Crafty Wall Hanging

It's been forever since I posted something crafty here. And since the bead blog is about beads and the stamp blog is about stamps... and this is neither, I thought I would share it here.

I don't remember what artist did this on Carol Duvall, but it's just my kind of craft... it looks nice and is super easy to make! It's one of the few things I saw demoed during the week and went home and made it! Mine is starting to look a little worse for wear but it has been hanging on my wall for 14 years!



Save for the pieces where white is showing...it looks like stone. Here's what you need:

• Water Putty - from Lowe's or Amazon 
• Scraps of 1/2 styrofoam
• 16 or 18 g wire
• Scraps of felt same size as Styrofoam
• Putty knife
• Soap or candle mold...something decorative and small
• White or Styrofoam glue
• Thinned brown paint or brown ink
• Paint brush
• Paper towels
• Wire cutters
• Round nose pliers

Steps

1. Mix some water putty as per directions on box. Pour into the candle / soap mold and allow to harden. When dry, remove from the mold.
2. Cut your Stryofoam into desired shape. I used a rectangle and two squares. 
3. Cut your felt to match your foam shapes. Set aside. 
4. With putty knife, spread water putty onto the sides and front of your foam shapes. Messy looks more rugged, like a real piece of stone. 
5. Spread a little putty onto one of the shapes from the mold and press into the front of the foam piece. I used three leaves on my rectangle and only one on the squares. 
6. Let everything dry. 
7. If using acrylic or house paint...thin it down with water. Or use brown stamping ink. Brush on and rub off with paper towels to age the putty. Think about shadows and light... where would the relief piece naturally be darker??
8. Glue the felt over the back. 
9. Cut a small piece of wire and bend it into a wide V from the middle. Grab one end of the wire about 1/4" from the end and bend it back up toward the middle bend but away from the overall wire piece. (See illustration below.) Repeat on other end. 
10. Insert wire through the felt and into the foam to hang the piece from 

This shows shows the bends in the wire from the front and the side. The little end is inserted into the foam and big bend serves as a hanger.

The beauty of a piece like this is that it looks much heavier than it is yet it can be hung from a sheet rock wall with something as tiny as a brad nail.

May Photos - Naughty Habit

This is Mabel on the sofa. Some part of me regrets I ever let her do this. For one thing, the sofa is nearly broken. It's starting to take on her "old dog" odor. But as a pup, every single time I went down the hall to the office, within minutes, she'd be up there. In spite of having NUMEROUS dog beds. I would drag her down and scold her over and over...and over.

Somehow this transitioned into her only getting up there when I was there. That's usually late at night when I give myself an hour or so of television / ipad time. Even if I stop working at midnight, Mabel will not go to bed without sofa cuddles!

On the other hand, I myself have become so accustomed to sofa cuddle time, the thought of not allowing her (or, dare I say it, any future dogs) on the sofa feels...wrong! It's like people who get a dog and leave them outside! Dogs are pack animals...they need to pack up to feel safe in the world. And isn't cuddling pack behavior? And seriously, I'm getting a little too old for floor cuddles!

May Photos - Painting - Evidence of Sarah Jean

This is the painting that I wake up to every morning. I painted it. It's of the seven sacred pools in Hana, Hawaii one of the most spiritual, amazing places I've ever been lucky enough to visit.  But that's not what I love about this painting.

The day I painted it, I was so excited, I tossed it in the back of the jeep and drove to the bestie's to show to her. I put it back in the car and before I could shut the door, her dog, Sarah jumped in...and ON the painting. I consider Sarah one of the greatest friends I've ever had. She was one of THOSE dogs. I could have conversations with her. She was amazing and kind and funny.

And she was a good and patient teacher to Mabel.

Sarah simply thought I had popped by to take her for a hike and while I was upset about the painting, I wasn't upset with Sarah. I did my best to fix it...but, I can still see paw prints in the clouds. And now, all these years later, that's what I look for...evidence of Sarah Jean...my friend. She's always there...in the clouds.

Reeling from the News

I wrote at length about our local homeless population back in late November '08. I know many of the folks to live at the creek very well and, with my current financial situation, have felt some degree of comfort knowing that if I had to move there, I would be among friends.

About a month ago, I saw a post on a local neighborhood blog that put some fear into my heart about "my" creek and the homeless that live there. The area I hike is "supposed" to be maintained by the golf course. They have failed to do what the city required of them...which was very little and so now 260 acres... i.e, where I hike and many friends live (in tents), is to be dedicated to Mountains Recreation and Conservation Authority to be taken care of since apparently the golf course is unwilling to do so.

Step one of that process is to move the homeless out. Thinking that all things our local government does will take decades, I decided not to concern myself with it. After all, it took almost 20 years for the golf course to be permitted and built. But someone has fast-tracked this.

Last week, "homeless advocates" mapped the area by helicopter and on foot. Then they went around and told all the homeless to vacate by Tuesday or they would throw their stuff away! In this economy!!!???!!!!

While I am terribly worried about all my friends - especially Margaret and Tim (who also lives with his twenty-ish nephew now). Even if they tell Margaret to get out, who knows if she understands. She's lived in the creek for around 30 years! What is she going to do???? Tim holds a job and will figure something out.... but Margaret just won't get it.

And it that isn't bad enough, step two in this nasty process is to fence off the area and make it accessible only from sunrise to sunset. No more staying too late by the stream and wandering out after dark. No more coming home from a too-long meeting and rushing out there for a moonlight hike to restore my sanity. I literally feel like the walls are closing in on me.

I'm really starting to hate California...it's not enough that our stupid governor spent us into the poor house and actually wants to raise our already exorbitant taxes in a depression (which, by the way, where are they getting the money for that expensive advertising campaign to get us to vote yes on the taxes if we're so broke???). But now that they are taking my creek away, I just want to move somewhere cheap, buy at least 30 acres and build a house in the middle.

If I only knew where that was... and had the money to get there.

I've Got the Blahs

It's been pouring rain for days...along with hail. It's cold and I don't feel like moving much. Add in my fruitless job search, the mountain of tax paperwork I despise having to waste my life on, my impending birthday and my messy house and you get one Creekhiker feeling too overwhelmed to accomplish much.

So, here's another photo from my recent Laguna trip.

Copyright 2009 Holly Dare

Why I Hate Cleaning

I keep a very untidy house. Hey, I live alone and the dog doesn't complain (most of the time). As someone recently pointed out to me, I am basically the CEO, Head of Marketing, Art Director, Web Designer, Copy Writer, Stamp Designer, Head of Purchasing, Bead Maker, Jewelry Designer, Chief Cook and Dog Bowl Washer and Accountant for five different businesses! No wonder I'm tired.

(In case you are keeping track: I still produce and bid for production companies, I freelance write for other companies as well as my own, I teach community education, I design and sell rubber stamps and I make beads and jewelry. Count 'em...five jobs!)

If I have a choice between cleaning and doing something that might bring in some income, I choose the income. That's not to say if my choice were a nap or cleaning... I'd take the nap...but as I pointed out, I'm freaking tired!

With all of the above as a disclaimer, there's yet another reason I hate cleaning: I never get DONE! One thing ALWAYS leads to another. (OH MY GOD! I have become my mother!!!)

Example, a month ago, I went away to a bead show. Thanks to the earthquake we had the week before, when the power came back on, I failed to notice I set my bedroom clock exactly 12 hours off. So instead of waking up at 5:45 a.m., taking Mabel to the creek and getting on the road early and calmly, I was frantic from the time I awoke (8:30). And in my haste to get away, I locked Mabel in the house and forgot to take keys to both babysitters!

Both ended up breaking in my house. While the BFF left no trace of having broken in, my other babysitter opted to break in to my office, knowing that she could stand on my desk after climbing in a window.

This knocked my curtains off the wall and as my ceiling fan was on and it was dark, the curtain was on my desk when I returned.

As I went to hang it, I noticed how dusty it was and realized the last time it was washed was right after I moved in and my mother took on that chore. So I wash and dry and iron. Again, hanging the curtain, I notice the blinds... filthy. I vacuum. Still nasty.

I go to the paint store and buy TSP (trisodium phosphate... the wonderful ingredient in Mr. Clean but far cheaper at the paint store!). I fill my bathtub with warm water and soak and then scrub all four blinds. I hung them on my clothesline to dry. They look like new.

I'm about to hang a pair and notice cobwebs in the corner. I dust and vacuum the walls and ceiling. Only, now I think the paint looks dull... See where I'm going???

Quite frankly, I'd rather live with the mess! UGH!




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Emerging From the Cocoon

The God-awful 110 degree heat we've had for well over 10 days has finally relinquished it's death grip on us tonight. There has been no breeze of late. Just horrible, hot Satan's breath that feels as though it's trying to steal your essence of being. I've had the house shut tight since it started; blinds closed, curtains drawn.

I found myself sleeping during the heat of the day and going out to the shop to work or torch in wee hours. I've started to feel very disconnected from the world here in my little cocoon.

I was amazed during my morning metal smithing class in Santa Monica - usually a cool, breezy beach town - when I realized everyone was sweating onto their jewelry projects. By the end of the 2 1/2 hour class, the whole room wreaked of B.O.

Instead of heading straight back to the valley, where it was sure to be even hotter, I opted to have a little taste of home for lunch. I drove down to Hermosa Beach to the Ragin' Cajun Cafe. I've known Steve Domingue, the owner, almost 20 years now. Steve is a descendant of Mr. Trappey and well, let's just say, the boy can cook. When I'm hankering for home cooking - not some L.A. chef's idea of Cajun food, but the real deal - a meal at the Ragin' Cajun sure hits the spot.

Feeling quite happy after my wonderful meal of catfish, hush puppies, coleslaw and a generous helping of Trappey's pickled okra, I headed over to Pacific Artglass to stock up on supplies for my upcoming classes and pick up a few torching rods and frit. The place has no a/c... they don't need it; They're just a few miles from the beach. Again, I found myself sweating and miserable. I cut my shopping trip short and had a good laugh about not meeting my "minimum exit fee" there.

Once home, I peeled off the sticky, stinky clothes. After a quick shower, I curled up next to the girl and snoozed...just drained. I awoke to Mabel whining. It was getting dark and she wanted her hike. I quickly dressed and opened the back door mentally preparing for that blast of hot air. But instead I found what feels like a long lost friend... a gentle breeze and MUCH cooler weather.

It's such a pleasant change. For the first time in over a week, there were other hikers on the trails. And on my grocery outing, our little town was packed. People were everywhere and smiling. It nice to be outside again.



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Wanna Know How Hot It Is?

It's so hot here, the ants that usually invade my kitchen for some respite from the heat - the ones typically satisfied with my cool kitchen sink - are committing Hara Kiri by crawling into my freezer!! And dying there! Everytime I open it, there's a new puddle of "coffee grounds." UGH!



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Staying Busy

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Sorry I've been so quiet. I've had my godson and his friends helping me out in the shop and around the house - organizing stuff, trimming hedges and other yard work I can't handle on my own.

In addition, the long overdue website overhaul is getting underway along with the launch of a new website. If those two projects weren't monumental enough, I had another site go down this week. It was the Museum of Modern Rubber line that I license and their former host (rhymes with Betwork Molutions) is notorious for ramming it to their customers... they want A LOT of money to get everything back up and running. So, I just bought a similar name and created a NEW Modern Rubber website . It's VERY basic but will do the job for now...

The hole in my bedroom wall has also become quite the project. Patching and sanding and now painting. Lowe's mixed the wrong color and I tried and tried mixing my own last night to no avail. After hours of painting yet another wrong color, I gave up and called Hank & Sue's mom. She's a scenic painter on lots of tv shows. She brought primer and a gorgeous color of paint called Ruby Gold, which is also one of the prettiest colors of glass! I got the primer up this morning and she is bringing me the right wall color tonight... but what to do with that fabulous Ruby Gold??? I'm digging through my rubber stamps for a fleur-de-lis...

I bought a plane ticket to Baton Rouge for early November. My big sis will be celebrating her 65th while I'm home. Actually, I promised her a trip home for the occasion in hopes it will get me a good excuse not to be there in December. I really want a quiet, happy Christmas for once. But it will be good to get to see the cousins in Walker & Gonzales as well. It's been too long and these guys are like other siblings to me.


My feet are better every day. I hope everyone is having a good week!

The Ugly, the Bad, the Good & the Pretty

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It's been a rough couple of weeks here. This time of year is always hard on me. I tend to get very depressed... at least I did until two summers ago. Now, it's just a really bad mood that happens in late June / early July. So if you just want the happy stuff, skip down a bit.

Oh, the above picture is Mabel..."playing" with her buddies Hank & Sue. But it totally sums up my mood! Note the placement of Sue's paws on Mabel's neck. (This is my best attempt at getting one of their "hugs" on film.) Even when things aren't so good, it's nice to have friends who care!

The Ugly: I'm back on my walker or cane, depending on distance. Not happy at all about this. I went to get a pedicure hoping to look cute for the BF's (that would be best, not boy) bday. There was a line and a sign saying reflexology available. The masseuse was standing around so I decided to get a session. What I didn't know then was that a Thai reflexology session is very different from the kind that I've had many times and even credit with my mobility. Apparently, the Thai massage the feet with sticks! In spite of my showing her my surgery scars and explaining my foot problems, she jammed the stick right into my plantar fascia tendon and I flew up in the air! I kept hoping it was just a bruise, but I'm back with the doc getting the bloody horrible injections and doing my thrice daily routine of icing, anti-inflammitories and stretching. I'm swimming nightly and praying the doc won't tape me.

Ugly #2 is it has been so darn hot, the ac doesn't kick off til 2 or 3 in the morning and I've got an ear infection from the "wind."

The Bad:

My bad mood seems to make everything just irritate the crap out of me! The targets of my ire in recent days:

*The stupid gardeners who blow debris into the street and in front of the gardenee's neighbors house. In LA, it's only a few minutes before the neighbor's gardeners show up and blow it back. Why don't they sweep it up and throw it away instead of just blowing it back and forth?

*Children who ride their ^*%(__)# skateboards into oncoming traffic (me) at dusk. I followed them home and talked to their parents. Brats!

*My old house and pipes. Since I moved here, I've hated my shower. It takes a good 8 minutes to wet my head. I've often wondered how this can be water conservation but chalked it up to the mandatory shower heads we must have. Until I happened to take a shower at Kat's house the other week and it dawned on me that maybe it is my shower head. Two shower heads later, I called the plumber who had to cut an opening in my custom painted bedroom wall (the palest lavender pink with hand stamped silver spirals) to remove the old clogged pipe. Total: $580.00. Ugh!

*My one road town. I live in a tiny valley / hillside that is two miles wide x five long. And while we do have back roads, we are pretty much a one road town. This little village really ticked me off the other day when I decided to make peach ice cream and discovered my ice cream maker had breathed it's last after I had cut everything up and was ready to go. I spent two good hours driving to nine stores in town looking for an ice cream maker. Every store agreed that an ice cream maker is something they should sell but don't.

*Myself - for having so much faith in my one road town that I wasted two hours instead of just driving 10 minutes to the metropolis of Burbank, getting an ice cream maker and returning home. The total time this took after I gave up: 30 minutes door to door but... I was too tired to make ice cream at that point.

The Good: Yes, thank God there is some good in all this.

*The pool is finally warm enough to swim. I curse having a pool(never wanted one but loved the house...it came with) all winter long when I'm freezing and wet having to vacuum or deal with too many leaves. But swimming at night, right before bedtime is exhausting in the best way. I tend to sleep much better in summer and I'm certain it's the pool. There's nothing like floating completely still, staring at the stars and hearing only my heartbeat and breath.

*My summer school classes have started so there is a boost to my income. Best of all, after teaching for years, I've finally started to book my own teaching gigs around classes I want to take. I feel stifled when I'm not learning something new. It's taken some planning and juggling but this past week I finally got to take the silver solder class I've been dying to take for years. And Wednesday, I'm taking bead crochet. This fall, I hope to take glass blowing.

*When I called about the glass blowing class...it's already wait listed...I ended up with a job interview... not even sure for what really but the head of the department was excited to meet me because I teach jewelry fusing at several colleges and a few art studios. We'll see...

And finally....

The Pretty: We've got babies!!!!

There is a small horse farm right across dirty creek. They have one large horse and three minis. The mini mom, Lady was pregnant when they bought her two years ago. She gave birth to Ginger and sometime last summer got pregnant again by their male mini, Magic. And it's a girl. I just love the arrow on her tummy. I'm also amazed at how protective Lady is...she gets really mad if Ginger comes near.



I rode by the "peacock tree" the other night and noticed a baby peacock on the roof. This was the only shot I got before he / she flew to bed.

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

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Since my previous post where I mentioned the challenges and frustrations of having a high IQ, several people have written to me privately about this same issue. I get particularly frustrated when someone won't just say what they mean.

I recently had Sears Home Improvement install new vinyl siding on the front of my home. About 400 square feet of my house had lots of wood trim... a rarity in California. As this side of the house gets a lovely Southern exposure (and plenty of sunshine), the wood was rotten, which is why I opted for vinyl.

Sears did a great job. If I have one complaint, it is the number of follow up surveys they send to see how happy I am with the job. "Uh - I would be a lot happier if I didn't have to fill out any more surveys..."

The other day, the Sears office lady (SOL) called and asked if I had received my permit from the city in the mail.

CH: I really wouldn't know. I don't open my mail for months on end.

SOL: You're kidding!

CH: No. I have my bills emailed and if I doesn't look like a birthday card or something really important, it goes in a pile and I deal with in January when I start posting last year's bills.

SOL: You're serious?

CH: So, if you really need to know, you're about seven months too early. (chuckle)

SOL: Oh, well, I was wondering about the permit cause I need to schedule your final inspection with the city.

CH: OK.

SILENCE

CH:.... And you need me to....

SOL: I need to schedule your final inspection with the city.

CH: And you need me to???

SOL: I need to schedule your final inspection with the city.

CH: How can I help you with that?

SOL: I need to schedule your final inspection with the city.

CH: (Frustrated) Ma'am, is it not clear to you that I don't understand what action you want me to take? Repeating yourself word for word when someone does not understand what you want does not help the situation. Now, again, what do you need from me?

SOL: I need to schedule your final inspection with the city.

CH: (Very frustrated) OK then, you go right ahead.

SOL: But I need to schedule it.

CH: It's on the front of my house.

SOL: But I need to schedule it.

CH: R i g h t... schedule it for any time you like. It's on the front of my house on a very busy, very public street and my house is pretty much here 24 /7. Try as it might, the poor girl never leaves home. So whenever you want to schedule that, the house is right here.

SOL: (Very frustrated)Ugh... OK thank you. Goodbye.

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Just WHAT did this poor girl want from me?? After she had repeated herself, I decided I really wanted her to spell it out. I was NOT going to offer up anything.

She could've said:

-I really need you to find that permit.

-I need you to be home in case the inspector has question. Can you give a few choices of times?

-I need you to schedule your own inspection.

Something, anything direct would have been nice.

Looking down on this girl from my lofty IQ, I can chalk this experience up to dealing with an idiot. But then, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with one of the ladies who designs cookie bouquets for me.

She is a psychiatric social worker and we were once talking about dealing with the intelligence impaired. She said the funniest thing: "You know, you can stop the next 100 people you see and ask them what they would change about their body and they will each give you a list as long as your arm. But ask them if they think they are smart, and every single one will tell you yes."

I am certain that poor girl at Sears turned around and said to her co-workers, "You won't believe the idiot I just had on the phone!"

Whew!

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Well things are mostly peachy here.

Mabel only has very minimal damage to her kidneys! They still function fine but her creatinine levels are slightly elevated. Her liver function is fine. And thank goodness for the urine test because the vet found she had a bladder infection unrelated to the bad food. So she's on antibiotics and anti-diarrheal meds for the next eight days. And no more canned food EVER! I feel like we dodged a bullet.

There is water in the creek!! It was almost bone dry yesterday. We had to hike quite a ways east to find water. But tonight, it was higher than it has been in months. Mabel Lou and I were both doing the happy dance. I hope to make it down to the waterfalls tomorrow.

The house gets new windows tomorrow. They arrived a week early! After I got new siding a few months ago, it made my circa 1958 front windows look really crappy. I'm sure my back will be in fine form tomorrow night after moving all that furniture. But I'll now be able to get a cross breeze in the house! Yeah!!

And on a sour note, my oxygen concentrator is being weird and I only got to make 8 beads today. I have no idea what to do for it... the pressure drops out the minute I light the torch. Oh well, guess I'll have to actually work in the shop on something I'm supposed to do instead of playing on my torch.

I attempted three off mandrel projects and succeeded with two before the oxy con problem. So yeah again!

And, for Janet, the tale of urine collection. I really wanted my vet to keep Mabel and get the sample but he seemed to think I could do it. What he doesn't know is that Miss Mabel is a modest girl. She really doesn't like anyone looking at her while she's doing her business. Her favorite places here are all where I can't see her from the porch. And at the creek, she runs ahead and tries to finish before I round the bend. Even now, I'm supposed to check her poop to make sure it's firming up. Tonight, she just glared at me because I stopped and watched her. And I swear, she really didn't finish. Brat!

So, I gave her water and put her on a leash, hiding one of the plastic dishes I keep in the shop for glass staging behind my back. I took her to all her favorite places. Nothing... she just kept looking at me like "Why am I on a leash in my own yard??"

So I took her inside and tried again an hour later. Nothing.

I kept her outside for a bit. It was close to 100 yesterday. Then she got more water and we tried two hours later.

As I walked her to her favorite spot, her rear end started to dip. Still she kept looking at me all strange. But finally gave in to nature. When she turned her head, I jammed the plastic dish under her. As soon as I knew we had a enough for the doc, I stooped to get the dish back. She jumped and turned around, staring at me with her best, "What the hell are you doing to me back there?" look. But of course, we got to take the leash off, so all was forgiven.

I don't know what I would do with a boy dog!

Thanks to everyone who said prayers and wrote and called. We really appreciate it!

Revelation

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I found myself a little angry with God this morning. I had one of those rare moments of clarity about my life and was suddenly so pissed this info comes about 20 years too late.

This week is an anniversary of sorts for me. 20 years ago today, I was waking up in the Dallas home of my then boyfriend's mother. I had driven in the day before, had a lovely traditional New Year's Dinner - his mom made sure I found the lucky penny in the cornbread - and hit the town with the man that has become known to my circle of friends as the Jackass.

We were up very early the next day...he was driving me to California. This task wasn't originally meant to be his. It was to be my mother's. But 1985 was yet another dreadful Christmas. It was the last time my mother ever struck me. And in addition to her being so difficult to be around, Christmas was topped off with a family friend getting stabbed to death and my cousin's last attempt at suicide (she lived).

Mother used these events to back out of moving me to California. I really think she believed I would not go if she didn't take me. But she underestimated me. When I suggested the Jackass (she adored him; our dog didn't.... hmmmm), her response was to wonder what the neighbors would think of my traveling across the country and sharing a room with him. I still remember the astonished look on her face when I asked, "How will they know if you don't tell them?"

So 20 years ago today, the Jackass and I set out for Cali. I wanted to be a producer or so I thought back then. It only took me 15 or so years to realize that someone doesn't move that far from home to chase something. No, you move vast distances when you are running from something.

We had a blast driving here. He was the driver, I was the DJ. The car was so loaded down, I couldn't get out without placing a few cases and boxes on the ground beside the passenger door.

I was snoozing as we approached California. He tapped my arm and asked, "You were born in 64 right??"

"Yep."

"Find a 64 coin in your purse. Hurry!"

I dug around a bit and announced, "The best I can do is a 69 penny."

"O.K....Let me think... that's 5 years. O.K. add a nickel."

"Got it."

Silence.

"Can I ask why I sitting here with six cents in my hand?"

"Just wait."

Moments later, he was pulling the car off to the edge of the highway. We were right in front of the California State Line sign.

"Get out!"

"Wha?"

"GET OUT! Come on, hurry. It's cold." He dashed out of the car. I followed.

We jumped the barricade and ran west a few feet. He grabbed my shoulder to keep me from running into California. I straightened up and tried to see whatever it was he was so intent on showing me. It was cold and windy and I really had no clue what we were doing on the side of that highway.

He placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.

"Look at that."

I looked at him questioning his sanity.

"That is California. Everything you've ever dreamed of is going to happen to you there. Everything you ever wanted to be, you will be there. You are home."

I had a huge lump in my throat. He had managed to address all my fears. Would I make it or would I tuck my tail between my legs and head back home? Would I even find a job? Could I just stay there long enough to not embarrass myself?

"Now, lean over and make a wish and place your coins over there."

I did as I was told, dropping my coins in the California sand.

"Now, take something for a memory."

I took a pretty rock. Still have it somewhere.

"Now that you're home, you drive. Let's get out of here. It's COLD!"

I raced back to the car to get out of the wind. As I was jumping the barricade, I realized he wasn't with me. He appeared to be digging in the dirt.

"What are you doing? I yelled.

"Covering up your money."

"Huh??"

"You never know when you'll be passing back by and need six cents!"

As I was thinking of this journey and what this man has been through the years in my life, I realized that his driving me here was truly the nicest thing he ever did for me. And I was suddenly dumbstruck with the revelation that this trip, this kindness was his ONLY job in my life.

Couldn't I have gotten this knowledge many, many years ago???

He wasn't the man I was "supposed" to marry. He certainly wasn't worth all the grief and anguish he put me through. He wasn't worthy of my faith or my love. He was only supposed to get me here. And that's just fine. He took me home and now, twenty years later, I finally realize what he was trying to tell me. This is my home. And home feels so good.