Flashback Friday: Kevin Smith's April Fools Prank

from starting to archive all the old posts from the early days of the site, i thought it might be nice to bring back "flashback fridays" where we would post old articles or things of interest that may be interesting with new context or forgotten about.

this week we offer you an april fools day prank by kevin smith aimed at our site & paul thomas anderson fans. as you may remember, kevin & the view askew offices were passionately attacked by you all when he expressed his strong distaste for magnolia. paul never really spoke about any of it, but things escalated rapidly on kevin's message boards. for example:

Poster: Out of all of your films, is there one particular scene or moment that you absolutely cringe at... just an awful moment. "What was I thinking???"

Kevin Smith: The scene where I had the little boy come into his father's room and insist he be treated better.

Oh wait - that wasn't me.

There are a few moments in all the stuff we've done that I shake my head at. Can't call any to mind right now, though, but I know I've spotted my share.

on april 1st and at the most played out height of the controversy, kevin called attention to the silliness of the entire situation by completely overhauling their view askew website to mimic how our own website looked at the time. they spent a fair amount of time doing it as well as the multi-page website was fully functional and complete with faux multiple exclamation mark pta news taking a shot at greg's enthusiastic posting style.

re-check out everything as it was written and evolved by clicking here. scroll to the bottom of the page and read to the top as they run newest to oldest. click to see a screen capture of view askew's cigarettes and coffee/pta inspired website.

May 15, 2000

Archived update from Cigarettes & Coffee, run by Greg Mariotti & CJ Wallis from 1999-2005

It looks like we can eliminate one of the numerous recent rumors regarding future projects for PTA. After seeing the report (at my site or Ain't It Cool News), PTA fired off a very funny email to Harry Knowles regarding the proposed partnership of producer Scott Rudin on the adaptation of Don Delillo's The Underworld. Here's his email (which as he states, has not been re-read or spell checked!)::

SO, yeah, jeez, anyway.....um....I'm just off a flight from Japan and waiting for jet lag to set in but it hasn't....

...I've had a few beers in the late afternoon sun at my big Hollywood director mansion....and jet lag isn't happening yet....soon...

So: A few years ago, I read Underworld, loved it....was in the middle of writing Magnolia and saw a similar sort of thing...(sprawling, many characters....blah blah....) and I said, who owns this? Scott Rudin, said my agent...so I started to step into the Scott Rudin world.....actually, this all seems slightly revisionist....I believe he had actually called first....I was a Don Dellilo fan anyway, so I was gonna read it -- I think, yeah....maybe he was thinking, "ohh....Boogie Nights guy...lots of characters...epic size, he'll be good..." I had it as Dellilo fan and was casually reading it....his phone call made me more than casually read it....

Whatever...all the things met in the middle, I went to meet him, honestly not knowing how the fuck I would ever do it as a movie.....I didn't love it sooooo much that I would just say, "fuck it, I'm gonna shoot every word and see what happens..." Which is what I want to do one day when a book really catches my fancy......and I just talked with him a bit....Scott Rudin is very interesting.

He calls you. You call him back. He's not there. Fine. He calls you...you JUST miss the call....you call him right back...he's not there....fine...a Hollywood sort of thing... until you start to see a pathological pattern of THIS is how he does it....no mattter what....(Keep in mind: I was Mr. New Big Shot in town, so casually, jokingly, sort of, with his assistant I would say things like, Here is where I am...if he doesn't call me back in ten minutes I will never speak to him again....This is really silly don't you think Mr. Assistant Man? Right, right....I'm sure you know....why do you seem so frightened Mr. Assistant Man? Is someone hurting you? Huh....I guess I've heard stories about this fellow....but he sure does corral some talented people into working for him....how can you work with seriously gifted auter directors and be an overbearing producer...you can't....you have good material and you leave them alone and blah blah blah.....right? sure.) We met, it was fine....he told me some gossipy type stuff about Martin Scorsese (tailored shirts, etc.) how Shaft was gonna be...how much he loved Bill Macy (uh-huh.) .....He was great.....I called a few days later and said, listen, I'm too into my own thing and I can't do Underworld so good luck with it....he said, thanks for being so upfront and great, yadda-yadda....

In the meantime I have heard three or four horror stories from close personal friends of mine who have made films with him.....You can probably do the math and deduce who they are......they just say, "what the fuck...." They never really tell specific stories....none of them are really able to enunciate or structure WHAT it is or HOW he is...they all just mumbles things about...."motherfucker.." "holy christ..." "pathological..." and on and on....

Now, maybe I have an odd bone to pick because in the recent, WONDERFULLY INFORMED AND ACCURATE "Power Issue" of the fantastic Premiere Magazine...

Anway, in the IT'S TRUE section...y'know how it works I assume...it said something to the extent of Rudin passed on Anderson project due to elaborate creative demands....(In other words, he turned me down from making a movie with him...(god knows, I SURE DO NEED A PRODUCER....(making movies is sooooo impossible if Scott Rudin isn't there....) because of contractual things...

Now the problem becomes: You feel like a hot shit because you've made the stupid list (which you shouldn't care about but do) and it's completely invalidated and ruined because the TRUE part is wrong....so basically, it shatters years of Childhood admiration and insight that you THOUGHT you had when you read Premiere magazine and they sold you on the fact that they REALLY did have it right...but now it's you and it's wrong...and you realize how many times you believed them....dammit....That makes me less powerful...I forefit my position from the Power 100...what's that? You say I lost it already...well, fuck you then....I forefit anyway.

(Yes I am in writing mode....can't you tell...what? So I write long movies, what's wrong with that -- are you saying I can't not write a long e-mail, damn you to hell, that's it, conversation over...)

Ok. That was uncalled for. Anway: No, I'm not doing Underworld.

Ok. that's that. I am fading. I won't go into the dream (true) I had about you a few nights ago while I was in hawaii.....(swear to god...) Jist: You were about three inches tall and on the beach in a floatie-ring thing....

But that's for another time....Keep up the good work.

pppppppspsssssssspppsss......off topic: Are you a Monty Python fan? I'm sure you are.....as am I....and always have been....but I'm currently in a fascination phase with them......What The Fuck? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

See ya. (un-read and un-fixed....completely stream of conscious...)

PTA

 

Here's a excerpt from an interview that Ain't It Cool News (I'm starting to feel like a Harry Knowles reject) did with Kevin Smith. They brought up the Magnolia controversy & here's what Kevin had to say:

Sure. Yeah, lots. There was a lot of shit during the past few months over me not liking MAGNOLIA and it’s not like I would avoid a Paul Thomas Anderson flick like the plague, I just didn’t really like MAGNOLIA. I loved BOOGIE NIGHTS. It’s a really good flick and HARD EIGHT was fine, but BOOGIE NIGHTS was amazing and really well-done and MAGNOLIA just wasn’t my cup of tea, but I would see something Paul Thomas Anderson does in a heartbeat. Unless it’s MAGNOLIA 2.

April 2, 2000

Archived update from Cigarettes & Coffee, run by Greg Mariotti & CJ Wallis from 1999-2005

News Askew, the site devoted to all things Kevin Smith, turned into a PTA site yesterday (complete with graphics "borrowed" from my site). To see what the site looked like, click here. This was fairly elaborate (& they left it up all day), but when will this idiotic Kevin Smith vs. PTA crap end? It's nice to see PTA take the high road & not comment publicly after all Kevin Smith's remarks regarding Magnolia (See Latest News January Archive if you really want to revisit this). Although the News Askew joke was in jest & did not appear mean spirited, hopefully this is the end of this topic.

The second joke was done through the PTA mailing list/email group by its manager. He redid the Internet Movie Database complete with headlines about PTA's "next project", A Midget Musical starring Adam Sandler. This was quite inspired with "quotes" from Joanne Sellar & PTA. Click here to follow the link: (The story is on the right hand side).

January 29, 2000

Archived update from Cigarettes & Coffee, run by Greg Mariotti & CJ Wallis from 1999-2005

Well, it looks like the Kevin Smith/Magnolia story got big enough that Entertainment Weekly picked it up. There is not much to the story, and that's good, because I have had enough of it. Now, let's talk about more important things.... 

Hope you caught PTA on Late Night with Conan O'Brien last night. It was pretty short and sweet, but it's good to see him and the film get some more exposure. It was nice to see Tom win the Golden Globe Award, let's hope that will equate to Oscar Gold this time.  

In case you missed it, the official Magnolia Shooting Script/Companion Book is out in paperback. There will be a Hardback coming out as well. I'm still trying to get the latest information on the Jon Brion score being released on CD. I will keep you posted. 

True West will open in New York on March 2. For those that don't remember, it's the play with John C. Reilly and Philip Seymour Hoffman. The official site is up and running so take a look. 

January 16, 2000

Archived update from Cigarettes & Coffee, run by Greg Mariotti & CJ Wallis from 1999-2005

Things are getting vicious over at Kevin Smith (Dogma, Chasing Amy, Clerks) website and more specifically his posting board. There have been many positive posts about Magnolia and Kevin & his director pal Vincent Pereira (A Better Place) has took the opportunity to not only say he did not like the film (he called it the worst film of the year) but really had  some harsh things about the movie and Paul Thomas Anderson. I don't want to fling mud here as Kevin is entitled to his opinion of not liking the film but I think he stepped over the line with some of his comments: Here are just a few from the posting board:

1/14/00

Poster: Out of all of your films, is there one particular scene or moment that you absolutely cringe at... just an awful moment. "What was I thinking???"

Kevin Smith: The scene where I had the little boy come into his father's room and insist he be treated better.

Oh wait - that wasn't me.

There are a few moments in all the stuff we've done that I shake my head at. Can't call any to mind right now, though, but I know I've spotted my share.

Poster: I guess I'm in the minority on this board, but I think 'Magnolia' was insanely brilliant.

Kevin Smith: Oh, good Lord. There's the 'B' word being thrown around again. And as wildly inappropriate as it is when people use it in reference to our stuff, in the example you've put forward, Neil, it's just plain daffy.

Poster: I've seen it 3 times so far

Kevin Smith: You poor, poor man.

They sent me an Academy screener DVD this week. I'll never watch it again, but I will keep it. I'll keep it right on my desk, as a constant reminder that a bloated sense of self-importance is the most unattractive quality in a person or their work.

Poster: To each his own, I guess.

Kevin Smith: Too true. I'm sure there are folks out there who regard 'Detroit Rock City' as the best movie ever made too.

Hell - there are folks who post here who regard 'Mallrats' as the best movie ever made.

In the words of Will Hunting...

"Fucking people baffle me."

 

1/16/00

Kevin Smith: This 'Magnolia' nonesuch has got to stop. I don't get some of you people. If you're a fan of 'Magnolia', God bless you. I'm not. But why is that such a stone in your shoe? Hell from the tone of some of these posts and some of the email I've gotten, it's apparently a stone up the ass of some people.

Is that what rabid fandom is like? Do those of you who claim to be big fans of what we do at View Askew behave in the same manner as some of these P.T. Anderson apostles - by attacking those that don't agree with you and demanding justice for a fucking opinion? If so, then you do me and mine no good service, and I request that you stop being fans.

Honestly - who gives a fuck. It's an unfair world. There is no justice. And half the time, you're going to be in a minority. People will not always agree with your opinion. Shit - in the case of this flick, I say I don't like it, and I've suddenly got a gaggle of you attacking my character, as well as my craft! Honestly - I've got assholes shooting off their mouths with shit like "You only WISH you were as good as P.T.!" What am I - nine years old? Is this the fourth grade? Some dick-lick even went so far as to EMAIL me his post from the board, so I wouldn't miss it; a post, I might add, that maintained I couldn't taste the shit on Anderson's heels - so lousy an auteur am I in comparison. What the fuck possesses some people, I ask you?

Hey man, I enjoy 'Boogie Nights'. I didn't enjoy 'Magnolia'. Maybe I'll cream my pants over the guy's next flick. But sweet Christmas! What the fuck do you care? You liked 'Magnolia'? Wonderful. I hope it illuminated your darkness in some way and fuel-injected three hours and change of joy into your engine. Me? I found it to be cinematic root canal. I'll take 'Short Cuts' any old day. There are very few movies that make me want lost time back, and that movie tops the list.

Oh, you precious but pesky few who feel maligned if 'Magnolia' is questioned! From beyond my rage I thank and bless you - for this has been a life-changing, eye-opening experience for me. If this is what rabid fans are like, then I don't want any. Oh, defenders of my imagined cinematic crown, please don't do me any favors in the face of those who'd blah-blah-blah about what shite I be! I can fight my own battles. And I've gotta tell you: someone not digging what I do is not a war that needs waging. That's film. That's art. That's life. You make something and put it on display, you get some people nodding and some people shaking their heads. What a better world it'd be if it could stop at that, as opposed to the nodders and the shakers clawing at one another's throats for having different (not better or worse) tastes.

I only wish it were a line I'd written, but again...

"Fucking people baffle me."

 

1/16/00

Vincent Pereira: P.T. Anderson's "style" is a direct lift of Martin Scorsese's style, only P.T. doesn't know how to use it. Sure, MAGNOLIA was chuck full of LONG steadicam shots, "dramatic" push-ins, and various other little tricks, but to what end? NONE of these devices were well used in the film- they ALL called attention to themselves. If Kevin wanted to be self-conscious, he could wildly throw around the camera too because it's "cool", but you know what? He doesn't need to dress his films up with a bunch of window-dressing to make them interesting. Take away all the overbearing "style" and what have you got with MAGNOLIA? Three still boring, but less annoyingly self-consciously "cool" hours of tripe. Every camera move in MAGNOLIA seems to serve but one purpose- P.T. Anderson looking at us and jumping up and down exclaiming- "LOOK! I did a steadicam shot like the one in GOODFELLAS! I'm cool, right? RIGHT??"

Actually, he's probably saying he hasn't seen any of those movies- there's a boatload of movies that I'm sure were really bad that I didn't see this year, because I had no interest in seeing them. MAGNOLIA is the worst kind of failure, because it's such a self-conscious, insincere attempt to be "meaningful" and "important", and it fails so badly because P.T. doesn't have his heart in any of it, and it shows.

 

Ricky Jay on the X-files
That's right the man himself will be featured on tonight's episode as an illusionist! Hey you might as well get one of the best if you're going to do an episode about magic. Check your local listings!

 

Reilly and Hoffman to the Stage
John C. Reilly and Philip Seymour Hoffman will return to the stage as feuding brothers in Matthew Warchus' staging of Sam Shepard's True West. When I can get some dates and ticket information, I will post that here but I believe this will be in New York.