I planned to sleep in today, since my doctor's appointment was for 1:30. I have always liked staying up late at night and sleeping till late morning. Those days are treats. But I had not anticipated that one of my children would read the post I made late last night before I could get back from my appointment. But sure enough my phone started ringing around 8:30. At some point between 11:00 pm and 8:30 am, my daughter-in-law noticed the picture of her son on my post and decided to read it. So it was a very unpleasant surprise to her and my son that I may have a health problem they knew nothing about. Anyway, on the fourth call I answered and talked to my daughter, Jacquie. They had all talked and were upset with me that I had not shared my concern with them. I appreciate it and know they love me. I wish I had not published the post before I told them. I was likely hanging on to hope that there would be nothing to tell them. That I would not really have a problem. I found writing it very cathartic. I published it because I know there has to be many people with frightening bridges to cross. My daughter, Bridget, even decided she must go with me to the appointment. It was good to have her there. I usually feel awkward taking a companion on such a dreadful mission. I went to all but one of my breast cancer appointments by myself. In my case, misery does not love company. I find myself wanting to take care of the other person, so I don't have enough strength left for myself. Maybe I'm just weird. I did notice most people had someone with them when they went for their chemotherapy or radiation treatment. But I didn't want to be there, so why would I take another person too? I also think I can block it out better if no one else is experiencing it with me.
Anyway, the title tells you that the ultra sound showed that the "mass" the doctor referred to during my November appointment was not something dreadful. It was that same old fibroid that was discovered 27 years ago in an ultra sound taken during the pregnancy of my son. I even called it Paxton's twin that I failed to birth. That was another bad interaction with a doctor. Then a Middle Eastern tech, who was doing the ultra sound, said she needed to go get the Radiologist. The doctor was Middle Eastern also. They both started pointing at the screen and talking in their native language, so I had no idea what they were saying. But I could see the baby and then something else they appeared to be talking about. So I started crying. The doctor said, "Oh it's just a fibroid tumor. Don't worry." But I was 30 years old and knew what a tumor was, but had never heard the word fibroid and didn't want anything near my baby. So that was of little comfort until I met with my obstetrician and she gave me a better explanation.
Today my doctor walked in and said, "Well I guess that mass I felt was just that fibroid." I kind of wanted to bite him, but I was so relieved, I'm sure I just smile and said great. He had just forgotten and not checked his record before the exam. I have been going to him for about 25 years (minus the 4 years I recently skipped) and with every exam he would comment on baby fibroid. He had also told me years ago that when I went through menopause it would go away. I talked to a friend today and she too has fibroids and was under the impression they would go away when she finished menopause. So that was the main reason the word mass scared me. I thought baby fibroid had been gone for 10 years; when I had chemotherapy that caused menopause. Now I know that fibroids never go away, often they shrink, but not always.
I also know that I will always schedule my annual exam for the second week of January; right after Christmas and my birthday. And hopefully, I will learn to share any concerns like this with my children. I really doubt that I can change that behavior, but hopefully I have a long time before anything else comes up.
Anyway, the title tells you that the ultra sound showed that the "mass" the doctor referred to during my November appointment was not something dreadful. It was that same old fibroid that was discovered 27 years ago in an ultra sound taken during the pregnancy of my son. I even called it Paxton's twin that I failed to birth. That was another bad interaction with a doctor. Then a Middle Eastern tech, who was doing the ultra sound, said she needed to go get the Radiologist. The doctor was Middle Eastern also. They both started pointing at the screen and talking in their native language, so I had no idea what they were saying. But I could see the baby and then something else they appeared to be talking about. So I started crying. The doctor said, "Oh it's just a fibroid tumor. Don't worry." But I was 30 years old and knew what a tumor was, but had never heard the word fibroid and didn't want anything near my baby. So that was of little comfort until I met with my obstetrician and she gave me a better explanation.
Today my doctor walked in and said, "Well I guess that mass I felt was just that fibroid." I kind of wanted to bite him, but I was so relieved, I'm sure I just smile and said great. He had just forgotten and not checked his record before the exam. I have been going to him for about 25 years (minus the 4 years I recently skipped) and with every exam he would comment on baby fibroid. He had also told me years ago that when I went through menopause it would go away. I talked to a friend today and she too has fibroids and was under the impression they would go away when she finished menopause. So that was the main reason the word mass scared me. I thought baby fibroid had been gone for 10 years; when I had chemotherapy that caused menopause. Now I know that fibroids never go away, often they shrink, but not always.
I also know that I will always schedule my annual exam for the second week of January; right after Christmas and my birthday. And hopefully, I will learn to share any concerns like this with my children. I really doubt that I can change that behavior, but hopefully I have a long time before anything else comes up.