carbs (particularly the evil white refined ones), turned cakes and biscuits into once a week treats and (almost) weaned myself off chocolate. I do nibble on the occasional square of the dark stuff, high in cocoa solids - particularly nice when combined in the mouth with dried fruit.

It hasn't been easy. The sugar-cravings were the worst and things got to the state where I was dreaming about cupcakes and sniffing any discarded mars bar wrappers I found blowing down the street.

However, the worst is over; the fitness levels are rising and I'm actually enjoying the healthy diet and can walk past pizzas, chips,crisps, biscuits, ice cream and chocolate in the aisles of the supermarket with ease. Imagine my consternation this morning though when I realised that Tesco are onto me. They have clearly been studying my Clubcard buying patterns and noticed an alarming dip in my monthly purchase of sugary substances.

Coupled with an increase in wholegrain cereal dropping into the shopping trolley, they came up with a dastardly plan.

"Let's put a display of chocolate hanging down in front of the healthy cereal section" their dastardly marketing manager doubtless suggested in their revenue-generating meeting. The rest of his team rubbed their hands in excitement. It would surely work. The mean man was about to pick up the phone and call Cadbury to see if they'd offer a discount, when an over-ambitious fiend had an even better idea.

"Make it Lindt" she whispered, holding the rest of the team in awe... "Looking over her purchase patterns, I've a sneaky suspicion this may be her favourite".

And so it was that at least 20 bars of mouth-watering Swiss chocolate hung temptingly in front of the no-sugar, many grain, actually pretty tasty granola.

Would our heroine give into temptation.

NO SHE WOULD NOT!!

GOT YOU TESCO... NAH NA NA NA NAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Getting cosy

I haven't been here for days... Have you missed me?

I've been busy my dear readers, so busy. Beavering away at words all day with such concentration that by the time night (and my blogging life) arrives, my mind is far too battered to join in any further prose combat. I have instead been getting snuggled and cosy on the sofa and indulging in some festive treats.

Naturally, one can't utter the word treat without the brown stickyness of chocolate being far behind. Today I won a whole delicious box of luxury chocs in a general knowledge quiz during our team Christmas lunch. It was very handy knowing that the King of the Mice was the Nutcracker's nemesis and Rudolf was nowhere to be seen in The Night before Christmas!

While we're on the subject of tasty treats that pile on the calories. I bought a bottle of Bailey's about two months ago 'for Christmas'. It was on special offer in Sainsbury's. We managed to studiously ignore it for weeks then one relaxed evening could no longer listen to its pitiful calls from the cupboard. We opened and had a large measure each... then another the next night... and the next... Hmm. Then I had to buy another bottle...

And don't get me started on Stollen...

This post was actually going to be more about getting cosy in front of the TV, so I had best get that switched on before you all switch off. This week, my evenings have been about potted pheasant, Argentine Tango, voices of angels and ambergris*. I've sat by crackling fires, learnt how to make pewter vases, decorate Christmas trees with dried fruit and witnessed the birth of business brains.

Even the names of the presenters (notably the two chefs!) are inviting... Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Heston Blumenthal melt like toffee in the mouth after first giving you something delightful to chew over...

Ah, it has been such bliss. I don't watch much television, so this week has been rather like dipping into that box of chocolates and over-indulging. Wickedly delicious and OK if you don't do it too often.

Still to come is Saturday's Final of Strictly Come Dancing - I really can't wait!

It was tough decision to find an image to illustrate this gastronomy of delights. Would it be Artem and Kara melting into their Rhumba? The remnants of a luxury box of chocolates? In the end Hugh and his buddy with the odd sideburns won out (though I am probably depriving you of an oggle at Artem, so maybe I'll stick him on the end...)

* if you don't know what it is, I'd probably advise not to google it (you certainly wouldn't want to consider eating it afterwards - expensive delicacy or not!)

Been there, done that...

Yeah well, three days to come up with a new chocolate brand and market it to the industry. What a load of old tosh. Yours truly managed it in an afternoon. Once upon a time, on a team building event, we were challenged to create a prize winning box of chocs and given nothing more than some chocolate drops, food dye, tissue paper, glue, scissors and cardboard. I confess to a slight competitiveness when given this sort of test. There was going to be no sitting back gorging on chocolate and getting sticky in my team. I wish I could remember the brand name, but a description should suffice - think Ascot, think hats. A delightful display of head gear nestled within the velvety confines of a taffeta creation to rival the cream of Philip Treacy. Think multi-coloured jockey caps, felt-textured bowlers, floppy sun and romantic dreamery. And did we win? What do you think?

If you didn't watch the Apprentice, you may be slightly confused. Or, if you did, and like me was tempted by all the cocoa talk to indulge in a bit of the sweet stuff, then you might be feeling a touch nauseous, especially if you put away three-quarters of a bar of Green & Black's finest milk. Let's just say the only reason I didn't consume the remaining quarter being simply because I'd eaten it yesterday!

Well done Yasmina, I knew you had it in you girl...

On an unrelated topic. I was driving in Milton Keynes this afternoon and something strange caught my eye. Would someone please explain what the people dressed as the Mad Hatter's crockery were doing hanging around the concrete cows. Unless I can find a solid explanation, I fear I may just slip into quiet insanity...